1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:25,120
welcome to very fine friends bonus improv joe can we get a suggestion from you please

2
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:35,400
then i guess you can thank you your suggestion is acquaintance acquaintance

3
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:44,240
acquaintance do you think there's a person named acquaintance out there

4
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:50,760
yeah got kind of it's kind of a nice word acquaintance acquaintance it's it's a nice

5
00:00:50,760 --> 00:01:00,600
yeah it's a nicer word than what it means i think yeah acquaintance sounds like it should be like

6
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:06,140
better than friend yeah it almost sounds like like a like a tryst like a love affair

7
00:01:06,140 --> 00:01:11,900
yes i had an acquaintance i had an acquaintance yeah tell me about your acquaintance stop

8
00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:17,400
it was nothing like that we're just friends it's not not to the level of acquaintance yeah

9
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:18,960
Just some on top of the girdle stuff.

10
00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:23,140
No under the corset.

11
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:25,440
My fingers.

12
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:26,880
My fingers are pinched.

13
00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:28,880
No.

14
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:32,680
Yeah.

15
00:01:33,540 --> 00:01:35,560
Most of the people you know, I feel like they're acquaintances.

16
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:36,400
Yeah, that's true.

17
00:01:37,460 --> 00:01:46,020
Is it just me or does acquaintance imply a positive feeling towards the person?

18
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:56,440
hmm i don't know i think it's let's let's think about it oh how do you know linda

19
00:01:56,440 --> 00:02:04,580
oh she's just an acquaintance i have i think it's kind of neutral actually really i don't

20
00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:08,300
know why i think it's like it's acquaintance it's like uh if we knew each other better we'd

21
00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:16,200
be friends but we don't know each other that well yet i would call that in queue in queue yeah

22
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:19,400
what's your relationship to jack oh he's in queue

23
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:23,760
hmm like he's he's up next kind of a thing yeah we don't i don't know about him yet

24
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,000
yeah that's cute

25
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:35,520
oh he's in queue yeah yeah he's in queue anon um he's in queue it's cute right it's in cute

26
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:42,080
yeah yeah i'm happy with most people i know being acquaintances

27
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,520
yeah I'm fine with that too

28
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:44,300
because I don't

29
00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:45,220
I can't do shallow

30
00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:46,880
friendships really

31
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:48,620
I can

32
00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:49,620
I mean like

33
00:02:49,620 --> 00:02:50,440
it's fine to like

34
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,100
have a good relationship

35
00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:52,460
with someone

36
00:02:52,460 --> 00:02:52,880
but like

37
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:53,820
I used to have a friend

38
00:02:53,820 --> 00:02:54,180
who would

39
00:02:54,180 --> 00:02:55,400
go out with these girls

40
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:56,320
like to party

41
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:57,640
like she would call them

42
00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:58,340
when she wanted to like

43
00:02:58,340 --> 00:02:58,720
party

44
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,020
and I'd be like

45
00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:02,240
I don't really like these girls

46
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:02,900
she's like yeah I don't either

47
00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:03,820
I'm like

48
00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:05,420
why are we

49
00:03:05,420 --> 00:03:06,060
we're hanging out

50
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:06,300
she's like

51
00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:07,000
ah it's just nice

52
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:07,640
to have someone around

53
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:07,940
it's like

54
00:03:07,940 --> 00:03:08,700
that could never be me

55
00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:09,520
yeah

56
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:19,645
I guess I couldn I couldn have the kind of friendship where I call people like where I actively seek people out that I don really like Like that kind of I couldn do that

57
00:03:20,225 --> 00:03:25,425
But if someone's around and it's like, those are the people I feel like, you know, they're there and.

58
00:03:27,425 --> 00:03:28,205
They're there.

59
00:03:28,485 --> 00:03:29,165
They're there.

60
00:03:30,285 --> 00:03:36,625
But yeah, if I'm asking you to do something with me, like, hey, do you want to go do this?

61
00:03:36,705 --> 00:03:37,385
Then you're my friend.

62
00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:37,705
Yeah.

63
00:03:38,225 --> 00:03:38,845
Good to know.

64
00:03:39,065 --> 00:03:39,205
Yeah.

65
00:03:39,965 --> 00:03:42,365
I will cherish every future invitation.

66
00:03:44,185 --> 00:03:47,665
Do you think any of the people that are listening right now are wondering,

67
00:03:47,925 --> 00:03:49,285
oh no, am I a shallow friend?

68
00:03:50,125 --> 00:03:51,525
Or am I a real friend?

69
00:03:52,045 --> 00:03:54,225
I think if they care enough to wonder,

70
00:03:55,085 --> 00:03:56,385
they have the makings of a good friend.

71
00:03:56,565 --> 00:03:56,745
Yeah.

