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what's your favorite thanksgiving dish my favorite thanksgiving dish yeah oh that's

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such a tough question because i get so sick of everything so fast but when it's done right i

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feel like stuffing is surprisingly good totally agree yeah oh god so especially with a little

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gravy oh yep yeah but when it's bad it sucks yeah then it's just like eating like dry crackers or

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something but yeah good stuffing is yeah i agree stuffing is my favorite as well really yeah i'm

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not surprised we're like the same person i know um and my mom makes really good stuffing but um

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so but but my family doesn't do traditional thanksgiving meal we do um fettuccine and

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italian sausage which is delicious and amazing um because my mom makes really good fettuccine as well

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uh it's like heart attack inducing it's just like tons of butter and cream and it's just but it's

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awesome it's amazing i don't know why i said but and that's why it's awesome and amazing

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but lately the last few years she's been very nice and she's made stuffing because she knows

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it's my favorite so in addition now at thanksgiving we have stuffing so i'm grateful for that i also

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like the feel of stuffing with my bare hands i like to put some in my shoes and walk around

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I sleep on stuffing as a pillow.

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I wear it as underwear.

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Oh, okay.

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That's what's going on.

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Yeah.

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Oh, yeah.

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That's why I slosh a little when I sit.

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I wasn't going to say anything.

22
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Well, thank you for being polite.

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Now you know.

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Now I know.

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There aren't other problems going on.

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Others think giving foods.

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Woof.

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Got that out.

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um um like turkey to me is usually such a disappointment sorry turkeys i know you're

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listening like they're it's so often flavorless and i know i mean if you're gonna

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so dry if you're gonna eat a bird a chicken is a superior bird it's just we have it all the time

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so it feels less important or whatever.

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Plus, it doesn't have the heft that a turkey...

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Turkeys get big, man.

35
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Yeah, big old turkeys.

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Big old turkeys.

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Ooh, they should engineer a giant chicken.

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Oh, that would be terrifying.

39
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Just for Thanksgiving.

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Just roid out a bunch of chickens.

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Is that a turkey?

42
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You wish.

43
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What about desserts?

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What about...

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dessert dessert you know yeah gotta say i love a pecan pie

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i used to make them as a kid it was like my thing

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one of the ladies my dad was with used to make them so i was like i'm

48
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gonna make them and i got the recipe from the back of the caro

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syrup yeah but i didn't understand how to really bake and i burned every

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single pie because it said to make it to like whatever let's say 45 or 55 minutes or whatever

51
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and i would open the oven and the pie would still be sloshing about because it has to like set when

52
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you take it out yeah but i would be like it's sloshing leave it in hour and a half and you

53
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charred yeah but you learned yeah i put kalua in it too nice yeah it's a nice little how old were

54
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you i was like 10 yeah i mean i didn't think of it my dad's like hey what about kalua and i was

55
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like i'm the chef hand it to me so you got a little drunk pecan pie um and you cheesecake also

56
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oh yeah yeah that's another thing my mom makes really well she makes the best cheesecake

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um so good i don't know i it's one of those things i don't order anywhere else

58
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because it's like why would i do that it's gonna be inferior i love you guys um i think

59
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I don't know I like pumpkin pie I've never had pecan pie um and it's now at this point it's out

60
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of spite for my sister Mary um because her favorite is pecan pie and I told her that it looks the

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pecans gross me out because they look like roaches on top of the pie and then she's like but it tastes

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so good just try it and so now I was like I'm never gonna try it now so she swears she's gonna

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get me to try it before i die but i'm spiteful enough that even if it will be my favorite thing

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in the whole world i'm not gonna try it she'll trick you like a dog and put stuffing on top of

65
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it she's gonna wrap it in peanut butter and then just hand it to me maybe she'll bake you a roach

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pie but it'll really be pecans oh no i would eat roach pie for sure yeah um

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welcome to very fine friends happy thanksgiving everybody happy thanksgiving

68
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yeah that's the turkey that we pardoned and i'll commit more crimes

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yep no it wasn't a life or death situation for him we pardoned him from going to jail

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i kill other turkeys

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um so it's thanksgiving happy thanksgiving francis thank you and you as well a very happy

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thanksgiving you know what or a sad one no i want a happy one okay then happy thanksgiving and i want

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you to have happy ones so i'm not even giving you the option okay thank you so happy thanksgiving

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not sad thanksgiving okay i'm smiling yes it looks so authentic

75
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Like, sugar.

76
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Thank you, though.

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I appreciate it.

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You're the first to wish it to me.

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Wow.

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I can't believe that.

81
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I know.

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You've been hustling and bustling about all day.

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In my Thanksgiving outfit.

84
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I know.

85
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And your musket.

86
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You're dressed as a pilgrim.

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Yeah, with a buckle hat.

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Mm-hmm.

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And white tights.

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Mm-hmm.

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And a thick woolen coat made from the sheep of my family farm.

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Yep.

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you use the whole sheep you don't you just use the wool yeah my the gloves still have the hooves on

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yeah well whatever you're doing it looks great thank you yeah um well and happy thanksgiving

95
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i'm not gonna say sad thanksgiving to any of our listeners either i want all of them to have a

96
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happy thanksgiving yeah sorry sorry that i gave birth to that idea yeah go go to the your other

97
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room. Frances, go to your other room. Thank you. Well, good. I'm starting out not tripping over my

98
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words. That's a great way to start this. Yeah. Quick interruption. Every week on the podcast,

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we do something where our producer Joe gives Frances and I each our own secret word. Throughout

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the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation

101
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without the other person noticing. If the other person can correctly guess the secret word,

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they get a point. And right before we die, we add up all the points. And then we get a prize,

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whoever has the most points for guessing the most secret words. Here's Joe with today's secret words.

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Jenna's secret word is carcass. Jenna's decoy word is antibodies.

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Francis's secret word is coiled

106
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Francis's decoy word is opportunities

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back to the pod

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what's your Thanksgiving resolution?

109
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to eat a bunch of food

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cool, cool

111
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that's basically it, just enjoy the day

112
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yeah

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it's a nice fun day, I've always liked Thanksgiving

114
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i like it because you you don't agree i don't know if i care i like the fall time yeah i think

115
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is boring um well my family we we you know there's a bunch of us we're all together and so

116
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it's very pleasant um okay you might feel i realize what's going on my birthday is is very

117
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I'm pretty tied up with it, and I feel like I've been wronged.

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You need to have your own special day, for sure.

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Every four years, my birthday lands on Thanksgiving,

120
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and when people wish me Thanksgiving, I say,

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I think you mean happy birthday.

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Yeah.

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Well, I will never make that mistake.

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Don't worry.

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Promise me that when you're spending Thanksgiving with your family,

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instead of saying happy Thanksgiving, you'll say,

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happy birthday, Francis.

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Oh, yeah, I will.

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We're going to put up birthday decorations.

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Thank you.

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A birthday cake.

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Pinata.

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No pie.

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Shaped like me.

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Then we give a bat to that piñata, and it hits another piñata shaped like someone that is supposed to do a happy Thanksgiving.

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You know it makes me happy.

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Your piñata beats the crap out of the other piñata.

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I don't want your piñata to be destroyed, basically.

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I appreciate that.

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Yeah.

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We find any turkeys that were pardoned, we just slaughter them because there was no reason for them to be pardoned in the first place.

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Yeah, and I always need backup gloves.

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just a little turkey claws

144
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oh did i say hooves yeah oh because we're talking about sheep yeah sheep yeah

145
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no it all checked i'm okay i'm okay oh but now i want you to make a little like neck scarf that

146
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has the the wobble the waddle thing on it uh in about 20 years i'm gonna have my own

147
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yeah how come humans don't accessorize with their own waddles they kind of do

148
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i guess yeah but but we should do it voluntarily we should lean into it

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so then when you eventually grow your own it's it's not it's a little more natural seeming

150
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model that waddle they should come out with a line of waddle rouge

151
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where you just make it's like red yeah yeah um maybelline if you're listening and we know you are

152
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waddle rouge when you make it give us credit yeah and money i don't want just credit no no

153
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Oh, yeah, no, by credit, I meant all the dollars that are going to come from that sweet Waddle Rouge payday you're about to get.

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Thank you.

155
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That sounds like a battle from the Revolutionary War.

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The battle of Waddle Rouge.

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And you know what?

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It will be in court if you don't give us credit.

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Yeah.

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We're ready.

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If we're done with all this Thanksgiving talk.

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I'm done with it.

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There's one more thing that we can be thankful for.

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The invention of the week.

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Inventions.

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I thought you were going to say my birthday.

167
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I do have an invention.

168
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It's going to seem not Thanksgiving related.

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That's okay.

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Okay, because it's not.

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but do you know how even though people there's no vampires we don't really know that

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a hundred percent uh yeah you can't prove a negative yeah yeah exactly um i've got a way

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to make sure there's no vampires whoa so you can prove a negative well after this

174
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yeah yeah well okay this will only help for people who are buried but i think it will cut

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down on the vampire population um significantly the vampire it'll cut down on the population

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which is already zero that we know of because right we can guarantee that it's closer to zero

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than it hypothetically already is okay if you hate this i have a backup but this came to me

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and I thought this has to be done.

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And here's why I thought of it.

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Okay, I mean, we've been needing a good practical vampire invention for some time.

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I'm trying to help humanity here.

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Yes.

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Even though I don't care if vampires take out a bunch of people, I really don't care.

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Vampires, if you're listening, you do you.

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I don't care.

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Yeah, I don't care.

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I don't even know if I would help someone.

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They were running from a vampire.

189
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Yeah.

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I probably wouldn't.

191
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either i just go but you just watch him run and then you'd be like yeah yeah and then if you see

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a vampire chasing them you're like i'm not getting involved now yeah they've made their decision yeah

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and i have a movie to get to so here's the invention and i was inspired by this because

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i was reading about how in the past people would get buried and then they would still be alive

195
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and and that's where the phrase saved by the bell comes from oh really yeah so they would tie a bell

196
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like in a string would go into the coffin and like if someone woke up they would ring the bell

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and then they would know that people were actually still alive.

198
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Wow.

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Yeah.

200
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And is that, so the TV show Saved by the Bell,

201
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is that what that's about?

202
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Zach Morris was accidentally buried alive.

203
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,140
Yes, but he never talked about it.

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When you wake up in your coffin and you're feeling good,

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it's all right because you're saved by the bell.

