1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 Okay, we're gonna go for this because I just can't sit here and wait. 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:09,000 I'm antsy as hell and I have something that I have to get out to you guys 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:16,000 because I watched a couple videos this morning that I didn't expect I would wind up seeing, you know? 4 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:22,000 But I've seen a couple like it and there's a lot of broken hearts in the world right now. 5 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:27,000 There's a lot of people in some real pain. There's a lot of people crying out right now. 6 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:34,060 there's a lot of people feeling really hopeless about the world their world everything out there 7 00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:39,220 right now right and and don't i'm not here to sell you i'm not here to sell you anything i'm 8 00:00:39,220 --> 00:00:45,500 not going to tell you that you need to believe a religious view or a spiritual view or some kind 9 00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:51,240 of atheistic scientific mechanistic view of the world you know i'm i'm not going to try to sell 10 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:57,020 you on this stuff. I'm not, I'm not going to tell you, Oh, you just need to like, you know, blah, 11 00:00:57,060 --> 00:01:01,020 blah. I'm not trying to blah, blah, the crap out of this stuff here, but I am telling you, 12 00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:12,320 I'm telling you, I have known, I have known, I have known so much pain, abuse, abandonment, 13 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:22,640 physical abuse, physical, emotional, neglect, trauma. 14 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,620 All my life I've had trauma to varying degrees. 15 00:01:25,980 --> 00:01:29,800 In my household, outside the household, I know bullying. 16 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,560 I know what it's like to be beat down. 17 00:01:31,660 --> 00:01:33,420 I know what it's like to be ostracized. 18 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,260 I know what it's like to have, nobody understands you. 19 00:01:36,580 --> 00:01:38,360 Nobody even wants to understand you. 20 00:01:38,420 --> 00:01:39,100 Nobody cares. 21 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:39,880 Nobody. 22 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:45,320 I went through so many schools growing up. I mean, what did I go through like nine schools in 12 years? 23 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:52,320 You know and I've been seriously impacted by these things my whole life. I'm 55 right now. Okay there 24 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:56,980 You can tag a label on me. You can call me something. You can try to put a generational label on me 25 00:01:56,980 --> 00:01:57,520 I don't care 26 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:03,400 I'm not so into labels because you know what's behind every label when you really get down to it 27 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:09,820 There's a human being and I understand something about human beings and I had to learn this stuff 28 00:02:09,820 --> 00:02:13,260 because I needed to understand. 29 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:16,460 I needed to understand my world, my pain, and myself. 30 00:02:16,940 --> 00:02:17,640 I needed to. 31 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:20,600 And, you know, it's been a long, hard road. 32 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:24,160 I see people out there talking about things that are borderline, 33 00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:27,280 borderline, you know, ending their own life-ish. 34 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,700 I'm afraid to use the word, I guess, 35 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,820 because I don't want the algorithms and whatnot 36 00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:33,580 to keep this message from people. 37 00:02:33,1000 --> 00:02:35,540 I have things to tell you. 38 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:36,940 I have things to say. 39 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:39,140 I'm not going to fluff you up with fake hope, 40 00:02:39,140 --> 00:02:43,280 But I want to bring you back to reality, to reality. 41 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:44,660 Oh, what's reality? 