welcome to friends like us bonus improv yeah
yeah listeners won't know this but francis got real enthusiastic
He's excited for the improv.
Wow.
All right, Joe, can we please get a suggestion?
Your suggestion is paralegal.
Paralegal.
Well, we know you're a lawyer.
That's right.
It's long been established.
Yeah, I was inspired to become a lawyer after I saw the hit film, The Juror,
with Demi Moore and
Alex
minus the ex
Alec Baldwin.
That's, I'm assuming, a John Grisham?
I don't know.
It could be. It's got Anne Heche, too.
Oh.
The late great.
The late Grish.
Anne Heche.
Yeah.
I love legal thrillers.
Yeah, I like them, too.
What's your favorite one?
I don't know.
I remember reading The Firm as a young...
Me too.
Remember when they're on the island and they rented or bought a photocopier and they were
in the room?
Yeah.
I do remember that.
This is great podcasting.
Us just talking about parts of a book that we both remember.
People crave this.
Why don't we both sit down silently, read it in our heads on air?
Okay.
But what is the prefix para?
means that mean yeah around near so you're just near the law you're not if you're a paralegal
that's the perfect word for them because they're not lawyers they do a lot of research
for the lawyers i think it's like the level of expertise because it's like paramedic too it's
like you're not technical you're not like a fully certified i just like the idea that it's just yeah
you're around the law like i'm near the law but like i think it just means like it's like their
version of like an intern basically is like a paralegal you start as paralegal and then like
before you get your law degree and then when you get your law degree you become an actual lawyer
then you can just be illegal yeah that's where the phrase legal pad comes from
used to be a parapad oh and if there are two of you you could be a paralegals
paralegals i would do it for the name
just for the wait for the name paralegal with a friend oh a paralegals yeah two lawyers is a
paralegals yeah and we best buds they are beagles oh that goes without saying yeah well i mean technically everyone owns beagle yeah you born with a beagle Yeah if you don have a beagle people think you gross and weird
Yep.
And a criminal who needs a beagle-owning lawyer.
Everyone is born into this world with two things.
The name Cleveland and a beagle.
Yep. I thought that was going to be like an intro from SVU or whatever.
You know?
Everyone is born.
Dun-dun!
Da-da-da-da-da.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
There are two parts of the legal system.
Classic.
And now, improv.
Hey, hon.
Hey.
I'm having a real hard day.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Tell me about it.
Oh, I passed my bar exam. I'm a lawyer now.
What? That's great. Congratulations.
Thanks.
Why? You don't...
Jeffrey, you don't seem excited.
I know. I should be grateful because I worked so hard, but...
You know how much I love almost being the thing.
I know. We've been paramarried for years now.
Yeah.
I keep telling my parents that you're going to finally settle down and tie the knot, but still nothing. Not yet.
Well, we both know if I did that, you know, we'd fall in love with each other because, you know, it's more fun being almost married, almost a lawyer.
Okay, Jeffrey.
I gotta say, you should maybe just try being a full lawyer instead of almost a lawyer.
and see how that feels?
You worked so hard for this.
If you think that makes more sense
than moving out of this town,
pretending I don't have my degree,
and starting over as a paralegal in Duluth,
then sure.
I'll try.
Okay, well, I don't want it to be, like,
a burden on you.
Do we have to go through all of that?
Or can you just maybe tell people
you failed the bar?
Starting to act a little too wifey, but...
Okay.
Sorry to not have fun, but okay.
I'll go to court.
I'll do law.
We'll see how it goes.
Cut to court.
Hi.
You're my criminal?
Yeah, what's up?
I'm your criminal.
Okay.
Did you...
I'm going to defend you, I guess.
To the best of my ability, I guess.
Well, here's the thing.
I think it should be an easy thing to defend.
I didn't technically commit a crime.
I was just near the crime when it was happening I a para I just like to be almost a criminal I think it more fun that way
Oh my God.
You probably don't understand what I'm talking about.
I'm the only one who understands.
I get this.
We're getting you off.
There's no way you're doing the time for this.
