This is wildlife with my mom. I mean, I'm German.
Okay, no. This is wildlife with my mom.
So one thing I wanted to talk about is the sentence, I want better for my kids.
Because I almost always hear from people that don't really want better for their kids.
and I have been thinking about my time on the Canary Islands
and all the homeschooling, unschooling parents I met
and most of them are in my eyes not radical enough
and I often heard this, I want better for my kids
yeah, so I was thinking about this
and I think it's an important thing to think about
because if we talk about that we want better for our kids
then we also need to think and talk about how we imagine the future being like what it looks like
so my parents always told me yeah we want better for you and for your sister and
I really saw them suffering every day my mom got up at four to be done with work at I don't know
one so she could be at home for us cooking lunch when we came home from school and these kind of
things my dad was working the whole day I always saw him on the weekends okay but
weekdays maybe for dinner and I think they still didn't make so much money I mean I was a child
I didn't really understand if they have a lot or not a lot of money from my perspective today I
would say they were working their asses off they earned well but not well enough to justify
giving your life away for this yeah and to be honest yeah they were really unhappy not only
because of how they approached work and these kind of things but how they created their own life
and they did that red race thing for years every fucking day they never really took a break yeah
we went on vacation here and there these kind of things but i've never really see them enjoy their
life or anything everything was was a task a core to-do list thing or anything like that
really strange and what I was thinking about is that I always needed I mean it was like
you had to play games it there was no chance of saying no I don't want to play games I hate
playing games so much I hated it as a kid as well and I always had to play with my family and we
all hated it so i don't even understand but this was the fun part they had to do because they had
to have fun in their life you know what i mean but it wasn't fun so what i really think was um
the best part was playing monopoly i mean they were complaining the whole day about their lives
and how much they hated all of this and how much work and how much this and how much that and blah
blah and after dinner monopoly what the fuck the same shit over again i didn't really get that as a
kid for me it was obvious now when i look back and when i look back at my childhood and see what
kind of fun activities my parents did with me and what kind of fun activities i'm doing with my child
I would say my dad definitely had I think 10 days a year where he really let loose
we went camping with a tent and a bunch of other dads with their kids no women nothing
drinking beer at night fire and this was really my fun yeah once a year fun time really crazy but
The rest was like a lot of yelling, a lot of violence.
And every damn night they watched TV.
They didn't bring us to bed or anything like that.
They were just like, oh, it's 8 o'clock, you got to go.
And these kind of things.
So really strange.
When I think about it now, I don't get it.
As a kid for me, this was normal.
I thought, okay, parents have to watch TV at night.
And then at some point when the commercial comes up at 8, you just have to go to bed.
it was crazy so um yeah they were basically not reliable they were emotionally not available
they were really caught up in their own fucked up version of life i think and i had to go to
kindergarten from a couple of weeks old uh at the beginning my mom was a single mom so
she put me in kindergarten right away and she told me i was always sick and i wonder why
I do remember when I was a kid that I was almost all the time I had something like I was sick all
the fucking time and when she met my dad I mean my my stepdad but he adopted me so he's my dad
I grew up with him that changed because my grandma really stepped in and she picked a new kindergarten
She also picked me up in kindergarten after, I don't know, three or four hours.
So I spent the rest of the day with her outside in the garden at the river.
My grandpa as well, he went on hikes with me from a very, very young age.
They basically rescued me.
So I'm very grateful for that.
And my parents really, they had all the time to say, I want you to have a better future thing going on.
so I went to a private school which is nice because it was obviously better than regular school
but still somehow fucked up and after that I studied for 10 years and I was really pressured
into studying there was no exception I wanted to do something else and I was accepted at a zoo I
think somewhere in the middle of nowhere to yeah to learn how to handle reptiles and these kind of
things I was really into it when I was maybe 16 or something like that but my
parents were just like no you cannot do it you have to you have to finish school
and you have to go to university yeah that was crazy so I was really pressured into it there was no escape from it And the hilarious part is that I had to support myself all the time through studying
Like, they didn't really want to support me. They were so unreliable.
And that is the most hilarious part, because they had enough money,
and so there was a huge legal fight that the authorities were fighting for me,
because they were demanding money from them, from my parents.
So you get an idea of how fucked up that is.
And I know other kids, I mean, they have it way, way harder.
So, yeah, and I always found it funny that my parents, they always wanted better for me.
And they never did.
They never did better.
Like, it was all the time the fucking same thing.
They never listened to us as kids, what we wanted, what our opinion was or anything like that.
And I really didn't get why do I have to prepare for a life that they hate.
So I really hated every day of my life as a kid.
And I do remember that until a couple of years ago,
I really had a lot of panic attacks when I needed to open the front door of my home.
No matter where I lived in this world, I always had like, yeah, I don't know,
once or twice a month that I just couldn't open it.
I couldn't turn the key around I thought that I would die when I opened the door it really felt
like it it changed when I got my first dog because I knew that if there was a murder inside that house
my dog would know and he would fight for me so this was when I was able to change that
and it came from this everyday fuck up when I went home from school and when I was back home
and I had to open the door.