42 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:49,980 Well, I got all kinds of things to say about what reality is or isn't and whether those 43 00:02:49,980 --> 00:02:56,320 things matter or not, because, you know, in the end, it all comes back to, you know, this 44 00:02:56,320 --> 00:03:04,160 thing right here, right in here, right in there, in here is the source of your joy and 45 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:12,360 your pain in there, there is something that we need to talk about. There's a, what's in here 46 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:20,680 and what's in here and how these things happen to us and what we can do about it. You know, 47 00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:27,440 you think the world is all terrible and hopeless and stuff. It's like, brother, sister, you know, 48 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:32,920 hold on for a second. Cause I got some things to talk with you about and I want to engage you. 49 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:37,580 I want to have the conversation because it's time. 50 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:39,680 It's time we have these conversations. 51 00:03:40,060 --> 00:03:44,680 I've been watching the world here as almost an outsider my whole life. 52 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:45,960 You know, I'm different. 53 00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:49,320 You know, I know I'm different, but I also know that we're all the same. 54 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:50,960 We're all the same inside. 55 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:56,700 I mean, there's differences between us and there you, you can find all kinds of reasons 56 00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:57,480 to pick it apart. 57 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:12,320 But when it comes right down to the nitty-gritty core of the human experience, we share so much more with each other than, you know, the differences are there for color and interest. 58 00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,240 But, like, we're the same, okay? 59 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,080 We all know what it's like to hurt. 60 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:18,960 We do it that, you know? 61 00:04:19,220 --> 00:04:19,980 We all do. 62 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:22,720 We also, we know what love is. 63 00:04:22,820 --> 00:04:23,760 We know it's there. 64 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:32,520 We know that that's at the source, that feeling of not having it, not finding connection, not seeing it reflected to you in your world. 65 00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,140 Hurts a lot. 66 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:43,360 And I want to connect with you by like, I have nothing to be ashamed of or hide about myself. 67 00:04:43,980 --> 00:04:46,680 There's things that might be a little, you know, nobody's perfect. 68 00:04:47,060 --> 00:04:48,340 Here, I noticed this. 69 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:49,240 I'll show it to you. 70 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,320 I saw this right before I started a video. 71 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:55,820 I don't even remember writing this because I've learned to start writing things down to get them outside of myself 72 00:04:55,820 --> 00:04:59,580 We can talk about processes and stuff because you know 73 00:04:59,580 --> 00:05:04,240 I've managed to do an awful lot for myself. Why? 74 00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:21,893 Because I really got upset enough to want to make it happen I really just got tired of it I like I need to understand why my world is careening out of my control And the lights started to come on I starting to realize you know it like that love 75 00:05:21,893 --> 00:05:27,173 I want to see in the world, you know where it is? It's right there. There it is. And I got a lot of 76 00:05:27,173 --> 00:05:32,453 it. I got enough for me and I got enough for you. I do. And I want to show you, I want to show you 77 00:05:32,453 --> 00:05:38,033 how to reconnect with this with yourself and with each other because it is just as real. 78 00:05:38,173 --> 00:05:43,053 It is just as real, just as real as the fear and the hurt and the pain. 79 00:05:44,373 --> 00:05:49,313 You wouldn't have the fear and the hurt and the pain if it wasn't in contrast to the love 80 00:05:49,313 --> 00:05:54,993 that you know is there or you want to be there or you want to believe in and you're having a hard 81 00:05:54,993 --> 00:06:01,813 time. I understand. I've been in some dark moments in my life where it's really, really, really, 82 00:06:01,813 --> 00:06:05,773 really, really, really hard to believe that. 83 00:06:08,573 --> 00:06:10,533 You know, I'm a rebel. 84 00:06:11,273 --> 00:06:12,553 I am in my own way. 85 00:06:12,893 --> 00:06:13,713 I'm feisty. 86 00:06:14,293 --> 00:06:17,073 There's something inside me that just refuses. 87 00:06:17,693 --> 00:06:19,633 Refuses to accept that reality. 88 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,833 Refuses to just go, oh, that's it really. 89 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:22,513 No. 90 00:06:23,973 --> 00:06:26,573 I have to understand that maybe too much. 91 00:06:26,573 --> 00:06:28,813 Maybe my little thinking noodle 92 00:06:28,813 --> 00:06:32,073 and my intense curiosity about the world. 93 00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:35,913 I don't know where that comes from, 94 00:06:36,013 --> 00:06:37,513 but I'm grateful that I have it 95 00:06:37,513 --> 00:06:38,933 because it's brought me places. 