1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:23,080
joe could i please get a suggestion for some improv suggestion is coasting coasting

2
00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:31,700
i uh that makes me think of um school because i kind of coasted through school and i wouldn't

3
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:38,380
have guessed that uh i um like in high school i was really good at being able to complete all

4
00:00:38,380 --> 00:00:43,920
my homework for the next class in the previous class the class before it um and i've always been

5
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:49,160
no this this sounds like an asshole thing to say uh i've always been really good at taking tests

6
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:50,240
so

7
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:51,300
I know

8
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:51,860
thank you

9
00:00:51,860 --> 00:00:52,140
well

10
00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:54,280
it just is the case

11
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:55,040
I'm not trying to brag

12
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:55,500
about it

13
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,020
there's plenty of things

14
00:00:57,020 --> 00:00:58,100
I'm quite terrible at

15
00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,100
taking quizzes

16
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,000
yes exactly

17
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:00,620
no that

18
00:01:00,620 --> 00:01:01,800
don't

19
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:02,400
don't rename it

20
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:02,820
to a quiz

21
00:01:02,820 --> 00:01:03,220
no

22
00:01:03,220 --> 00:01:03,960
make it a test

23
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:04,880
I'm begging you

24
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:05,460
please

25
00:01:05,460 --> 00:01:07,040
I need more questions

26
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:07,880
then I'll be better

27
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:09,700
so

28
00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:10,520
I kind of

29
00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:11,880
kind of coasted

30
00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:13,340
through high school

31
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:14,760
did pretty good though

32
00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:15,560
I did alright

33
00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:16,200
yeah

34
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,220
were you valedictorian

35
00:01:17,220 --> 00:01:17,980
no

36
00:01:17,980 --> 00:01:24,260
no i didn't want to be one of those people you know one of those one of those yeah i wasn't either

37
00:01:24,260 --> 00:01:30,880
nice yeah i like that where neither one of us was valedictorian uh so interesting story um

38
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:36,680
i transferred to high schools in the high school i went to i had a better standing like i was about

39
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:41,700
to graduate and i would have been like in the top 10 percent but i didn't like the high school so i

40
00:01:41,700 --> 00:01:48,020
made my dad chance for me back where i was like not as good a student so like i think i missed out

41
00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:51,300
on some like scholarships and stuff because i really did not like the high school i was going

42
00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:58,720
to it was scary it was like a movie high school oh really yeah were they're like were you being

43
00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:07,140
like threatened or beaten up or graffiti on the lockers or no oh okay that's i'm thinking good

44
00:02:07,140 --> 00:02:09,960
90s movies, high schools.

45
00:02:10,540 --> 00:02:10,940
Pants.

46
00:02:11,620 --> 00:02:12,400
I wish.

47
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:13,300
No, I got late.

48
00:02:13,540 --> 00:02:14,200
I mean, I got late.

49
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:18,300
I was late on my first day because I couldn't find the classroom, and I got detention.

50
00:02:18,620 --> 00:02:33,815
And I was like I a good student which I think I actually said that to the person I was like oh no no no I new I going to my class I just can find it And he was like detention I like no you don understand I a good one But I had to

51
00:02:33,815 --> 00:02:39,875
go to my first ever detention. Wow. That's a bummer. I'm sorry that happened to you. Thanks.

52
00:02:41,555 --> 00:02:43,495
And now, improv.

53
00:02:43,495 --> 00:02:50,775
Honey

54
00:02:50,775 --> 00:02:55,715
This is kind of a bombshell you drop

55
00:02:55,715 --> 00:02:56,995
On our honeymoon

56
00:02:56,995 --> 00:02:58,135
Just take it in

57
00:02:58,135 --> 00:02:59,575
You

58
00:02:59,575 --> 00:03:02,215
You were

59
00:03:02,215 --> 00:03:05,515
You were valedictorian

60
00:03:05,515 --> 00:03:07,615
I knew I shouldn't have brought it up

61
00:03:07,615 --> 00:03:09,855
It just happened

62
00:03:09,855 --> 00:03:12,375
I feel so betrayed by this

63
00:03:12,375 --> 00:03:18,335
you knew you knew i didn't want to be with a valedictorian i didn't want to be with one of

64
00:03:18,335 --> 00:03:24,495
those people you let me call them those people and you were one of those people we were just so

65
00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:29,375
entwined at that point i knew i couldn't bring it up because i just loved you so much and i knew how

66
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:35,295
important it was to you and it's not even a huge part of my identity sure i was on the news what

67
00:03:36,095 --> 00:03:38,255
You're a news person, too?

