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you know what i was just thinking about the other day unless you have something you want to talk

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about oh no please i was remembering when i was a kid and um my my daddy used to want me to like

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he would take me with him to like run errands and i was like bored as could be yeah and i was like

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begging him please don't make me do this and i would beg him to stay in the car and so he would

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leave me in the car like but he would turn it off and go into like the bank or wherever he was going

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and i remember one time when he came back out to the car it and he opened the door i was like

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like and sweating like profusely and like but it wasn't an issue and then i remember um

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like for him it wasn't

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oh I was gonna say

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um and we went to his friend's house

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and he's like oh um

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you're gonna hang out with

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someone I'm like

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what do you mean and apparently

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his friend had a daughter

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who just had

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um like liposuction

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and

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wait how old like liposuction

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age I don't know what age that is

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over 18 okay yeah

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I think

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I don't know

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well because you were

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presenting this as if

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like you're a child

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so like

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I was a preteen

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okay

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I was thinking it was like

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someone your age

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no

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okay

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so we hung out

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and remember that

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like

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it was a really nice house

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and she needed someone

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to like

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keep her company

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so my dad like

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dumped me there

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and we watched

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the movie Life

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with Eddie Murphy

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while she recovered

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so you just hung out with a liposuction lady yeah just because she had liposuction she needed

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someone to be around yeah and my dad like left and the guy left and you were like 12 yeah and

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i didn't know her you just like a 12 year old and a grown woman

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so grown in fact that they had to remove part of her yeah too grown yeah

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yeah and then i watched that so every time it comes on it brings me back to that moment when

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I first saw it. How often is it on? I just saw it the other day. It was on TV. Really? Yeah.

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I don't even know if I've seen that movie or what it's about. I would have forgotten all about it.

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I never would have remembered it for the rest of my life. Well, you probably never didn't know

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someone who had liposuction. That's true. I never didn't know somebody had liposuction. Good point.

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Does that mean she did know someone who had light post-section?

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No, because if she did, she would have seen life.

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I never didn't know.

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No, that means I would have.

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Yeah.

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Gotta keep you honest.

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I think...

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Maybe my point was just misunderstood.

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Moving on.

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Welcome to Very Fine Friends,

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where friends are nursemaids as 12-year-olds.

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uh were you are you were you annoyed by that as as is so true with many wrongs in my life

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i didn't realize it was messed up until looking back later like i was just like

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accept the situation i'm in and then remembering i'm like wait a minute

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why did i do that yeah why did you make me do that did the daughter the

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liposuctione did she think it was weird that you were there no she was like talking to me making

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conversation i wonder if they told her like hey you need to babysit this kid that doesn't drive

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because my dad used to leave me in at home when i was in middle school is that the same age

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seventh grade yeah seventh grade would be like 13 he would he would go to mexico and leave me alone

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oh yeah that's he would like leave the country yeah i remember our neighbors was like if you

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do it again i'm calling the cops and then he like found someone to watch me

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that's crazy what did you do as like a 12 year old by yourself i watched a lot of movies like

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movies horror movies yeah and do you ever get scared at night uh yes because he had

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yes because i was watching a lot of scary movies i always get scared but i think i mentioned one

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time he put a he installed a bidet in my bathroom and then didn't tell me that it was an auto flush

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like a auto flush and at one random point in the night the toilet flushed and i had no idea

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so i was like i'm dead oh man so i like started to panic and then nothing happened but then the

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next day he sent someone to send someone to check on me on like day three of his absence

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and we had one of those fireplaces that you could see through the other room oh yeah and i was

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watching a horror movie and all of a sudden the door

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opens from the garage and I just see

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like a figure.

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And yeah, I thought I was toast.

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Man. Yeah. Do you scream?

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Yeah. And then he came in and he's like, it's me, it's Mark.

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He's like, I thought I could come get you

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and we can make a run for the border.

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So we call going Taco Bell.

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Did he leave you with enough food and everything?

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Always food. Yeah.

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That was never a problem.

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Wow. Yeah.

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Look at me thriving.

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Oh, good for you.

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Bad for him.

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Yeah.

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Quick interruption.

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Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word.

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Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing.

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If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.

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and right before we die we add up all the points and then we get a prize whoever has the most points

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for guessing the most secret words here's joe with today's secret words jenna's secret word is

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quota jenna's decoy word is griffins francis's secret word is forsaken francis's decoy word is

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musket back to the pod i think i mean because it's just scary to be like home alone sometimes

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like if you're not used to it especially as a kid yeah yeah absolutely i mean at night everything

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just does seem a little like creakier and yeah well i used to if i got really scared i would

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just go to the neighbors and be like can i hang out during the day i'm sure they looking back now

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I'm like, all these people must have hated me.

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Because I was over there all the time.

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Well, they couldn't have hated you that much.

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They probably would have eventually said no.

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Maybe they looked at my life and they were like...

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We can't hate him.

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He needs this.

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Yeah.

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Let him hang out.

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I used to call every day and be like,

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Hey, it's Frances.

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Just wonder if I can come hang out.

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And she'd be like, stop calling.

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Just come over.

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But every day I would call again.

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I'm like, she might be sure it's okay.

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I'm like, you live next door.

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If it's not okay, you just go back home.

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Good point.

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This happened in high school, too, because my best friend in high school lived in Anthem.

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Well, we both lived in Anthem.

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She lived in the country club.

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And I would call and be like, or no, I would show up.

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So see, I changed.

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Yeah.

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And she'd be like, why don't you call?

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No, I would knock.

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I would knock.

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She would open the door like a shy person who wasn't allowed to have friends.

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and I was like hey she's like what are you doing here like I don't know that we can hang out

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she's like why didn't you call I don't know is it a bad time she's like no we can hang out and

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this happened like every day and I would just show up why didn't you call so maybe there's a

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good middle ground there or maybe just know your audience I never did uh well yeah good for you

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Good for you learning the right lessons at the wrong time.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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You know what lesson I'd like to learn?

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Hmm.

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The invention of the week.

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Inventions.

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School me School me on this invention I can teach you that okay um today i today invention is a business great you have great success with those oh it a brick and it brick and mortar oh okay

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not an online thing no but i'm sure we'll have an accompanying app yeah so let's really do this

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let's get into this let's go lock and load lock and load oh shoot what lock and load i just

156
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learned about this from Webster's Dictionary really quick. Yeah. Lock and load is a part of

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a phrase that's called, oh, it's going to kill me. It's where there's, where you always say it in

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the same order. Like you wouldn't say load and lock. It's like, there's a name for this. Oh,

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you know, like spick and span. Lock and load. Eminem.

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Yes. Yes. Kramer versus Kramer. I thought you were looking it up.

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I am.

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I'm like, that's not what it's called.

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Irreversible binomial.

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That's it.

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Ooh, yeah.

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Nice, right?

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Yeah.

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Sounds like a condition I had in high school.

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Well, I'm sorry that it didn't work out.

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Who says it didn't?

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Irreversible.

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Oh.

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But I mean, maybe it's good.

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I said it sounds like it.

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What I had was called reversible binomial.

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Oh, okay, good, good.

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Our plans are still on later.

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So back to my thing.

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You know how sometimes you're on the go and you need to eat.

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I do know that.

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Do you know how fast food in America is.

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Gross.

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It's, I mean, it's either that or it's just not good for you or whatever.

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I do know that.

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I told you I have a solution that completely changed the game.

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I would love that.

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What if I told you that it wasn't a salad based business?

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I would love that too.

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but that we did also have salads.

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That's fine.

191
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Here we,

192
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here we have to go.

193
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Yeah.

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My invention is a business where instead of saying,

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Oh,

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I want this number,

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this or whatever.

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It is a macro based business where it's like,

199
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Oh,

200
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I need X amount of protein.

201
00:10:57,006 --> 00:10:59,966
I want to keep it to this amount of like fat or this amount of carbs or

202
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whatever.

203
00:11:01,026 --> 00:11:01,966
And it's like a,

204
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we based on that.

205
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and you could like pick what kind of protein you wanted.

206
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We give you a custom serving that like goes with your macro needs.

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So it's like you need 60 grams of protein and I want chicken

208
00:11:15,546 --> 00:11:17,686
and I can have up to like whatever.

209
00:11:18,606 --> 00:11:21,226
We'll build it for you to make sure like it fits exactly what you want.

210
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So you know what you're getting and it's tasty

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and it's not just like carb laden trash.

212
00:11:27,966 --> 00:11:28,986
It's not what trash?

213
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Like carb laden.

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Oh, carb laden.

215
00:11:31,546 --> 00:11:33,166
I thought you said corrugated trash.

216
00:11:33,166 --> 00:11:35,266
have you been eating cork in a track

217
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Francis we talked about this

218
00:11:37,766 --> 00:11:38,546
it's so good

219
00:11:38,546 --> 00:11:41,106
I

220
00:11:41,106 --> 00:11:43,586
love it

221
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you do? I do

222
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and you can order on your app ahead of time

223
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if you want

224
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so it's nice and ready

225
00:11:50,566 --> 00:11:53,486
and yeah I just love the idea of like

226
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you know getting exactly what you need

227
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not having to worry about all the filler

228
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yeah I mean that's

229
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it

230
00:12:02,746 --> 00:12:13,106
i mean you know me i try to not eat crap fast food is all crap um and also like it is really

231
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important like for me it's like no i need a like i need to make sure i get protein i don't want to

232
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have a lot of carbs um yeah i yeah do want a certain number of vegetables or whatever yeah so

233
00:12:26,686 --> 00:12:29,846
So it would be, because you still want it to be fast.

234
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So this is like fast still.

235
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Okay.

236
00:12:31,826 --> 00:12:31,946
Yeah.

237
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So it would have to be just kind of certain plug and play options.

238
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So not a ton of options because you can't go crazy with it.

239
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It's like a Chipotle when they have like the, they've got steak, they've got chicken,

240
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like maybe a couple different kinds of chicken, a couple different kinds of steak, you know,

241
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that sort of thing.

242
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and then I was picturing serving it

243
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in those Wendy's chili cups.

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So that's my problem

245
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is salad and go, rest in peace.

246
00:13:01,686 --> 00:13:03,326
I did like getting a salad

247
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but sometimes I don't, I want to eat right now

248
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when I'm on my way to my thing.

249
00:13:07,466 --> 00:13:09,726
I can't shake a salad in my car

250
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but now I don't have to.

251
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I guess I could.

252
00:13:15,706 --> 00:13:16,606
It's inconvenient.

253
00:13:17,226 --> 00:13:17,586
Yes.

254
00:13:18,226 --> 00:13:20,086
And it can get messy if you're in a hurry.

255
00:13:20,086 --> 00:13:21,346
Could, would.

256
00:13:21,346 --> 00:13:23,206
should

257
00:13:23,206 --> 00:13:26,086
yeah

258
00:13:26,086 --> 00:13:27,306
and also salads

259
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:27,626
like

260
00:13:27,626 --> 00:13:29,306
those can be

261
00:13:29,306 --> 00:13:29,806
misleading

262
00:13:29,806 --> 00:13:31,166
salads can have

263
00:13:31,166 --> 00:13:31,866
a lot of calories

264
00:13:31,866 --> 00:13:32,326
that's true

265
00:13:32,326 --> 00:13:32,906
that's true

266
00:13:32,906 --> 00:13:34,626
it's all the dressing

267
00:13:34,626 --> 00:13:35,186
the dressing

268
00:13:35,186 --> 00:13:35,466
yeah

269
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:37,586
so if you just had

270
00:13:37,586 --> 00:13:38,126
like no

271
00:13:38,126 --> 00:13:39,206
just give me some nice

272
00:13:39,206 --> 00:13:43,146
grilled meat

273
00:13:43,146 --> 00:13:43,886
yeah

274
00:13:43,886 --> 00:13:45,826
and a side of

275
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:47,746
you don't have to wait long

276
00:13:47,746 --> 00:13:48,566
cucumbers

277
00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:49,346
since it's already

278
00:13:49,346 --> 00:13:50,146
like ready to go

279
00:13:50,146 --> 00:13:50,926
we're just like

280
00:13:50,926 --> 00:13:51,546
Serving it out.

