1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:19,040 welcome to friends like us bonus improv yeah 2 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:26,220 yeah listeners won't know this but francis got real enthusiastic 3 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:28,420 He's excited for the improv. 4 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:29,140 Wow. 5 00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:34,400 All right, Joe, can we please get a suggestion? 6 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,540 Your suggestion is paralegal. 7 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:39,960 Paralegal. 8 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,360 Well, we know you're a lawyer. 9 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:44,260 That's right. 10 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:45,840 It's long been established. 11 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,860 Yeah, I was inspired to become a lawyer after I saw the hit film, The Juror, 12 00:00:50,860 --> 00:00:53,660 with Demi Moore and 13 00:00:53,660 --> 00:00:55,280 Alex 14 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,520 minus the ex 15 00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:58,920 Alec Baldwin. 16 00:01:00,180 --> 00:01:01,760 That's, I'm assuming, a John Grisham? 17 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:03,500 I don't know. 18 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:04,900 It could be. It's got Anne Heche, too. 19 00:01:05,780 --> 00:01:06,080 Oh. 20 00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:07,820 The late great. 21 00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:10,080 The late Grish. 22 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,440 Anne Heche. 23 00:01:13,380 --> 00:01:13,940 Yeah. 24 00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:16,240 I love legal thrillers. 25 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,580 Yeah, I like them, too. 26 00:01:19,660 --> 00:01:20,340 What's your favorite one? 27 00:01:20,860 --> 00:01:21,980 I don't know. 28 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:24,560 I remember reading The Firm as a young... 29 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:25,440 Me too. 30 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:29,620 Remember when they're on the island and they rented or bought a photocopier and they were 31 00:01:29,620 --> 00:01:30,220 in the room? 32 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:30,540 Yeah. 33 00:01:30,540 --> 00:01:30,840 Yeah. 34 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:31,460 Yeah. 35 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:31,940 Yeah. 36 00:01:32,420 --> 00:01:33,240 I do remember that. 37 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,540 This is great podcasting. 38 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:38,200 Us just talking about parts of a book that we both remember. 39 00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:41,140 People crave this. 40 00:01:41,140 --> 00:01:45,300 Why don't we both sit down silently, read it in our heads on air? 41 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:45,980 Okay. 42 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,220 But what is the prefix para? 43 00:01:49,220 --> 00:01:56,160 means that mean yeah around near so you're just near the law you're not if you're a paralegal 44 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:59,500 that's the perfect word for them because they're not lawyers they do a lot of research 45 00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:04,920 for the lawyers i think it's like the level of expertise because it's like paramedic too it's 46 