96 00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:42,593 It's brought me places that have helped me find healing 97 00:06:42,593 --> 00:06:45,313 inside of myself, healing for myself 98 00:06:45,313 --> 00:06:47,793 and an intense drive and passion 99 00:06:47,793 --> 00:06:50,153 to want to share that with all of you, 100 00:06:50,353 --> 00:06:53,133 with all of you need to understand 101 00:06:53,133 --> 00:06:55,393 that these things are still real. 102 00:06:56,013 --> 00:06:56,573 They are. 103 00:06:56,573 --> 00:06:59,473 and I can profess things to you 104 00:06:59,473 --> 00:07:01,213 and I can be, just believe me and stuff. 105 00:07:01,293 --> 00:07:03,913 It's like, no, I'm willing to talk this stuff out. 106 00:07:03,993 --> 00:07:08,173 I'm willing to go into intricate detail if necessary 107 00:07:08,173 --> 00:07:11,073 to help you understand my paths 108 00:07:11,073 --> 00:07:12,693 and how I find this stuff. 109 00:07:13,773 --> 00:07:16,533 And it's not so that you can walk my path. 110 00:07:16,633 --> 00:07:19,493 It's so that you can see that there are paths to be followed. 111 00:07:20,353 --> 00:07:22,973 But even more important, there's paths to be blazed. 112 00:07:23,093 --> 00:07:25,873 Trails, you know, everybody here, 113 00:07:25,873 --> 00:07:35,433 me you all of us we have our own path nobody can walk somebody else if the way is easy then you 114 00:07:35,433 --> 00:07:40,773 know i mean if the you're probably walking somebody else's you know because you're not 115 00:07:40,773 --> 00:07:44,613 figuring things out for yourself because you can be told told told told told and you can believe 116 00:07:44,613 --> 00:07:53,153 believe believe believe believe but like when it really matters is when you know well how do you 117 00:07:53,153 --> 00:07:57,813 just get to know. I mean, how does that magic work, right? What even is magic or not magic? 118 00:07:57,893 --> 00:08:03,753 What is even real or not real? What is physical or not? You know, we've got a lot of things we can 119 00:08:03,753 --> 00:08:12,553 talk about and I can get really very deep. And I also can cast my nest super wide. I have thoughts 120 00:08:12,553 --> 00:08:18,333 about all kinds of things, about the state of the world, about fear, about relationships between 121 00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:25,953 people about how to relate with yourself and each other that I think through, you know, I mean, 122 00:08:26,053 --> 00:08:31,393 I don't fully know the whole story, but I'm somewhat familiar with the idea of Chiron, 123 00:08:31,653 --> 00:08:38,713 the wounded healer, right? He could heal everybody but himself. But my understanding is the lesson 124 00:08:38,713 --> 00:08:45,413 inside there is that, you know, behind your pain is a beautiful wisdom waiting to be uncovered. 125 00:08:45,413 --> 00:08:51,193 It really is. For me, that's what I found. And I don't want pain. I don't like it. I don't, 126 00:08:51,313 --> 00:08:59,233 I still have, I'm still working out things inside my body and my subconscious that still make me 127 00:08:59,233 --> 00:09:05,633 reactive to things in different ways. But I know what it is. I see how it works. I don't hate my 128 00:09:05,633 --> 00:09:11,493 body. I don't hate trauma. Trauma is an important thing in your life. It's an important biological 129 00:09:11,493 --> 00:09:17,053 functions so that you don't, you know, walk into the fire and die. It's too hot. You need to go. 130 00:09:17,353 --> 00:09:21,873 Trauma teaches you that as you're touching the hot stove, right? You know, trauma is there to 131 00:09:21,873 --> 00:09:27,753 keep you from getting eaten by the saber tooth tiger jumping out of the jungle at you or wherever, 132 00:09:28,013 --> 00:09:35,973 you know, and you're running before you have time to think. That's on purpose. Your brain, 133 00:09:36,353 --> 00:09:40,493 your thinking, your consciousness, that's that, you know, that's like icing on the cake as far 134 00:09:40,493 --> 00:09:45,293 as your body is concerned. Your body's like, we're going to stay alive, you know, and then 135 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:49,513 you can start thinking again later. Your brain shuts off when you're in fight or flight mode. 136 00:09:50,013 --> 00:09:53,913 People, you need to understand that, like literally when your heart rate goes up, 137 00:09:54,473 --> 00:09:59,793 that anxiety wells inside you, your breathing becomes shallow and more erratic. Like they're 138 00:09:59,793 --> 00:10:03,453 signaling inside your body going on. You're in your sympathetic nervous system state. 139 00:10:03,573 --> 00:10:09,853 You are reactive because you can not think. Why can't you think when your heart rate raises up 140 00:10:09,853 --> 00:10:13,993 like that it signals your brain shuts off the front part of your brain it's like go offline 141 00:10:14,533 --> 00:10:19,033 Go to nighty-night because by the time you can think about stuff 142 00:10:19,033 --> 00:10:29,966 No matter how fast you think you think no matter how fast and quick your brain is by the time you have to think and assess what really going on you dinner you dead it over 143 00:10:30,186 --> 00:10:33,426 You don't get a chance to figure out if you're right or wrong if you're wrong. 