281
00:13:51,886 --> 00:13:55,946
And maybe like a high protein tortilla or something.

282
00:13:56,986 --> 00:13:57,106
Yeah.

283
00:13:58,166 --> 00:14:00,326
That would be great.

284
00:14:01,166 --> 00:14:01,506
See?

285
00:14:04,226 --> 00:14:04,506
I.

286
00:14:05,166 --> 00:14:05,646
Yeah.

287
00:14:06,606 --> 00:14:06,926
How?

288
00:14:07,186 --> 00:14:07,746
Yeah, I don't.

289
00:14:07,746 --> 00:14:08,506
No holes?

290
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:14,386
The only hole I would think could be mass producing things.

291
00:14:14,986 --> 00:14:17,686
Because I would want to avoid seed oils, personally.

292
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:20,466
They're not good for you.

293
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:23,226
they're bad for your joints.

294
00:14:24,726 --> 00:14:26,726
Seed oils go in cars, not people.

295
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:27,806
Yep, that is correct.

296
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:30,066
Thank you, Joe.

297
00:14:31,706 --> 00:14:36,246
And so that's harder to do with a big scale,

298
00:14:36,466 --> 00:14:38,686
you know, not using like vegetable oil or something to cook,

299
00:14:38,766 --> 00:14:39,766
but we can do it.

300
00:14:39,906 --> 00:14:40,006
Yeah.

301
00:14:41,946 --> 00:14:47,326
Is it Steak and Shake is now doing beef tallow for all their fries?

302
00:14:47,886 --> 00:14:48,166
Oh, really?

303
00:14:48,286 --> 00:14:49,186
I think it's Steak and Shake.

304
00:14:49,606 --> 00:14:50,006
Yeah.

305
00:14:50,006 --> 00:14:57,266
anyway i commend that yeah we can make we can we can do whatever we want cool cool what kind of

306
00:14:57,266 --> 00:15:03,606
options are you thinking because i mean well also what kind of macros are we thinking we need to hit

307
00:15:03,606 --> 00:15:08,646
like what what are some joe you're this is more your world what are some of like the different

308
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:14,086
food types that people need i mean obviously protein's a big one and then obviously low carb

309
00:15:14,086 --> 00:15:19,326
is a big one low carb is a big one you want to make sure you have good fats too like if we could

310
00:15:19,326 --> 00:15:20,966
maybe incorporate some fish oil somehow,

311
00:15:21,126 --> 00:15:23,146
get some omega fatty acids.

312
00:15:24,266 --> 00:15:24,666
Yes.

313
00:15:26,766 --> 00:15:27,166
Avocado.

314
00:15:27,766 --> 00:15:30,346
Avocado oil is also really good for good fat.

315
00:15:30,726 --> 00:15:30,966
Yeah.

316
00:15:31,206 --> 00:15:32,346
And then good sugars too.

317
00:15:32,646 --> 00:15:32,826
Yeah.

318
00:15:32,846 --> 00:15:34,166
If there was a place on the go,

319
00:15:34,246 --> 00:15:36,386
like sometimes I have gotten Chick-fil-A,

320
00:15:36,766 --> 00:15:38,506
even though I'm sure they cook with seed oils,

321
00:15:39,126 --> 00:15:41,106
but you can get their grilled chicken.

322
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,166
You can just get all like the grilled chicken nuggets.

323
00:15:43,406 --> 00:15:44,206
It's just grilled chicken.

324
00:15:44,946 --> 00:15:46,966
And it comes in one of those little bowls.

325
00:15:47,526 --> 00:15:47,666
Yeah.

326
00:15:47,686 --> 00:15:48,666
And it's just like a pile of chicken.

327
00:15:48,666 --> 00:15:49,486
I don't know what I'm talking about.

328
00:15:49,686 --> 00:15:49,886
Yeah.

329
00:15:50,226 --> 00:15:52,706
But if I could do that and some avocado and.

330
00:15:54,806 --> 00:15:58,926
Yeah, we could also have, if we have sweet products, we could use real sugar.

331
00:15:59,086 --> 00:16:01,006
That would be another thing that sets it apart.

332
00:16:01,526 --> 00:16:04,486
So everyone uses high fructose corn sugar and like syrup.

333
00:16:05,126 --> 00:16:06,446
High fructose corn syrup.

334
00:16:06,446 --> 00:16:07,046
Corn syrup.

335
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:09,246
Now, Francis, how would you feel about this?

336
00:16:09,246 --> 00:16:10,426
I know you like Diet Coke.

337
00:16:11,306 --> 00:16:12,506
What about not having soda?

338
00:16:14,046 --> 00:16:18,086
Or having like an Olipop soda, like a soda that's.

339
00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:19,986
Made with good ingredients.

340
00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:23,926
Yes, and then also one stream of diacombs.

341
00:16:25,706 --> 00:16:28,666
A loose tube, if you will, in the manager's office.

342
00:16:28,666 --> 00:16:29,286
For your boy.

343
00:16:31,346 --> 00:16:31,906
Okay.

344
00:16:33,266 --> 00:16:35,806
So we're just basically doing healthy fast food.

345
00:16:35,926 --> 00:16:37,046
That's what this invention is.

346
00:16:37,146 --> 00:16:39,926
Like legitimately fast, you know?

347
00:16:40,126 --> 00:16:40,366
Yeah.

348
00:16:42,366 --> 00:16:43,366
Slim fast.

349
00:16:44,706 --> 00:16:46,166
Let's get you back in the game.

350
00:16:48,666 --> 00:16:59,526
Wow. Well, this is a good idea. Are there places that claim to try to do something like this?

351
00:16:59,526 --> 00:17:03,526
I don't. I think for me, so there's a place called Angie's Prime Steak.

352
00:17:04,866 --> 00:17:05,486
Angie's is good.

353
00:17:05,706 --> 00:17:08,846
Yeah. And like, so they also, they're a good deal, I think.

354
00:17:09,126 --> 00:17:10,066
I've never heard of that.

355
00:17:10,646 --> 00:17:11,766
They have a couple locations.

356
00:17:12,066 --> 00:17:27,612
Yeah And you can get like a lot of nice proteins but it not this to me is like I trying to hit a certain amount and I wanna make sure that what I getting Angie is a very popular destination for like after the gym It like it good Chipotle basically is how I would describe it

357
00:17:28,192 --> 00:17:29,312
Not ever heard.

358
00:17:31,772 --> 00:17:32,132
Okay.

359
00:17:32,592 --> 00:17:35,232
I know a lot of EOS guys who it's like, as soon as they're done with the gym,

360
00:17:35,272 --> 00:17:38,192
they go right to Angie's for like lunch or dinner or whatever.

361
00:17:41,952 --> 00:17:42,532
It's good.

362
00:17:42,932 --> 00:17:43,712
I am protein.

363
00:17:43,712 --> 00:17:45,132
And yeah, like Francis said,

364
00:17:45,252 --> 00:17:46,072
Angie's sponsor us.

365
00:17:46,652 --> 00:17:48,832
Sorry, I've never heard of you. Not my fault.

366
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:51,872
It's your fault because you didn't get your word out with enough sponsorship.

367
00:17:52,212 --> 00:17:53,712
And your welks for the free publicity.

368
00:17:54,512 --> 00:17:56,232
Yeah, your welks for the forpeeb.

369
00:17:57,652 --> 00:17:58,392
For pube.

370
00:18:00,912 --> 00:18:02,192
Your welks for pube.

371
00:18:02,492 --> 00:18:02,632
Yeah.

372
00:18:05,372 --> 00:18:05,772
Cool.

373
00:18:06,432 --> 00:18:06,912
Thank you.

374
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,872
Well, I want to be able to poke holes in it.

375
00:18:08,932 --> 00:18:10,692
I do worry about, like, mass producing.

376
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:11,892
How will perverts?

377
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:13,632
How do we...

378
00:18:13,632 --> 00:18:14,092
Use it.

379
00:18:14,472 --> 00:18:16,092
Oh, yeah. How will per...

380
00:18:16,092 --> 00:18:19,092
I'm going to fuck the meat.

381
00:18:19,412 --> 00:18:19,692
Someone,

382
00:18:19,892 --> 00:18:20,292
someone,

383
00:18:20,572 --> 00:18:25,652
some pervert who was previously really into mukbang videos is now like,

384
00:18:25,752 --> 00:18:27,112
they just come in there and watch.

385
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:27,572
Okay.

386
00:18:27,632 --> 00:18:28,412
Or no,

387
00:18:28,472 --> 00:18:28,992
now they're like,

388
00:18:29,032 --> 00:18:29,412
all right,

389
00:18:29,552 --> 00:18:33,252
this girl that I've been loading up with fast food for three years is no

390
00:18:33,252 --> 00:18:34,252
longer attractive to me.

391
00:18:34,312 --> 00:18:35,292
Time to slimmer down.

392
00:18:36,192 --> 00:18:38,852
Or they could go up to the window and act stupid and just be like,

393
00:18:38,932 --> 00:18:39,132
Oh,

394
00:18:39,192 --> 00:18:39,972
can I get that stuff?

395
00:18:40,012 --> 00:18:40,512
What do you call it?

396
00:18:40,632 --> 00:18:40,892
Um,

397
00:18:41,452 --> 00:18:42,152
sounds like this.

398
00:18:44,392 --> 00:18:45,592
I can't remember what it's called.

399
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:49,972
It sounds like this.

400
00:18:50,372 --> 00:18:51,552
Oh, it's mac and cheese.

401
00:18:51,692 --> 00:18:52,132
That's right.

402
00:18:52,192 --> 00:18:53,292
Healthy mac and cheese.

403
00:18:56,412 --> 00:18:57,532
Let me peel away.

404
00:18:57,712 --> 00:18:58,512
Do the pervert peel.

405
00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:01,372
Do the pervert peel.

406
00:19:04,892 --> 00:19:05,772
Everybody now.

407
00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:09,812
I'm going to write down the word pervert just in case today you got it.

408
00:19:10,572 --> 00:19:11,272
That would be diabolical.

409
00:19:11,272 --> 00:19:12,412
I would never let that happen.

410
00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:14,572
And Joe said pervert first.

411
00:19:14,572 --> 00:19:20,992
yeah I also would never say you let improv happen his word was improv that was for fun

412
00:19:20,992 --> 00:19:25,492
I see we haven't let it go the problem is I feel like we say I feel like if you did a word cloud

413
00:19:25,492 --> 00:19:34,152
of this pod I feel like pervert is said more than improv 100% but yes we talk a lot of pervert

414
00:19:34,152 --> 00:19:42,192
well I have a soft spot in my heart for pervs I just do they have a hard spot in theirs for you

415
00:19:42,192 --> 00:19:42,512
Yeah.

416
00:19:43,632 --> 00:19:44,192
Good one.

417
00:19:47,112 --> 00:19:47,472
Okay.

418
00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:49,032
What do we want to name this place?

419
00:19:49,172 --> 00:19:49,272
Well,

420
00:19:49,292 --> 00:19:51,872
we already have a name picked out and I sent a picture to the group chat.