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:10,300 like you're not technical you're not like a fully certified i just like the idea that it's just yeah 47 00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:15,340 you're around the law like i'm near the law but like i think it just means like it's like their 48 00:02:15,340 --> 00:02:19,700 version of like an intern basically is like a paralegal you start as paralegal and then like 49 00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:25,140 before you get your law degree and then when you get your law degree you become an actual lawyer 50 00:02:25,140 --> 00:02:31,840 then you can just be illegal yeah that's where the phrase legal pad comes from 51 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:37,480 used to be a parapad oh and if there are two of you you could be a paralegals 52 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:41,860 paralegals i would do it for the name 53 00:02:41,860 --> 00:02:49,480 just for the wait for the name paralegal with a friend oh a paralegals yeah two lawyers is a 54 00:02:49,480 --> 00:03:05,554 paralegals yeah and we best buds they are beagles oh that goes without saying yeah well i mean technically everyone owns beagle yeah you born with a beagle Yeah if you don have a beagle people think you gross and weird 55 00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:06,014 Yep. 56 00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:09,834 And a criminal who needs a beagle-owning lawyer. 57 00:03:11,454 --> 00:03:13,634 Everyone is born into this world with two things. 58 00:03:13,714 --> 00:03:15,334 The name Cleveland and a beagle. 59 00:03:15,334 --> 00:03:21,014 Yep. I thought that was going to be like an intro from SVU or whatever. 60 00:03:22,074 --> 00:03:22,294 You know? 61 00:03:22,874 --> 00:03:23,854 Everyone is born. 62 00:03:24,394 --> 00:03:25,134 Dun-dun! 63 00:03:25,134 --> 00:03:26,794 Da-da-da-da-da. 64 00:03:27,434 --> 00:03:29,034 Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. 65 00:03:29,594 --> 00:03:32,794 There are two parts of the legal system. 66 00:03:35,014 --> 00:03:35,654 Classic. 67 00:03:36,454 --> 00:03:38,614 And now, improv. 68 00:03:44,414 --> 00:03:45,374 Hey, hon. 69 00:03:46,094 --> 00:03:46,434 Hey. 70 00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:49,114 I'm having a real hard day. 71 00:03:49,674 --> 00:03:50,434 Oh, I'm sorry. 72 00:03:51,374 --> 00:03:52,134 Tell me about it. 73 00:03:52,134 --> 00:03:56,634 Oh, I passed my bar exam. I'm a lawyer now. 74 00:03:56,914 --> 00:03:59,094 What? That's great. Congratulations. 75 00:03:59,954 --> 00:04:00,634 Thanks. 76 00:04:01,054 --> 00:04:03,074 Why? You don't... 77 00:04:03,074 --> 00:04:04,614 Jeffrey, you don't seem excited. 78 00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:08,134 I know. I should be grateful because I worked so hard, but... 79 00:04:08,974 --> 00:04:12,994 You know how much I love almost being the thing. 80 00:04:13,934 --> 00:04:19,254 I know. We've been paramarried for years now. 81 00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:20,894 Yeah. 82 00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:29,294 I keep telling my parents that you're going to finally settle down and tie the knot, but still nothing. Not yet. 83 00:04:29,374 --> 00:04:38,434 Well, we both know if I did that, you know, we'd fall in love with each other because, you know, it's more fun being almost married, almost a lawyer. 84 00:04:40,014 --> 00:04:41,114 Okay, Jeffrey. 85 00:04:43,494 --> 00:04:50,814 I gotta say, you should maybe just try being a full lawyer instead of almost a lawyer. 86 00:04:50,894 --> 00:04:52,034 and see how that feels? 