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Is that the theme song?

207
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Well, yeah, you don't remember?

208
00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:58,020
I never watched it.

209
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I skipped a whole bunch of lyrics, but I liked,

210
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I was amused with myself for when you wake up in a coffin because it's normally when you wake up in the morning and I don't remember the rest of it after that.

211
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Yeah, we could probably pitch a show after this episode.

212
00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:12,480
Okay.

213
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:12,900
Yeah.

214
00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,220
We'll reimagine Saved by the Bell.

215
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Anyway, here's the invention.

216
00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:17,720
Okay.

217
00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:28,080
In a coffin lid, there is a stake on a hinge.

218
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and it's on a motion sensor.

219
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And if there's any motion at all,

220
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the stake comes out

221
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and stabs the person in the heart.

222
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:40,980
Okay.

223
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,280
Wait, is this the invention?

224
00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:47,060
Yes.

225
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:47,380
Okay.

226
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:49,460
I want to make sure you need...

227
00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:52,080
Remember a few seconds ago

228
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:52,980
when you were talking about

229
00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:54,720
how people accidentally get buried alive?

230
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That was a long time ago.

231
00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:59,900
it's over now

232
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don't you want them to stay down

233
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like I don't want to deal with that

234
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but I like knowing they're dead

235
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for sure

236
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what if someone was accidentally

237
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buried alive and then they're like

238
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they wake up and they're like oh no

239
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and then the steak

240
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just immediately kills them

241
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:29,213
and then that it you could make it like it just enough It like a little puncture wound

242
00:15:29,293 --> 00:15:30,614
So it's enough to kill a vampire.

243
00:15:30,874 --> 00:15:34,114
But if it's a real person, then they're just lightly scuffed.

244
00:15:34,114 --> 00:15:36,114
Everyone knows that it has to go into the heart.

245
00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:40,894
Or it could be a gun with silver bullets.

246
00:15:41,453 --> 00:15:43,173
Wait, isn't that a werewolf?

247
00:15:43,514 --> 00:15:43,953
Oh.

248
00:15:45,034 --> 00:15:47,453
And also more deadly than a wooden stake.

249
00:15:48,833 --> 00:15:58,993
well here's the thing is that once you say goodbye to someone

250
00:15:58,993 --> 00:16:03,874
you've already let them go

251
00:16:03,874 --> 00:16:13,254
so it's okay you've so if you accidentally so it's like if your loved one accidentally gets

252
00:16:13,254 --> 00:16:18,573
buried alive in your mind it's over it's done with you don't want to deal with it you don't

253
00:16:18,573 --> 00:16:23,593
want to deal with them coming back oh i've mentally to me you're already dead it would

254
00:16:23,593 --> 00:16:30,473
just be easier could you just just die i already gave all your clothes to goodwill yeah well yeah

255
00:16:30,473 --> 00:16:40,593
and also there's no bells anymore okay here's so i like knowing that they're not panicking down

256
00:16:40,593 --> 00:16:48,854
there they were murdered by my invention so it's so it kills vampires but then if there's anyone

257
00:16:48,854 --> 00:16:54,813
that was buried alive it's like a mercy kill yeah see before you were acting like i was being

258
00:16:54,813 --> 00:17:00,193
malicious i don't think you're malicious uh i don't know how to say this delicately

259
00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:02,413
i thought maybe you were being stupid

260
00:17:02,413 --> 00:17:15,694
not malicious um thank you for thank you for that putting it so delicately yeah i just think that um

261
00:17:15,694 --> 00:17:24,514
that's it's just a nice way to know for sure that um there's no vampires and grandma stays dead

262
00:17:24,514 --> 00:17:31,234
okay alternately why not just stab every dead person in the heart with a steak

263
00:17:31,234 --> 00:17:37,573
i feel like that's more crimey i don't know if they're gonna let us do that

264
00:17:37,573 --> 00:17:40,333
do you think we could lobby to get legislation passed

265
00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:45,394
where it's like right before they go down someone just walks up and just

266
00:17:45,394 --> 00:17:45,994
yeah

267
00:17:45,994 --> 00:17:54,414
i don't think we need the government involved in this uh this can be a voluntary system um and you

268
00:17:54,414 --> 00:17:57,454
just hope that the mortician doesn't like call the cops and like you're not gonna believe what

269
00:17:57,454 --> 00:17:59,773
well I was thinking it would be part of the mortician

270
00:17:59,773 --> 00:18:01,394
package oh they do it

271
00:18:01,394 --> 00:18:03,714
they embalm they stab with a wooden stake

272
00:18:03,714 --> 00:18:05,513
oh you don't want to see how the vampire's made

273
00:18:05,513 --> 00:18:07,154
you want it behind the curtain

274
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,674
well yeah I mean

275
00:18:08,674 --> 00:18:11,414
well that's what is happening with the coffin

276
00:18:11,414 --> 00:18:12,053
stake

277
00:18:12,053 --> 00:18:15,654
we could do like an open and casket

278
00:18:15,654 --> 00:18:17,553
situation everyone after they say their

279
00:18:17,553 --> 00:18:19,494
goodbyes gets to do a quick little stab

280
00:18:19,494 --> 00:18:21,533
and like instead of throwing flowers on the

281
00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:23,394
grave everyone and then it's like it's a

282
00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:24,894
it's a party thing it's fun

283
00:18:24,894 --> 00:18:26,813
and you could take your stake home as

284
00:18:26,813 --> 00:18:28,174
funeral

285
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:30,073
memorabilia.

286
00:18:30,394 --> 00:18:32,894
And then, like, someone holds the stake

287
00:18:32,894 --> 00:18:34,654
and, like, throws it behind them

288
00:18:34,654 --> 00:18:36,093
and everyone has to try and catch it.

289
00:18:36,513 --> 00:18:38,254
Whoever catches it dies next.

290
00:18:41,674 --> 00:18:42,754
Fun fact, that's where

291
00:18:42,754 --> 00:18:44,333
the term stakeholder came from.

292
00:18:50,394 --> 00:18:50,873
Yes.

293
00:18:53,053 --> 00:18:54,573
I know that it's not practical

294
00:18:54,573 --> 00:18:55,474
and I know that, like,

295
00:18:55,474 --> 00:18:58,194
it doesn't help you or I

296
00:18:58,194 --> 00:19:00,254
but I think there's

297
00:19:00,254 --> 00:19:01,434
some value in knowing that

298
00:19:01,434 --> 00:19:04,513
there is no more undead if there was

299
00:19:04,513 --> 00:19:07,154
well wait

300
00:19:07,154 --> 00:19:09,454
so vampires

301
00:19:09,454 --> 00:19:12,293
when people die they don't just become

302
00:19:12,293 --> 00:19:14,214
vampires they need to be bitten

303
00:19:14,214 --> 00:19:15,313
by a vampire right

304
00:19:15,313 --> 00:19:17,894
are you thinking zombies

305
00:19:17,894 --> 00:19:19,113
depends what you watch

306
00:19:19,113 --> 00:19:20,714
no you're right

307
00:19:20,714 --> 00:19:23,154
I'm not thinking zombies I'm thinking vampires

308
00:19:23,154 --> 00:19:24,434
I'm thinking vampires

309
00:19:24,434 --> 00:19:32,093
Yes, they have to be bitten or they have to drank the blood of a vampire.

310
00:19:33,553 --> 00:19:34,254
Oh, really?

311
00:19:35,053 --> 00:19:37,934
Because a vampire, they turn you like this.

312
00:19:38,474 --> 00:19:44,894
They bite their wrist and they give it to you.

313
00:19:45,073 --> 00:19:47,694
Or sometimes they let you suckle their bloody wrist.

314
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:51,293
And then not too much because they can't lose too much of their blood.

315
00:19:51,293 --> 00:19:53,853
and then over the next few days

316
00:19:53,853 --> 00:19:55,414
you have a horrible

317
00:19:55,414 --> 00:19:57,214
death as

318
00:19:57,214 --> 00:20:00,033
you become not human

319
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:02,214
anymore and then they have to put you to sleep

320
00:20:02,214 --> 00:20:03,573
typically in a coffin

321
00:20:03,573 --> 00:20:05,434
and then like three days later

322
00:20:05,434 --> 00:20:07,333
you come out of the coffin a vampire

323
00:20:07,333 --> 00:20:10,214
so you're saying

324
00:20:10,214 --> 00:20:12,013
there's a chance grandma might have drank

325
00:20:12,013 --> 00:20:13,154
some vampire blood

326
00:20:13,154 --> 00:20:15,833
just to be safe

327
00:20:15,833 --> 00:20:18,533
just to be safe

328
00:20:18,533 --> 00:20:19,613
let's

329
00:20:19,613 --> 00:20:23,513
put a little stake in her coffin.

330
00:20:24,394 --> 00:20:24,613
Yeah.

331
00:20:25,513 --> 00:20:26,073
Yeah.

332
00:20:26,734 --> 00:20:27,254
Yeah.

333
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:28,254
Okay.

334
00:20:28,593 --> 00:20:30,494
My other invention was a car toilet, so...

335
00:20:42,494 --> 00:20:43,053
Okay.

336
00:20:43,373 --> 00:20:45,474
What are you naming this invention?

337
00:20:46,154 --> 00:20:48,513
I'm naming it Vamp By.

338
00:20:48,513 --> 00:20:59,914
or no yeah vampire like by like by vampire like goodbye vampire yeah vamp

339
00:20:59,914 --> 00:21:02,954
by er

340
00:21:02,954 --> 00:21:12,754
is there a saying this goodbye that's like ooh la la or too la la what am i thinking i'm thinking

341
00:21:12,754 --> 00:21:13,214
Toodle-oo.

342
00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:13,714
Toodle-oo.

343
00:21:13,734 --> 00:21:14,053
Toodle-oo.

344
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:19,293
Because it could be like, nah, I was thinking Dracula-la, but that doesn't make sense.

345
00:21:19,954 --> 00:21:23,013
No, that's like if Dracula had a fancy dress shop.

346
00:21:24,674 --> 00:21:25,674
Dracula-la.

347
00:21:26,293 --> 00:21:26,694
Oh.

348
00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:28,353
Dracula-ator.

349
00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:30,194
Not bad.

350
00:21:30,613 --> 00:21:31,833
That's not bad at all.

351
00:21:32,573 --> 00:21:38,113
Joe's been coming up real quick with the better ones.

