welcome to very fine friends bonus improv joe can we get a suggestion from you please
then i guess you can thank you your suggestion is acquaintance acquaintance
acquaintance do you think there's a person named acquaintance out there
yeah got kind of it's kind of a nice word acquaintance acquaintance it's it's a nice
yeah it's a nicer word than what it means i think yeah acquaintance sounds like it should be like
better than friend yeah it almost sounds like like a like a tryst like a love affair
yes i had an acquaintance i had an acquaintance yeah tell me about your acquaintance stop
it was nothing like that we're just friends it's not not to the level of acquaintance yeah
Just some on top of the girdle stuff.
No under the corset.
My fingers.
My fingers are pinched.
No.
Yeah.
Most of the people you know, I feel like they're acquaintances.
Yeah, that's true.
Is it just me or does acquaintance imply a positive feeling towards the person?
hmm i don't know i think it's let's let's think about it oh how do you know linda
oh she's just an acquaintance i have i think it's kind of neutral actually really i don't
know why i think it's like it's acquaintance it's like uh if we knew each other better we'd
be friends but we don't know each other that well yet i would call that in queue in queue yeah
what's your relationship to jack oh he's in queue
hmm like he's he's up next kind of a thing yeah we don't i don't know about him yet
yeah that's cute
oh he's in queue yeah yeah he's in queue anon um he's in queue it's cute right it's in cute
yeah yeah i'm happy with most people i know being acquaintances
yeah I'm fine with that too
because I don't
I can't do shallow
friendships really
I can
I mean like
it's fine to like
have a good relationship
with someone
but like
I used to have a friend
who would
go out with these girls
like to party
like she would call them
when she wanted to like
party
and I'd be like
I don't really like these girls
she's like yeah I don't either
I'm like
why are we
we're hanging out
she's like
ah it's just nice
to have someone around
it's like
that could never be me
yeah
I guess I couldn I couldn have the kind of friendship where I call people like where I actively seek people out that I don really like Like that kind of I couldn do that
But if someone's around and it's like, those are the people I feel like, you know, they're there and.
They're there.
But yeah, if I'm asking you to do something with me, like, hey, do you want to go do this?
Then you're my friend.
Yeah.
Good to know.
Yeah.
I will cherish every future invitation.
Do you think any of the people that are listening right now are wondering,
oh no, am I a shallow friend?
Or am I a real friend?
I think if they care enough to wonder,
they have the makings of a good friend.
Yeah.
And don't worry, if you're a shallow friend,
you can always subscribe.
Oh, well, I guess it's subscribers only.
I was going to try to incentivize people to subscribe.
Well, I think we have yet to put things behind a paywall.
Subscribe in your hearts, listeners.
I think that's...
2026 is going to be the year of the paywall.
Oh, yeah.
So you better binge it now.
We're just trying to get...
We're like drug dealers trying to get people hooked.
Yeah.
Here's our sample drug cast.
Yeah.
Don't even think about witnessing us robbing a trade, okay?
Yeah.
Or we will shoot you.
We will shoot you.
Yeah.
Good callback.
Good callback to something that they may or may not be listening to in the next episode.
And now, improv.
Hey, Bill.
Hey.
Thanks for coming.
I just had no other options.
oh wait what do you mean you had no other options well all my real friends were just busy or dead
so you know i didn't want to be alone today and i knew it was your birthday so i thought
let me just call him get this over with wait wait you didn't this wasn't
this is like a
a reluctant hang
you're like my best friend
reluctant is generous
best friend?
you're hilarious
that's so funny
no no
I only
hang out with people that I'm like
genuinely friends with that I'm close with
I mean I helped
you move
when Linda left
you were crying and crying and i was there for you and her i liked
wait so you're on my birthday you're telling me i'm not really a friend oh that reminds me
i got your card oh don't bother to open it but there's a message in it
it says
sorry and then that so sorry and it shows a cat and some spilled milk and then the sorry is crossed out
and it just says birthday question mark in your handwriting.
You're welcome.
I am going to need that back.
It's in mechanical pencil.
I plan to reuse the card.
Oh.
Oh, so I was all excited for, like,
the fun birthday hang we were going to have.
oh good you should be excited uh here's a cupcake oh hey thanks man you remembered cupcakes are my
favorite yeah oh did i say cupcake i meant bran muffin oh sorry it just looked like a cupcake that's
why i said cupcake i ate the cupcake on the way here and then i lit the candle and i blew it out
and I made a wish.
But you were home,
so there goes that.
Whoa.
Oh, man.
You wish that I,
you wish to not see me?
That was your,
that was your wish on my birthday?
I'm gonna be honest, Bill.
The wish was a lot darker than that.
Um,
so happy 58th?
31.
Hmm.
That,
say they say the sun's rough oh it is well hey what do i work construction what are you what do
you it's not that's not cool man i can't get out of the sun god this is turning out to be one of
the worst birthdays no no tell me tell me what's new with you and i'll i'll do my best to stay alive
um
well
I uh
hold on I gotta check this
she's so funny
god I love her
god I gotta send her a real cupcake
wait what are you
wait you have other cupcakes
you're just withholding them from me
uh
no
no I
I know your lying voice.
Hey.
We're best friends.
I know your lying voice.
I need marrow.
Oh.
I was just about to tell you what I found out.
Oh, what is it?
What did you find out?
Make it interesting.
I'm falling asleep over here.
I have marrow cancer.
I can't use that.
I mean.
Sorry.
Oh.
I guess.
Hey.
I'm just going to.
We've got my stuff.
We both...
Hey, that's something we have in common.
We both have bad marrow.
My marrow's fine.
Well, then why do you need marrow?
Because I want it.
You're hoarding marrow?
Wow.
Can we not talk about your cancer on your birthday?
Yes.
Thank you, Philip.
Finally.
Something nice.
So...
I want to talk about my aunt's cancer.
Oh, God.
Oh.
so we're still going to be talking cancer i just yeah but i really want her to live in
and she going to be fine because it already healed um but the memory of it can you refer me to her doctor or i i wouldn want to put
my name on that um have you tried
that's a i'm out of ideas
have i tried nothing
well you probably want to get to bed it's three i could go if you want
leave me alone on my birthday i get well i feel like i'm losing my marrow i've lost my best friend
now at this point how could things get any worse
oh hey this is good my mom's calling
she's probably calling to wish me a happy birthday
yeah go ahead take it hello hi honey oh hey mom thanks so much for calling i've
i've been hoping to hear a friendly voice is your friend there
Philip?
Yeah
Yeah, I'm Philip
Philip's here, yeah, yeah
Let him know we're all waiting for him over at the
Peter Piper
Wait
You guys are throwing me a surprise party at Peter Piper?
For my birthday?
Click
Uh
What's going on over there?
Apparently you're
your presence is requested
out of Peter Piper.
I hope I don't take it the wrong way.
Would it be cool if you
drop me off over there?
I know you have nothing else going on.
Sure.
Thanks.
Climb on my back.
Of course.
I'll piggyback you there.
Thanks.
We better start now.
Hi-ya!
Cut to Peter Piper.
Happy birthday, Bill!
Happy birthday!
What? What's going on?
Ah, you want to know what's going on, buddy?
Yeah.
Psych! It ain't for you!
No!
Bottle of tears. Bottle of tears.
Mmm.
That is good.
Don't drink my tears.
Just kidding.
Happy birthday, Bill.
Oh, thanks, guys.
Anne, open your present. I want you to see what it is.
marrow oh you guys love you bill oh wait what's this growth on the marrow
can't have everything
and zine
you