72
00:03:57,585 --> 00:03:59,345
And don't worry, if you're a shallow friend,

73
00:03:59,585 --> 00:04:00,705
you can always subscribe.

74
00:04:00,845 --> 00:04:02,685
Oh, well, I guess it's subscribers only.

75
00:04:04,685 --> 00:04:07,045
I was going to try to incentivize people to subscribe.

76
00:04:07,045 --> 00:04:12,205
Well, I think we have yet to put things behind a paywall.

77
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:15,625
Subscribe in your hearts, listeners.

78
00:04:15,825 --> 00:04:16,585
I think that's...

79
00:04:16,585 --> 00:04:20,845
2026 is going to be the year of the paywall.

80
00:04:21,065 --> 00:04:21,545
Oh, yeah.

81
00:04:21,785 --> 00:04:23,085
So you better binge it now.

82
00:04:23,225 --> 00:04:24,025
We're just trying to get...

83
00:04:24,025 --> 00:04:26,645
We're like drug dealers trying to get people hooked.

84
00:04:27,165 --> 00:04:27,385
Yeah.

85
00:04:28,225 --> 00:04:30,065
Here's our sample drug cast.

86
00:04:30,385 --> 00:04:30,605
Yeah.

87
00:04:32,665 --> 00:04:35,885
Don't even think about witnessing us robbing a trade, okay?

88
00:04:36,405 --> 00:04:36,645
Yeah.

89
00:04:36,645 --> 00:04:38,025
Or we will shoot you.

90
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:38,925
We will shoot you.

91
00:04:39,005 --> 00:04:39,205
Yeah.

92
00:04:39,805 --> 00:04:40,425
Good callback.

93
00:04:43,485 --> 00:04:47,425
Good callback to something that they may or may not be listening to in the next episode.

94
00:04:50,265 --> 00:04:52,365
And now, improv.

95
00:04:58,645 --> 00:04:59,505
Hey, Bill.

96
00:05:00,245 --> 00:05:00,725
Hey.

97
00:05:01,825 --> 00:05:02,805
Thanks for coming.

98
00:05:03,625 --> 00:05:05,245
I just had no other options.

99
00:05:05,245 --> 00:05:14,205
oh wait what do you mean you had no other options well all my real friends were just busy or dead

100
00:05:14,205 --> 00:05:20,545
so you know i didn't want to be alone today and i knew it was your birthday so i thought

101
00:05:20,545 --> 00:05:30,205
let me just call him get this over with wait wait you didn't this wasn't

102
00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:32,945
this is like a

103
00:05:32,945 --> 00:05:34,885
a reluctant hang

104
00:05:34,885 --> 00:05:37,285
you're like my best friend

105
00:05:37,285 --> 00:05:38,585
reluctant is generous

106
00:05:38,585 --> 00:05:40,045
best friend?

107
00:05:40,605 --> 00:05:42,245
you're hilarious

108
00:05:42,245 --> 00:05:44,725
that's so funny

109
00:05:44,725 --> 00:05:46,345
no no

110
00:05:46,345 --> 00:05:49,245
I only

111
00:05:49,245 --> 00:05:50,805
hang out with people that I'm like

112
00:05:50,805 --> 00:05:53,025
genuinely friends with that I'm close with

113
00:05:53,025 --> 00:05:55,125
I mean I helped

114
00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:55,845
you move

115
00:05:55,845 --> 00:05:58,865
when Linda left

116
00:05:58,865 --> 00:06:04,225
you were crying and crying and i was there for you and her i liked

117
00:06:04,225 --> 00:06:14,405
wait so you're on my birthday you're telling me i'm not really a friend oh that reminds me

118
00:06:14,405 --> 00:06:18,865
i got your card oh don't bother to open it but there's a message in it

119
00:06:18,865 --> 00:06:23,345
it says

120
00:06:23,345 --> 00:06:35,470
sorry and then that so sorry and it shows a cat and some spilled milk and then the sorry is crossed out

121
00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:38,730
and it just says birthday question mark in your handwriting.

122
00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:40,070
You're welcome.

123
00:06:40,330 --> 00:06:41,270
I am going to need that back.

124
00:06:41,370 --> 00:06:42,670
It's in mechanical pencil.

125
00:06:42,830 --> 00:06:43,930
I plan to reuse the card.

126
00:06:44,730 --> 00:06:44,990
Oh.

127
00:06:46,450 --> 00:06:50,350
Oh, so I was all excited for, like,

128
00:06:50,470 --> 00:06:53,650
the fun birthday hang we were going to have.