352
00:21:39,813 --> 00:21:41,174
You do all the heavy lifting.

353
00:21:41,353 --> 00:21:42,694
You come up with the invention itself.

354
00:21:42,754 --> 00:21:43,273
Yeah.

355
00:21:43,533 --> 00:21:47,214
I don't have enough brain cells to devise.

356
00:21:47,714 --> 00:21:48,873
I do neither of them.

357
00:21:49,754 --> 00:21:51,033
Every four years.

358
00:21:51,053 --> 00:21:51,894
Who's stupid now?

359
00:21:51,914 --> 00:21:54,474
When Thanksgiving lands on my birthday, I get 10% smarter.

360
00:21:55,113 --> 00:21:55,494
Oh.

361
00:21:56,513 --> 00:21:59,234
You're like a leap baby with intelligence?

362
00:21:59,234 --> 00:22:00,333
Oh, that's a good name for something.

363
00:22:00,573 --> 00:22:01,914
I'm going to make an invention just for that.

364
00:22:02,093 --> 00:22:02,994
I knew it.

365
00:22:03,174 --> 00:22:05,254
I knew you started with a name and worked backwards.

366
00:22:05,813 --> 00:22:06,113
Yeah.

367
00:22:09,313 --> 00:22:11,833
So, you hate it.

368
00:22:11,833 --> 00:22:17,754
I think you're going to have a hard time getting people on board with installing these in coffins.

369
00:22:18,474 --> 00:22:23,394
I think they'll probably accidentally be triggered a lot and then poor grant.

370
00:22:23,394 --> 00:22:23,714
So what?

371
00:22:25,174 --> 00:22:26,154
You're done.

372
00:22:27,234 --> 00:22:31,793
People don't like the idea of their dead loved ones being defiled.

373
00:22:33,033 --> 00:22:39,813
Yeah, why not just make it a practice for coffins to lay out on open ground for three days?

374
00:22:39,813 --> 00:22:42,513
And then if the person does get out, then they'll be burned by the sun.

375
00:22:43,714 --> 00:22:44,234
And then.

376
00:22:44,414 --> 00:22:45,133
What if they got out at night?

377
00:22:45,474 --> 00:22:47,674
Well, you just have someone there.

378
00:22:48,073 --> 00:22:48,434
Yeah.

379
00:22:49,154 --> 00:22:49,914
Don't you like.

380
00:22:50,053 --> 00:22:50,434
You know what?

381
00:22:50,474 --> 00:22:51,754
I know why you guys don't like this.

382
00:22:51,994 --> 00:22:52,633
I just remembered.

383
00:22:52,873 --> 00:22:54,273
I forgot to say you're going to love this.

384
00:22:55,894 --> 00:22:56,293
Oh.

385
00:22:57,533 --> 00:22:57,773
Yeah.

386
00:22:58,353 --> 00:22:59,813
If I could save it real quick.

387
00:23:00,214 --> 00:23:01,873
The hinge is proprietary.

388
00:23:02,474 --> 00:23:03,093
Oh, oh.

389
00:23:03,293 --> 00:23:04,273
Well, you didn't tell me that.

390
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:04,994
Yeah.

391
00:23:04,994 --> 00:23:11,194
I mean, isn't there a little bit of whimsy in a hinge going off six feet underground and stabbing someone?

392
00:23:11,833 --> 00:23:15,434
What if you were, well, okay, here's something that I think would help this invention.

393
00:23:16,873 --> 00:23:22,813
Make sure that it's like loud enough so that like if you're just walking through a graveyard and then suddenly you hear like a thunk.

394
00:23:23,873 --> 00:23:25,573
Oh, we got one.

395
00:23:25,613 --> 00:23:27,113
And then you like look to see who it is.

396
00:23:27,133 --> 00:23:30,873
And then it's like, then it'll actually normalize people like walking around graveyards.

397
00:23:32,013 --> 00:23:32,813
Yeah, true.

398
00:23:32,813 --> 00:23:34,793
Or maybe like it connected to Wi-Fi.

399
00:23:34,954 --> 00:23:37,394
So if it goes off in a graveyard, it could be like sugar.

400
00:23:38,573 --> 00:23:38,974
Yes.

401
00:23:40,914 --> 00:23:42,533
Puss in boots.

402
00:23:45,513 --> 00:23:45,914
Yeah.

403
00:23:46,154 --> 00:23:47,434
I mean, I get it.

404
00:23:47,454 --> 00:23:48,373
It was kind of out there.

405
00:23:50,394 --> 00:23:52,093
I was just nervous to talk about the toilet.

406
00:23:54,974 --> 00:23:58,613
Well, I think your instincts were good on that one.

407
00:23:58,613 --> 00:24:12,853
all right so vampire draculator draculator is good listener listeners put it

408
00:24:12,853 --> 00:24:19,894
in your will make it a stipulation in your will that you want a coffin stake

409
00:24:19,894 --> 00:24:27,293
and and spell it right or we'll be delivering sizzling rib eyes

410
00:24:27,293 --> 00:24:37,194
yes yes homophones are tricky people we're gonna be delivering rib eyes that are going like

411
00:24:37,194 --> 00:24:42,914
oh my god coughing steaks coffin steaks but you know what i just realized that's

412
00:24:42,914 --> 00:24:50,813
you you made me think of a good point in some cuts of meat there is a steak-shaped bone

413
00:24:50,813 --> 00:25:00,613
oh like a t-bone yeah so you could use that so here's what we'll do a steak steak

414
00:25:00,613 --> 00:25:06,974
steak steak here's what we'll do i just thought of this okay we'll put a deliciously cooked t-bone

415
00:25:06,974 --> 00:25:16,694
on the hinge if they wake up they've got a steak to eat if they survive being impaled

416
00:25:16,694 --> 00:25:24,654
by the bone it's like a little treat hey you lived yes yeah and we keep farmers in business

417
00:25:24,654 --> 00:25:28,954
okay but if they're vampires wouldn't they want it not to be cooked

418
00:25:28,954 --> 00:25:33,993
well this is for if it's not a vampire oh grandma wakes up oh

419
00:25:33,993 --> 00:25:38,194
oh my heart hurts

420
00:25:38,194 --> 00:25:46,613
but my stomach doesn't yeah and then we could put a loaded gun next to her so when she's finished

421
00:25:46,613 --> 00:25:48,573
with her last meal, she can kill herself.

422
00:25:56,154 --> 00:25:57,093
Dizzy again.

423
00:25:59,493 --> 00:26:00,353
Dizzy again.

424
00:26:00,573 --> 00:26:01,394
I think I saved it.

425
00:26:02,234 --> 00:26:05,253
Yeah, that was the tweak that was needed

426
00:26:05,253 --> 00:26:08,753
to make this a winner.

427
00:26:08,993 --> 00:26:09,214
Yeah.

428
00:26:09,214 --> 00:26:09,873
All right.

429
00:26:10,914 --> 00:26:11,353
Cool.

430
00:26:11,573 --> 00:26:14,313
Well, I mean, coffin makers, get ready.

431
00:26:14,313 --> 00:26:19,434
your whole inventory is about to change and you can charge whatever you want for this

432
00:26:19,434 --> 00:26:28,793
people will pay people are desperate yes to know that they're not going to be a vampire or

433
00:26:28,793 --> 00:26:33,573
not going to have vampires be around well there's a quick there's an easy trick to get people to

434
00:26:33,573 --> 00:26:39,533
buy anything what do you mean we just say uh we'll mark up you're gonna love this we'll mark

435
00:26:39,533 --> 00:26:43,194
up the cop so it's like mark up the coffin like oh the coffin's 7 000 although really it's

436
00:26:43,194 --> 00:26:44,394
It's $5,500.

437
00:26:45,053 --> 00:26:47,894
Or I can give you a discount if you want the steak steak.

438
00:26:49,654 --> 00:26:53,753
And it's a different marked up price that's lower than $7,000.

439
00:26:55,914 --> 00:26:58,533
But we'll give you this additional feature and it's cheaper.

440
00:26:58,873 --> 00:27:00,654
Doesn't that make it sound like something you wouldn't want?

441
00:27:01,013 --> 00:27:02,474
You got to pay more to not have it.

442
00:27:02,753 --> 00:27:04,373
It's a manufacturer's rebate thing.

443
00:27:04,373 --> 00:27:07,853
I'm just offering it to you because it's required by law.

444
00:27:07,853 --> 00:27:13,934
yeah you basically came up with hulu with ads for the steak steak

445
00:27:13,934 --> 00:27:21,434
i should apply to work with them i'm i'm pretty sure they'll be on the phone as soon as they hear

446
00:27:21,434 --> 00:27:25,873
this episode well they probably want to get into the the vampire eradication business

447
00:27:25,873 --> 00:27:37,674
yeah aren't there enough of them in hollywood oh oh you uh okay the vampire or the dracula

448
00:27:37,674 --> 00:27:43,873
later i like steak steak too steak steak wait oh yeah okay i was gonna say which one comes first

449
00:27:43,873 --> 00:27:52,773
but the meat one comes first yeah the steak steak uh well go to veryfinefriends.com

450
00:27:52,773 --> 00:28:00,333
we will have a legal form up there that if you sign it and then it's legally binding and you're

451
00:28:00,333 --> 00:28:05,533
whoever is the executor of your estate when you die will have to put a steak steak

452
00:28:05,533 --> 00:28:08,273
in your coffin. And if you demand not to be

453
00:28:08,273 --> 00:28:09,894
buried in a coffin after this comes out

454
00:28:09,894 --> 00:28:12,313
we will know there's probably a very

455
00:28:12,313 --> 00:28:13,853
good reason why you're doing that. Yeah.

456
00:28:15,293 --> 00:28:15,734
Well

457
00:28:15,734 --> 00:28:18,013
what about the people who get cremated?

458
00:28:18,253 --> 00:28:19,273
They get left out.

459
00:28:20,234 --> 00:28:22,113
There's a hinge in the crematorium

460
00:28:22,113 --> 00:28:22,694
oven.

461
00:28:24,773 --> 00:28:26,234
Right before it turns on.

462
00:28:26,493 --> 00:28:28,194
If you burned a vampire would it not

463
00:28:28,194 --> 00:28:29,773
die if you cremated a vampire?

464
00:28:30,013 --> 00:28:30,773
No they won't die.

465
00:28:32,194 --> 00:28:34,253
The ashes will assemble.