421
00:19:52,552 --> 00:19:52,752
Oh,

422
00:19:52,872 --> 00:19:53,292
you did?

423
00:19:53,532 --> 00:19:53,672
Yeah.

424
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,812
I thought you could take a look and see it in real time and then say it for

425
00:19:56,812 --> 00:19:57,352
the audience.

426
00:20:01,132 --> 00:20:01,492
Okay.

427
00:20:01,932 --> 00:20:02,092
Well,

428
00:20:02,192 --> 00:20:07,412
you'll go to very fine friends.com to see this picture or tag us on social

429
00:20:07,412 --> 00:20:07,712
media.

430
00:20:07,712 --> 00:20:09,052
If you want us to send it to you,

431
00:20:09,052 --> 00:20:10,052
uh,

432
00:20:10,052 --> 00:20:12,812
it's called

433
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:14,632
McDaddy's

434
00:20:14,632 --> 00:20:15,212
McDaddy's

435
00:20:15,212 --> 00:20:15,452
yeah

436
00:20:15,452 --> 00:20:15,932
yeah

437
00:20:15,932 --> 00:20:18,272
home of the shredded lettuce bowl

438
00:20:18,272 --> 00:20:21,212
and then there's a

439
00:20:21,212 --> 00:20:21,992
someone at the

440
00:20:21,992 --> 00:20:23,452
window holding food

441
00:20:23,452 --> 00:20:25,132
the tagline

442
00:20:25,132 --> 00:20:26,112
under them

443
00:20:26,112 --> 00:20:26,632
yeah

444
00:20:26,632 --> 00:20:27,712
get hot

445
00:20:27,712 --> 00:20:28,772
stay hot

446
00:20:28,772 --> 00:20:30,872
eat at McDaddy's

447
00:20:30,872 --> 00:20:31,412
yeah

448
00:20:31,412 --> 00:20:33,292
god I hope

449
00:20:33,292 --> 00:20:35,292
McDaddy's isn't your secret word

450
00:20:35,292 --> 00:20:35,912
and you've just

451
00:20:35,912 --> 00:20:37,512
and I somehow

452
00:20:37,512 --> 00:20:38,432
got the picture

453
00:20:38,432 --> 00:20:39,012
into my phone

454
00:20:39,012 --> 00:20:40,812
I would let that happen, actually.

455
00:20:41,812 --> 00:20:44,412
I like, so I was going to call it Macro Daddy's.

456
00:20:45,112 --> 00:20:45,852
I'm just like a Mac.

457
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,372
I thought Mac Daddy's was probably a thing somewhere.

458
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:51,752
So I thought if we use Mick, we're getting the.

459
00:20:53,392 --> 00:20:56,832
You don't think McDonald's is going to be a little litigious?

460
00:20:57,112 --> 00:20:57,352
McDaddy's?

461
00:20:58,112 --> 00:21:00,412
Well, just anything Mick and it's a fast food place.

462
00:21:01,312 --> 00:21:02,392
You can't have everything.

463
00:21:04,032 --> 00:21:04,472
Sirs.

464
00:21:05,032 --> 00:21:07,052
I know, but they could lawyer up.

465
00:21:07,052 --> 00:21:09,052
Alphaville

466
00:21:09,052 --> 00:21:11,412
Gaintrain

467
00:21:11,412 --> 00:21:14,112
What if we

468
00:21:14,112 --> 00:21:15,012
call it

469
00:21:15,012 --> 00:21:16,372
MAC

470
00:21:16,372 --> 00:21:18,452
Mac Daddies

471
00:21:18,452 --> 00:21:21,972
See that's what I'm saying, it sounds familiar, right?

472
00:21:22,052 --> 00:21:23,572
Yeah, that sounds like a thing

473
00:21:23,572 --> 00:21:23,932
Yeah

474
00:21:23,932 --> 00:21:29,632
I like macro

475
00:21:29,632 --> 00:21:30,472
when we use macro

476
00:21:30,472 --> 00:21:32,992
in some form

477
00:21:32,992 --> 00:21:35,672
Well yeah, I was inspired by macro

478
00:21:35,672 --> 00:21:39,172
I mean like more directly

479
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:39,992
like

480
00:21:39,992 --> 00:21:41,632
hackro

481
00:21:41,632 --> 00:21:43,992
macrobatic

482
00:21:43,992 --> 00:21:48,532
macro

483
00:21:48,532 --> 00:21:52,372
hack your macros

484
00:21:52,372 --> 00:21:55,672
mac hack

485
00:21:55,672 --> 00:21:57,212
mac hack

486
00:21:57,212 --> 00:21:58,492
I like that mac hack

487
00:21:58,492 --> 00:22:00,572
oh it sounds like my cock

488
00:22:00,572 --> 00:22:02,792
mac hack

489
00:22:02,792 --> 00:22:06,612
hey there little girl

490
00:22:06,612 --> 00:22:07,932
right out of town

491
00:22:07,932 --> 00:22:10,992
I like it more now

492
00:22:10,992 --> 00:22:15,592
what about gram grams

493
00:22:15,592 --> 00:22:19,712
because you get your grams of protein and stuff

494
00:22:19,712 --> 00:22:22,452
and then it like feels warm like you're at grandma's house

495
00:22:22,452 --> 00:22:25,792
I don't want to feel like I'm at grandma's house

496
00:22:25,792 --> 00:22:26,272
fair

497
00:22:26,272 --> 00:22:27,632
yeah

498
00:22:27,632 --> 00:22:31,772
although I like the play on words but

499
00:22:31,772 --> 00:22:35,552
I don't want to, I don't think we want people to feel like they're their grandmothers.

500
00:22:38,792 --> 00:22:39,192
Huh?

501
00:22:39,712 --> 00:22:42,092
Uh, all right.

502
00:22:42,152 --> 00:22:49,092
So let's, um, let me, let me come in and order something.

503
00:22:49,852 --> 00:22:50,252
Okay.

504
00:22:51,152 --> 00:22:51,692
All right.

505
00:22:51,812 --> 00:22:53,152
Let's, let's play this out.

506
00:22:53,292 --> 00:22:53,472
Okay.

507
00:22:55,632 --> 00:22:56,792
Welcome to McDaddy's.

508
00:22:56,792 --> 00:22:57,532
How can I help you?

509
00:22:57,912 --> 00:22:58,672
Oh God.

510
00:22:58,672 --> 00:23:01,432
Uh, I'm on the go.

511
00:23:01,432 --> 00:23:03,132
I'm just so busy

512
00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:05,812
Don't worry

513
00:23:05,812 --> 00:23:06,572
We got a menu

514
00:23:06,572 --> 00:23:07,732
You don't even have to look at the menu

515
00:23:07,732 --> 00:23:09,992
What are your nutritional goals and needs?

516
00:23:11,672 --> 00:23:13,192
I want to have

517
00:23:13,192 --> 00:23:16,672
High protein

518
00:23:16,672 --> 00:23:17,592
How much?

519
00:23:20,952 --> 00:23:22,692
150 grams of protein

520
00:23:22,692 --> 00:23:23,192
Oh yeah?

521
00:23:23,332 --> 00:23:23,532
Chicken?

522
00:23:23,612 --> 00:23:24,052
You like chicken?

523
00:23:24,212 --> 00:23:24,772
You like beef?

524
00:23:24,772 --> 00:23:25,292
What do you like?

525
00:23:26,292 --> 00:23:28,072
Oh this is being thrown at me so fast

526
00:23:28,072 --> 00:23:28,632
Okay okay

527
00:23:28,632 --> 00:23:29,372
Take it easy

528
00:23:29,372 --> 00:23:30,132
Chicken?

529
00:23:30,132 --> 00:23:32,772
Oh, that's a calming soothing

530
00:23:32,772 --> 00:23:33,092
Chicken

531
00:23:33,092 --> 00:23:37,332
Oh, you moved a little when I said beef

532
00:23:37,332 --> 00:23:38,472
Oh, you moved a little

533
00:23:38,472 --> 00:23:40,572
Alright, we'll do 150 grams of steak

534
00:23:40,572 --> 00:23:41,452
Oh, okay

535
00:23:41,452 --> 00:23:45,192
I also need an equal amount of fiber

536
00:23:45,192 --> 00:23:47,432
150 grams of fiber?

537
00:23:47,612 --> 00:23:47,992
Yeah

538
00:23:47,992 --> 00:23:50,052
How do you accommodate that?

539
00:23:51,892 --> 00:23:54,192
Oh, my diet's so weird

540
00:23:54,192 --> 00:23:54,832
No problem

541
00:23:54,832 --> 00:23:57,092
We'll just fill this cup up with chia seeds

542
00:23:57,092 --> 00:23:59,812
But you can't use the bathroom

543
00:23:59,812 --> 00:24:12,412
but but what if i have to go oh you will that's the most protein anyone's ever had

544
00:24:12,412 --> 00:24:17,952
oh miss don't worry i'm a manager here we'll give you chia seeds that have

545
00:24:17,952 --> 00:24:22,632
water soluble fiber so that way you'll just be constipated for the rest of the day

546
00:24:22,632 --> 00:24:28,792
oh good because i don't have time to go to the bathroom i am so busy don't worry by the time

547
00:24:28,792 --> 00:24:30,312
you really have to go, you won't make it.

548
00:24:31,452 --> 00:24:32,812
You mean it'll be an emergency

549
00:24:32,812 --> 00:24:34,812
situation? Oh, yeah. See, what happens is

550
00:24:34,812 --> 00:24:36,792
first you can't go at all. Then you

551
00:24:36,792 --> 00:24:38,772
really have to go, and then it's too late.

552
00:24:38,932 --> 00:24:40,812
It's a little bit, and then all at once.

553
00:24:40,812 --> 00:24:42,312
Like the decline of an empire.

554
00:24:43,192 --> 00:24:44,272
Oh, good.

555
00:24:44,512 --> 00:24:47,032
I just was saying to my therapist,

556
00:24:47,032 --> 00:24:48,892
I don't have enough surprise in my life.

557
00:24:49,492 --> 00:24:51,052
I want to be surprised

558
00:24:51,052 --> 00:24:52,372
by shitting my pants.

559
00:24:53,652 --> 00:24:55,472
This is a perfect place.

560
00:24:55,692 --> 00:24:56,952
Should we also limit your carbs?

561
00:24:57,992 --> 00:24:58,472
Sure.

562
00:24:58,472 --> 00:25:01,992
No more than

563
00:25:01,992 --> 00:25:05,532
7.5 carbs

564
00:25:05,532 --> 00:25:08,632
In fact it needs to exactly be 7.5 carbs

565
00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:10,572
We can measure to the half gram

566
00:25:10,572 --> 00:25:11,392
That works

567
00:25:11,392 --> 00:25:12,952
Great, what are you going to give me for that?

568
00:25:13,412 --> 00:25:16,252
I got my steak and my giant thing of chia seeds

569
00:25:16,252 --> 00:25:17,772
What else?

570
00:25:18,032 --> 00:25:19,072
There's some carbs in chia seeds

571
00:25:19,072 --> 00:25:19,872
Oh

572
00:25:19,872 --> 00:25:21,572
Well then I don't want them

573
00:25:21,572 --> 00:25:24,812
We also have the bacon grease

574
00:25:24,812 --> 00:25:26,592
From the bacon we cooked this morning

575
00:25:26,592 --> 00:25:27,872
You like fat?

576
00:25:27,872 --> 00:25:29,232
I love fat

577
00:25:29,232 --> 00:25:30,412
It's got lots of fat too

578
00:25:30,412 --> 00:25:31,132
No carbs though right?