When I was little I had to ring the bell
and then I was waiting for my mom to come to the door
and she was always in a bad mood
and you would never know if it's the bad mood,
the super bad mood, the super super bad mood.
So I don't blame her.
She had a really fucked up childhood and everything
and she really did her best.
But from the child's perspective still horrible.
so I think things like that they do have such a long-lasting impact if you're always liked in a
fucked up mood as a parent and if you tell your parents yeah I want better for you yeah so do it
better now we need like to have it better now not in 10 years because if you fuck it up now
the next 10 years will be hard work for me in therapy but it is what it is so when I studied I
had my kid and I took him to university because I researched and I googled and I asked people
there's no rule you cannot bring your child to to university it's legal so I did that because I
didn't want him to go to kindergarten right away because I think he was two weeks old when I had
to go back to university for the last bachelor's semester and I was basically neglected to do my
master's uh university bonn in north rhine westphalia in western germany because i had a kid
and i i wasn't up for giving him into the kindergarten so the professor told me basically
yeah you have to fuck off there's no chance we want you to study here and do your masters here
and was i was quite sad because i really had except this professor everyone was so awesome
so I thought like okay fuck that I moved to Berlin there I did my master's with my child
and there was no problem and when he turned three three and a half he actually went to kindergarten
but just because they worked there part-time in the management and it was a democratic kindergarten
so I was able to meet people that were really aligned with how I treat my child
and I didn't really feel like I'm the weirdo
and it was like a huge support system in Berlin that was really nice
so I was able to strengthen my idea of how to treat my child
and yeah I traveled a lot with him
And I really think that healed a lot of parts of me, like being independent, making better choices, trusting yourself and all these things.
I really think traveling is a really good way of therapy.
We travel all over Europe, Asia, and then we moved to the Canary Islands.
because I really thought in Berlin we visited so many different schools,
like even the free schools, free educational institutes.
They were so not free.
It was incredible.
It still was the system, but in a nicer code,
and that didn't really make sense to me.
One school neglected us because he wasn't allowed to watch porn.
not joking and he was six and we didn't have internet wi-fi at home
because for what i mean i didn't need it um so they were like if he has no own if he has no
like device at home where he can have free access to the internet that's basically against
children's rights and yeah they don't want to have kids at their school that have this limited
rights it was like okay i didn't know it was a right to watch porn when you're six but here we
go it's okay yeah so i decided to to travel somewhere and we ended up moving to the canary
islands then which was a nice thing because there was a huge community with yeah free learners and
all of this that make me that made me really reflect on how radical am i and how yeah still
some people call themselves free learning families and they still do not do free learning it's
basically still school system but at home and um yeah i really thought when you move somewhere and
there are so many homeschoolers and unschoolers,
you will meet a lot of people that are super free and ready to deep dive into crazy topics and deep topics but that not the norm actually so and I really thought all this traveling alone with my child
around the world that really made me think about this blind obedience my parents told me
because through traveling i mean i was so obedient at the beginning i really failed at traveling
because i was listening to people whatever they told me i was like okay this is how it's done
and in the end i discovered uh that is not the case so um yeah they didn't respect me my parents
never had respect for me still today they don't really respect me i have yeah i have huge respect
for them because they're human beings but it's quite hard to respect someone who doesn't respect
you at all and this was quite hurtful as a child you weren't you didn't have no voice your opinion
was yeah non-existent they never asked for your opinion and this I was I was quite sure that my
child should have a voice and an opinion and should be respected and really be free to express
opinion because basically he's creating his life and yeah i don't know the example of me being
pressured into studying i was always like a nature girl and i wanted to work with animals and these
kind of things and i and i still if someone would ask me today what do you want to do for a living i
work in and with nature, with animals
but I went to a different direction, I studied languages
and religious science, which is nice, I can't complain
but still somehow sad
that it didn't work out, but it's okay because I still
have some time to do that, so I really think
if you have choices you can create your own reality
and I think every child has a right to do that.
I know that a lot of kids in this world don't have rights at all.
They have shitty lifestyles and all these things.
What I often hear is, yeah, but it could be worse.
Yeah, for my child or for me or for anyone who, you know what I mean,
in my surrounding, yeah, it could be worse.
Yeah, but it could be better as well.
and if we always think about it could be worse we are not really we are lowering the bar i think
if we look a level higher it could be better then we are raising the vibration i guess the energy and
the outlook on life i guess and i don't know it motivates me if i know it could be better
instead of oh it could be worse so i can chill out so i don't really think that is uh makes any sense
And what I really hated about my parents, I mean, I love my parents, don't get me wrong.
What I hated as a kid was that they were not authentically there.
I think they always played the parent role.
I don't even know these people still today.
I mean, I get to know my father now more and more, but I have the feeling they still play a role.
Now less than in my childhood.