466
00:28:35,533 --> 00:28:36,013
Wow.

467
00:28:36,553 --> 00:28:38,394
Do they say ashes assemble?

468
00:28:40,593 --> 00:28:42,073
Yeah, that's just.

469
00:28:42,194 --> 00:28:44,273
That's some proprietary technology right there.

470
00:28:45,033 --> 00:28:47,414
Yeah, I wish I could take credit for it.

471
00:28:47,474 --> 00:28:49,493
I don't know how it works.

472
00:28:49,613 --> 00:28:52,753
Whoever has the patent on that is raking in the money.

473
00:28:53,093 --> 00:28:53,234
Yeah.

474
00:28:53,313 --> 00:28:56,194
So it's like in Terminator 2 when the.

475
00:28:57,414 --> 00:29:01,853
The was it the T-1000, whichever the one Robert Patrick's character is.

476
00:29:01,853 --> 00:29:02,934
That's like the liquid metal.

477
00:29:03,053 --> 00:29:03,454
Yeah, yeah.

478
00:29:03,454 --> 00:29:06,914
And when it breaks apart and then it like comes together and it becomes liquid again.

479
00:29:07,013 --> 00:29:07,234
Yeah.

480
00:29:07,414 --> 00:29:07,654
Yeah.

481
00:29:08,633 --> 00:29:10,033
It's that's what their ashes are like.

482
00:29:10,533 --> 00:29:11,593
Um, yeah.

483
00:29:12,214 --> 00:29:14,013
Oh, well, it's obvious to me now.

484
00:29:14,073 --> 00:29:14,853
I am convinced.

485
00:29:16,033 --> 00:29:16,474
Okay.

486
00:29:17,293 --> 00:29:22,214
Uh, well, yeah, like, like I said, we'll have a form up on our website that is legally binding

487
00:29:22,214 --> 00:29:23,474
because Francis is a lawyer.

488
00:29:23,914 --> 00:29:29,113
So all you have to do is sign this and then you will some, they will have to put the steak

489
00:29:29,113 --> 00:29:31,773
steak, the Draculator in your coffin.

490
00:29:31,773 --> 00:29:34,934
so yeah go to veryfinefriends.com

491
00:29:34,934 --> 00:29:36,593
and um

492
00:29:36,593 --> 00:29:39,194
yeah maybe when the hinge goes off

493
00:29:39,194 --> 00:29:41,353
it could say happy thanksgiving

494
00:29:41,353 --> 00:29:43,174
it says

495
00:29:43,174 --> 00:29:44,273
happy francis's birthday

496
00:29:44,273 --> 00:29:46,894
yeah happy francis's birthday

497
00:29:46,894 --> 00:29:48,194
yep

498
00:29:48,194 --> 00:29:52,033
who's francis

499
00:29:52,033 --> 00:29:54,993
all right

500
00:29:54,993 --> 00:29:56,013
who's francis

501
00:29:56,013 --> 00:29:58,353
yeah who's francis

502
00:29:58,353 --> 00:29:59,454
gun

503
00:29:59,454 --> 00:30:10,033
oh well i think that that does it that wraps up the invention of the week

504
00:30:10,033 --> 00:30:21,654
listeners i know that you're probably all gathered round listening to this with your family

505
00:30:21,654 --> 00:30:25,174
because it's Thanksgiving and all.

506
00:30:26,073 --> 00:30:31,353
But it's time to step away from the cranberry sauce.

507
00:30:32,753 --> 00:30:33,853
Unbutton your pants.

508
00:30:33,853 --> 00:30:40,313
Just step away from the stuffing and the green beans

509
00:30:40,313 --> 00:30:42,073
and the carcass of your turkey.

510
00:30:43,194 --> 00:30:55,187
Or your genetically modified humongous chicken Yep Get ready for our next segment Turkey Day colon family food

511
00:30:58,007 --> 00:30:59,607
Hey there, Sizzler.

512
00:31:00,007 --> 00:31:02,307
What's your favorite Thanksgiving food?

513
00:31:02,307 --> 00:31:07,187
In this segment,

514
00:31:08,047 --> 00:31:10,327
Francis and I will be simulating

515
00:31:10,327 --> 00:31:13,987
what it's like

516
00:31:13,987 --> 00:31:16,367
when you're getting together with that family

517
00:31:16,367 --> 00:31:17,507
you haven't seen in a while

518
00:31:17,507 --> 00:31:20,167
and you argue about things.

519
00:31:20,687 --> 00:31:22,207
You argue about the little things.

520
00:31:23,307 --> 00:31:24,727
We're not going to argue about politics,

521
00:31:24,727 --> 00:31:26,327
but we'll find things to argue about.

522
00:31:27,787 --> 00:31:28,307
Yeah.

523
00:31:28,307 --> 00:31:38,247
we will be assuming the roles of family members at thanksgiving that haven't seen each other all

524
00:31:38,247 --> 00:31:48,947
year or longer yeah or longer fade in the buffet table at jenna and francis's family thanksgiving

525
00:31:48,947 --> 00:31:56,767
jenna coyly begins to scoop some potato salad francis is also going for the potato salad their

526
00:31:56,767 --> 00:32:01,547
hands meet they recognize each other they're cousins who haven't seen each other in a very

527
00:32:01,547 --> 00:32:13,767
long time jenna oh hey frank right no oh sorry sorry sorry yeah it was i was thinking uncle frank

528
00:32:13,767 --> 00:32:21,187
why well because it's your dad and i call him frank anyway what hey how's it going potato salad

529
00:32:21,187 --> 00:32:26,587
at thanksgiving kind of a weird choice huh yeah yeah yeah i would have thought mashed potatoes but

530
00:32:26,587 --> 00:32:35,027
when did you get out of prison uh i didn't know we would be bringing that up

531
00:32:35,027 --> 00:32:42,167
four four days ago i'm sorry you're not you're not sensitive about it right no no no no you know

532
00:32:42,167 --> 00:32:51,107
what i did my time i paid my debt to society it's fine okay yeah no you're fully redeemed in my eyes

533
00:32:51,107 --> 00:32:54,027
i was just surprised to see you because of the violent nature of the crime you committed

534
00:32:54,027 --> 00:33:01,627
well guess who didn't think it would be a surprise for me to be here the parole board

535
00:33:01,627 --> 00:33:09,367
yeah our system is pretty over overstuffed so good to see you oh you look great great new tattoos

536
00:33:09,367 --> 00:33:17,347
thank you thanks yeah we got a lot of time in the yard so i got a lot of exercise yeah yeah and it's

537
00:33:17,347 --> 00:33:20,127
it's hard to be

538
00:33:20,127 --> 00:33:22,687
it's hard to be vegan in prison

539
00:33:22,687 --> 00:33:23,907
let's just say that but

540
00:33:23,907 --> 00:33:27,167
I tried to find a way

541
00:33:27,167 --> 00:33:30,427
and anyway

542
00:33:30,427 --> 00:33:32,387
and here you are having potato salad

543
00:33:32,387 --> 00:33:33,587
well yeah

544
00:33:33,587 --> 00:33:35,367
so you're back on mayonnaise huh

545
00:33:35,367 --> 00:33:38,087
you make sacrifices

546
00:33:38,087 --> 00:33:38,927
yeah

547
00:33:38,927 --> 00:33:42,387
well like I said good to see you

548
00:33:42,387 --> 00:33:43,647
I'm happy you're here

549
00:33:43,647 --> 00:33:47,227
if I

550
00:33:47,227 --> 00:33:57,467
see um any opportunities for you i'll let you know oh uh opportunities for what um for work

551
00:33:57,467 --> 00:34:04,987
oh yeah well my parole officer is kind of breathing down my neck already it's been four days

552
00:34:04,987 --> 00:34:10,827
sandra leave me alone is that the is that the person that's yeah that's she's here she's

553
00:34:10,827 --> 00:34:15,967
she's literally breathing down my neck flight risk huh i'm just kidding i'm kidding yeah yeah

554
00:34:15,967 --> 00:34:17,327
You're a good person, Jenna.

555
00:34:17,907 --> 00:34:18,387
Thanks.

556
00:34:18,907 --> 00:34:21,147
Thank you, Francis.

557
00:34:21,587 --> 00:34:21,967
That's it.

558
00:34:22,147 --> 00:34:22,487
Francis.

559
00:34:22,867 --> 00:34:23,707
See? I knew you could change.

560
00:34:24,787 --> 00:34:29,147
So, how's it going with you?

561
00:34:29,847 --> 00:34:38,467
Do you still have the world's largest cabbage patch collection?

562
00:34:42,487 --> 00:34:43,807
I can't believe you.

563
00:34:43,807 --> 00:34:53,407
i know you couldn't have known this but there was a fire they all they all burned up oh god i i

564
00:34:53,407 --> 00:34:58,867
don't have anything anymore there were so many of them that must have just been like one giant

565
00:34:58,867 --> 00:35:09,847
plastic ball so many cabbage you had like over a thousand cabbage patch kids i was in guinness

566
00:35:09,847 --> 00:35:10,047
Yeah.

567
00:35:10,307 --> 00:35:10,527
Yeah.

568
00:35:10,987 --> 00:35:11,387
Listen,

569
00:35:11,507 --> 00:35:13,027
it's not supposed to be happy.

570
00:35:13,307 --> 00:35:18,007
I've started a new doll collection and it's not cabbage patches.

571
00:35:18,227 --> 00:35:18,427
Oh,

572
00:35:18,687 --> 00:35:19,127
I thought,

573
00:35:19,867 --> 00:35:20,727
Oh,

574
00:35:20,787 --> 00:35:21,247
I'm sorry.

575
00:35:21,287 --> 00:35:21,807
I thought you,

576
00:35:22,187 --> 00:35:26,327
I thought you went to therapy for this doll thing of yours.

577
00:35:27,687 --> 00:35:28,127
Um,

578
00:35:28,167 --> 00:35:28,447
yeah.

579
00:35:28,607 --> 00:35:29,027
I mean,

580
00:35:29,167 --> 00:35:29,547
the whole,

581
00:35:29,667 --> 00:35:30,847
we had a whole family.

582
00:35:31,667 --> 00:35:32,167
I actually,

583
00:35:32,247 --> 00:35:36,047
I called in from prison for the family conference call about this.

584
00:35:37,667 --> 00:35:37,827
Hey,

585
00:35:37,847 --> 00:35:38,307
I thought it was,

586
00:35:38,407 --> 00:35:39,087
that was nice of you.

