all right let's do some improv joe can we get a suggestion
your suggestion is sluts
okay art imitating life that is such a fun word to say do you ever say it like this
no like sean connery oh yeah uh no i don't usually when i say it i say it like sluts
i said it three times on the way here really yeah so either when i'm in traffic it's either like sir
or sluts.
Sometimes the sir is me.
You say sir to yourself
when you're driving?
If I cut it a little close,
I'm like, hit the brake,
I'm like, sir!
But I'm talking to myself.
You afford yourself
a certain amount of respect
that you don't afford
the other drivers on the road.
Yes.
Thank you.
Yeah.
They're sluts.
Yeah.
I am sir.
I'm going to get a t-shirt made with that.
They're sluts.
I am sir. Or like
you're my slut, I'm your sir.
Slut sir.
Big sir slut. California.
Yeah, how come there isn't a city named Big
Sir Slut?
We could buy a town.
Okay.
I've always wanted to name a bunch of streets.
Bumper Boulevard being one of the names?
Yes, of course. Bumper Boulevard.
Do you have any other street without giving
too much away? Although this is for subscribers
only so uh they'll keep it in the family they won't steal your street name ideas maybe something
like i don't know like mm-hmm just just like noises yeah
avenue whoa circle yeah yeah um yeah i think that would be a fun place to live
You would invest in that?
In that town?
Yeah.
In buying that town?
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
We'll do it.
Then we be neighbors and our wall will have a door Oh nice Like a hotel Yeah Oh like directly Not just like a gate in between the two of our places It house to house Yeah Okay
I want to hear you go meow at the door and maybe like, kitty wants to come in.
How did you know I do that at my door?
I know things about you.
There's no secrets between us.
No.
And now, improv.
Hey, Becky.
Yeah?
I got a new tattoo.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
Show me.
Okay, hold on.
I gotta take my pants off.
Oh.
There it is.
Says slap.
Oh my god.
Kirsten.
Yeah?
You love it?
Have you actually looked at it?
No.
Have you seen it?
Hold on, I'm trying right now. I'm turning.
My neck just doesn't go.
It doesn't say sluts.
What?
No.
What does it say?
It says slots.
Slots?
Like the machines?
Like the machines.
and not only that
around your sweet sweet ass
there's a
tattoo of a slot machine
what
no
is that what you told the guy
no I said slots
and I said I'm a machine
oh my god kirsten what do i do what do i do i don't know i don't know if this is fixable
rub it off will it come off it's so new no it doesn't work i'm rubbing
i'm rubbing so hard oh oh by the way your ass is amazing thank you
with my sweet, sweet ass.
What do I do?
I have a date later.
And if he comes over and finds out I'm a gambler.
Are you a gambler?
He gonna think so And he not gonna believe but I a slut He just I know He just be putting quarters down your ass
Run your sweet, sweet ass.
Yeah.
What do I do?
Maybe the tattoo artist
can fix it.
He's gone. He went to Jamaica.
Well, let's get to Jamaica then.
Can't you?
Can't I do it?
Can you do it?
Okay, I can try.
Okay, hold on.
Let me assume the pizzazz.
Okay, hold on.
Let me get my...
Thank God you got me that homemade tattoo artist kit for Christmas.
Saw it on Etsy.
I know.
Etsy's the best.
It's the besties for Esty's.
Etsy's.
Okay, Kirsten, are you ready?
Yeah, what are you going to do?
Well, I'm going to somehow try to make this machine look like a slut.
thank you i'm gonna try to make that oh look like a you i knew you'd get it okay okay
three hours later
oh my my oh my hand's about to fall off no hold it with the other one i think i i think i did it
Oh no.
What?
No, nothing.
What do you mean no?
I don't have time to survey my work.
Your date's here.
Oh, okay.
Let me comb my hairs.
Come in.
Me.
Yo.
Kirsten.
Yes?
Me?
Do you just say, come in, me?
As a slut would do, yes.
Whoa, well, that sounds like something a slut would say,
but I'm afraid you're going to have to prove in another way that you're really a slut.
Oh, okay. Hold on.
I only accept validation in the form of tattoos.
Oh, this is for todas, Billy.
Hold on, I'm a zipper fly.
They're going down from my ankles.
Wait, sorry.
Did you just say you have a zipper fly?
Yeah, it's not a zipper.
Oh.
And then I heard a bunch of button noises Don slut You such a slut you don even know what kind of pants you got on Yeah I love that I love that in my sluts Oh wow Can wait to be
thrown away.
Okay, um...
There I am.
What?
Let me turn for you.
Oh.
Kirsten.
What?
Kirsten, why do you have
an exact
replica of
Leonardo da Vinci's The Last Supper
on your butt. What the hell?
Hold on. Becky!
Yeah?
I'm hiding in the other room. I don't want to ruin
your date. Becky said I've got a, like,
some sort of da Vinci.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what I'm doing.
They're not sluts. They're not?
No, they're fuggos. They're just dudes with long hair?
They're ugly dudes.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I don't want to be, have a meal
on me uh hello yeah becky what what's the deal like why did you put this on your friend's ass
i i i don't know i i was just trying to fix there was a horrible horrible mistake don't tell me
about it no no listen kirsten it's okay you can be honest with me just tell me what happened
have you ever like
been to Las Vegas
have I ever
Nevada
and then what
I was saying it's in Nevada
oh that Las Vegas
yeah there's actually one in New Mexico
I've been to that one
I've not been to the Vegas one
or the Nevada one
you're missing much
I am missing much
yeah you bring your coins
and you put the coins in
and sometimes you get something.
Well, I got a coin right here.
I can just maybe insert this
into that slot in your sweet, sweet ass.
One second. Becky, you can go.
Just know that the house always wins.
Alright, end scene.
We'll see you next time.