But for example, I've never seen them laugh, not once.
that's crazy now okay my father is laughing here and there but as a kid i was always wondering why
do they not enjoy life at all because i enjoyed life with my friends a lot and i thought this is
wrong and i really think life is very complex so you have to make you have to make choices and
i made the choice to be happy in life and what i think if you if you are used to to have choices
and that one of those choices is that you are allowed to be happy and love and feel joy and
these kind of things there i'm coming back to it could be worse yeah but i think you have the right
to love no matter how many people in this world suffer it doesn't change it if you suffer
through cutting your emotions i mean just being sad all day i think we came here to this earth to
feel the whole range of emotions and not just the lower ones or whatever you want to call these
emotions yeah and i really think this authenticity problem yeah that's just strange because i try to
be very authentic with my kid i cannot not be authentic um i fail and he sees it i feel that
he sees it so who am i playing i mean in the end it's i'm playing myself and i sometimes hear like
yeah your parents were so strict and this is why you have no rules at home now but i didn't went
from zero to 100 or other way around i'm not less affair or anything like that i really see myself
more as a leader of this family so if this was a wolf pack i would be the leader of this pack so
there are a lot of boundaries in our family but it's more bound to natural rights and to my personal
rights or my yeah my personal boundaries and i really think my task is to provide and protect
and to guide within these boundaries so i didn't went from oh my god i was never allowed to do
anything to oh my god whole life needs to be fun everyone's doing whatever they want no quite quite
the opposite i'm quite strict but i think within these boundaries you have to explore life you have
to make choices you have to fail you have to fall you have to laugh you have to cry all these things
have to happen and yeah I really think that I learned from my kid way more than I learned from
anyone else in my life and my parents they couldn't do it somehow they they cut it out from their
lives and I think that's quite sad because everyone who's really consciously watching their
kids growing up you learn so much from them missing out on that is is huge and missing out
on having a relationship with your child is huge as well that is really fucked up i think
and yeah the baseline i want to do better for my kids i want to have i want you to have a better future and these kind of things yes makes sense so for me the result of this was that i don want my kid
to learn unnecessary shit or like propaganda knowledge and not only to learn these things
in a nicer way doesn't make sense to me just cut it out completely because so many of these
homeschooling families are living the matrix lifestyle at home the fiat lifestyle whatever
you want to call it barbillon lifestyle they live school at home doesn't make sense cut it out
and this vacuum that you create there this unknown spot this gives you freedom and the freedom to be
creative and to co-create with your kids what the future is gonna look like because if you say
i want a better future for my kids then why don't you let them create their own future
because this would be i think the better future they are so they are way more creative than we are
I think all of us, we are somehow bound to our experiences and what resulted of this and that and that and that.
So I think we are limited somehow.
And kids are not limited at all.
So why not use this creative unlimited force and energy to create something way better, way bigger than we can ever imagine.
and I really think that kids have the right to create their own future because it's their future
it's not my future I'm gonna die way before and this is why I think that it's crazy that old people
run politics doesn't make sense to me I mean you could say yeah they're wise and they blah blah blah
mix it up just mix it up ask kids what they want young people and what I learned through
unschooling it's really not just they don't go to school it's more or less yeah how you redefine
success or a successful lifestyle how you see these things and how you work with your fears of
giving things up cutting things out of your life not being afraid or approaching this unknown spot
filling it with your own ideas and be so secure in it even if you feel insecure but being secure
that this is the right thing to do that you are allowed to redefine basically everything in life
i think that's a beautiful spot and i think a lot of unschooling a huge part of this is just being
weird and very different from yeah the npcs that are out there and that's okay really because i
think if we don't do it we're just following the old path and that's fucking boring we don't have
to do that so walking this unbeaten paths and really let the system exist somewhere else but
not inside your family i think that is the hardest part to be conscious or yeah
every day to be a little bit more conscious about what you brought from your childhood into your
life now redefine if this is part of how you want to raise your kids if this is part of the future
that you need to live now if this is already the better future you're creating in the right now
and what I really really deeply believe is if it feels shit now it doesn't make sense later
and I don't mean like oh I don't want to do yoga it is so hard that's not it but pressuring someone
into going to school for 13 years studying for 10 years these kind of commitments to create a
better future to suffer in the now I don't really think that this makes sense I really think that if
you commit to something or if your kid is committing to something to be like a coach beside your kid
something completely different but having this mindset of doing something now for 10 years to
have a better later on to be free when you're 60 70 and travel the world then I don't really think
that this makes sense at all I really think that if you want better for your kids you really have
to redefine on everyday base what the fuck are you doing why the fuck are you doing it and if you
want to bring that in the future that is now and very important just listen to your kids I think a
lot of parents think they know better than their kids you might know better how to cook noodles
or how to clean something but do you really know so much better than our kids I mean
I don't know I don't I think that my kid he's always surprising me and I'm not stupid he's
surprising me with a lot of things that he knows way better than me.
So I think like trusting in yourself, in your abilities and trusting in your child
makes a lot of sense when you want to redefine how a better future might look like
and being aware of that this future is right now.
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