144 00:10:33,726 --> 00:10:38,026 And if you were right, you got lucky, but your body doesn't care. 145 00:10:38,386 --> 00:10:40,886 Your body's like, you could do all the thinking afterwards. 146 00:10:40,886 --> 00:10:42,926 You want to reflect? Reflect all day. 147 00:10:42,926 --> 00:10:50,666 But right now we are running through that hole in the trees and we're making that hard left and we're scrambling and getting out of there. 148 00:10:50,726 --> 00:10:50,966 Okay. 149 00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:58,906 So start to appreciate that there's things inside you physically that work for and against you. 150 00:10:59,286 --> 00:11:01,546 And there's profundity to this stuff. 151 00:11:01,546 --> 00:11:06,106 I want to talk about this stuff more in depth and how it affects so many things. 152 00:11:06,446 --> 00:11:12,686 I need, we need to have a conversation about perception and reality to help you understand how that works. 153 00:11:12,926 --> 00:11:18,486 And I will tell you right now, you have this understanding that's not hard to come to. 154 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:23,446 The food that you put in your body, what you feed yourself is the fundamental building blocks 155 00:11:23,446 --> 00:11:27,526 and what your body needs in order to be, grow, and what it's made out of. 156 00:11:27,526 --> 00:11:28,606 You are what you eat. 157 00:11:28,706 --> 00:11:30,606 Yeah, I mean, like, where else is it going to come from? 158 00:11:30,966 --> 00:11:33,266 The only other place you get it is, like, what you breathe in. 159 00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:38,286 You know, everything else is eating or drinking, and that's what manifests into your physical form. 160 00:11:38,586 --> 00:11:42,126 So what you put into your body is fundamental to the well-being of your body. 161 00:11:42,126 --> 00:11:55,926 Your mind's no different. Your heart's no different. Okay? So the first thing is we need to talk about your mental diet and your emotional diet and what you are doing to yourself. 162 00:11:56,326 --> 00:12:03,686 First, we're going to come to an understanding of how profoundly these things impact us all and shape our worldview. 163 00:12:03,686 --> 00:12:09,026 because once you understand how your worldview, 164 00:12:09,486 --> 00:12:12,366 your feelings are all impacted by all these things 165 00:12:12,366 --> 00:12:15,526 and how your navigation through the world 166 00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:17,586 is so colored by all of this. 167 00:12:20,666 --> 00:12:22,246 I said I was going to show you something. 168 00:12:22,646 --> 00:12:22,746 Here. 169 00:12:23,526 --> 00:12:25,606 I scribbled before I started the phone 170 00:12:25,606 --> 00:12:27,806 because I was going to start with like this and zoom out. 171 00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:29,766 It's this right there. 172 00:12:30,986 --> 00:12:32,646 So what if I'm not perfect? 173 00:12:32,646 --> 00:12:45,706 Yeah, so what? None of us are, okay? Getting hung up on that isn't helping anything. Recognizing that you want to improve yourself somewhere, okay, that's cool. That is a huge start. 174 00:12:45,706 --> 00:12:51,806 but how can you fix what you can't see how can you heal the wounds that you don't even know are 175 00:12:51,806 --> 00:12:57,906 there or understand you know how can you how can you do anything about the world writ large right 176 00:12:57,906 --> 00:13:05,966 how can you fix big giant problems in the world unless you have a much clearer vision about 177 00:13:05,966 --> 00:13:12,686 what's really going on here really you know i'm not denying any of the horrific stuff in the world 178 00:13:12,686 --> 00:13:30,046 I'm not. It's there. I know it's there. But I'm not denying the good and beautiful either, because guess what? It's also there. You know, your your focus, your attention matters because it colors everything. It colors everything. 179 00:13:30,046 --> 00:13:36,726 and the hard part is there's stuff you don't want to look at you know there's so much you don't want 180 00:13:36,726 --> 00:13:44,186 to look at and that and we get in all of these little mental loops and stuff and i'm i'm not 181 00:13:44,186 --> 00:13:51,166 wanting to keep this too long i'm on what 13 minutes into this right now okay so i already 182 00:13:51,166 --> 00:13:58,106 did a long video journal while i was off my adhd medication so it's rambling it's all over the 183 00:13:58,106 --> 00:14:04,986 place. There is so much good stuff in there that I definitely passionately want to share with 184 00:14:04,986 --> 00:14:13,386 people, you know, cause, um, it's taken me, I'm 55 years old. It's taking me a very long time in 185 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:21,386 my life through some genuine seeking and experiences through life that are, I've, I've had some, 186 00:14:21,386 --> 00:14:29,206 I've been homeless. I've been, you know, I've gone over the rainbow and I've also, 187 00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:37,406 