68
00:03:38,415 --> 00:03:40,055
They put, it was a huge story.

69
00:03:40,215 --> 00:03:42,735
I was the first valedictorian in my whole family.

70
00:03:43,455 --> 00:03:45,195
And that made the news?

71
00:03:45,295 --> 00:03:47,035
Yeah, they were like, wow.

72
00:03:47,215 --> 00:03:50,735
And they said I was the best valedictorian that they'd ever seen.

73
00:03:51,175 --> 00:03:51,575
No.

74
00:03:52,955 --> 00:03:56,235
I, I'm one of the things.

75
00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:56,635
Sit down.

76
00:03:57,635 --> 00:03:58,935
Oh, I'm getting dizzy.

77
00:03:59,355 --> 00:04:00,835
Oh, okay.

78
00:04:01,135 --> 00:04:01,515
All right.

79
00:04:01,615 --> 00:04:01,915
All right.

80
00:04:02,855 --> 00:04:05,255
I'm really happy this hotel is nice, comfy ottoman.

81
00:04:05,855 --> 00:04:07,235
Yeah, I saw it on Orbitz.

82
00:04:09,075 --> 00:04:12,595
Why, is that where valedictorians go to get their travel plans?

83
00:04:12,815 --> 00:04:14,115
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay.

84
00:04:14,475 --> 00:04:21,795
Okay, I know you're being snarky, but I did get a lifelong membership to every travel agency.

85
00:04:22,415 --> 00:04:26,335
So every vacation we've ever had has been a benefit of my valedictorian-ness.

86
00:04:26,575 --> 00:04:28,235
Oh, I feel so dirty.

87
00:04:28,795 --> 00:04:30,455
I'm sorry, just look past it.

88
00:04:30,595 --> 00:04:31,655
I could be dumb for you.

89
00:04:32,095 --> 00:04:33,775
I, could you?

90
00:04:33,775 --> 00:04:35,175
Yeah, ask me anything.

91
00:04:35,295 --> 00:04:38,335
How could you do this to me?

92
00:04:39,035 --> 00:04:39,635
How about that?

93
00:04:39,755 --> 00:04:40,795
Answer that question.

94
00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:42,035
The one question.

95
00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:43,235
I can answer.

96
00:04:43,435 --> 00:04:43,835
Sit down.

97
00:04:44,415 --> 00:04:46,315
I'm sitting on this comfy ottoman.

98
00:04:46,475 --> 00:04:47,175
Sit down lower.

99
00:04:47,715 --> 00:05:00,830
All right On the meditative ottoman Oh God I can believe they have one of these too This place is amazing It a perk of I not going to say it Well you knew that I wanted to have average children

100
00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:03,270
They could...

101
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:04,570
They say it skips a generation.

102
00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:06,210
I told you, I'm the first one in my family.

103
00:05:07,770 --> 00:05:09,310
But if you're the first one in your family,

104
00:05:09,370 --> 00:05:12,450
then maybe you're starting this whole new line.

105
00:05:12,670 --> 00:05:15,930
Are you saying that I made our future children sick?

106
00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:17,450
Yes.

107
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,310
But the disease of genius?

108
00:05:20,090 --> 00:05:21,670
I'm afraid that you did.

109
00:05:22,410 --> 00:05:24,010
I'm afraid that you will.

110
00:05:24,710 --> 00:05:27,430
They don't exist yet, but I'm afraid that that will happen.

111
00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:29,170
Let's meet him.

112
00:05:30,470 --> 00:05:31,490
Cut to the firstborn child.

113
00:05:33,670 --> 00:05:34,230
Okay.

114
00:05:34,470 --> 00:05:35,470
Normal baby.

115
00:05:36,410 --> 00:05:36,850
Okay.