579
00:25:31,352 --> 00:25:31,792
Oh no

580
00:25:31,792 --> 00:25:35,412
So we're just gonna mix the chia seeds

581
00:25:35,412 --> 00:25:37,652
With some bacon grease

582
00:25:37,652 --> 00:25:39,232
And a side of steak

583
00:25:39,232 --> 00:25:41,392
150 grams of protein of steak

584
00:25:41,392 --> 00:25:42,412
Uh huh

585
00:25:42,412 --> 00:25:43,752
Wow

586
00:25:43,752 --> 00:25:46,852
I also have this really weird specific need

587
00:25:46,852 --> 00:25:48,852
My doctor told me

588
00:25:48,852 --> 00:25:50,312
I have to do it

589
00:25:50,312 --> 00:25:52,672
I need

590
00:25:52,672 --> 00:25:54,912
Lots of

591
00:25:54,912 --> 00:25:56,592
Liocine

592
00:25:56,592 --> 00:26:12,078
Is that a thing That a thing I need lots of it What do you have that has that Do you need a supplement No I need it to be food based And I need my quota of liacine for the day

593
00:26:12,238 --> 00:26:18,318
We have a shot of liacine that we can put brown food coloring in so that it looks like it's a stew.

594
00:26:19,178 --> 00:26:23,178
These cows came from a farm where they were force fed that.

595
00:26:24,758 --> 00:26:25,818
It's in the food.

596
00:26:26,438 --> 00:26:26,678
Really?

597
00:26:27,078 --> 00:26:27,378
Yeah.

598
00:26:27,458 --> 00:26:28,618
You guys thought of everything.

599
00:26:28,878 --> 00:26:29,058
Yeah.

600
00:26:29,698 --> 00:26:33,018
That'll be an appropriate and affordable price.

601
00:26:33,898 --> 00:26:35,398
For this much steak?

602
00:26:35,578 --> 00:26:36,158
Oh, yeah.

603
00:26:36,758 --> 00:26:37,238
Wow.

604
00:26:37,598 --> 00:26:38,918
And this much chia seeds?

605
00:26:39,118 --> 00:26:41,738
I feel like, oh, you're putting it on me like a feed bag.

606
00:26:42,578 --> 00:26:43,938
Would you like to join our rewards program?

607
00:26:44,618 --> 00:26:45,438
Yes, please.

608
00:26:45,518 --> 00:26:46,918
I'll be back all the time.

609
00:26:46,918 --> 00:26:48,118
Let us know when you shit.

610
00:26:49,398 --> 00:26:50,758
Let us know.

611
00:26:51,178 --> 00:26:51,658
Oh.

612
00:26:54,298 --> 00:26:54,778
Great.

613
00:26:56,678 --> 00:26:58,758
Wow, well that sounds like a happy customer.

614
00:26:58,918 --> 00:26:59,758
Yeah, you gave me a lot to think about.

615
00:27:01,158 --> 00:27:03,558
What is the shredded lettuce bowl?

616
00:27:05,018 --> 00:27:07,398
The audience really, maybe they couldn't hear the way it looked.

617
00:27:08,278 --> 00:27:11,538
Shred it means you're getting shredded.

618
00:27:12,678 --> 00:27:16,178
So we can make you a lettuce bowl to help you get shredded.

619
00:27:16,738 --> 00:27:17,838
You know, that's all.

620
00:27:17,938 --> 00:27:20,478
Just a funny little stupid thing to put on the wall.

621
00:27:22,378 --> 00:27:22,998
Got it.

622
00:27:23,498 --> 00:27:25,378
Are you going to have like before and after pictures of people?

623
00:27:25,378 --> 00:27:27,218
or just after pictures?

624
00:27:28,178 --> 00:27:28,578
Just after.

625
00:27:28,838 --> 00:27:29,378
Yeah, we don't need...

626
00:27:30,218 --> 00:27:30,539
We don't need...

627
00:27:30,539 --> 00:27:31,938
Just try to drive people to the business,

628
00:27:32,078 --> 00:27:33,078
not scare them away.

629
00:27:35,798 --> 00:27:37,398
And it'll help keep the perverts out,

630
00:27:37,638 --> 00:27:38,578
the mukbang perverts.

631
00:27:39,238 --> 00:27:40,438
There's no before pictures.

632
00:27:40,618 --> 00:27:40,718
Yeah.

633
00:27:41,158 --> 00:27:42,798
The regular perverts, not so much.

634
00:27:42,858 --> 00:27:43,998
The regular perverts, sure.

635
00:27:45,038 --> 00:27:46,538
We're done trying to work around them.

636
00:27:47,298 --> 00:27:49,338
The other 98% of people

637
00:27:49,338 --> 00:27:51,418
who are turned on by an attractive body,

638
00:27:51,958 --> 00:27:53,618
we haven't really accounted for them.

639
00:27:53,618 --> 00:27:54,118
They're going to be around.

640
00:27:54,278 --> 00:27:54,938
They're going to be there.

641
00:27:55,378 --> 00:27:59,738
so if we ever see a guy that's just staring at our walls,

642
00:27:59,758 --> 00:28:00,558
then we'll know.

643
00:28:00,678 --> 00:28:01,698
We know we got one.

644
00:28:02,158 --> 00:28:02,498
Gotcha.

645
00:28:02,618 --> 00:28:03,018
Pervert.

646
00:28:03,198 --> 00:28:03,778
We got to invent,

647
00:28:03,878 --> 00:28:06,098
we got to invent one of those bug lights,

648
00:28:06,658 --> 00:28:07,758
but a pervs,

649
00:28:07,878 --> 00:28:08,858
a perv zapper.

650
00:28:09,478 --> 00:28:09,758
Yeah.

651
00:28:09,918 --> 00:28:10,138
Yeah.

652
00:28:10,238 --> 00:28:10,938
That's a good idea.

653
00:28:12,058 --> 00:28:13,178
Tune in next week.

654
00:28:13,938 --> 00:28:15,958
And maybe some perv spray from when we're,

655
00:28:15,958 --> 00:28:17,358
they already have that hiking.

656
00:28:17,598 --> 00:28:17,978
They do.

657
00:28:18,378 --> 00:28:19,298
It's called pepper spray.

658
00:28:20,398 --> 00:28:22,158
Oh yeah.

659
00:28:22,178 --> 00:28:22,758
But I want one.

660
00:28:22,818 --> 00:28:24,778
That's just like a repellent where they start to come up to me.

661
00:28:24,778 --> 00:28:27,578
and then I don't know, and then they get, like a mosquito.

662
00:28:27,838 --> 00:28:29,158
Oh, okay. That makes sense.

663
00:28:30,038 --> 00:28:33,578
We'll just have to get your date of birth tattooed on every angle of you,

664
00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:35,798
so when they get close enough to read it, they're like, ah, never mind.

665
00:28:36,598 --> 00:28:39,258
Oh, so we're thinking specifically pedophilic pervs.

666
00:28:40,358 --> 00:28:42,238
I always forget there's more.

667
00:28:42,438 --> 00:28:45,418
Oh, yeah. There's adult pervs, the pervs who are into adults.

668
00:28:46,118 --> 00:28:50,258
Pedophilic pervs who can't tell ostensibly that Jenna is a grown woman.

669
00:28:50,698 --> 00:28:51,418
They're just hopeful.

670
00:28:52,058 --> 00:28:52,298
Yeah.

671
00:28:52,298 --> 00:28:54,498
A girl can dream.

672
00:28:55,158 --> 00:28:58,858
Maybe this is the most developed 12-year-old ever.

673
00:28:59,798 --> 00:29:01,038
Maybe we'll be okay in public.

674
00:29:01,198 --> 00:29:03,318
She said she was 40, but I could swear she was 17.

675
00:29:03,578 --> 00:29:03,738
Yeah.

676
00:29:06,798 --> 00:29:09,078
Well, I think, yeah, this is going to be a huge hit.

677
00:29:09,718 --> 00:29:12,198
People need fast food options that are healthy.

678
00:29:12,198 --> 00:29:14,958
Yeah, huge opening in the market.

679
00:29:15,438 --> 00:29:17,638
Well, and health is coming back.

680
00:29:17,638 --> 00:29:23,398
Like if you see like Chipotle and stuff, they're advertising how much protein you can get.

681
00:29:23,658 --> 00:29:28,418
Like these fast places are trying to push that market.

682
00:29:28,758 --> 00:29:30,638
They just don't really have what it takes.

683
00:29:30,778 --> 00:29:39,218
But I like the idea of just going in, putting in what you want to get out as opposed to like picking the food necessarily.

684
00:29:39,598 --> 00:29:40,798
Because we're weighing it.

685
00:29:41,258 --> 00:29:41,578
You know what I mean?

686
00:29:41,638 --> 00:29:45,438
Like you're getting like very close to what you need.

687
00:29:45,538 --> 00:29:45,718
Yeah.

688
00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:47,298
That's great.

689
00:29:47,638 --> 00:29:49,438
Well, huge, huge success.

690
00:29:49,878 --> 00:29:50,758
Thank you.

691
00:29:51,378 --> 00:29:53,518
McDaddy's, well, it's probably already on every corner.

692
00:29:55,918 --> 00:29:57,918
We're actually moving into old abandoned.

693
00:29:58,738 --> 00:29:59,218
McDonald's.

694
00:29:59,358 --> 00:29:59,638
Yeah.

695
00:29:59,998 --> 00:30:00,778
Because they're gone now.

696
00:30:00,938 --> 00:30:01,758
They couldn't hack it.

697
00:30:01,878 --> 00:30:02,158
I know.

698
00:30:02,558 --> 00:30:03,038
Sorry.

699
00:30:03,658 --> 00:30:04,478
McDonald's, you had a good run.

700
00:30:04,478 --> 00:30:05,178
Couldn't hack the Mac.

701
00:30:06,138 --> 00:30:07,158
You had a good run.

702
00:30:08,398 --> 00:30:09,598
Did we write down Mac hack?

703
00:30:10,498 --> 00:30:10,918
Yes.

704
00:30:11,078 --> 00:30:11,258
Yeah.

705
00:30:11,498 --> 00:30:14,018
Although I wrote it with just C's, no K's.

706
00:30:14,218 --> 00:30:14,578
Perfect.

707
00:30:15,138 --> 00:30:15,358
Okay.

708
00:30:16,818 --> 00:30:17,258
Cool.

709
00:30:17,258 --> 00:30:38,278
Good. I'm glad that's very cool. Yeah. Thanks. Okay. Well, good job, Francis. And you're welcome world. Yep. You're healthier now. That wraps up the invention of the week. It's time now for our next segment.

710
00:30:38,278 --> 00:30:40,718
loose five

711
00:30:40,718 --> 00:30:47,358
all righty everyone i'd like five minutes of your time and i promise it'll be loose

712
00:30:47,358 --> 00:31:00,038
heyo hey is this the one where we get prompted by joe to and we do stand-up comedy for each

713
00:31:00,038 --> 00:31:05,498
other and it's really bad uh you know i think it might just be oh good that's what i was prepared

714
00:31:05,498 --> 00:31:07,498
to do. Oh, good. That's lucky.

715
00:31:08,518 --> 00:31:09,458
So Francis

716
00:31:09,458 --> 00:31:11,218
and I are going to be bad stand-up comedians.

717
00:31:11,958 --> 00:31:12,798
Let's see if Joe's here.

718
00:31:16,618 --> 00:31:17,378
Talk about your

719
00:31:17,378 --> 00:31:17,898
childhood.