87 00:04:52,454 --> 00:04:54,054 You worked so hard for this. 88 00:04:54,674 --> 00:04:56,374 If you think that makes more sense 89 00:04:56,374 --> 00:04:57,974 than moving out of this town, 90 00:04:58,114 --> 00:04:59,374 pretending I don't have my degree, 91 00:04:59,474 --> 00:05:01,994 and starting over as a paralegal in Duluth, 92 00:05:02,114 --> 00:05:02,654 then sure. 93 00:05:03,314 --> 00:05:04,074 I'll try. 94 00:05:06,394 --> 00:05:08,514 Okay, well, I don't want it to be, like, 95 00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:10,174 a burden on you. 96 00:05:10,174 --> 00:05:13,354 Do we have to go through all of that? 97 00:05:13,454 --> 00:05:15,534 Or can you just maybe tell people 98 00:05:15,534 --> 00:05:16,874 you failed the bar? 99 00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:20,314 Starting to act a little too wifey, but... 100 00:05:20,314 --> 00:05:20,834 Okay. 101 00:05:21,814 --> 00:05:24,074 Sorry to not have fun, but okay. 102 00:05:24,474 --> 00:05:25,654 I'll go to court. 103 00:05:25,854 --> 00:05:26,714 I'll do law. 104 00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:29,074 We'll see how it goes. 105 00:05:31,294 --> 00:05:32,394 Cut to court. 106 00:05:34,294 --> 00:05:34,814 Hi. 107 00:05:35,634 --> 00:05:37,114 You're my criminal? 108 00:05:38,674 --> 00:05:39,614 Yeah, what's up? 109 00:05:40,034 --> 00:05:40,754 I'm your criminal. 110 00:05:41,214 --> 00:05:41,574 Okay. 111 00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:42,574 Did you... 112 00:05:42,574 --> 00:05:44,054 I'm going to defend you, I guess. 113 00:05:44,454 --> 00:05:45,714 To the best of my ability, I guess. 114 00:05:46,674 --> 00:05:48,214 Well, here's the thing. 115 00:05:50,314 --> 00:05:52,034 I think it should be an easy thing to defend. 116 00:05:52,594 --> 00:05:55,114 I didn't technically commit a crime. 117 00:05:55,994 --> 00:06:06,389 I was just near the crime when it was happening I a para I just like to be almost a criminal I think it more fun that way 118 00:06:06,689 --> 00:06:07,389 Oh my God. 119 00:06:08,189 --> 00:06:10,529 You probably don't understand what I'm talking about. 120 00:06:10,529 --> 00:06:11,929 I'm the only one who understands. 121 00:06:12,109 --> 00:06:12,869 I get this. 122 00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:14,409 We're getting you off. 123 00:06:14,489 --> 00:06:16,229 There's no way you're doing the time for this. 124 00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,189 Wait, how could you possibly understand this? 125 00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,169 Because I love being near the legal system. 126 00:06:20,169 --> 00:06:21,729 Ah, my almost wife doesn't get it. 127 00:06:21,809 --> 00:06:22,249 I... 128 00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:25,429 Whoa, dude. 129 00:06:25,429 --> 00:06:26,849 This is unbelievable. 130 00:06:27,189 --> 00:06:28,689 I believe it. 131 00:06:29,709 --> 00:06:32,549 Well, let's hope the judge believes it, too. 132 00:06:32,649 --> 00:06:33,229 He's going to. 133 00:06:33,449 --> 00:06:33,869 Trust me. 134 00:06:34,469 --> 00:06:36,109 This guy loves being almost retired. 135 00:06:37,649 --> 00:06:44,209 All rise for the Honorable Judge Chuby. 136 00:06:46,309 --> 00:06:47,309 Hi, Your Honor. 137 00:06:48,549 --> 00:06:49,209 Hi. 138 00:06:50,229 --> 00:06:51,429 This should be a quick one. 139 00:06:52,069 --> 00:06:52,409 Okay. 140 00:06:52,409 --> 00:06:52,549 Okay. 141 00:06:52,549 --> 00:07:00,769 By the way, I'm just on the threshold of retirement and loving every minute of it. 142 00:07:01,069 --> 00:07:01,769 This is great. 143 00:07:01,909 --> 00:07:02,669 This is great for us. 144 00:07:03,149 --> 00:07:04,589 Thank you, Your Honor, Juby. 145 00:07:05,709 --> 00:07:10,509 So, as you can see, we're near the crime. 146 00:07:12,409 --> 00:07:16,129 Yes, thank you for bringing me to the actual crime scene, by the way. 147 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:16,789 Thanks for coming. 