116
00:05:37,990 --> 00:05:40,150
Oh no, he's latching right away.

117
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:40,550
No!

118
00:05:40,850 --> 00:05:42,830
Why is he looking at that Rubik's Cube?

119
00:05:43,350 --> 00:05:43,890
Oh no!

120
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,070
With such interest.

121
00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:45,630
No!

122
00:05:45,630 --> 00:05:47,570
Gene, get your eyes off that Rubik's Cube.

123
00:05:47,570 --> 00:05:48,490
Why do I name him Gene?

124
00:05:48,530 --> 00:05:49,610
It's the first part of Genius.

125
00:05:49,910 --> 00:05:50,710
You tricked me.

126
00:05:50,790 --> 00:05:51,170
No.

127
00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:51,730
No.

128
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:53,830
That's it.

129
00:05:54,010 --> 00:05:54,730
He's going up for adoption.

130
00:05:55,410 --> 00:05:56,230
Thank God.

131
00:05:57,430 --> 00:05:59,090
Dare we ever try again?

132
00:06:00,130 --> 00:06:01,010
Cut to the second baby.

133
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:04,170
Okay.

134
00:06:04,690 --> 00:06:06,110
Eyes are all over the place.

135
00:06:06,210 --> 00:06:06,930
Looking good.

136
00:06:07,670 --> 00:06:10,310
There's a whole bunch of brain teasers around.

137
00:06:10,510 --> 00:06:11,390
He's not interested.

138
00:06:11,570 --> 00:06:12,990
He's not interested at all.

139
00:06:13,410 --> 00:06:13,850
Oh, look.

140
00:06:13,870 --> 00:06:14,630
He's looking at a TV.

141
00:06:15,630 --> 00:06:18,290
Oh, he takes after me.

142
00:06:18,370 --> 00:06:18,950
Oh, my God.

143
00:06:18,950 --> 00:06:19,250
See?

144
00:06:20,110 --> 00:06:20,630
Look.

145
00:06:20,710 --> 00:06:21,050
Oh.

146
00:06:21,710 --> 00:06:23,210
Look, my two dumb babies.

147
00:06:23,410 --> 00:06:23,650
Oh.

148
00:06:25,490 --> 00:06:26,470
Thank you, honey.

149
00:06:27,170 --> 00:06:32,430
I feel like now I feel silly.

150
00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:36,050
Maybe we shouldn't have even given up gene number one.

151
00:06:39,270 --> 00:06:40,370
Maybe we could have kept.

152
00:06:40,690 --> 00:06:40,870
Oh.

153
00:06:41,290 --> 00:06:41,630
Oh, wait.

154
00:06:41,810 --> 00:06:42,030
No.

155
00:06:42,430 --> 00:06:42,710
What?

156
00:06:42,810 --> 00:06:43,010
No.

157
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:43,510
No.

158
00:06:43,510 --> 00:06:46,150
he just completed a whole sudoku

159
00:06:46,150 --> 00:06:48,150
level modern left handed

160
00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:49,230
oh no

161
00:06:49,230 --> 00:06:52,350
oh this one's going up for adoption

162
00:06:52,350 --> 00:06:53,170
here I'll open the window

163
00:06:53,170 --> 00:06:55,590
oh we're just sending this

164
00:06:55,590 --> 00:06:56,270
oh

165
00:06:56,270 --> 00:06:59,850
oh he can fly too

166
00:06:59,850 --> 00:07:00,930
this is just

167
00:07:00,930 --> 00:07:02,250
you did

168
00:07:02,250 --> 00:07:04,930
tell me right now can you fly

169
00:07:04,930 --> 00:07:07,590
do you promise not to be mad

170
00:07:07,590 --> 00:07:11,030
it depends on the answer

171
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,030
Yes.

172
00:07:13,030 --> 00:07:24,745
No It not flying it coasting slowly to the ground oh no

173
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,585
okay listen

174
00:07:26,585 --> 00:07:28,145
I just decided

175
00:07:28,145 --> 00:07:30,645
you're making a molehill out of an ant farm

176
00:07:30,645 --> 00:07:32,425
that was a really

177
00:07:32,425 --> 00:07:33,785
insightful yeah

178
00:07:33,785 --> 00:07:35,985
that was a really smart way to say that

179
00:07:35,985 --> 00:07:36,465
yeah

180
00:07:36,465 --> 00:07:40,345
couldn't you just say I'm being a dumb bitch or something

181
00:07:40,345 --> 00:07:42,385
you know the way other people argue

182
00:07:42,385 --> 00:07:43,945
that's what you want

183
00:07:43,945 --> 00:07:44,465
Yeah.