587
00:35:39,087 --> 00:35:41,887
I'm surprised you used your one phone call.

588
00:35:42,887 --> 00:35:45,227
Well, I mean, it's family after all.

589
00:35:45,227 --> 00:35:45,927
Yeah, they let you.

590
00:35:46,287 --> 00:35:48,167
I'm doing better now, you know?

591
00:35:48,867 --> 00:35:50,707
But you're starting another doll collection?

592
00:35:51,127 --> 00:35:53,727
Yeah, I went with American doll.

593
00:35:54,807 --> 00:35:55,707
American girl dolls?

594
00:35:55,847 --> 00:35:56,167
That's it.

595
00:35:56,887 --> 00:35:58,007
Wow, you really upgraded.

596
00:35:58,807 --> 00:35:59,707
You really upgraded.

597
00:35:59,867 --> 00:36:01,707
That's a much more expensive collection.

598
00:36:02,187 --> 00:36:06,107
Well, the insurance money from the Cabbage Patch situation really worked out in my favor.

599
00:36:07,347 --> 00:36:07,747
Yeah.

600
00:36:07,747 --> 00:36:09,727
about that

601
00:36:09,727 --> 00:36:13,927
did they ever clear

602
00:36:13,927 --> 00:36:15,767
this of being arson

603
00:36:15,767 --> 00:36:17,927
you want some of this pie

604
00:36:17,927 --> 00:36:20,007
no no I'm good

605
00:36:20,007 --> 00:36:21,107
I don't need any roach pie

606
00:36:21,107 --> 00:36:22,747
it's Kahlua roach

607
00:36:22,747 --> 00:36:25,307
okay more for me

608
00:36:25,307 --> 00:36:27,627
I'm gonna go say hi to grandpa real quick

609
00:36:27,627 --> 00:36:28,827
wait wait wait hang on

610
00:36:28,827 --> 00:36:31,787
so how much was

611
00:36:31,787 --> 00:36:32,767
the insurance money

612
00:36:32,767 --> 00:36:37,407
wait sorry say that again

613
00:36:37,407 --> 00:36:39,467
Sorry, I had a nice big fat potato in my mouth.

614
00:36:39,467 --> 00:36:41,467
I said, um...

615
00:36:41,467 --> 00:36:43,967
Is that it?

616
00:36:44,967 --> 00:36:45,527
Two.

617
00:36:45,767 --> 00:36:46,067
Two.

618
00:36:48,107 --> 00:36:49,387
Two million doll hairs.

619
00:36:50,987 --> 00:36:51,827
Very funny.

620
00:36:52,127 --> 00:36:53,327
It was two million dollars.

621
00:36:55,007 --> 00:37:00,427
What kind of an insurance company let you have a policy on dolls that big?

622
00:37:00,747 --> 00:37:04,427
Well, it turns out most of them don't burn to a crisp in a fire,

623
00:37:04,587 --> 00:37:06,087
so the rates were really low.

624
00:37:06,087 --> 00:37:14,187
um i hope you're not looking at me weird just because i'm rich now are you rich sounds like

625
00:37:14,187 --> 00:37:21,267
you immediately went out and bought more dolls i did i did i i spent 1.875 million dollars on

626
00:37:21,267 --> 00:37:27,207
american girl dolls and 1.25

627
00:37:27,207 --> 00:37:33,867
million dollars on american girl doll clothes

628
00:37:33,867 --> 00:37:47,647
huh my therapist says that many men do that really your therapist said many men buy two

629
00:37:47,647 --> 00:37:53,047
million dollars worth of american girl doll clothes dolls and accessories well my therapist

630
00:37:53,047 --> 00:38:00,087
is from artha's vineyard and it's normal is your therapist the one that's standing right there

631
00:38:00,087 --> 00:38:05,407
behind you that that man i don't recognize yeah he just wants to make sure i um i don't

632
00:38:05,407 --> 00:38:11,667
piss in the potato salad can i talk to your therapist um well i'm gonna go to the bathroom

633
00:38:11,667 --> 00:38:13,907
i can't really stop you from that i appreciate if you didn't though

634
00:38:13,907 --> 00:38:26,527
oh doc doc what the hell why are you enabling him like this some cases can't be cured

635
00:38:26,527 --> 00:38:28,427
and only managed.

636
00:38:29,427 --> 00:38:31,287
I really can't say much more,

637
00:38:31,347 --> 00:38:33,067
but I can talk in code due to

638
00:38:33,067 --> 00:38:35,247
patient-doctor confidentiality

639
00:38:35,247 --> 00:38:36,487
and HIPAA law.

640
00:38:37,447 --> 00:38:37,847
Okay.

641
00:38:39,307 --> 00:38:40,707
Let me ask you a question.

642
00:38:42,707 --> 00:38:44,087
Is he insane?

643
00:38:44,367 --> 00:38:45,847
Yes, he's batshit.

644
00:38:46,627 --> 00:38:47,447
Ooh, good code.

645
00:38:47,447 --> 00:38:48,467
Clinically batshit.

646
00:38:49,027 --> 00:38:53,007
He's a monstrous demon

647
00:38:53,007 --> 00:38:55,387
who should be put down.

648
00:38:56,527 --> 00:38:58,007
Via shotgun.

649
00:39:01,607 --> 00:39:02,367
What?

650
00:39:02,787 --> 00:39:03,687
Why are you?

651
00:39:04,607 --> 00:39:06,707
So what are you doing to manage?

652
00:39:06,867 --> 00:39:10,007
The state is paying me to follow his every move.

653
00:39:10,007 --> 00:39:13,907
Where they say a burned cabbage patch doll exists,

654
00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:19,227
an American girl doll fire is imminent.

655
00:39:19,727 --> 00:39:21,487
Well known in DSM-5.

656
00:39:22,807 --> 00:39:24,207
He scares me.

657
00:39:24,207 --> 00:39:29,467
So you're following him around to ensure that there isn't another gigantic fire.

658
00:39:29,687 --> 00:39:30,007
Yes.

659
00:39:30,227 --> 00:39:31,627
I'm like the guy in Halloween.

660
00:39:32,947 --> 00:39:34,767
Oh, the creepy doctor?

661
00:39:35,827 --> 00:39:36,427
Yes.

662
00:39:36,567 --> 00:39:36,907
Oh.

663
00:39:37,147 --> 00:39:37,607
But different.

664
00:39:38,187 --> 00:39:38,607
Not creepy.

665
00:39:38,927 --> 00:39:39,867
Approachable and cool.

666
00:39:40,987 --> 00:39:44,507
Well, you are surprisingly easy to talk to.

667
00:39:45,427 --> 00:39:46,927
I shouldn't be telling you this.

668
00:39:47,607 --> 00:39:50,947
At our last session, he brought deli meats and put them on his face like a mask.

669
00:39:51,807 --> 00:39:52,827
It was horrifying.

670
00:39:52,827 --> 00:39:54,707
and he offered me the meat

671
00:39:54,707 --> 00:39:57,807
and I said no and he got very upset

672
00:39:57,807 --> 00:39:59,707
he pulled an American girl doll out

673
00:39:59,707 --> 00:40:01,867
and ripped the arm out of its socket

674
00:40:01,867 --> 00:40:03,607
and slapped the doll with its own arm

675
00:40:03,607 --> 00:40:04,787
it was horrifying

676
00:40:04,787 --> 00:40:06,687
freak show, scary

677
00:40:06,687 --> 00:40:09,107
he's the reason I have a plate glass in my office now

678
00:40:09,107 --> 00:40:11,607
you have a glass in between

679
00:40:11,607 --> 00:40:12,907
you and your patients?

680
00:40:13,267 --> 00:40:13,967
no, just him

681
00:40:13,967 --> 00:40:16,227
he leaves, I take it down

682
00:40:16,227 --> 00:40:18,807
your cousin is ill

683
00:40:18,807 --> 00:40:21,567
well then why isn't he locked up?

684
00:40:21,567 --> 00:40:31,307
or overcrowding how about even better what's with the shotgun solution maybe we revisit that

685
00:40:31,307 --> 00:40:40,047
yes i'd love to with the state won't let me therapuse him him and shoot him that is one or

686
00:40:40,047 --> 00:40:47,207
the others in my oath well why didn't you choose shooting didn't know it was batshit till i got to

687
00:40:47,207 --> 00:40:56,687
gnome and i oh you already committed to therapusing him yes uh yes um anyway please forget i've said

688
00:40:56,687 --> 00:41:08,327
anything uh i'm gonna stand back in the corner okay oh uh francis hey hey you're back oh what is

689
00:41:08,327 --> 00:41:16,167
that turkey on your face no yeah you want a treat no no no i i'm good i'm good thanks um

690
00:41:16,167 --> 00:41:23,827
hey i'm gonna run to the bathroom do me a favor don't talk to my parole officer

691
00:41:23,827 --> 00:41:27,567
sandra oh why would i okay

692
00:41:27,567 --> 00:41:34,847
hi i'm francis oh i am sandra

693
00:41:34,847 --> 00:41:43,347
sandra um i'm a parole officer yeah i hope you don't mind me asking why is she out she's clearly

694
00:41:43,347 --> 00:41:44,767
a sick, sick criminal.

695
00:41:45,667 --> 00:41:46,187
Well,

696
00:41:46,367 --> 00:41:49,127
I don't want to violate

697
00:41:49,127 --> 00:41:50,607
parole officer

698
00:41:50,607 --> 00:41:53,027
parole-y confidentiality.

699
00:41:54,247 --> 00:41:55,027
Pinky promise?

700
00:41:55,587 --> 00:41:56,247
I won't say anything.

701
00:41:56,727 --> 00:41:57,927
I'll speak in code.

702
00:41:58,007 --> 00:41:58,667
Oh, better.

703
00:41:58,987 --> 00:41:59,167
Better.

704
00:42:01,027 --> 00:42:02,247
She's insane.

705
00:42:04,947 --> 00:42:05,547
She

706
00:42:05,547 --> 00:42:08,207
found out

707
00:42:08,207 --> 00:42:10,747
the names and addresses

708
00:42:10,747 --> 00:42:12,587
of everyone on the parole board.

709
00:42:12,587 --> 00:42:16,707
how many kids they had, how many pets they had.

710
00:42:17,447 --> 00:42:20,847
She knows where the pets and the kids both go to school.