129
00:06:53,650 --> 00:07:02,730
oh good you should be excited uh here's a cupcake oh hey thanks man you remembered cupcakes are my

130
00:07:02,730 --> 00:07:11,130
favorite yeah oh did i say cupcake i meant bran muffin oh sorry it just looked like a cupcake that's

131
00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:17,110
why i said cupcake i ate the cupcake on the way here and then i lit the candle and i blew it out

132
00:07:17,110 --> 00:07:17,750
and I made a wish.

133
00:07:18,550 --> 00:07:19,510
But you were home,

134
00:07:19,670 --> 00:07:20,890
so there goes that.

135
00:07:21,390 --> 00:07:21,690
Whoa.

136
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:25,690
Oh, man.

137
00:07:27,350 --> 00:07:28,390
You wish that I,

138
00:07:28,630 --> 00:07:30,270
you wish to not see me?

139
00:07:30,390 --> 00:07:30,890
That was your,

140
00:07:30,970 --> 00:07:33,630
that was your wish on my birthday?

141
00:07:33,830 --> 00:07:34,630
I'm gonna be honest, Bill.

142
00:07:34,730 --> 00:07:36,030
The wish was a lot darker than that.

143
00:07:37,270 --> 00:07:37,650
Um,

144
00:07:37,810 --> 00:07:40,990
so happy 58th?

145
00:07:41,950 --> 00:07:42,390
31.

146
00:07:43,790 --> 00:07:44,050
Hmm.

147
00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:45,330
That,

148
00:07:45,330 --> 00:07:53,670
say they say the sun's rough oh it is well hey what do i work construction what are you what do

149
00:07:53,670 --> 00:07:58,970
you it's not that's not cool man i can't get out of the sun god this is turning out to be one of

150
00:07:58,970 --> 00:08:05,950
the worst birthdays no no tell me tell me what's new with you and i'll i'll do my best to stay alive

151
00:08:05,950 --> 00:08:09,270
um

152
00:08:09,270 --> 00:08:10,850
well

153
00:08:10,850 --> 00:08:12,870
I uh

154
00:08:12,870 --> 00:08:15,950
hold on I gotta check this

155
00:08:15,950 --> 00:08:18,130
she's so funny

156
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,890
god I love her

157
00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:22,770
god I gotta send her a real cupcake

158
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,690
wait what are you

159
00:08:24,690 --> 00:08:26,610
wait you have other cupcakes

160
00:08:26,610 --> 00:08:28,330
you're just withholding them from me

161
00:08:28,330 --> 00:08:30,790
uh

162
00:08:30,790 --> 00:08:32,870
no

163
00:08:32,870 --> 00:08:34,470
no I

164
00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:37,530
I know your lying voice.

165
00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:39,870
Hey.

166
00:08:40,730 --> 00:08:41,710
We're best friends.

167
00:08:41,810 --> 00:08:42,910
I know your lying voice.

168
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:43,650
I need marrow.

169
00:08:45,510 --> 00:08:46,030
Oh.

170
00:08:46,670 --> 00:08:49,130
I was just about to tell you what I found out.

171
00:08:49,450 --> 00:08:50,090
Oh, what is it?

172
00:08:50,590 --> 00:08:51,390
What did you find out?

173
00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:52,370
Make it interesting.

174
00:08:52,710 --> 00:08:53,870
I'm falling asleep over here.

175
00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:55,370
I have marrow cancer.

176
00:08:56,310 --> 00:08:57,610
I can't use that.

177
00:08:58,150 --> 00:08:58,550
I mean.

178
00:08:59,330 --> 00:08:59,850
Sorry.

179
00:09:01,050 --> 00:09:01,490
Oh.

180
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:02,670
I guess.

181
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:03,090
Hey.

182
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:04,310
I'm just going to.

183
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:05,330
We've got my stuff.

184
00:09:05,510 --> 00:09:06,530
We both...

185
00:09:06,530 --> 00:09:07,810
Hey, that's something we have in common.

186
00:09:07,890 --> 00:09:09,010
We both have bad marrow.

187
00:09:09,430 --> 00:09:10,230
My marrow's fine.

188
00:09:10,470 --> 00:09:11,610
Well, then why do you need marrow?

189
00:09:12,550 --> 00:09:13,610
Because I want it.

190
00:09:15,610 --> 00:09:16,790
You're hoarding marrow?

191
00:09:20,110 --> 00:09:20,510
Wow.

192
00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:24,290
Can we not talk about your cancer on your birthday?

193
00:09:25,070 --> 00:09:25,490
Yes.

194
00:09:25,630 --> 00:09:26,370
Thank you, Philip.

195
00:09:26,510 --> 00:09:26,910
Finally.

196
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:27,890
Something nice.

197
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:29,970
So...

198
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,210
I want to talk about my aunt's cancer.

199
00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:32,630
Oh, God.

200
00:09:32,630 --> 00:09:32,950
Oh.