you know, I've been, I've been in, in the business world, you know, I've, I've, I've, 188 00:14:37,406 --> 00:14:43,766 I've learned so much about like the dynamics is what's happening with work and work life, 189 00:14:44,086 --> 00:14:49,746 family life, social life, how these things intermingle and reflect each other and the 190 00:14:49,746 --> 00:14:56,066 political life and the way that media and everything in everything in your life is 191 00:14:56,066 --> 00:15:01,626 persuasive in one way or another, you know, and you can spend your whole life trying to keep up 192 00:15:01,626 --> 00:15:07,806 with the technology of persuasion to even begin to understand and have hope of not being affected 193 00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:11,426 by it. And when you start to understand it at that level, you're going to realize like, 194 00:15:11,526 --> 00:15:17,266 you cannot escape it. So you better start learning how to mitigate what's coming at you 195 00:15:17,266 --> 00:15:19,706 and how to control your diet. 196 00:15:21,146 --> 00:15:22,346 Keep eating poison. 197 00:15:22,766 --> 00:15:24,246 It's going to rot your brain. 198 00:15:24,686 --> 00:15:27,606 And I don't mean, I mean, it's going to rot your heart, dude. 199 00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:29,246 It's going to break your heart. 200 00:15:29,546 --> 00:15:30,766 It's going to beat you down. 201 00:15:31,206 --> 00:15:44,539 And it either going to twist you in a place of such immense sadness or anger or both you know painful emotions that are going to seek expression and you going to harm yourself or other people through it 202 00:15:44,619 --> 00:15:47,939 You know, if you're not careful, you're going to propagate harm. 203 00:15:48,359 --> 00:15:49,459 And we do it all the time. 204 00:15:49,539 --> 00:15:53,379 We do it all the time, subconsciously to each other all the time. 205 00:15:54,379 --> 00:16:01,699 And I don't fault you or myself or the world for being the way that it is. 206 00:16:01,699 --> 00:16:09,099 but I see things and understand some things about it that like, I want to share these perspectives 207 00:16:09,099 --> 00:16:15,799 with you. Okay. And I'm, I'm telling you upfront, it's not going to be super easy to just blah, 208 00:16:15,799 --> 00:16:23,039 blah, it all out in one go. So bear with me. Okay. I want to leave you right now with a message of 209 00:16:23,039 --> 00:16:32,039 hope because it is there it is there right you know right behind your pain is the face of god 210 00:16:32,039 --> 00:16:37,379 or something and and no i'm not going to sell you a religious view please i am not going to sell you 211 00:16:37,379 --> 00:16:43,519 a religious view i'm just comfortable with the term because i have a greater understanding and 212 00:16:43,519 --> 00:16:48,279 an acceptance of the fact that like i can speak it to people in their their own language and i'm 213 00:16:48,279 --> 00:16:52,919 whatever. What I'm saying is that like, I understand and I can talk about it in whatever 214 00:16:52,919 --> 00:16:57,879 framework you want to, because I get the essence of it. I understand that like, I don't see a big 215 00:16:57,879 --> 00:17:01,859 difference between spirituality and psychology. They're trying to solve some of the same problems 216 00:17:01,859 --> 00:17:05,519 and they're trying to work with a black box. You can't really see what's going on in there. 217 00:17:05,739 --> 00:17:11,119 We're trying hard, but like, seriously, like, you know, science is trying to explain the things that 218 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:17,279 are unseen, right? It's just a bunch of theories. And even theories we have really get perplexing 219 00:17:17,279 --> 00:17:20,559 because it's like, science is telling you reality isn't even real. 220 00:17:21,299 --> 00:17:25,359 And they can't tell you for sure if it's just a thought or not, you know? 221 00:17:25,819 --> 00:17:27,099 What is energy anyway? 222 00:17:28,439 --> 00:17:31,719 I know, there's a road to get there, I'm telling you. 223 00:17:31,739 --> 00:17:34,539 And the same thing with spirituality and other things like that. 224 00:17:35,819 --> 00:17:40,079 These, you know, are understandings you can have to help interpret the world. 225 00:17:40,079 --> 00:17:47,659 But really, like, I want to take you right here or right here, whichever hand you want to grab. 226 00:17:48,179 --> 00:17:49,399 I want to take you by the hand. 227 00:17:49,979 --> 00:17:51,239 I want to spend some time. 228 00:17:51,299 --> 00:17:52,299 I'm inviting you. 229 00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:58,139 I'm inviting you to spend some time with me and let me try to help you. 230 00:17:58,779 --> 00:18:00,959 And I'm open to feedback. 