148 00:07:16,889 --> 00:07:18,409 Most people don't take the time. 149 00:07:19,229 --> 00:07:20,269 Well, we did. 150 00:07:20,269 --> 00:07:21,649 To show me the crime. 151 00:07:22,149 --> 00:07:23,449 That was a fun little rhyme. 152 00:07:23,489 --> 00:07:25,269 Yeah, because we don't want to do the time. 153 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,709 I like the cut of your jib. 154 00:07:28,829 --> 00:07:29,169 Wow. 155 00:07:29,809 --> 00:07:31,489 Wow, this lawyer thing is more fun than I thought. 156 00:07:32,049 --> 00:07:35,829 Your Honor, Juby, we'd like you to dismiss the crimes. 157 00:07:37,629 --> 00:07:41,669 That is fully in my power, and just as long as nobody makes me retire, 158 00:07:42,009 --> 00:07:43,689 because I just want to be close to retirement. 159 00:07:43,969 --> 00:07:45,329 You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. 160 00:07:46,029 --> 00:07:46,869 I like that. 161 00:07:47,469 --> 00:07:48,609 I like the sound of that. 162 00:07:48,609 --> 00:07:50,009 You know what else I like the sound of? 163 00:07:50,009 --> 00:08:00,109 what this gavel dismiss in this case right on the asphalt oh something metal on the ground 164 00:08:00,109 --> 00:08:07,089 apparently yeah thank you we did it we did it man this is amazing i never i never knew it could be 165 00:08:07,089 --> 00:08:12,109 so much fun being an actual lawyer wait does that mean you're gonna give up being near the law and 166 00:08:12,109 --> 00:08:18,169 just being with the law because then i won't understand you anymore man well our relationship 167 00:08:18,169 --> 00:08:20,249 kind of... 168 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:21,629 I mean, you don't need each other anymore. 169 00:08:21,929 --> 00:08:22,429 You're free. 170 00:08:23,009 --> 00:08:24,069 Oh, yeah. Bye. 171 00:08:24,349 --> 00:08:24,609 Bye. 172 00:08:25,689 --> 00:08:27,629 Cut back to Jeffrey's home. 173 00:08:28,369 --> 00:08:28,729 Honey! 174 00:08:29,149 --> 00:08:29,429 Yeah? 175 00:08:29,769 --> 00:08:30,569 I want to marry you. 176 00:08:30,609 --> 00:08:31,629 I want to marry you right now. 177 00:08:32,969 --> 00:08:34,009 Wait, what? 178 00:08:34,249 --> 00:08:34,689 I... 179 00:08:34,689 --> 00:08:36,049 You've had a change of heart? 180 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:36,809 I had a change of heart. 181 00:08:37,109 --> 00:08:39,029 I thought it would be no fun to be in the law, 182 00:08:39,669 --> 00:08:40,889 and then I was and I loved it. 183 00:08:41,609 --> 00:08:43,269 I want to be in our marriage. 184 00:08:44,349 --> 00:08:45,209 Honey, I... 185 00:08:45,209 --> 00:08:46,749 I think... 186 00:08:46,749 --> 00:08:50,569 Actually, you kind of convinced me to be a para-wife. 187 00:08:51,289 --> 00:08:51,589 What? 188 00:08:52,029 --> 00:08:53,649 I don't want to actually be married. 189 00:08:54,649 --> 00:09:07,723 Look I was you know how I was a paramedic Yeah For a long time and then I finally got my medical degree and passed the medical bar so to speak Yeah so to speak 190 00:09:07,743 --> 00:09:09,123 To use parlance you'd understand. 191 00:09:09,203 --> 00:09:10,283 Yeah, thank you for dumbing it down. 192 00:09:10,403 --> 00:09:11,143 Yeah, you're welcome. 193 00:09:11,603 --> 00:09:12,683 Stupid lawyer husband. 194 00:09:13,143 --> 00:09:20,643 And then I became a real surgeon, and I gotta tell you, it was not so much, it wasn't as fun as I thought it was going to be. 195 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:27,283 And then I realized being close to the goal was better than the actual goal. 196 00:09:28,423 --> 00:09:30,243 You were right this whole time. 197 00:09:31,183 --> 00:09:32,683 I can't believe. 198 00:09:33,343 --> 00:09:35,883 Okay, have you heard the song Send in the Clowns? 