201
00:09:32,950 --> 00:09:36,850
so we're still going to be talking cancer i just yeah but i really want her to live in

202
00:09:36,850 --> 00:09:50,755
and she going to be fine because it already healed um but the memory of it can you refer me to her doctor or i i wouldn want to put

203
00:09:50,755 --> 00:09:58,915
my name on that um have you tried

204
00:09:58,915 --> 00:10:03,815
that's a i'm out of ideas

205
00:10:03,815 --> 00:10:07,655
have i tried nothing

206
00:10:07,655 --> 00:10:16,395
well you probably want to get to bed it's three i could go if you want

207
00:10:16,395 --> 00:10:26,915
leave me alone on my birthday i get well i feel like i'm losing my marrow i've lost my best friend

208
00:10:26,915 --> 00:10:31,595
now at this point how could things get any worse

209
00:10:31,595 --> 00:10:38,755
oh hey this is good my mom's calling

210
00:10:38,755 --> 00:10:42,195
she's probably calling to wish me a happy birthday

211
00:10:42,195 --> 00:10:52,495
yeah go ahead take it hello hi honey oh hey mom thanks so much for calling i've

212
00:10:52,495 --> 00:10:57,315
i've been hoping to hear a friendly voice is your friend there

213
00:10:57,315 --> 00:10:59,455
Philip?

214
00:10:59,955 --> 00:11:00,435
Yeah

215
00:11:00,435 --> 00:11:02,375
Yeah, I'm Philip

216
00:11:02,375 --> 00:11:03,915
Philip's here, yeah, yeah

217
00:11:03,915 --> 00:11:06,415
Let him know we're all waiting for him over at the

218
00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:07,815
Peter Piper

219
00:11:07,815 --> 00:11:10,135
Wait

220
00:11:10,135 --> 00:11:13,175
You guys are throwing me a surprise party at Peter Piper?

221
00:11:13,735 --> 00:11:14,735
For my birthday?

222
00:11:16,735 --> 00:11:17,255
Click

223
00:11:17,255 --> 00:11:20,375
Uh

224
00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:22,735
What's going on over there?

225
00:11:25,415 --> 00:11:26,235
Apparently you're

226
00:11:26,235 --> 00:11:28,755
your presence is requested

227
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:30,215
out of Peter Piper.

228
00:11:32,555 --> 00:11:34,115
I hope I don't take it the wrong way.

229
00:11:34,315 --> 00:11:35,175
Would it be cool if you

230
00:11:35,175 --> 00:11:37,035
drop me off over there?

231
00:11:38,235 --> 00:11:39,735
I know you have nothing else going on.

232
00:11:40,415 --> 00:11:40,775
Sure.

233
00:11:41,275 --> 00:11:41,655
Thanks.

234
00:11:42,175 --> 00:11:43,115
Climb on my back.

235
00:11:43,295 --> 00:11:43,775
Of course.

236
00:11:43,975 --> 00:11:44,695
I'll piggyback you there.

237
00:11:44,695 --> 00:11:44,995
Thanks.

238
00:11:45,115 --> 00:11:45,915
We better start now.

239
00:11:46,175 --> 00:11:46,575
Hi-ya!

240
00:11:47,015 --> 00:11:47,935
Cut to Peter Piper.

241
00:11:51,455 --> 00:11:53,075
Happy birthday, Bill!

242
00:11:53,915 --> 00:11:54,675
Happy birthday!

243
00:11:54,675 --> 00:11:55,595
Happy birthday!

244
00:11:56,235 --> 00:11:58,615
What? What's going on?

245
00:11:58,995 --> 00:12:01,175
Ah, you want to know what's going on, buddy?

246
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:01,935
Yeah.

247
00:12:02,995 --> 00:12:05,455
Psych! It ain't for you!

248
00:12:06,575 --> 00:12:07,135
No!

249
00:12:07,735 --> 00:12:09,195
Bottle of tears. Bottle of tears.

250
00:12:11,735 --> 00:12:12,295
Mmm.

251
00:12:12,935 --> 00:12:13,955
That is good.

252
00:12:15,615 --> 00:12:17,095
Don't drink my tears.

253
00:12:18,035 --> 00:12:18,855
Just kidding.

254
00:12:19,395 --> 00:12:20,475
Happy birthday, Bill.

255
00:12:20,975 --> 00:12:22,975
Oh, thanks, guys.

256
00:12:23,455 --> 00:12:25,955
Anne, open your present. I want you to see what it is.

257
00:12:26,235 --> 00:12:37,535
marrow oh you guys love you bill oh wait what's this growth on the marrow

258
00:12:37,535 --> 00:12:40,095
can't have everything

259
00:12:40,095 --> 00:12:43,675
and zine

260
00:12:56,235 --> 00:12:56,735
you