711
00:42:26,267 --> 00:42:27,307
She's threatened.

712
00:42:27,647 --> 00:42:29,947
She's threatened all the whole parole board.

713
00:42:30,007 --> 00:42:31,487
Oh, my meaty God.

714
00:42:31,487 --> 00:42:40,027
Did you ever hear the story of Douglas McJeffries,

715
00:42:40,027 --> 00:42:47,507
That gentleman who's the one who had his son and his cat kidnapped.

716
00:42:48,287 --> 00:42:51,747
Yeah, everyone knows about that guy.

717
00:42:53,207 --> 00:42:56,247
And then Douglas McJeffries died.

718
00:42:57,907 --> 00:42:58,627
Yeah.

719
00:42:59,107 --> 00:43:01,047
He used to be on the parole board.

720
00:43:01,647 --> 00:43:04,807
He couldn't be bought, he said.

721
00:43:05,067 --> 00:43:07,167
He wouldn't be blackmailed.

722
00:43:07,667 --> 00:43:08,307
Mortadella.

723
00:43:10,027 --> 00:43:12,887
By the way, you have glowing skin.

724
00:43:13,267 --> 00:43:13,867
It's natural.

725
00:43:15,227 --> 00:43:17,427
What's your skin routine?

726
00:43:17,827 --> 00:43:18,047
Meet.

727
00:43:18,227 --> 00:43:20,087
So you're saying...

728
00:43:20,087 --> 00:43:24,807
I don't understand what this could possibly be code for.

729
00:43:25,907 --> 00:43:26,647
Oh, sorry.

730
00:43:27,947 --> 00:43:28,727
It's not.

731
00:43:28,807 --> 00:43:30,227
I was just being forthright.

732
00:43:33,227 --> 00:43:35,127
Oh, she did all that stuff?

733
00:43:35,287 --> 00:43:36,927
I broke my oath.

734
00:43:37,807 --> 00:43:39,147
My P.O. oath.

735
00:43:40,027 --> 00:43:42,847
Wow, we need to get her back in prison.

736
00:43:43,107 --> 00:43:48,187
I don't feel comfortable sleeping in my meat mask knowing she's out there stalking the streets.

737
00:43:48,827 --> 00:43:51,207
You and me both, why do you think I'm here?

738
00:43:52,347 --> 00:43:53,727
I don't trust her.

739
00:43:53,727 --> 00:43:54,427
I'll help you.

740
00:43:54,507 --> 00:43:54,967
I'll do anything.

741
00:43:55,107 --> 00:43:55,767
We can frame her.

742
00:43:55,847 --> 00:43:56,467
We can set her up.

743
00:43:57,247 --> 00:43:58,747
I could put a shank in the potato.

744
00:44:00,107 --> 00:44:00,427
No.

745
00:44:00,987 --> 00:44:06,907
She's got a proprietary anti-chic mouth.

746
00:44:07,187 --> 00:44:07,907
She's a monster.

747
00:44:07,907 --> 00:44:14,307
she she got it in prison oh god people kept trying to shank her mouth oh my meat

748
00:44:14,307 --> 00:44:22,767
what do you suggest sandra well first i'm gonna go round two on this stuff and

749
00:44:22,767 --> 00:44:30,267
it's really good isn't it so good it's our mom oh i like how you say our mom

750
00:44:30,267 --> 00:44:36,307
like she's a shared mother with anybody else and not like the stuffing's made of her yes yeah

751
00:44:36,307 --> 00:44:37,127
Wait, what?

752
00:44:39,427 --> 00:44:40,707
It's a family recipe.

753
00:44:42,547 --> 00:44:45,967
Does the family part mean it includes your family?

754
00:44:46,247 --> 00:44:47,107
That's why it's so good.

755
00:44:47,927 --> 00:44:49,027
I don't even care.

756
00:44:49,127 --> 00:44:49,867
I just love it.

757
00:44:49,987 --> 00:44:50,187
Yeah.

758
00:44:50,427 --> 00:44:51,787
So have your Stefan.

759
00:44:52,267 --> 00:44:52,667
Yeah.

760
00:44:52,827 --> 00:44:56,447
We'll figure out how to get her back in the yard.

761
00:44:57,187 --> 00:44:57,707
Oh, shoot.

762
00:44:57,947 --> 00:44:58,867
She's coming back.

763
00:45:01,427 --> 00:45:01,867
Hey.

764
00:45:02,447 --> 00:45:03,627
Hey, Jenna.

765
00:45:04,587 --> 00:45:07,327
Uh, you weren't talking to Sandra, were you?

766
00:45:08,187 --> 00:45:09,427
Who's that?

767
00:45:09,807 --> 00:45:14,447
My parole officer, the woman who's elbow deep in the stuffing right now.

768
00:45:14,607 --> 00:45:16,207
Oh, no, I didn't even notice.

769
00:45:16,207 --> 00:45:23,307
I was trying to peer through a thin veil of meat to see if I could make out family members still.

770
00:45:23,927 --> 00:45:32,307
So, I totally forgot to ask, how's Wankles doing?

771
00:45:33,627 --> 00:45:34,707
Your dog.

772
00:45:37,247 --> 00:45:38,487
Your dog winkles.

773
00:45:38,727 --> 00:45:38,987
Winkles.

774
00:45:39,487 --> 00:45:42,827
You know, the one that you take for a walk every morning at 8.13 a.m.

775
00:45:44,107 --> 00:45:47,287
And sometimes you bring him to the dog park and you let him off the leash.

776
00:45:48,067 --> 00:45:51,167
And he's a good boy, so he always comes back to you.

777
00:45:51,827 --> 00:45:54,087
And hopefully he always will.

778
00:45:54,907 --> 00:45:55,767
He's fine, Jenna.

779
00:45:56,447 --> 00:46:02,027
How's Samuel McClevitz and his husband, Jeremy?

780
00:46:02,027 --> 00:46:03,547
Jeffrey's

781
00:46:03,547 --> 00:46:05,267
McDougal?

782
00:46:08,107 --> 00:46:16,780
Yes How did you know that that the nickname for Douglas McJeffries

783
00:46:18,720 --> 00:46:25,180
Jeremy Jeffries McDougal is what his husband called him affectionately.

784
00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:25,940
How did you know that?

785
00:46:26,121 --> 00:46:27,140
How did you know that?

786
00:46:28,841 --> 00:46:32,680
Well, I make it my business to know things.

787
00:46:33,561 --> 00:46:35,720
I don't think you're ready to be out in the world.

788
00:46:36,501 --> 00:46:38,521
I don't think you're ready to have dolls.

789
00:46:38,720 --> 00:46:39,061
What?

790
00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:41,660
Take that meat off your face.

791
00:46:41,780 --> 00:46:42,501
No, stop.

792
00:46:42,981 --> 00:46:43,361
Stop.

793
00:46:43,981 --> 00:46:46,041
No, you put Molly down.

794
00:46:46,121 --> 00:46:47,660
No, I'm putting meat on her face now.

795
00:46:47,740 --> 00:46:49,160
No, don't you dare.

796
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:50,341
She went through so much.

797
00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:51,300
It's just a little piece.

798
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:52,121
It's Capical.

799
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:57,501
No, that's going to remind her of the war that she lived through.

800
00:46:59,541 --> 00:47:00,021
Look.

801
00:47:00,740 --> 00:47:01,621
Look at you.

802
00:47:02,220 --> 00:47:02,581
What?

803
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:04,361
Teardrop tattoo.

804
00:47:04,981 --> 00:47:05,740
Shank scar.

805
00:47:06,501 --> 00:47:08,300
yeah but not in my mouth

806
00:47:08,300 --> 00:47:11,001
I have proprietary anti-shake technology

807
00:47:11,001 --> 00:47:11,601
in my mouth

808
00:47:11,601 --> 00:47:13,601
I don't even know what that means

809
00:47:13,601 --> 00:47:14,260
who are you?

810
00:47:14,300 --> 00:47:15,140
we used to play together

811
00:47:15,140 --> 00:47:16,220
you used to be my doll

812
00:47:16,220 --> 00:47:20,361
and I used to

813
00:47:20,361 --> 00:47:22,420
put you on my face like meat

814
00:47:22,420 --> 00:47:28,361
alright well I think that's

815
00:47:28,361 --> 00:47:29,581
a pretty good representation

816
00:47:29,581 --> 00:47:31,521
of what a normal Thanksgiving looks like

817
00:47:31,521 --> 00:47:32,220
see you next year

818
00:47:32,220 --> 00:47:34,081
happy birthday

819
00:47:34,081 --> 00:47:34,561
yeah

820
00:47:34,561 --> 00:47:36,481
we did it

821
00:47:36,481 --> 00:47:40,341
That has been Turkey Day.

822
00:47:40,541 --> 00:47:44,521
A beautiful look inside the American justice system.

823
00:47:45,521 --> 00:47:50,880
On Turkey Day, colon, family food.

824
00:47:51,780 --> 00:47:54,561
Yeah, that was some tough turkey.

825
00:47:56,220 --> 00:47:59,601
It's time for one last segment.

826
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:02,561
The big question.

827
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:03,660
Big question.

828
00:48:03,660 --> 00:48:04,061
Whoa!

829
00:48:04,061 --> 00:48:07,581
I'm in the shadow of a big question.

830
00:48:08,420 --> 00:48:11,101
The question is very big.

831
00:48:12,660 --> 00:48:17,680
I was made to understand that Joe might have a big question for us.

832
00:48:18,240 --> 00:48:18,640
Ugh.

833
00:48:19,541 --> 00:48:20,220
It's huge.

834
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:21,561
Oh my god, huge.

835
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:22,041
Huge.

836
00:48:23,561 --> 00:48:29,541
So I feel like people have pretty strong opinions on holidays and which ones are their favorite and their least favorite.

837
00:48:30,541 --> 00:48:33,061
What's your guys' least favorite holiday?

838
00:48:33,061 --> 00:48:34,780
and why?

839
00:48:36,041 --> 00:48:38,180
And optional follow-up question,

840
00:48:39,001 --> 00:48:41,460
what new holiday would you make in its place?

841
00:48:41,940 --> 00:48:43,200
Ooh, I love that.

842
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,061
I love to invent, as you know.

843
00:48:46,081 --> 00:48:47,101
That's true, you do.

844
00:48:47,501 --> 00:48:49,800
Well, come up with the name of the holiday first.