231 00:18:01,239 --> 00:18:04,919 I am, you know, seeking and wanting to know isn't about like, oh, I got it. 232 00:18:04,939 --> 00:18:07,619 Now I'm going to beat you over the head with what I think I know. 233 00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:09,279 No, no, no. 234 00:18:09,279 --> 00:18:35,779 It's not productive. It's not. But I want to engage you. I do. I want to. I do. I want to engage you. I want to have some real conversations. I want to share. I want to share a lot of perspectives that I've gained that have helped me so much. I want to offer that to you to see if any of it helps you. 235 00:18:35,779 --> 00:18:46,399 you know and life is a road healing is a road love is a road peace is a road everything's a road 236 00:18:46,399 --> 00:18:52,159 you know it's something that you keep walking it's not a destination that you get to happiness 237 00:18:52,159 --> 00:18:57,899 isn't a destination you know it's just some scenery on the way that you get to enjoy and 238 00:18:57,899 --> 00:19:05,579 remember, you know, pain's there too. But sometimes on the other side of the pain, that relief and 239 00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:09,559 understanding from scrabbling through it and like, what's a cliffhanger? Oh my God, something's 240 00:19:09,559 --> 00:19:12,879 going to happen. And then they get to the neck. Oh, finally, it's all right. And that relief, 241 00:19:13,279 --> 00:19:18,179 you know, those things happen on your road in life too. I'm just saying it's there. 242 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:24,379 So I'm going to leave you with the cliffhanger wondering what in the heck is this crazy man 243 00:19:24,379 --> 00:19:33,319 talking about. Well, I will tell you what, like, and I will tell you and I'll tell you, but you 244 00:19:33,319 --> 00:19:39,139 know what else? I'll listen because I want to hear, I want to know. I don't have all the answers. 245 00:19:39,759 --> 00:19:45,699 I don't expect anybody else really has all the answers, but together, together we can have a 246 00:19:45,699 --> 00:19:54,519 greater understanding and move towards something better. Okay. Yeah. I want to heal the world, 247 00:19:54,599 --> 00:19:59,599 right? Because the world's done nothing but hurt me. So why wouldn't I want to, I guess you stop 248 00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:06,259 hurting me. I don't know. Or maybe like, I just, I'm so grateful for the things that I found inside 249 00:20:06,259 --> 00:20:11,959 myself. And I want to show you how to find them inside of yourself too. I didn't need a religious 250 00:20:11,959 --> 00:20:18,419 book to show it to me. I didn't need a guru teacher. I've looked, I've, I've integrated a 251 00:20:18,419 --> 00:20:22,659 lot of those understandings. I'm not saying that they're not helpful. I'm not saying you can't get 252 00:20:22,659 --> 00:20:29,959 there through somebody else's prescribed path because ultimately we share so much inside in 253 00:20:29,959 --> 00:20:34,699 the architecture of the psyche and the human soul and the heart, whatever you want. I don't, 254 00:20:34,699 --> 00:20:39,139 I do not care what labels you want to put on it. 255 00:20:39,139 --> 00:20:44,979 I don't care what dogmas of science or atheism you want to hold on to so tightly. 256 00:20:44,979 --> 00:20:49,939 I'm not trying to rip them from you, but I do want to show you a few things about 257 00:20:49,985 --> 00:20:58,925 You know, we have so much more agency and this desperation in the world, this pain comes 258 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:04,865 from feeling like you have no agency, there's nothing you can do, we're victims of the world. 259 00:21:05,405 --> 00:21:06,545 We all get victimized. 260 00:21:07,805 --> 00:21:14,985 Victimization happens, trust me, I could sit here all day and probably most of the week 261 00:21:14,985 --> 00:21:20,805 if I really can remember well enough, going over all the times I was unjustly victimized and hurt 262 00:21:20,805 --> 00:21:29,145 over and over and over and over. But I also have come to understand how things that I was taught 263 00:21:29,145 --> 00:21:36,305 through that when I was young caused me to set myself up for it over and over and over. 264 00:21:38,165 --> 00:21:42,745 We're going to talk about things about how we relate to each other and how fundamentally 265 00:21:42,745 --> 00:21:48,765 important that is. Fundamentally important that we understand something about ourselves, 266 00:21:48,765 --> 00:21:55,565 which teaches us something about other people and can bridge the gap so that compassion can be there. 267 00:21:56,525 --> 00:22:02,325 Understanding and empathy, because those are the roads home for ourselves, for each other, 268 00:22:02,405 --> 00:22:08,185 and for the world. You know, there's a lot of cliches and tropes out there. A few of them 269 00:22:08,185 --> 00:22:13,325 are there because there's truth to them. But, you know, if I tell you to be the change in the world, 270 00:22:13,725 --> 00:22:18,805 boy, that's a fucking cop out, man. You know, because I'm not really giving you any tools to 271 00:22:18,805 --> 00:22:26,385 get there. Okay. So let's crack open the toolbox and let's talk about it. You can look forward to 272 00:22:26,385 --> 00:22:32,465 more from me. I have a rambling video journal like I'm talking about, and there's a lot of stuff in 273 00:22:32,465 --> 00:22:37,825 there. I'm going to spend as much time today as I can putting chapters in that, clipping things out. 274 00:22:37,825 --> 00:22:45,345 And then those things I'm going to post so that they're a little more digestible and maybe get a little more reach because I cover a lot of topics. 