Wait, how could you possibly understand this?
Because I love being near the legal system.
Ah, my almost wife doesn't get it.
I...
Whoa, dude.
This is unbelievable.
I believe it.
Well, let's hope the judge believes it, too.
He's going to.
Trust me.
This guy loves being almost retired.
All rise for the Honorable Judge Chuby.
Hi, Your Honor.
Hi.
This should be a quick one.
Okay.
By the way, I'm just on the threshold of retirement and loving every minute of it.
This is great.
This is great for us.
Thank you, Your Honor, Juby.
So, as you can see, we're near the crime.
Yes, thank you for bringing me to the actual crime scene, by the way.
Thanks for coming.
Most people don't take the time.
Well, we did.
To show me the crime.
That was a fun little rhyme.
Yeah, because we don't want to do the time.
I like the cut of your jib.
Wow.
Wow, this lawyer thing is more fun than I thought.
Your Honor, Juby, we'd like you to dismiss the crimes.
That is fully in my power, and just as long as nobody makes me retire,
because I just want to be close to retirement.
You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
I like that.
I like the sound of that.
You know what else I like the sound of?
what this gavel dismiss in this case right on the asphalt oh something metal on the ground
apparently yeah thank you we did it we did it man this is amazing i never i never knew it could be
so much fun being an actual lawyer wait does that mean you're gonna give up being near the law and
just being with the law because then i won't understand you anymore man well our relationship
kind of...
I mean, you don't need each other anymore.
You're free.
Oh, yeah. Bye.
Bye.
Cut back to Jeffrey's home.
Honey!
Yeah?
I want to marry you.
I want to marry you right now.
Wait, what?
I...
You've had a change of heart?
I had a change of heart.
I thought it would be no fun to be in the law,
and then I was and I loved it.
I want to be in our marriage.
Honey, I...
I think...
Actually, you kind of convinced me to be a para-wife.
What?
I don't want to actually be married.
Look I was you know how I was a paramedic Yeah For a long time and then I finally got my medical degree and passed the medical bar so to speak Yeah so to speak
To use parlance you'd understand.
Yeah, thank you for dumbing it down.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Stupid lawyer husband.
And then I became a real surgeon, and I gotta tell you, it was not so much, it wasn't as fun as I thought it was going to be.
And then I realized being close to the goal was better than the actual goal.
You were right this whole time.
I can't believe.
Okay, have you heard the song Send in the Clowns?
Yes.
Me and Art Last in Midair, You on the Ground.
I can't believe we're finally.
Wait, I don't know.
I only heard of the song.
I only know the part that says, Send in the Clowns.
That's all I know.
Can you sing it for me?
The song?
Yes, it'll give me a better understanding of what you're about to say.
This feels like a watershed moment in our relationship.
I don't know.
I'm not really a singer.
Can I just tell you the words?
Yeah, all right, fine.
Okay, isn't it rich?
Aren't we a pair?
Me here last on the ground, you in midair.
We're passing ships, Donna.
Oh, God, Jeffrey, are we the clowns?
Yeah, I think we're the clowns.
But you know, I'm really more of a para-circus person.
Of course.
I'll get my things.
Obviously, this relationship has to end.
Wow.
I thought once we both decided we just wanted to be near marriage and not actually married,
I never thought you'd want to take the plunge.
I never thought so either, but when that judge banged that gavel,
I knew.
Let me ask you.
Did it hit something metal?
How did you know that?
I was near a crime scene earlier and I dropped something metal.
I don't know.
I just thought maybe that was what I dropped.
Anything's possible, I guess.
Well, should we shake hands?
Shake near my hand.
Yeah.
Don't actually touch it.
Okay.
All right.
Oh.
Love ya.
Like ya.
I like ya.
I don't feel anything for you anymore.
Okay.
That doesn't hurt.
I'm gonna go get my legal pad.
Okay.
Well, you've earned it now.
Yeah.
I know.
I'm gonna go...
Do surgery?
Probably kill somebody.
Oh my god.
It's seen.
Bye.