845
00:48:50,240 --> 00:48:51,380
Flashback to car toilet.

846
00:48:53,300 --> 00:48:54,601
Great question, Joe.

847
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:56,841
Thank you, Francis.

848
00:48:57,920 --> 00:48:59,240
Hmm, let me think about this.

849
00:49:00,001 --> 00:49:01,861
Well, I know what my least favorite is.

850
00:49:03,061 --> 00:49:03,861
Can I guess?

851
00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:04,561
Yes.

852
00:49:05,521 --> 00:49:06,440
Is it a major one?

853
00:49:07,001 --> 00:49:07,341
Yes.

854
00:49:09,481 --> 00:49:10,280
New Year's?

855
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:11,900
No.

856
00:49:12,260 --> 00:49:12,541
Okay.

857
00:49:13,541 --> 00:49:14,380
Is it Halloween?

858
00:49:14,821 --> 00:49:15,160
No.

859
00:49:16,061 --> 00:49:18,101
Well, Joe knows what it is.

860
00:49:18,260 --> 00:49:19,180
No, I was going to say that.

861
00:49:19,581 --> 00:49:20,861
Okay, it used to be Halloween.

862
00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:28,940
But I've come to terms with Halloween because to me, Halloween now feels more like the gateway

863
00:49:28,940 --> 00:49:32,440
into the rest of the year, which is my favorite time of year.

864
00:49:33,061 --> 00:49:36,861
so i'm okay with it because it's like now it's like oh well if halloween is coming

865
00:49:36,861 --> 00:49:42,121
then that means we're gonna be in november and then thanksgiving and christmas and new year's

866
00:49:42,121 --> 00:49:50,861
i like all of them um i would also probably enjoy halloween too if i had like an actual house in a

867
00:49:50,861 --> 00:49:53,920
neighborhood and there were like kids trick-or-treating because like that part is cute but

868
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:59,061
if you're like an adult who lives in an apartment halloween is just like it's stupid stupid holiday

869
00:49:59,061 --> 00:50:07,041
i know people get so into halloween um i i don't get the fanfare over halloween i don't think

870
00:50:07,041 --> 00:50:13,821
gross things or monsters are like why am i driving around i know i'm going on a tangent on what's not

871
00:50:13,821 --> 00:50:19,880
my answer but what like why am i driving around seeing like like in my neighborhood there's like

872
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:26,700
a seven foot demon dog skeleton on somebody's yard it's like first of all you paid a lot of

873
00:50:26,700 --> 00:50:33,740
money for that yeah and where are you storing it i was 11 months out of the year because like the

874
00:50:33,740 --> 00:50:37,760
people with the the humongous like you know those giant ones from home depot the humongous like

875
00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:45,001
nine foot skeletons or whatever there's a ton of those where do those go not in october maybe

876
00:50:45,001 --> 00:50:50,660
they're infringing on my proprietary hinge technology oh they better not be we're gonna

877
00:50:50,660 --> 00:50:57,300
go house to house that's for killing people yep anyway no my least favorite holiday of the major

878
00:50:57,300 --> 00:51:08,360
holidays is easter oh what a good one to hate yeah uh i don't care for it because it is a

879
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:15,561
just a religious holiday it's boring to me i like ham and macaroni and cheese

880
00:51:15,561 --> 00:51:22,380
is that a that's like an easter meal at least it was in our family okay that's unique to oh really

881
00:51:22,380 --> 00:51:28,341
okay a nice honey big tam's delicious but i don't feel like i need jesus rising from the dead

882
00:51:28,341 --> 00:51:37,481
to appreciate that it's it comes when you when you're catholic it comes at the end of 40 days

883
00:51:37,481 --> 00:51:43,121
of giving stuff up because lent and then you have one day where you got to go to church and it's the

884
00:51:43,121 --> 00:51:48,541
worst church of all the year it's the worst church of the year it's like the longest one

885
00:51:48,541 --> 00:51:55,121
like even like christmas mass is is nice because the church is all decorated plus you get like

886
00:51:55,121 --> 00:51:59,981
the anticipation of like fun presents or whatever there's a nice secular side to christmas even

887
00:51:59,981 --> 00:52:06,220
though it is technically a religious holiday and also it's the gateway to summer so it's like i know

888
00:52:06,220 --> 00:52:13,101
easter's happening it's already probably you know where we live warm and now when you're just

889
00:52:13,101 --> 00:52:16,841
No, it's just getting it hotter, and I got another five, six months.

890
00:52:18,081 --> 00:52:19,920
And always on a Sunday.

891
00:52:20,740 --> 00:52:24,720
Sunday is the worst day for family celebrations, in my opinion.

892
00:52:25,141 --> 00:52:28,561
You're kind of unlocking a memory for me, because I don't know if you know this, but I was raised Catholic,

893
00:52:28,561 --> 00:52:31,821
and we used to go to mass for all the holidays.

894
00:52:33,300 --> 00:52:37,141
And ours used to have all these really cool Easter decorations in the church.

895
00:52:37,601 --> 00:52:38,981
I never saw them anywhere else.

896
00:52:39,041 --> 00:52:39,960
They were this big.

897
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:46,460
as the listeners that he's holding up his hands as if it's like the size of a tennis ball this

898
00:52:46,460 --> 00:52:51,841
isn't for them sorry never mind yeah but it was like a bowling ball it kind of reminded me of like

899
00:52:51,841 --> 00:52:57,900
the size of well i guess not the size of communion wafers so these would be shareable yeah but they

900
00:52:57,900 --> 00:53:03,021
were like little like big like the big size cheez-its they're for the seven foot tall demon

901
00:53:03,021 --> 00:53:07,601
dogs to eat yeah i don't know they were like but they were everywhere for easter did you guys have

902
00:53:07,601 --> 00:53:09,460
those? They almost had like a little coiled look

903
00:53:09,460 --> 00:53:09,841
to them.

904
00:53:12,260 --> 00:53:12,700
Yeah.

905
00:53:13,041 --> 00:53:15,240
Like the design on them. It was for Easter only.

906
00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:16,940
No. Well,

907
00:53:17,041 --> 00:53:19,581
were they like unfurled?

908
00:53:20,740 --> 00:53:21,160
No.

909
00:53:21,460 --> 00:53:22,621
They had a string.

910
00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:24,360
Were they flat? Yeah.

911
00:53:25,561 --> 00:53:27,200
No. We did not have them.

912
00:53:27,341 --> 00:53:28,900
But your church had them? Yeah.

913
00:53:29,581 --> 00:53:31,280
I went to preschool

914
00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:32,900
at Most Holy Trinity in the Valley.

915
00:53:33,561 --> 00:53:33,920
Hmm.

916
00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:36,280
Okay.

917
00:53:37,601 --> 00:53:40,880
But don't try to find me there because I'm not in preschool anymore.

918
00:53:41,780 --> 00:53:45,481
And thank goodness you're not still lurking around to preschool.

919
00:53:46,021 --> 00:53:48,041
I didn't say that.

920
00:53:48,141 --> 00:53:48,220
No.

921
00:53:48,321 --> 00:53:48,440
Yeah.

922
00:53:50,321 --> 00:53:51,200
Okay.

923
00:53:51,300 --> 00:53:52,561
So your least favorite is Easter.

924
00:53:52,700 --> 00:53:52,880
Yeah.

925
00:53:53,561 --> 00:53:55,180
Now, what, when would you create?

926
00:53:56,021 --> 00:53:57,280
Get back to me on that.

927
00:53:57,641 --> 00:54:00,581
Let's hear what your least.

928
00:54:01,660 --> 00:54:03,501
I kind of like your answer.

929
00:54:03,501 --> 00:54:07,360
I really don't like 4th of July.

930
00:54:07,601 --> 00:54:14,501
oh okay because i hate to be hot yep and it's always hot yep and i hate fireworks i like

931
00:54:14,501 --> 00:54:20,380
visually i like how they look but they i mean the dog i have now is kind of fine but like once

932
00:54:20,380 --> 00:54:25,180
there's like a range of time where people feel it's acceptable to do fireworks it's super far

933
00:54:25,180 --> 00:54:29,541
before the holiday and then super far after and it can be like a random wednesday night

934
00:54:29,541 --> 00:54:35,041
in july and all of a sudden fireworks will start going off and it makes me angry because i don't

935
00:54:35,041 --> 00:54:43,260
get the appeal which is like going outside and setting off a firework yeah so yeah hot

936
00:54:43,260 --> 00:54:48,001
hot hot stem holiday with fireworks

937
00:54:48,001 --> 00:54:56,001
oh is that dutch that accent yes it's biblical dutch easter dutch

938
00:54:56,001 --> 00:55:06,061
uh yeah i can see that yeah um i do like that it's not on a fixed day like that's another like

939
00:55:06,061 --> 00:55:10,660
like what joe was saying easter always being on a sunday is annoying so at least fourth of july

940
00:55:10,660 --> 00:55:15,200
has the advantage of like it could be on a wednesday and then like everybody gets off work

941
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:21,680
i mean you don't really get off work for a sunday holiday i guess they start doing good friday

942
00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:28,900
off because the markets are closed but that's kind of like a anyway still trying to sell you

943
00:55:28,900 --> 00:55:33,740
on easter being worse yeah because i think the day before the fourth of july is also a holiday

944
00:55:33,740 --> 00:55:39,360
for most places and so if fourth of july is on a friday you could have thursday friday saturday

945
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:46,180
sunday my big beef with easter is the same beef i have with mother's day which is if i for whatever

946
00:55:46,180 --> 00:55:53,280
reason when I go out to breakfast or brunch oh yeah I can't yeah it is yeah it is definitely the

947
00:55:53,280 --> 00:56:00,981
worst those are the two days that are the worst for brunch totally agree yeah what what uh

948
00:56:00,981 --> 00:56:10,561
what holiday would you create I would create I'm gonna say

949
00:56:10,561 --> 00:56:16,081
random outbursts day

950
00:56:16,081 --> 00:56:21,700
you could yell any random thing you want at any stranger and they have to

951
00:56:21,700 --> 00:56:25,160
yell something random back at you as a proclamation

952
00:56:25,160 --> 00:56:32,240
okay give me an example yeah you guys try it right now okay we're let's say we're in 7-eleven

953
00:56:32,240 --> 00:56:39,541
wait so you yell something random yeah like a proclamation uh okay and