720
00:31:22,458 --> 00:31:22,858
Oh,

721
00:31:23,238 --> 00:31:25,058
childhood, huh? You want to hear about childhood?

722
00:31:27,798 --> 00:31:29,078
More like child

723
00:31:29,078 --> 00:31:29,918
in a hood.

724
00:31:32,138 --> 00:31:33,178
I used

725
00:31:33,178 --> 00:31:35,198
to dress up like a ghost all the time.

726
00:31:35,498 --> 00:31:38,638
try and scare my neighbors.

727
00:31:40,038 --> 00:31:40,578
And you know what?

728
00:31:40,598 --> 00:31:40,958
It worked.

729
00:31:41,378 --> 00:31:43,058
They thought I was in the clan.

730
00:31:44,918 --> 00:31:45,398
Childhood.

731
00:31:49,398 --> 00:31:53,758
You know that thing when you're a kid

732
00:31:53,758 --> 00:31:55,858
and they think you're a grand wizard?

733
00:32:00,038 --> 00:32:01,658
This guy knows what I'm talking about.

734
00:32:02,658 --> 00:32:04,918
Hey, yeah, you, yeah, you too?

735
00:32:04,918 --> 00:32:05,698
You too?

736
00:32:06,358 --> 00:32:06,638
Yeah.

737
00:32:06,838 --> 00:32:09,258
My nickname around the neighborhood was David Duke.

738
00:32:19,258 --> 00:32:22,558
Top that, Francis.

739
00:32:25,998 --> 00:32:26,718
Childhood.

740
00:32:29,658 --> 00:32:30,958
I didn't have one.

741
00:32:34,918 --> 00:32:49,938
You know how when you're born with drugs in your system and it's your mom's fault and they take you away and you remember?

742
00:32:50,618 --> 00:32:51,798
They think you won't, but you remember.

743
00:32:54,678 --> 00:33:00,378
But that's okay because in high school, you don't have to write an essay and you already got your topic.

744
00:33:00,378 --> 00:33:01,718
You know?

745
00:33:01,718 --> 00:33:03,358
And

746
00:33:03,358 --> 00:33:07,338
I was

747
00:33:07,338 --> 00:33:09,018
Thinking the other day how

748
00:33:09,018 --> 00:33:13,698
When you're a kid and you can't see over the steering wheel

749
00:33:13,698 --> 00:33:15,058
Because

750
00:33:15,058 --> 00:33:18,158
Your dad's passed out

751
00:33:18,158 --> 00:33:19,418
And you gotta drive the car

752
00:33:19,418 --> 00:33:22,158
But that's life

753
00:33:22,158 --> 00:33:27,658
And you're a grand wizard

754
00:33:27,658 --> 00:33:38,238
Free associate about the economy

755
00:33:38,238 --> 00:33:43,078
The economy

756
00:33:43,078 --> 00:33:44,038
Oh man

757
00:33:44,038 --> 00:33:46,698
I hear economy and I think

758
00:33:46,698 --> 00:33:49,998
I'm gonna be sitting next to

759
00:33:49,998 --> 00:33:52,058
Some guy on a plane

760
00:33:52,058 --> 00:33:53,818
Who won't stop farting

761
00:33:53,818 --> 00:33:54,478
Am I right?

762
00:33:54,478 --> 00:33:55,178
Yeah

763
00:33:55,178 --> 00:33:58,378
Yeah, yeah, you know.

764
00:33:58,518 --> 00:33:59,118
You're that guy.

765
00:33:59,198 --> 00:34:00,018
I bet you're that guy.

766
00:34:00,378 --> 00:34:01,238
Oh, man.

767
00:34:02,358 --> 00:34:03,418
Speaking of planes,

768
00:34:04,638 --> 00:34:06,998
what's with the aisles being so short?

769
00:34:08,018 --> 00:34:10,138
And it's like,

770
00:34:10,338 --> 00:34:12,978
and then people treat it like it's some kind of a runway.

771
00:34:13,238 --> 00:34:13,919
You know what I mean?

772
00:34:14,838 --> 00:34:16,459
It makes me want to run away.

773
00:34:17,138 --> 00:34:17,738
But I can't.

774
00:34:17,798 --> 00:34:19,098
I'm stuck in this metal tube.

775
00:34:19,919 --> 00:34:20,318
Ugh.

776
00:34:21,738 --> 00:34:22,638
And you know what?

777
00:34:22,758 --> 00:34:23,838
They used to give you meals.

778
00:34:24,098 --> 00:34:24,978
What's up with meals?

779
00:34:25,178 --> 00:34:26,138
on planes.

780
00:34:27,078 --> 00:34:28,838
I used to be sitting there smoking,

781
00:34:29,838 --> 00:34:31,718
having my Salisbury steak

782
00:34:31,718 --> 00:34:33,818
on a one-hour flight,

783
00:34:34,939 --> 00:34:36,498
slapping the stewardess's ass.

784
00:34:36,538 --> 00:34:37,979
Hey, toots, get me another bourbon.

785
00:34:39,198 --> 00:34:40,378
And now I slap their ass

786
00:34:40,378 --> 00:34:42,278
and I get escorted off the plane.

787
00:34:42,378 --> 00:34:43,258
I'm the bad guy.

788
00:34:43,318 --> 00:34:44,398
Come on.

789
00:34:47,098 --> 00:34:49,138
That makes me think of the economy.

790
00:34:50,798 --> 00:34:55,378
You know, it's bad when you don't even flush anymore.

791
00:34:57,798 --> 00:35:00,258
You know, you got to get your cost per flush down.

792
00:35:01,338 --> 00:35:03,998
And everyone in the house has to be on the same page because you know what?

793
00:35:04,058 --> 00:35:06,898
If people aren't on the same page, you might as well just flush.

794
00:35:07,758 --> 00:35:08,098
Right?

795
00:35:08,458 --> 00:35:11,498
Because if everyone's not doing it, why should I do it?

796
00:35:11,498 --> 00:35:13,538
And how do you convince someone to do it

797
00:35:13,538 --> 00:35:14,398
What do you say

798
00:35:14,398 --> 00:35:16,278
Roommate

799
00:35:16,278 --> 00:35:18,278
If you don't do this

800
00:35:18,278 --> 00:35:19,838
I'm going to kill you

801
00:35:19,838 --> 00:35:22,798
I'm going to kill you with a knife

802
00:35:22,798 --> 00:35:24,258
Or a musket

803
00:35:24,258 --> 00:35:27,978
And then they'd listen

804
00:35:27,978 --> 00:35:29,098
And you

805
00:35:29,098 --> 00:35:30,718
Are a hero

806
00:35:30,718 --> 00:35:32,618
In the local watering community

807
00:35:32,618 --> 00:35:34,838
And

808
00:35:34,838 --> 00:35:38,158
You could just drink your own piss

809
00:35:38,158 --> 00:35:39,018
You ever think of that

810
00:35:39,018 --> 00:35:40,598
I'm thinking about it right now

811
00:35:40,598 --> 00:35:42,678
okay I did it

812
00:35:42,678 --> 00:35:45,398
I did it

813
00:35:45,398 --> 00:35:47,678
yeah

814
00:35:47,678 --> 00:35:48,758
I did it

815
00:35:48,758 --> 00:35:51,118
I didn't even have to

816
00:35:51,118 --> 00:35:52,658
I wasn't even stranded

817
00:35:52,658 --> 00:35:55,878
all I had was cold water and that's not what I wanted

818
00:35:55,878 --> 00:35:57,998
I wanted warm water

819
00:35:57,998 --> 00:36:00,758
so I did it

820
00:36:00,758 --> 00:36:03,578
and I did it in front of a school

821
00:36:03,578 --> 00:36:06,378
and they were outside

822
00:36:06,378 --> 00:36:09,138
and they saw

823
00:36:09,138 --> 00:36:11,618
But it's okay

824
00:36:11,618 --> 00:36:16,038
Cause I just said

825
00:36:16,038 --> 00:36:18,118
I was mentally ill

826
00:36:18,118 --> 00:36:19,938
And they don't even check

827
00:36:19,938 --> 00:36:22,858
This guy gets it

828
00:36:22,858 --> 00:36:25,058
Economy

829
00:36:25,058 --> 00:36:27,898
Like economy oh my

830
00:36:27,898 --> 00:36:28,998
Oof

831
00:36:28,998 --> 00:36:30,398
Aye aye

832
00:36:30,398 --> 00:36:32,638
They should

833
00:36:32,638 --> 00:36:33,978
You know

834
00:36:33,978 --> 00:36:37,238
The only person taking more of my money

835
00:36:37,238 --> 00:36:39,098
Than my ex-wife is the government

836
00:36:39,098 --> 00:36:42,318
I should call it the economy.

837
00:36:42,598 --> 00:36:44,358
No, more like the economy.

838
00:36:44,578 --> 00:36:45,958
Everybody but me.

839
00:36:46,498 --> 00:36:47,898
That's who's getting the money.

840
00:36:48,018 --> 00:36:48,778
Am I right?

841
00:36:50,098 --> 00:36:50,898
Oh, yeah.

842
00:36:50,918 --> 00:36:51,138
Yeah.

843
00:36:52,278 --> 00:36:53,678
This guy gets it.

844
00:37:00,198 --> 00:37:01,798
Talk about your last relationship.

845
00:37:04,838 --> 00:37:06,758
Oh, that should be real easy.

846
00:37:06,758 --> 00:37:07,918
Yeah, this will cover.

847
00:37:07,918 --> 00:37:09,438
This will be real simple.

848
00:37:11,138 --> 00:37:19,498
My last relationship was with a beautiful, beautiful young, young lady named Nike.

849
00:37:20,538 --> 00:37:21,418
That's right.

850
00:37:21,458 --> 00:37:22,278
It was my sock.

851
00:37:23,338 --> 00:37:25,858
My sock was my last relationship.

852
00:37:26,458 --> 00:37:28,118
It's the longest one I've ever had.

853
00:37:29,678 --> 00:37:30,318
Oh, yeah.

854
00:37:33,518 --> 00:37:34,738
And you know what?

855
00:37:35,678 --> 00:37:37,018
Even she left me.

856
00:37:37,918 --> 00:37:41,318
Even Nike, uh, even Nike went away.

857
00:37:42,278 --> 00:37:45,338
She got lost in the dryer, quote unquote.

858
00:37:46,078 --> 00:37:47,498
That's what they told me.

859
00:37:48,078 --> 00:37:50,038
Yeah, you know when your socks go missing in the dryer?

860
00:37:50,378 --> 00:37:50,658
Yeah.

861
00:37:51,058 --> 00:37:51,638
Where'd they go?

862
00:37:52,298 --> 00:37:52,898
Where'd they go?

863
00:37:53,638 --> 00:37:56,018
You think there's a secret land out there where all the socks go?

864
00:37:57,378 --> 00:37:57,818
Probably.

865
00:37:58,218 --> 00:38:01,258
And they're probably all out there comparing notes about me.

866
00:38:02,758 --> 00:38:03,638
Hey, hey, yeah.

867
00:38:03,638 --> 00:38:06,898
did it take you a while to even

868
00:38:06,898 --> 00:38:08,798
realize that

869
00:38:08,798 --> 00:38:10,378
you were in a relationship with him?

870
00:38:10,858 --> 00:38:12,658
Yeah, yeah, he's so small.

871
00:38:16,558 --> 00:38:18,938
It took me a while to even realize

872
00:38:18,938 --> 00:38:20,418
he was putting himself inside me.

873
00:38:20,558 --> 00:38:21,358
Yay, yay, yay.

