joe could i please get a suggestion for some improv suggestion is coasting coasting
i uh that makes me think of um school because i kind of coasted through school and i wouldn't
have guessed that uh i um like in high school i was really good at being able to complete all
my homework for the next class in the previous class the class before it um and i've always been
no this this sounds like an asshole thing to say uh i've always been really good at taking tests
so
I know
thank you
well
it just is the case
I'm not trying to brag
about it
there's plenty of things
I'm quite terrible at
taking quizzes
yes exactly
no that
don't
don't rename it
to a quiz
no
make it a test
I'm begging you
please
I need more questions
then I'll be better
so
I kind of
kind of coasted
through high school
did pretty good though
I did alright
yeah
were you valedictorian
no
no i didn't want to be one of those people you know one of those one of those yeah i wasn't either
nice yeah i like that where neither one of us was valedictorian uh so interesting story um
i transferred to high schools in the high school i went to i had a better standing like i was about
to graduate and i would have been like in the top 10 percent but i didn't like the high school so i
made my dad chance for me back where i was like not as good a student so like i think i missed out
on some like scholarships and stuff because i really did not like the high school i was going
to it was scary it was like a movie high school oh really yeah were they're like were you being
like threatened or beaten up or graffiti on the lockers or no oh okay that's i'm thinking good
90s movies, high schools.
Pants.
I wish.
No, I got late.
I mean, I got late.
I was late on my first day because I couldn't find the classroom, and I got detention.
And I was like I a good student which I think I actually said that to the person I was like oh no no no I new I going to my class I just can find it And he was like detention I like no you don understand I a good one But I had to
go to my first ever detention. Wow. That's a bummer. I'm sorry that happened to you. Thanks.
And now, improv.
Honey
This is kind of a bombshell you drop
On our honeymoon
Just take it in
You
You were
You were valedictorian
I knew I shouldn't have brought it up
It just happened
I feel so betrayed by this
you knew you knew i didn't want to be with a valedictorian i didn't want to be with one of
those people you let me call them those people and you were one of those people we were just so
entwined at that point i knew i couldn't bring it up because i just loved you so much and i knew how
important it was to you and it's not even a huge part of my identity sure i was on the news what
You're a news person, too?
They put, it was a huge story.
I was the first valedictorian in my whole family.
And that made the news?
Yeah, they were like, wow.
And they said I was the best valedictorian that they'd ever seen.
No.
I, I'm one of the things.
Sit down.
Oh, I'm getting dizzy.
Oh, okay.
All right.
I'm really happy this hotel is nice, comfy ottoman.
Yeah, I saw it on Orbitz.
Why, is that where valedictorians go to get their travel plans?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay.
Okay, I know you're being snarky, but I did get a lifelong membership to every travel agency.
So every vacation we've ever had has been a benefit of my valedictorian-ness.
Oh, I feel so dirty.
I'm sorry, just look past it.
I could be dumb for you.
I, could you?
Yeah, ask me anything.
How could you do this to me?
How about that?
Answer that question.
The one question.
I can answer.
Sit down.
I'm sitting on this comfy ottoman.
Sit down lower.
All right On the meditative ottoman Oh God I can believe they have one of these too This place is amazing It a perk of I not going to say it Well you knew that I wanted to have average children
They could...
They say it skips a generation.
I told you, I'm the first one in my family.
But if you're the first one in your family,
then maybe you're starting this whole new line.
Are you saying that I made our future children sick?
Yes.
But the disease of genius?
I'm afraid that you did.
I'm afraid that you will.
They don't exist yet, but I'm afraid that that will happen.
Let's meet him.
Cut to the firstborn child.
Okay.
Normal baby.
Okay.
Oh no, he's latching right away.
No!
Why is he looking at that Rubik's Cube?
Oh no!
With such interest.
No!
Gene, get your eyes off that Rubik's Cube.
Why do I name him Gene?
It's the first part of Genius.
You tricked me.
No.
That's it.
He's going up for adoption.
Thank God.
Dare we ever try again?
Cut to the second baby.
Okay.
Eyes are all over the place.
Looking good.
There's a whole bunch of brain teasers around.
He's not interested.
He's not interested at all.
Oh, look.
He's looking at a TV.
Oh, he takes after me.
Oh, my God.
See?
Look.
Oh.
Look, my two dumb babies.
Oh.
Thank you, honey.
I feel like now I feel silly.
Maybe we shouldn't have even given up gene number one.
Maybe we could have kept.
Oh.
Oh, wait.
No.
What?
No.
he just completed a whole sudoku
level modern left handed
oh no
oh this one's going up for adoption
here I'll open the window
oh we're just sending this
oh
oh he can fly too
this is just
you did
tell me right now can you fly
do you promise not to be mad
it depends on the answer
Yes.
No It not flying it coasting slowly to the ground oh no
okay listen
I just decided
you're making a molehill out of an ant farm
that was a really
insightful yeah
that was a really smart way to say that
yeah
couldn't you just say I'm being a dumb bitch or something
you know the way other people argue
that's what you want
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Look at me.
Dude.
Just a dude.
Oh, my hands are in my pants.
Oh, but you still have that twinkle in the eye and the chiseled jawline.
You're still above average.
We just need to find a way that you're smarter than me.
I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
Just the other day you were, uh, what were you drooling about?
I was
Crockpot meals
I don't know how to work a crockpot
You don't?
I bet I couldn't even figure it out
Really?
Yeah
Are you just saying that?
No
Here I'll try
Cut to the crockpot
Well that was
That was very easy
Surprisingly simple right?
Oh no
Now I don't even have a thing
I know
What if we have one more baby?
And it could be the dumbest baby on earth
Alright, well, third time's a dumb charm, I suppose
Okay
Cut to baby number three
I'll hold this one
Okay
Don't say anything
Your mother's very sensitive
I need you to play along
What?
You can't name a single philosopher
Really? He can't?
I know. He's a moron.
I know.
Ask him about classical music.
Did you hear her?
Yeah. Oh, he says that Shania Twain...
I like where this is going.
Yeah. That's all he said.
Oh!
Yeah. He's repeating it now.
That do impress me much.
All right.
See you.
you