184
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:44,885
Okay.

185
00:07:45,425 --> 00:07:45,905
Yeah.

186
00:07:46,285 --> 00:07:47,505
Look at me.

187
00:07:48,405 --> 00:07:48,885
Dude.

188
00:07:49,425 --> 00:07:50,365
Just a dude.

189
00:07:50,545 --> 00:07:51,925
Oh, my hands are in my pants.

190
00:07:52,585 --> 00:07:57,805
Oh, but you still have that twinkle in the eye and the chiseled jawline.

191
00:07:58,065 --> 00:07:59,305
You're still above average.

192
00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:01,945
We just need to find a way that you're smarter than me.

193
00:08:03,405 --> 00:08:04,385
I don't know.

194
00:08:05,045 --> 00:08:05,905
What do you mean you don't know?

195
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,945
Just the other day you were, uh, what were you drooling about?

196
00:08:08,945 --> 00:08:12,225
I was

197
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,205
Crockpot meals

198
00:08:14,205 --> 00:08:16,825
I don't know how to work a crockpot

199
00:08:16,825 --> 00:08:17,725
You don't?

200
00:08:17,785 --> 00:08:19,125
I bet I couldn't even figure it out

201
00:08:19,125 --> 00:08:19,725
Really?

202
00:08:19,945 --> 00:08:20,265
Yeah

203
00:08:20,265 --> 00:08:21,465
Are you just saying that?

204
00:08:21,845 --> 00:08:22,365
No

205
00:08:22,365 --> 00:08:24,085
Here I'll try

206
00:08:24,085 --> 00:08:25,305
Cut to the crockpot

207
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:26,425
Well that was

208
00:08:26,425 --> 00:08:27,905
That was very easy

209
00:08:27,905 --> 00:08:29,505
Surprisingly simple right?

210
00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:30,125
Oh no

211
00:08:30,125 --> 00:08:31,665
Now I don't even have a thing

212
00:08:31,665 --> 00:08:34,705
I know

213
00:08:34,705 --> 00:08:37,565
What if we have one more baby?

214
00:08:37,565 --> 00:08:40,965
And it could be the dumbest baby on earth

215
00:08:40,965 --> 00:08:45,205
Alright, well, third time's a dumb charm, I suppose

216
00:08:45,205 --> 00:08:46,305
Okay

217
00:08:46,305 --> 00:08:48,605
Cut to baby number three

218
00:08:48,605 --> 00:08:51,365
I'll hold this one

219
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:51,825
Okay

220
00:08:51,825 --> 00:08:55,705
Don't say anything

221
00:08:55,705 --> 00:08:58,125
Your mother's very sensitive

222
00:08:58,125 --> 00:08:59,985
I need you to play along

223
00:08:59,985 --> 00:09:01,665
What?

224
00:09:02,365 --> 00:09:04,285
You can't name a single philosopher

225
00:09:04,285 --> 00:09:06,005
Really? He can't?

226
00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:07,585
I know. He's a moron.

227
00:09:07,885 --> 00:09:08,225
I know.

228
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,285
Ask him about classical music.

229
00:09:11,185 --> 00:09:11,945
Did you hear her?

230
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:16,925
Yeah. Oh, he says that Shania Twain...

231
00:09:16,925 --> 00:09:19,205
I like where this is going.

232
00:09:19,365 --> 00:09:20,965
Yeah. That's all he said.

233
00:09:21,625 --> 00:09:22,025
Oh!

234
00:09:22,325 --> 00:09:23,745
Yeah. He's repeating it now.

235
00:09:23,925 --> 00:09:25,245
That do impress me much.

236
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:28,865
All right.

237
00:09:28,865 --> 00:09:29,585
See you.

238
00:09:36,005 --> 00:09:36,505
you