874
00:38:22,738 --> 00:38:24,258
Talk more about your small penis.

875
00:38:27,558 --> 00:38:27,998
Oh,

876
00:38:28,478 --> 00:38:30,458
I call him Nubby.

877
00:38:33,638 --> 00:38:36,338
Nubby and I have been through a lot together.

878
00:38:36,978 --> 00:38:37,978
Been through a lot together.

879
00:38:40,098 --> 00:38:41,038
And I always say to him,

880
00:38:41,078 --> 00:38:41,698
don't worry, Nubby.

881
00:38:42,218 --> 00:38:42,878
Don't worry.

882
00:38:43,998 --> 00:38:45,098
You're big to me.

883
00:38:50,378 --> 00:38:50,858
Relationships.

884
00:38:50,858 --> 00:38:53,538
That reminds me of how,

885
00:38:54,178 --> 00:38:56,238
you know how sometimes you get real lonely

886
00:38:56,238 --> 00:39:00,578
and your friend who you admire

887
00:39:00,578 --> 00:39:02,778
is real happy?

888
00:39:03,638 --> 00:39:06,058
and you want what they got, right?

889
00:39:07,198 --> 00:39:08,698
So you wait till they go to work,

890
00:39:08,698 --> 00:39:11,978
and then you break in the back door,

891
00:39:12,698 --> 00:39:16,678
and then you find them sitting on the bed,

892
00:39:17,598 --> 00:39:21,758
and then you crack it in half because it's a sock,

893
00:39:22,318 --> 00:39:26,198
and then you take it away,

894
00:39:27,098 --> 00:39:29,118
and you bury it in two dumpsters,

895
00:39:29,118 --> 00:39:33,198
and you know

896
00:39:33,198 --> 00:39:36,078
they're never going to find a body

897
00:39:36,078 --> 00:39:37,418
because it's a sock

898
00:39:37,418 --> 00:39:39,678
and you get off on that

899
00:39:39,678 --> 00:39:43,638
and it turns out

900
00:39:43,638 --> 00:39:47,178
the weird of the object

901
00:39:47,178 --> 00:39:48,638
the hotter it is

902
00:39:48,638 --> 00:39:51,058
to the point where

903
00:39:51,058 --> 00:39:55,198
you could never go back to a human again

904
00:39:55,198 --> 00:40:00,078
You know

905
00:40:00,078 --> 00:40:07,298
Not really a punchline in there

906
00:40:07,298 --> 00:40:07,998
But okay

907
00:40:07,998 --> 00:40:10,358
Oh you want a punchline

908
00:40:10,358 --> 00:40:17,398
Solid

909
00:40:17,398 --> 00:40:19,958
Like your sock

910
00:40:19,958 --> 00:40:23,518
Anything else the audience want to hear about

911
00:40:23,518 --> 00:40:24,158
Yeah

912
00:40:24,158 --> 00:40:28,978
what other objects do you find sexy

913
00:40:28,978 --> 00:40:30,918
hmm

914
00:40:30,918 --> 00:40:33,838
that reminds me

915
00:40:33,838 --> 00:40:36,758
when your

916
00:40:36,758 --> 00:40:50,724
when your mom cooks she leaves you alone with the food All you need is a couple minutes Seven layer bean dip can become one layer real quick

917
00:40:53,984 --> 00:40:55,744
I call that a flat five.

918
00:41:00,284 --> 00:41:01,584
Because that's my size.

919
00:41:04,704 --> 00:41:07,184
Yeah, yeah, I've had your mom's bean dip before.

920
00:41:07,764 --> 00:41:09,844
Yeah.

921
00:41:10,464 --> 00:41:12,444
That's what I call a vagina.

922
00:41:13,624 --> 00:41:13,984
Hey.

923
00:41:14,184 --> 00:41:15,344
Tell us more about his mom.

924
00:41:17,344 --> 00:41:18,364
His mom

925
00:41:18,364 --> 00:41:20,664
is so ugly.

926
00:41:22,364 --> 00:41:22,964
Huh?

927
00:41:23,324 --> 00:41:24,384
She's so ugly.

928
00:41:24,924 --> 00:41:26,244
How ugly is she?

929
00:41:27,044 --> 00:41:28,524
She's so ugly

930
00:41:28,524 --> 00:41:31,864
that when we go out together,

931
00:41:32,284 --> 00:41:32,784
people go,

932
00:41:32,924 --> 00:41:33,724
hey, you're a good match.

933
00:41:34,504 --> 00:41:35,464
You're a good match.

934
00:41:35,464 --> 00:41:40,164
hey guys look at this ugly mug you guys get it

935
00:41:40,164 --> 00:41:47,524
you know how your

936
00:41:47,524 --> 00:41:55,184
mom told you about fisting

937
00:41:55,184 --> 00:42:02,324
instead of the bees and the birds and you went to school all excited

938
00:42:02,324 --> 00:42:04,004
thinking that's what it was

939
00:42:04,004 --> 00:42:06,964
and then you got in trouble

940
00:42:06,964 --> 00:42:09,084
and you had to go home

941
00:42:09,084 --> 00:42:10,224
to your mom

942
00:42:10,224 --> 00:42:11,844
who told you that

943
00:42:11,844 --> 00:42:15,464
but you didn't want to talk about it anymore

944
00:42:15,464 --> 00:42:17,364
so she asked what happened

945
00:42:17,364 --> 00:42:17,964
and you lied

946
00:42:17,964 --> 00:42:23,124
and then she found out the truth

947
00:42:23,124 --> 00:42:28,484
mom

948
00:42:28,484 --> 00:42:33,844
mom

949
00:42:33,844 --> 00:42:44,464
this guy uh reversing irreversible binomials over here the bees and the birds

950
00:42:44,464 --> 00:42:51,424
oh hey oh hey but hey this guy's mom's so ugly

951
00:42:53,124 --> 00:42:55,924
this guy's mom's so ugly

952
00:42:55,924 --> 00:42:58,484
how ugly is she

953
00:42:58,484 --> 00:43:01,064
she's so ugly

954
00:43:01,064 --> 00:43:03,164
I took her out and somebody was like

955
00:43:03,164 --> 00:43:04,544
hey is she one of the griffins

956
00:43:04,544 --> 00:43:06,504
and I was like what from family guy

957
00:43:06,504 --> 00:43:09,324
no from mythology

958
00:43:09,324 --> 00:43:10,324
hey

959
00:43:10,324 --> 00:43:12,304
she's so ugly

960
00:43:12,304 --> 00:43:14,064
good one dad

961
00:43:14,064 --> 00:43:21,244
speaking of ugly

962
00:43:21,244 --> 00:43:25,084
you ever bend over

963
00:43:25,084 --> 00:43:27,724
and

964
00:43:27,724 --> 00:43:29,464
see your own butt

965
00:43:29,464 --> 00:43:31,584
and you're just like

966
00:43:31,584 --> 00:43:34,144
yikes that's where the good lord

967
00:43:34,144 --> 00:43:34,784
split me

968
00:43:34,784 --> 00:43:38,204
that's where I was split

969
00:43:38,204 --> 00:43:40,244
and you're saying

970
00:43:40,244 --> 00:43:41,524
this while you're still bent over

971
00:43:41,524 --> 00:43:44,344
and you're looking at your own face in the mirror behind you

972
00:43:44,344 --> 00:43:45,524
and you're whole

973
00:43:45,524 --> 00:43:48,184
and you're just

974
00:43:48,184 --> 00:43:50,364
repeating it over and over because you can't believe it

975
00:43:50,364 --> 00:43:52,304
And meanwhile, the toilet's unflushed.

976
00:43:52,344 --> 00:43:53,124
You got to remember that.

977
00:43:53,444 --> 00:43:54,804
This is all happening at once.

978
00:43:55,924 --> 00:44:01,804
And then as the last time you say it, last time you say, this is where the good Lord split me.

979
00:44:03,444 --> 00:44:08,624
Your butt winks because of how fast you're talking.

980
00:44:10,544 --> 00:44:12,844
And you're like, whoa, I didn't know I could do that.

981
00:44:13,824 --> 00:44:15,624
And then you're like, get in here.

982
00:44:16,424 --> 00:44:19,004
Roommate who I yelled at earlier and threatened to kill.

983
00:44:19,004 --> 00:44:21,144
get in here

984
00:44:21,144 --> 00:44:23,424
and they come in and they're like

985
00:44:23,424 --> 00:44:25,264
your ass

986
00:44:25,264 --> 00:44:26,624
is out

987
00:44:26,624 --> 00:44:29,644
and you're like I know

988
00:44:29,644 --> 00:44:30,924
look

989
00:44:30,924 --> 00:44:33,324
and you do it again and they were like

990
00:44:33,324 --> 00:44:34,144
whoa

991
00:44:34,144 --> 00:44:37,184
and they never forget it

992
00:44:37,184 --> 00:44:38,704
and that's how you get on

993
00:44:38,704 --> 00:44:40,724
Jimmy Fallon

994
00:44:40,724 --> 00:44:45,184
because of the viral

995
00:44:45,184 --> 00:44:47,244
ho-wink

996
00:44:47,244 --> 00:44:52,784
This guy's talking about holes

997
00:44:52,784 --> 00:44:53,544
Yeah

998
00:44:53,544 --> 00:44:56,204
More like pie holes

999
00:44:56,204 --> 00:44:57,424
Because then you should shut them

1000
00:44:57,424 --> 00:44:59,544
Ay yi yi

1001
00:44:59,544 --> 00:45:01,884
How many pie holes are there?

1002
00:45:02,524 --> 00:45:04,384
He's got so many pie holes

1003
00:45:04,384 --> 00:45:08,384
That I don't even have time

1004
00:45:08,384 --> 00:45:10,784
To put Nubby in all of them

1005
00:45:10,784 --> 00:45:12,544
Speaking of pies

1006
00:45:12,544 --> 00:45:15,664
You know how in Mrs. Doubtfire

1007
00:45:15,664 --> 00:45:17,604
they put the pie on the face

1008
00:45:17,604 --> 00:45:19,704
it reminds me of

1009
00:45:19,704 --> 00:45:23,284
this dead chick I found once

1010
00:45:23,284 --> 00:45:26,684
horrific

1011
00:45:26,684 --> 00:45:28,924
smelled

1012
00:45:28,924 --> 00:45:30,524
pretty bad

1013
00:45:30,524 --> 00:45:33,104
I called the cops

1014
00:45:33,104 --> 00:45:35,624
they came over

1015
00:45:35,624 --> 00:45:36,184
they agreed

1016
00:45:36,184 --> 00:45:37,924
I believe was what they said

1017
00:45:37,924 --> 00:45:39,564
clinical police term

1018
00:45:39,564 --> 00:45:42,784
how dead was she?

1019
00:45:42,784 --> 00:45:43,224
oh

1020
00:45:43,224 --> 00:45:45,424
dead

1021
00:45:45,424 --> 00:45:47,664
vulture

1022
00:45:47,664 --> 00:45:49,244
dead

1023
00:45:49,244 --> 00:45:52,904
she was so dead that

1024
00:45:52,904 --> 00:45:54,424
when I took her out later that night

1025
00:45:54,424 --> 00:45:56,324
people were like hey you're a good match

1026
00:45:56,324 --> 00:45:57,744
you're a good match

1027
00:45:57,744 --> 00:45:59,324
ay ay ay

1028
00:45:59,324 --> 00:46:05,004
oh that's been my time

1029
00:46:05,004 --> 00:46:06,964
thank you so much folks you've been a great audience

1030
00:46:06,964 --> 00:46:09,044
thank you so much folks

1031
00:46:09,044 --> 00:46:10,124
fuck you

1032
00:46:10,124 --> 00:46:12,784
this guy with the potty mouth

1033
00:46:12,784 --> 00:46:14,704
stick to your day job

1034
00:46:14,704 --> 00:46:21,104
Oh, that was a fun little comedy set.