275 00:22:45,545 --> 00:22:48,225 And that's not the only things that I want to talk about. 276 00:22:48,545 --> 00:22:56,105 You know, I also want to talk about technology and platforms and communication and, you know, monetization models. 277 00:22:56,105 --> 00:23:02,125 And, you know, what even money is and how that works and what it really represents and what it is. 278 00:23:02,205 --> 00:23:07,705 You know, money is a surrogate for love that models dysfunctional love in home. 279 00:23:07,825 --> 00:23:09,825 You gotta earn it 280 00:23:10,485 --> 00:23:17,845 Real love you don't have to earn brother, you know, you came into this world deserving everybody loves a baby why because that essential human spirit 281 00:23:18,485 --> 00:23:28,764 just deserves loves for being you know and you still that The world beat you into some other kind of shape and conformed you and you allowed yourself and you helped twist yourself 282 00:23:28,764 --> 00:23:36,524 in some ways, but you're still that. You were never not that. Okay. And I don't know, some 283 00:23:36,524 --> 00:23:40,784 people don't care about babies and kids and stuff. I don't even have kids, you know, and, 284 00:23:40,884 --> 00:23:45,444 and part of my path is that I really wanted to have a family and for a while didn't think that 285 00:23:45,444 --> 00:23:50,844 was going to happen for me. You know, I mean, you want to talk about love? I've, 286 00:23:51,384 --> 00:23:58,644 I gave up on that for a while. I just figured it wasn't going to happen anymore. I just was too 287 00:23:58,644 --> 00:24:02,884 different from other people for anybody to really relate to and connect. I didn't know how to really 288 00:24:02,884 --> 00:24:08,264 make those connections express. And I've learned how much I've kept it from myself and, and 289 00:24:08,264 --> 00:24:15,344 self-sabotaged too, you know? So then do I hate myself for that or do I come to more understanding? 290 00:24:15,444 --> 00:24:44,664 I'm telling you, man, like self-love is a journey. It is not easy, but when you find it, it's the most precious thing. And now that I've got it, it's like, I already kind of understood some of the answers. I just didn't know who or how to articulate them to about problems in the world. But like, you know, this little light of mine, it never went out. It never did. When the world hated me, I still never stopped loving the world anyway. 291 00:24:44,664 --> 00:24:53,184 and I found I found I'm a precious and beautiful soul who deserves love and I 292 00:24:53,184 --> 00:25:00,084 found that inside of myself for myself and I'm I'm so grateful I am so grateful 293 00:25:00,084 --> 00:25:08,044 and I want to share it with you I want to honor what I found inside myself you 294 00:25:08,044 --> 00:25:14,484 know by helping show it to all of you my reflections in the world okay so if 295 00:25:14,484 --> 00:25:21,964 If you're feeling a certain sort of way right now, and this is a time of year when these feelings really, really come out in people. 296 00:25:22,184 --> 00:25:31,004 If you're feeling a certain sort of way in the world, please, please, just take a little time with me. 297 00:25:32,644 --> 00:25:36,244 I'm a little slow, you know, but I'm going to come through. 298 00:25:36,244 --> 00:25:40,624 I am unless a tree falls on me or something, then this is all you're going to get. 299 00:25:41,004 --> 00:25:43,504 Or you can go online and you can look for my other videos. 300 00:25:43,504 --> 00:26:08,522 Okay my I have a different channel where I posted my video blog thing under my personal name but I not trying to make this about me personally I mean I I willing and perfectly fine with being open and sharing quite a lot about myself You know why not I to the point that I not really that 301 00:26:08,522 --> 00:26:15,442 worried about how any particular person is going to take it or take me, you know, because I got 302 00:26:15,442 --> 00:26:21,742 that one relationship that matters and it's so strong right now. And I am so solid in myself 303 00:26:21,742 --> 00:26:28,462 with myself that I think I'm going to be fine. I know putting myself out here online is opening 304 00:26:28,462 --> 00:26:34,762 myself up to a lot of energy coming back at me, especially if you shine light and people 305 00:26:34,762 --> 00:26:41,862 are afraid because of their, their people hurt. And all I'm saying is that I don't, 306 00:26:42,262 --> 00:26:46,862 I can still love people who still want to attack me for my light and project on me 307 00:26:46,862 --> 00:26:48,742 because I understand where it comes from 308 00:26:48,742 --> 00:26:53,402 and I can take a step back or two at this point in my life 309 00:26:53,402 --> 00:26:56,662 and understand something greater about what's going on, 310 00:26:56,662 --> 00:27:01,362 not just between us, but inside me and by inference, 311 00:27:01,982 --> 00:27:04,082 what might really be going on inside you, 312 00:27:04,282 --> 00:27:06,582 even if I don't like what's coming at me, okay? 313 00:27:10,882 --> 00:27:13,222 I don't even know you, okay? 314 00:27:13,222 --> 00:27:23,802 But I do because all this stuff that I see, all this pain I'm seeing expressed and frustration and anger and despair. 