199 00:09:37,163 --> 00:09:37,603 Yes. 200 00:09:38,683 --> 00:09:40,983 Me and Art Last in Midair, You on the Ground. 201 00:09:42,303 --> 00:09:44,043 I can't believe we're finally. 202 00:09:45,563 --> 00:09:46,183 Wait, I don't know. 203 00:09:46,343 --> 00:09:48,003 I only heard of the song. 204 00:09:48,003 --> 00:09:50,563 I only know the part that says, Send in the Clowns. 205 00:09:50,563 --> 00:09:51,223 That's all I know. 206 00:09:51,483 --> 00:09:52,443 Can you sing it for me? 207 00:09:53,583 --> 00:09:54,283 The song? 208 00:09:54,823 --> 00:09:57,663 Yes, it'll give me a better understanding of what you're about to say. 209 00:09:57,903 --> 00:09:59,903 This feels like a watershed moment in our relationship. 210 00:10:00,023 --> 00:10:00,383 I don't know. 211 00:10:00,503 --> 00:10:01,503 I'm not really a singer. 212 00:10:02,463 --> 00:10:03,843 Can I just tell you the words? 213 00:10:04,383 --> 00:10:05,603 Yeah, all right, fine. 214 00:10:05,723 --> 00:10:06,783 Okay, isn't it rich? 215 00:10:06,903 --> 00:10:07,563 Aren't we a pair? 216 00:10:08,823 --> 00:10:10,843 Me here last on the ground, you in midair. 217 00:10:11,683 --> 00:10:13,943 We're passing ships, Donna. 218 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:18,803 Oh, God, Jeffrey, are we the clowns? 219 00:10:18,943 --> 00:10:20,403 Yeah, I think we're the clowns. 220 00:10:20,563 --> 00:10:26,043 But you know, I'm really more of a para-circus person. 221 00:10:27,663 --> 00:10:28,363 Of course. 222 00:10:28,863 --> 00:10:29,943 I'll get my things. 223 00:10:31,363 --> 00:10:33,543 Obviously, this relationship has to end. 224 00:10:35,483 --> 00:10:36,003 Wow. 225 00:10:36,783 --> 00:10:43,343 I thought once we both decided we just wanted to be near marriage and not actually married, 226 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,383 I never thought you'd want to take the plunge. 227 00:10:46,223 --> 00:10:50,003 I never thought so either, but when that judge banged that gavel, 228 00:10:50,563 --> 00:10:51,423 I knew. 229 00:10:52,203 --> 00:10:53,123 Let me ask you. 230 00:10:54,163 --> 00:10:55,603 Did it hit something metal? 231 00:10:56,383 --> 00:10:57,283 How did you know that? 232 00:10:58,703 --> 00:11:03,103 I was near a crime scene earlier and I dropped something metal. 233 00:11:04,483 --> 00:11:05,423 I don't know. 234 00:11:05,423 --> 00:11:08,723 I just thought maybe that was what I dropped. 235 00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:11,643 Anything's possible, I guess. 236 00:11:12,783 --> 00:11:14,323 Well, should we shake hands? 237 00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:16,283 Shake near my hand. 238 00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:17,163 Yeah. 239 00:11:17,523 --> 00:11:18,343 Don't actually touch it. 240 00:11:18,663 --> 00:11:18,943 Okay. 241 00:11:19,123 --> 00:11:19,363 All right. 242 00:11:20,563 --> 00:11:20,963 Oh. 243 00:11:21,663 --> 00:11:22,383 Love ya. 244 00:11:22,823 --> 00:11:23,223 Like ya. 245 00:11:23,343 --> 00:11:23,783 I like ya. 246 00:11:25,683 --> 00:11:27,743 I don't feel anything for you anymore. 247 00:11:29,583 --> 00:11:30,103 Okay. 248 00:11:30,683 --> 00:11:31,603 That doesn't hurt. 249 00:11:32,423 --> 00:11:33,923 I'm gonna go get my legal pad. 250 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:35,923 Okay. 251 00:11:36,123 --> 00:11:37,023 Well, you've earned it now. 252 00:11:37,143 --> 00:11:37,423 Yeah. 253 00:11:38,023 --> 00:11:38,323 I know. 254 00:11:39,423 --> 00:11:40,983 I'm gonna go... 255 00:11:40,983 --> 00:11:41,503 Do surgery? 256 00:11:42,363 --> 00:11:43,503 Probably kill somebody. 257 00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:44,883 Oh my god. 258 00:11:45,963 --> 00:11:46,723 It's seen. 259 00:11:50,563 --> 00:11:51,563 Bye.