1035
00:46:21,484 --> 00:46:22,284
I thought they were good.

1036
00:46:23,424 --> 00:46:28,264
There was the one guy that seemed to just tell more depressing stories from his life

1037
00:46:28,264 --> 00:46:30,344
and just ask if anybody knows.

1038
00:46:31,964 --> 00:46:33,404
I hope that guy's okay.

1039
00:46:33,624 --> 00:46:35,184
Hard to quantify comedy.

1040
00:46:35,264 --> 00:46:35,584
It's true.

1041
00:46:35,864 --> 00:46:36,564
It's subjective.

1042
00:46:37,004 --> 00:46:42,810
Yeah Well that wraps up Loose Five

1043
00:46:50,090 --> 00:46:51,530
All right.

1044
00:46:52,110 --> 00:46:54,470
It's time for our last segment.

1045
00:46:55,610 --> 00:46:56,610
The Big Question.

1046
00:46:57,450 --> 00:47:00,210
The question is very big.

1047
00:47:01,910 --> 00:47:02,850
Oh, you want it?

1048
00:47:02,850 --> 00:47:03,750
Can I?

1049
00:47:03,930 --> 00:47:04,570
Oh, I want it.

1050
00:47:04,670 --> 00:47:04,910
Okay.

1051
00:47:04,910 --> 00:47:06,130
Give it to me.

1052
00:47:06,290 --> 00:47:06,530
Okay.

1053
00:47:07,210 --> 00:47:10,450
I'm going to give you the question now.

1054
00:47:10,610 --> 00:47:11,090
Thank you.

1055
00:47:12,290 --> 00:47:13,750
The question is a challenge.

1056
00:47:14,270 --> 00:47:14,610
Oh.

1057
00:47:15,530 --> 00:47:18,330
I'm going to tell you about real life.

1058
00:47:18,570 --> 00:47:19,110
Well, not real life.

1059
00:47:19,130 --> 00:47:20,490
I'm going to give you situations, right?

1060
00:47:20,530 --> 00:47:21,590
I'm going to put you in a situation.

1061
00:47:22,490 --> 00:47:26,230
And I want you on the fly to come up with a new idiom or expression

1062
00:47:26,230 --> 00:47:31,210
that fits my saying that you just invented and then explain it.

1063
00:47:31,710 --> 00:47:34,790
And we're going to do this for multiple situations.

1064
00:47:35,370 --> 00:47:35,550
Whoa.

1065
00:47:35,950 --> 00:47:36,190
Yeah.

1066
00:47:36,190 --> 00:47:38,010
you clear on what I want?

1067
00:47:39,350 --> 00:47:39,790
Yes.

1068
00:47:40,690 --> 00:47:41,930
Are you going to give it to me?

1069
00:47:42,590 --> 00:47:43,590
I hope so.

1070
00:47:43,650 --> 00:47:43,990
I hope,

1071
00:47:44,090 --> 00:47:45,790
I hope I don't disappoint.

1072
00:47:46,110 --> 00:47:46,490
You won't.

1073
00:47:47,230 --> 00:47:47,810
You can't.

1074
00:47:48,470 --> 00:47:48,910
Okay.

1075
00:47:49,010 --> 00:47:50,650
You can flush whenever you want.

1076
00:47:51,990 --> 00:47:52,230
All right.

1077
00:47:52,230 --> 00:47:52,590
Thank you.

1078
00:47:52,650 --> 00:47:53,510
Let's get this under the,

1079
00:47:53,690 --> 00:47:54,290
let's get this,

1080
00:47:54,450 --> 00:47:56,330
let's get this pony on the skyscraper.

1081
00:47:57,990 --> 00:47:58,430
Ah,

1082
00:47:58,530 --> 00:47:59,090
good idiom.

1083
00:47:59,690 --> 00:48:00,310
Thank you.

1084
00:48:01,230 --> 00:48:01,570
Okay.

1085
00:48:02,410 --> 00:48:02,850
Hey,

1086
00:48:02,850 --> 00:48:03,090
Jenna.

1087
00:48:03,090 --> 00:48:11,590
tough day tough day i just found out my uh my grandma has been

1088
00:48:11,590 --> 00:48:17,430
sleeping with my other grandpa you know not the one that she's supposed to be with

1089
00:48:17,430 --> 00:48:26,030
maternal or which one my maternal grandma is sleeping with my paternal grandpa shit

1090
00:48:26,030 --> 00:48:29,370
sorry just remembered something

1091
00:48:29,370 --> 00:48:32,530
okay

1092
00:48:32,530 --> 00:48:34,550
uh well

1093
00:48:34,550 --> 00:48:38,790
you know what they say

1094
00:48:38,790 --> 00:48:46,110
you rub two Werthers together

1095
00:48:46,110 --> 00:48:48,770
you're gonna make a sticky mess

1096
00:48:53,690 --> 00:48:54,250
okay

1097
00:48:54,250 --> 00:48:56,010
so sorry about that buddy

1098
00:48:56,010 --> 00:48:58,110
Wow. That really helps, actually.

1099
00:48:59,950 --> 00:49:00,850
That's good.

1100
00:49:01,950 --> 00:49:02,690
That's good.

1101
00:49:03,530 --> 00:49:04,530
All right, new situation.

1102
00:49:04,810 --> 00:49:04,970
Okay.

1103
00:49:07,930 --> 00:49:08,810
Hey, Carol.

1104
00:49:09,210 --> 00:49:09,610
Hi.

1105
00:49:09,890 --> 00:49:11,270
Oh, my gosh, I've been meaning to call you.

1106
00:49:11,350 --> 00:49:15,270
It's just my kid got suspended, and that's the third time this week.

1107
00:49:15,410 --> 00:49:19,070
So things are really rough at the house right now, so I haven't had a lot of time.

1108
00:49:19,850 --> 00:49:20,930
Oh, my God.

1109
00:49:21,390 --> 00:49:21,710
Well.

1110
00:49:26,010 --> 00:49:32,790
When you know what they say, when you give birth to a piece of shit, the shit stays home.

1111
00:49:35,090 --> 00:49:36,830
That's where that, that's where that comes from.

1112
00:49:38,790 --> 00:49:41,090
Oh, we didn't have that one where I was born.

1113
00:49:41,270 --> 00:49:41,650
Oh yeah.

1114
00:49:41,650 --> 00:49:42,510
It's big around here.

1115
00:49:42,810 --> 00:49:43,150
Okay.

1116
00:49:43,270 --> 00:49:44,630
A lot of pieces of shit around here.

1117
00:49:45,670 --> 00:49:46,010
Okay.

1118
00:49:46,170 --> 00:49:46,870
So, okay.

1119
00:49:47,230 --> 00:49:48,430
So my son's a piece of shit.

1120
00:49:49,530 --> 00:49:49,770
Yeah.

1121
00:49:51,450 --> 00:49:51,930
Got it.

1122
00:49:52,030 --> 00:49:52,750
Thanks for telling me.

1123
00:49:52,750 --> 00:49:53,550
Well, now you know.

1124
00:49:53,710 --> 00:49:56,590
The suspensions didn't tip you off.

1125
00:49:57,330 --> 00:49:58,070
Now you know.

1126
00:49:58,330 --> 00:49:58,770
Now I know.

1127
00:49:59,330 --> 00:49:59,730
Thank you.

1128
00:49:59,790 --> 00:50:00,390
Yeah, I'll call soon.

1129
00:50:00,870 --> 00:50:01,230
Okay.

1130
00:50:01,350 --> 00:50:01,610
Okay.

1131
00:50:01,970 --> 00:50:02,210
Bye.

1132
00:50:02,390 --> 00:50:02,550
Bye.

1133
00:50:04,650 --> 00:50:05,390
New situation.

1134
00:50:07,570 --> 00:50:08,130
All right.

1135
00:50:08,210 --> 00:50:08,450
Wow.

1136
00:50:08,770 --> 00:50:09,930
It was a great camping trip.

1137
00:50:11,090 --> 00:50:16,570
I'm just going to go ahead and set up and, you know, I really needed this because I'm

1138
00:50:16,570 --> 00:50:17,830
having an existential crisis.

1139
00:50:18,130 --> 00:50:20,330
I don't even know who I am anymore.

1140
00:50:20,330 --> 00:50:24,370
I don't know how I'm going to even greet tomorrow.

1141
00:50:25,710 --> 00:50:26,110
Oof.

1142
00:50:28,230 --> 00:50:29,390
Oof, that's rough.

1143
00:50:30,250 --> 00:50:37,750
Like, are you thinking about, you know, the big goodbye in the sky?

1144
00:50:38,090 --> 00:50:39,090
Is that what you're talking about?

1145
00:50:39,550 --> 00:50:41,330
Yeah, I mean, I hope that's not too heavy.

1146
00:50:42,650 --> 00:50:43,330
Wait, what?

1147
00:50:44,050 --> 00:50:46,530
You know, you're thinking of offing yourself.

1148
00:50:46,850 --> 00:50:48,250
Oh, yeah, you called it a...

1149
00:50:48,250 --> 00:50:49,490
The big goodbye in the sky.

1150
00:50:50,810 --> 00:50:52,690
I've never heard that.

1151
00:50:53,010 --> 00:50:53,690
Oh, yeah, yeah.

1152
00:50:54,390 --> 00:50:55,370
That's what we call it.

1153
00:50:55,650 --> 00:50:56,990
What's the sky got to do with it?

1154
00:50:57,230 --> 00:50:58,010
Because you're going to heaven.

1155
00:50:59,210 --> 00:51:00,730
Oh, thank you.

1156
00:51:01,730 --> 00:51:03,910
Is there another version where maybe you don't?

1157
00:51:06,550 --> 00:51:07,930
The sad hello to below.

1158
00:51:09,910 --> 00:51:10,830
That's the one I knew.

1159
00:51:11,270 --> 00:51:11,490
Yeah.

1160
00:51:11,670 --> 00:51:12,950
That's the one I knew.

1161
00:51:13,030 --> 00:51:13,830
But you're a good guy.

1162
00:51:14,130 --> 00:51:14,650
You think so?

1163
00:51:14,750 --> 00:51:16,230
You're going to get that goodbye in the sky.

1164
00:51:16,430 --> 00:51:17,050
That means a lot.

1165
00:51:17,050 --> 00:51:17,450
Yeah.

1166
00:51:18,690 --> 00:51:19,630
Not that sad.

1167
00:51:19,630 --> 00:51:20,710
hello to

1168
00:51:20,710 --> 00:51:21,270
hello

1169
00:51:21,270 --> 00:51:25,690
I'm so pissed right now

1170
00:51:25,690 --> 00:51:26,050
what?

1171
00:51:26,350 --> 00:51:27,350
I just got this car

1172
00:51:27,350 --> 00:51:28,310
from the car dealership

1173
00:51:28,310 --> 00:51:28,930
and I found out

1174
00:51:28,930 --> 00:51:29,810
they charged me

1175
00:51:29,810 --> 00:51:31,390
50% over MSRP

1176
00:51:31,390 --> 00:51:32,230
huh?

1177
00:51:33,350 --> 00:51:33,870
ooh

1178
00:51:33,870 --> 00:51:36,470
yeah

1179
00:51:36,470 --> 00:51:39,230
you got the old

1180
00:51:39,230 --> 00:51:40,110
citrus squeeze

1181
00:51:40,110 --> 00:51:40,450
huh?