315 00:27:25,622 --> 00:27:29,102 You know, I felt all of that. 316 00:27:29,182 --> 00:27:30,702 I still feel some of that too. 317 00:27:30,802 --> 00:27:31,162 I do. 318 00:27:31,542 --> 00:27:31,822 Okay. 319 00:27:32,142 --> 00:27:36,282 I'm not there there, but I'm on a path that feels really right to me. 320 00:27:36,422 --> 00:27:38,982 And I have hope. 321 00:27:39,522 --> 00:27:40,342 I do. 322 00:27:41,282 --> 00:27:43,022 I didn't find it outside of me. 323 00:27:43,222 --> 00:27:44,902 I found it inside of me. 324 00:27:45,222 --> 00:27:47,702 And I'm like, I have to share this. 325 00:27:48,062 --> 00:27:49,602 I have to share this. 326 00:27:50,202 --> 00:27:50,942 I have to. 327 00:27:51,522 --> 00:27:55,442 Why else would I have had all the pain I've gone through in my life, 328 00:27:56,902 --> 00:27:58,062 all the loneliness, 329 00:27:59,522 --> 00:28:01,222 I never learned how to make close friends. 330 00:28:01,542 --> 00:28:02,402 I have very few. 331 00:28:02,502 --> 00:28:07,242 I have a couple people in my life that really show me love when I really need it. 332 00:28:07,262 --> 00:28:08,422 And I'm so grateful for that. 333 00:28:08,922 --> 00:28:12,102 And I'm so grateful for myself for being able to see and recognize it too, 334 00:28:12,102 --> 00:28:14,362 because it's hard to find out there sometimes. 335 00:28:14,362 --> 00:28:17,502 And it's hard to recognize it even when it's there sometimes 336 00:28:17,502 --> 00:28:20,082 when you've been taught not to see it. 337 00:28:20,082 --> 00:28:21,082 I'm just saying. 338 00:28:22,282 --> 00:28:24,382 And I want healthy relations in my life. 339 00:28:24,382 --> 00:28:41,560 I want to be healthy in my relations with myself and everybody else And I want to help heal I you know want to be this want to be that whatever I mean your meaning is what you decided is 340 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:46,620 You give things meaning. You can be told what things mean, but ultimately you either buy into 341 00:28:46,620 --> 00:28:53,120 that or not. You can change your mind about what things mean in life. It's all up to you, 342 00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:59,560 the meaning and what has meaning for you. Purpose. Purpose. You're not going to find that outside 343 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:04,180 yourself prescribed to yourself. You're not going to be, I don't know what my life purpose is. And 344 00:29:04,180 --> 00:29:08,900 of course you don't because you don't know where to look. You don't know how to connect with it, 345 00:29:08,900 --> 00:29:14,960 but I'm going to tell you where you find purpose. Okay. Your pain is telling you where your purpose 346 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:20,700 is. Your heart is telling you where your purpose is. The things inside you that are passionate in 347 00:29:20,700 --> 00:29:25,440 you, whether they make you passionately want to change something or passionately want to 348 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:31,900 cherish something, or you just find simple joy. I'm also going to share me playing music because 349 00:29:31,900 --> 00:29:38,600 I find simple joy in playing music. Part of things I'm going to talk about are how powerful music is 350 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:50,640 on so many levels. Like, seriously, words are powerful. Music is powerful. And those are 351 00:29:50,640 --> 00:30:00,660 the tools that those offer us we got so much to talk about all right i'm almost at 30 minutes 29 352 00:30:00,660 --> 00:30:07,480 30 ah we're stopping i love you i love you i love you i don't want you to guess or wonder or think 353 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:12,300 or who the fuck is this guy i'm telling you man if you're crying i see me in the reflection of 354 00:30:12,300 --> 00:30:20,660 your tears, okay? That part of you, I know that part of you, and I love you, and I want you to 355 00:30:20,660 --> 00:30:27,220 feel whole, and I want you to heal, and I want you to know, and you know, it's not my job to save the 356 00:30:27,220 --> 00:30:35,420 world. It's not my job to save you or anybody else. It's my job to do it for me, and part of doing it 357 00:30:35,420 --> 00:30:36,260 from me. 358 00:30:37,220 --> 00:30:38,880 I just want to share it with you. 359 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:39,720 Okay. 360 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:43,780 You know, so, um, use me, choose me, lose me, abuse me, 361 00:30:43,780 --> 00:30:45,260 whatever you want to do. 362 00:30:45,260 --> 00:30:48,760 But everything we do in life has an impact. 363 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,240 Sends out waves, sends out ripples. 364 00:30:53,180 --> 00:30:54,020 Okay. 365 00:30:54,020 --> 00:30:55,940 I'm throwing out a little stone, 366 00:30:55,940 --> 00:30:58,540 but this little stone is a special magic stone. 367 00:30:58,540 --> 00:31:00,700 It's a little tiny piece of crystal shard 368 00:31:00,700 --> 00:31:03,440 and I plucked it right from my heart. 369 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:04,340 And it's right here for you.