954
00:56:39,541 --> 00:56:46,841
I'm dizzy

955
00:56:46,841 --> 00:56:52,280
and I yell something random back

956
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:53,581
yep

957
00:56:53,581 --> 00:56:55,380
okay

958
00:56:55,380 --> 00:56:57,001
so we don't know each other

959
00:56:57,001 --> 00:56:58,780
we're in a

960
00:56:58,780 --> 00:57:01,141
convenience store and we run into each other

961
00:57:01,141 --> 00:57:01,380
okay

962
00:57:01,380 --> 00:57:02,880
okay

963
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:06,581
block wall willy

964
00:57:06,581 --> 00:57:10,360
don't eat the dinosaurs

965
00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:12,940
and then we

966
00:57:12,940 --> 00:57:14,521
go yeah we just leave

967
00:57:14,521 --> 00:57:15,240
oh okay

968
00:57:15,240 --> 00:57:17,920
yeah it's cute it's random

969
00:57:17,920 --> 00:57:20,680
and I believe that it should be in September

970
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:22,021
because September feels light

971
00:57:22,021 --> 00:57:24,501
yeah it is well it's Labor Day

972
00:57:24,501 --> 00:57:26,601
maybe the 11th

973
00:57:26,601 --> 00:57:31,700
we're taking it back

974
00:57:31,700 --> 00:57:34,641
uh okay

975
00:57:34,641 --> 00:57:36,081
don't let the terrorists win

976
00:57:36,081 --> 00:57:50,860
uh i would okay i would have a holiday where it's not being poisoned day

977
00:57:50,860 --> 00:58:00,821
everybody okay we create a special kind of poison and we have the antibodies for it

978
00:58:00,821 --> 00:58:05,680
and everybody gets the antibodies and everybody gets the poison

979
00:58:05,680 --> 00:58:10,021
and everybody takes a drink of the poison

980
00:58:10,021 --> 00:58:17,360
then they get to have like few minutes where they're worried and then they drink the antibodies

981
00:58:17,360 --> 00:58:24,001
and then it's like everybody dodged death for one day everyone gets that feeling of like i'm alive

982
00:58:24,001 --> 00:58:28,001
do you mean antidote oh yeah

983
00:58:28,001 --> 00:58:35,860
what was i saying i'm not repeating it i feel like i'm being set up

984
00:58:35,860 --> 00:58:42,121
yes antidote whatever yeah yeah okay or maybe we give you a disease then and then then antibodies

985
00:58:42,121 --> 00:58:49,960
make sense yeah okay but it's a basically a free from death or like that feeling you get

986
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:54,760
one day where you everyone the whole world feels like i got a new lease on life

987
00:58:54,760 --> 00:59:02,380
or what if not everyone gets it so some people just die yeah not a lot but you could be one of

988
00:59:02,380 --> 00:59:07,200
the unlucky few no well no i mean i want it to be i want it to be a holiday i don't want i don't

989
00:59:07,200 --> 00:59:16,341
want people to participate so they have to it's government mandated okay okay this is like the

990
00:59:16,341 --> 00:59:23,141
purge all right well anyway that's mine i want i want people to have the feeling of they dodged

991
00:59:23,141 --> 00:59:25,001
death and

992
00:59:25,001 --> 00:59:25,900
they

993
00:59:25,900 --> 00:59:27,920
are free.

994
00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:31,240
And

995
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:32,321
they can... What would you call it?

996
00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:35,141
New

997
00:59:35,141 --> 00:59:36,240
lease on life day.

998
00:59:38,900 --> 00:59:39,780
N-O-L-

999
00:59:39,780 --> 00:59:42,860
N-O-L.

1000
00:59:43,860 --> 00:59:44,920
N-O-L.

1001
00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:46,981
N-O-L day.

1002
00:59:47,141 --> 00:59:48,700
I like that. I think that's great.

1003
00:59:48,900 --> 00:59:50,860
That's how it used to feel if...

1004
00:59:50,860 --> 00:59:52,700
Never mind. I don't want to say it.

1005
00:59:53,141 --> 01:00:03,160
okay cute little retraction from me uh all right well uh i think we both answered the big question

1006
01:00:03,160 --> 01:00:07,740
well we did it well we came up with really cool ones we really did uh i'm excited for

1007
01:00:07,740 --> 01:00:13,240
new lease on life day i'm gonna put it in august by the way okay because august is definitely light

1008
01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:20,720
there's no holiday in august can i just say maybe don't because i am too hot in august and i could

1009
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:25,420
see myself if i'm having a bad mental health month being like i'm not taking the medicine oh shoot

1010
01:00:25,420 --> 01:00:34,760
okay good i'm ready all right um it's in march oh okay march promise of spring renewal good

1011
01:00:34,760 --> 01:00:42,260
good change yeah okay all right cool that's it that answers the big question the big question

1012
01:00:42,260 --> 01:00:49,760
only one final thing francis i know you're gonna i feel like you're gonna get mine uh i i don't

1013
01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:57,561
know if i will we'll see i have some guesses for what your secret word is my secret word okay well

1014
01:00:57,561 --> 01:01:09,121
let's hear it is your secret word proclamation no i was having fun with that one though oh

1015
01:01:09,121 --> 01:01:17,740
is your secret word suckle did i actually say the word suckle he said the vampires will let

1016
01:01:17,740 --> 01:01:32,541
them suckle up that's a pig word uh no i it's not uh is it coiled yep oh really yes oh

1017
01:01:35,334 --> 01:01:38,074
When you're describing those fake Easter decorations.

1018
01:01:38,554 --> 01:01:38,794
Yeah.

1019
01:01:38,934 --> 01:01:40,054
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1020
01:01:40,294 --> 01:01:42,074
I know what I'm thankful for this year.

1021
01:01:42,914 --> 01:01:45,314
Damn, my lead is going to be...

1022
01:01:45,314 --> 01:01:46,834
And I didn't say your decoy word.

1023
01:01:47,554 --> 01:01:47,794
Nope.

1024
01:01:47,914 --> 01:01:50,494
I wanted to say it more, but I was worried it would be too ham-fisted.

1025
01:01:51,734 --> 01:01:53,654
Although you did get Jenna to say your fake word.

1026
01:01:54,374 --> 01:01:55,634
I don't think there's any points for that.

1027
01:01:55,894 --> 01:01:57,034
Oh, there are points for that.

1028
01:01:57,614 --> 01:01:57,854
Yeah.

1029
01:01:58,254 --> 01:02:02,294
I get two points for guessing the word, and he gets one point because I said it.

1030
01:02:02,294 --> 01:02:02,614
Yeah.

1031
01:02:03,594 --> 01:02:04,074
Dang.

1032
01:02:04,074 --> 01:02:08,014
slowing down the lead dang it i'm not thankful for that

1033
01:02:08,014 --> 01:02:16,214
okay well good job i knew you as soon as i saw the pen i knew i was done but i was

1034
01:02:16,214 --> 01:02:21,314
hoping you would think it was my decoy word uh yeah that's the problem with the decoy i was

1035
01:02:21,314 --> 01:02:25,474
worried i was gonna say i'm worried about it too right now okay all right well what are your guesses

1036
01:02:25,474 --> 01:02:31,474
you i you were writing like a up a storm i doubt this word would show up but i want to guess thunk

1037
01:02:31,474 --> 01:02:38,474
oh no i don't even remember oh with the the noise that it would make and this worked out really well

1038
01:02:38,474 --> 01:02:41,874
in this but it makes sense for the segment so i don't think this is it but i did write down

1039
01:02:41,874 --> 01:02:50,914
stakeholder no okay here i'm worried i'm worried this is a decoy okay gateway no

1040
01:02:50,914 --> 01:02:57,194
antibodies that's my decoy word

1041
01:02:57,194 --> 01:03:06,454
yeah oh man oh what a great thanksgiving this turned out to be oh you know what i was worried

1042
01:03:06,454 --> 01:03:12,094
about honestly huh i was because i know you're like a mastermind i was worried that you were

1043
01:03:12,094 --> 01:03:18,894
saying antibodies incorrectly to get me to say antidote so i was worried antidote was your word

1044
01:03:18,894 --> 01:03:20,754
Oh, I'm going to try and do that.

1045
01:03:20,794 --> 01:03:23,274
Would have been diabolical if I didn't even say it.

1046
01:03:23,394 --> 01:03:41,054
If I just got you to say it Yeah Yeah Yeah Not my two weeks in a row i stupid oh i am thankful for guessing and being

1047
01:03:41,054 --> 01:03:46,814
i think i'm still behind in points but you're gonna catch up i'm getting better i think i'm

1048
01:03:46,814 --> 01:03:52,154
getting so i'm thankful for that i'm thankful for you francis i'm thankful for you too i'm thankful

1049
01:03:52,154 --> 01:03:58,594
for you too joe happy birthday oh um that was really sweet but also did you say your actual

1050
01:03:58,594 --> 01:04:05,034
secret word oh no i didn't say what my secret word was the actual secret word was carcass

1051
01:04:05,034 --> 01:04:14,854
i told people to step away from the carcass of the turkey and buckle up for the next segment

1052
01:04:14,854 --> 01:04:19,694
well f-u-c-k my friends

1053
01:04:22,154 --> 01:04:24,194
Forget underwear.

1054
01:04:26,034 --> 01:04:27,574
Choose kilts.

1055
01:04:29,154 --> 01:04:30,534
That's what that stands for.

1056
01:04:30,534 --> 01:04:31,954
New bumper sticker just dropped.

1057
01:04:33,594 --> 01:04:35,054
Thankful for Joe.

1058
01:04:35,174 --> 01:04:36,334
I'm thankful for Francis.

1059
01:04:36,734 --> 01:04:40,534
I'm thankful for that turkey that we pardoned.

1060
01:04:41,634 --> 01:04:42,734
And I'll kill again.

1061
01:04:45,074 --> 01:04:47,994
And most of all, I'm thankful for you, listeners.

1062
01:04:49,194 --> 01:04:50,214
Thanks, VFFs.

1063
01:04:50,214 --> 01:04:58,174
go to verified friends on all social media find us you'll get to see a picture of today's

1064
01:04:58,174 --> 01:05:04,214
invention which i'm quite looking forward to seeing as well have a great thanksgiving and

1065
01:05:04,214 --> 01:05:10,694
happy birthday francis happy birthday jenna thank you bye

1066
01:05:20,214 --> 01:05:20,714
you