1182
00:51:42,150 --> 00:51:43,110
citrus squeeze?

1183
00:51:43,350 --> 00:51:43,630
yeah

1184
00:51:43,630 --> 00:51:44,210
it's when they

1185
00:51:44,210 --> 00:51:44,970
squeeze you out

1186
00:51:44,970 --> 00:51:45,290
every

1187
00:51:45,290 --> 00:51:46,590
every drop

1188
00:51:46,590 --> 00:51:47,570
for a lemon

1189
00:51:47,570 --> 00:51:51,290
I didn't even think it was a lemon

1190
00:51:51,290 --> 00:51:53,010
Oh it's probably a lemon

1191
00:51:53,010 --> 00:51:54,350
Citrus squeeze

1192
00:51:54,350 --> 00:51:55,950
This old citrus squeeze

1193
00:51:55,950 --> 00:52:03,810
Hey what's wrong

1194
00:52:03,810 --> 00:52:06,970
I'm just worried my lord has forsaken me

1195
00:52:06,970 --> 00:52:08,390
Oh no

1196
00:52:08,390 --> 00:52:09,230
Why

1197
00:52:09,230 --> 00:52:10,970
He hasn't answered any of my prayers

1198
00:52:10,970 --> 00:52:11,970
Oh

1199
00:52:11,970 --> 00:52:16,670
What makes you say that

1200
00:52:16,670 --> 00:52:19,050
none of my prayers

1201
00:52:19,050 --> 00:52:19,770
have been answered

1202
00:52:19,770 --> 00:52:21,330
what are you praying for

1203
00:52:21,330 --> 00:52:23,110
rain

1204
00:52:23,110 --> 00:52:24,870
money

1205
00:52:24,870 --> 00:52:28,650
a meet and greet

1206
00:52:28,650 --> 00:52:29,810
with Lucy Lawless

1207
00:52:29,810 --> 00:52:35,210
well

1208
00:52:35,210 --> 00:52:48,337
pine cones a Subaru Forester fully loaded banana leaf a Subaru Forester fully loaded banana leaf tomcat

1209
00:52:48,337 --> 00:52:51,717
murder weapon

1210
00:52:51,717 --> 00:52:53,877
of a famous crime

1211
00:52:53,877 --> 00:52:57,917
what else?

1212
00:52:58,917 --> 00:53:00,437
tears of a donkey

1213
00:53:00,437 --> 00:53:03,917
a window that belonged

1214
00:53:03,917 --> 00:53:05,457
to a third floor room

1215
00:53:05,457 --> 00:53:10,017
A tire that blew out on the freeway

1216
00:53:10,017 --> 00:53:12,297
and was collected by a person who liked rubber.

1217
00:53:15,197 --> 00:53:18,476
One of his air fresheners that's lost all of its scent,

1218
00:53:18,837 --> 00:53:19,716
but remains.

1219
00:53:22,277 --> 00:53:25,277
Pad Thai from a white-owned restaurant.

1220
00:53:31,297 --> 00:53:31,857
Asphalt.

1221
00:53:35,457 --> 00:53:45,357
And the last worn condom of Bryan Cranston.

1222
00:53:55,357 --> 00:53:57,877
Well, you know what they say.

1223
00:53:59,197 --> 00:54:00,137
God's a dick.

1224
00:54:05,457 --> 00:54:10,297
Okay, well, Francis, have I successfully answered the big question?

1225
00:54:10,877 --> 00:54:12,096
Yeah, yeah.

1226
00:54:13,317 --> 00:54:14,457
You did really well.

1227
00:54:14,617 --> 00:54:15,137
Thank you.

1228
00:54:19,157 --> 00:54:21,577
I think I could have listened to that list all day.

1229
00:54:22,317 --> 00:54:23,877
I wonder how long I could have kept going.

1230
00:54:26,057 --> 00:54:28,457
The murder weapon from a famous crime.

1231
00:54:29,357 --> 00:54:31,657
Bad tie from a white Owen restaurant.

1232
00:54:35,457 --> 00:54:38,317
These are just random musings, so just so you know, audience.

1233
00:54:41,857 --> 00:54:42,377
Well.

1234
00:54:42,637 --> 00:54:43,037
Wow.

1235
00:54:43,637 --> 00:54:49,677
I think we only have time for one final bit of business.

1236
00:54:51,456 --> 00:54:52,517
Secret words.

1237
00:54:52,517 --> 00:54:52,697
Ah!

1238
00:54:57,317 --> 00:54:59,677
Oh, no, Francis is home alone and someone's coming to check on him.

1239
00:55:01,097 --> 00:55:02,277
You got me, Joe.

1240
00:55:02,476 --> 00:55:03,117
Scared me.

1241
00:55:03,877 --> 00:55:04,697
I'm sorry.

1242
00:55:05,457 --> 00:55:08,216
That was really funny, though.

1243
00:55:09,757 --> 00:55:10,237
Yeah.

1244
00:55:10,437 --> 00:55:11,737
Sorry, what's our final segment?

1245
00:55:13,216 --> 00:55:15,976
We've got to guess each other's secret words.

1246
00:55:16,697 --> 00:55:17,457
Or try to, anyway.

1247
00:55:17,557 --> 00:55:17,677
Yeah.

1248
00:55:20,577 --> 00:55:23,837
I don't have a lot of guesses, but I'll just go first.

1249
00:55:23,976 --> 00:55:24,237
Okay.

1250
00:55:25,317 --> 00:55:26,757
I wrote down tortilla.

1251
00:55:27,997 --> 00:55:28,437
Nope.

1252
00:55:29,397 --> 00:55:32,577
And I understand that pervert's off the table, but I did write it down.

1253
00:55:32,877 --> 00:55:33,857
No, it's not pervert.

1254
00:55:34,017 --> 00:55:34,397
Someday.

1255
00:55:35,377 --> 00:55:35,857
Subjective?

1256
00:55:36,357 --> 00:55:36,657
Nope.

1257
00:55:38,257 --> 00:55:38,697
Maternal?

1258
00:55:39,177 --> 00:55:39,517
Nope.

1259
00:55:41,277 --> 00:55:42,197
That's all I wrote.

1260
00:55:43,057 --> 00:55:43,456
What?

1261
00:55:43,617 --> 00:55:46,557
That was a tough, yeah, nothing stuck out as weird to me at all.

1262
00:55:46,877 --> 00:55:48,877
I did such a good job.

1263
00:55:49,037 --> 00:55:50,137
Yeah, when did you get it in?

1264
00:55:50,596 --> 00:55:52,537
I got it in the middle segment?

1265
00:55:52,716 --> 00:55:52,956
No.

1266
00:55:54,417 --> 00:55:55,976
Invention of the Week, maybe?

1267
00:55:56,297 --> 00:55:56,877
I don't remember.

1268
00:55:58,456 --> 00:55:59,577
My word was quota.

1269
00:56:00,577 --> 00:56:01,956
I didn't even hear you say quota.

1270
00:56:01,956 --> 00:56:02,917
I said it.

1271
00:56:03,197 --> 00:56:05,057
I know you didn't clock it.

1272
00:56:06,137 --> 00:56:06,937
What did I say?

1273
00:56:06,997 --> 00:56:07,857
I said I.

1274
00:56:10,096 --> 00:56:11,037
I can't remember.

1275
00:56:11,157 --> 00:56:11,797
Reach my.

1276
00:56:12,257 --> 00:56:15,497
Oh, I need to reach my quota of liason or whatever.

1277
00:56:16,737 --> 00:56:18,697
Oh, I was worried that it was that.

1278
00:56:18,917 --> 00:56:19,096
Yeah.

1279
00:56:19,817 --> 00:56:20,596
I knew you were.

1280
00:56:20,797 --> 00:56:20,956
Yeah.

1281
00:56:22,237 --> 00:56:22,557
Damn.

1282
00:56:23,837 --> 00:56:24,277
Damn.

1283
00:56:24,456 --> 00:56:28,237
And then my decoy word was griffins.

1284
00:56:29,937 --> 00:56:30,857
Well, that's annoying.

1285
00:56:31,956 --> 00:56:34,737
I'm annoyed that that word didn't stick out to me at all.

1286
00:56:35,137 --> 00:56:35,337
Yeah.

1287
00:56:35,417 --> 00:56:36,737
Because now I'm like, yeah.

1288
00:56:36,857 --> 00:56:40,817
I thought, well, you also, like, I was surprised you didn't write down mythology either.

1289
00:56:42,777 --> 00:56:43,177
Yeah.

1290
00:56:43,737 --> 00:56:44,596
Um, okay.

1291
00:56:44,677 --> 00:56:45,857
Well, I guess I'll try.

1292
00:56:47,197 --> 00:56:48,476
I forgot to say my word.

1293
00:56:49,577 --> 00:56:49,777
Okay.

1294
00:56:49,777 --> 00:56:49,956
No.

1295
00:56:50,057 --> 00:56:50,317
Okay.

1296
00:56:50,317 --> 00:56:50,997
I don't know why I said that.

1297
00:56:52,257 --> 00:56:53,277
Don't do that.

1298
00:56:53,317 --> 00:56:54,456
I just wanted you to panic.

1299
00:56:54,917 --> 00:56:55,637
Like a button.

1300
00:56:57,337 --> 00:56:58,497
Is your word musket?

1301
00:57:00,277 --> 00:57:00,716
Decoy.

1302
00:57:00,937 --> 00:57:01,317
No!

1303
00:57:01,956 --> 00:57:09,757
dang i was hoping that that was oh i almost i almost guessed that as the decoy god damn it

1304
00:57:09,757 --> 00:57:16,017
all right well i'm gonna just guess the rest of these now okay i have a bunch is it flush

1305
00:57:16,017 --> 00:57:29,557
no unflushed no okay grandma no existential no forsaken yep oh

1306
00:57:29,557 --> 00:57:32,557
yes

1307
00:57:32,557 --> 00:57:35,476
and then you went on your little

1308
00:57:35,476 --> 00:57:37,517
things that you were praying for and I started to write

1309
00:57:37,517 --> 00:57:39,537
some of them down and I was like I can't

1310
00:57:39,537 --> 00:57:41,057
it's too many to keep up with

1311
00:57:41,057 --> 00:57:43,437
that would have been damn I should have put it in there

1312
00:57:43,437 --> 00:57:45,637
well you did it

1313
00:57:45,637 --> 00:57:46,817
right before that right when you said

1314
00:57:46,817 --> 00:57:48,037
God has forsaken me

1315
00:57:48,037 --> 00:57:49,517
alright

1316
00:57:49,517 --> 00:57:53,697
alright so your decoy

1317
00:57:53,697 --> 00:57:55,097
was musket I can't believe

1318
00:57:55,097 --> 00:57:55,997
I almost

1319
00:57:55,997 --> 00:57:59,117
did like a look away when you said it

1320
00:57:59,117 --> 00:58:03,377
but I didn't know if that was because you knew that I was writing it down and you were worried

1321
00:58:03,377 --> 00:58:11,117
you were caught. No, you caught me. Gotcha. God damn. Well, I'm plus one point. Okay.

1322
00:58:12,237 --> 00:58:19,157
And that puts you in the lead by half of a point. Oh, this is getting tight. You're neck and neck.

1323
00:58:19,157 --> 00:58:24,757
Yes. So next week's going to be pivotal. Oh yeah. Is that your word?

1324
00:58:25,956 --> 00:58:28,417
Tune in next week. Bye.

1325
00:58:29,117 --> 00:58:29,956
Bye.