francis do you have a favorite halloween costume that you've ever had
this is a sore subject oh no no it's okay it's just i always want to dress up for halloween
and then I'm always like
it's the day
I'm like I'm busy
I forgot I'm an adult
and so usually
one time I met this guy his name was Paul
and he used to work at a Walgreens
Paul Greens?
that's it
that's the podcast
sorry
go on
how did I never think that
anyway
he kissed me like Spider-Man once.
Oh.
What?
Yeah, like upside down.
Anyway.
Anyway, he gave me his name tag.
Oh.
So on Halloween, I used to just put it on.
Oh.
Walk around in it.
That's pretty good.
Did Spider-Man kiss you at Walgreens?
No.
No, on the couch.
In the furniture section at Walgreens?
The furniture section of his house.
You?
Um, not really.
I've always felt like, I don't know, people get super into Halloween costumes.
I like doing the very subtle one that's basically not a costume.
Like, I think, was it last year, maybe?
Or two years ago?
There's a Tim Robinson sketch where a character in it has a shirt that says, yeah, I play drums.
And so I just got that shirt.
So I was that character from that sketch that nobody knew.
That counts.
And a real fan would have.
Raj, King of the Lambs.
That's the character.
But yeah.
A real fan might know.
Except right.
Yeah.
I mean, they wouldn't.
Because, I mean, he was like a tall, thin, bald man.
But did he have that shirt on?
Yeah, you wore that shirt.
Then they would know.
Okay.
All right.
I guess none of the little kids that came to my door were two true fans of Tim Robinson.
Well, they are stupid.
Kids are dumb.
You know what that reminds me of when I was a kid?
I would go around in my Scream costume.
I was big into Scream.
Oh, yeah.
And so I wore the Scream outfit with the mask.
Like in July.
Terrorizing my neighborhood.
Like how little kids just like, like they'll wear like their Spider-Man suit all the time.
You're just walking around in your Scream costume.
What made you think of Spider-Man?
I don't know.
Is it Paul?
It was a deep, no, it was a deep cut.
I pulled it from the far reaches of my brain.
I could never wear a Spider-Man costume because it's too tight fitting.
I know.
No one's going to believe I'm Spider-Man.
Very few people can pull it off.
Yeah.
Anyway, this lady wouldn't give me candy unless I took my mask off and I didn't want to.
Why?
She was afraid.
And she had like a metal door and she, and I was.
It's Halloween.
I know, but I was always a pretty big kid.
And I wasn't like a kid kid.
I was like in sixth grade or something.
Oh, you were one of those like.
Sixth grade's okay.
That's the cutoff probably.
And so I was taller than other kids.
And like I'm in the scream costume.
And I've got like the bloody knife, you know.
And she literally like opened the door but left the screen door closed.
And she was like, very good, very good.
I can't give you candy until I see the whites of your eyes.
And I was just standing there.
And then I just left.
I'll be back later.
Better lock your doors.
Well, welcome to Friends Like Us, a podcast where friends talk about stuff.
It's Halloween tomorrow.
So we're getting spooky with it on this episode.
Yeah.
Well, happy Halloween.
Happy Halloween.
Or is it?
I don't know what any of that meant.
Quick interruption.
Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing.
If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.
and right before we die we add up all the points and then we get a prize whoever has the most points
for guessing the most secret words here's joe with today's secret words jenna's secret word
is stalkings francis's secret word is conquering back to the pod uh well let's uh get with our
let's get with our first segment.
You want to get with our segment?
Yes.
I gotta get with my segs.
Oh, safe segs. We gotta call it that.
Francis, I think
you know what time it is. It's time for
the invention of the
week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Meow.
Inventions.
Sure, I'll go.
Oh, you scared me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Here, you're the ones in my eyes.
Oh, there you are.
Okay, this is a man-repelling invention.
Ooh.
You're gonna like this.
Okay.
The invention is, you know how sometimes men won't stop?
You know, like...
Stop what?
Like attention.
Talking.
Oh, yeah.
You know?
I do know that
yeah I know
I know you have a problem with it
yep
so I was thinking
it's Halloween
how do we
stop these men
from talking to us
yes
big problem around Halloween
it's a huge Halloween problem
it peaks every October 31st
this problem
it's dangerous
it's scary and it stinks
Well, this is right in time, then.
Yeah, you're all going to thank me.
Here it is.
Okay.
I'm ready.
You know how you have hair.
I do know that.
Yes.
And so sorry for anyone who doesn't.
This, unfortunately, is not, this is not one for you.
You could buy it for a friend who has hair.
You're familiar with...
Are you familiar with squibs?
Squid packs?
Like gunshot in movies?
Yeah.
We make tiny versions of it.
They're like little, almost flat beads.
Almost flat.
And you put them on your scalp, hidden by your hair.
Kind of close to the hairline, wherever you can hide it, where you can't see.
Okay?
I'm just now picturing...
I might be ahead of you on this.
Are we going to have fake blood shooting under the tops of our heads?
We're going to have fake blood running down our face.
It's not like a pop.
It's like a light pop.
Anyway, here's what happens.
You can trigger them with your phone, like an app.
You could say, like, release the squibs.
Or you can calibrate it to your scream decibel.
When your phone hears you scream.
So imagine a man's talking to you.
You want us to stop.
So I just go, ah!
Yeah.
And it pops all the squibs.
And the blood starts running down your face.
he's out of there.
I guarantee you.
I think he might be out of there if like midway him talking about his fantasy
football team or whatever.
And then I just start screaming.
He might be out of there just from the screen.
We'll never know what was the cause because it happened simultaneously.
This is not just good for men.
Any situation you want to get out of.
You don't think that that's going to attract way more attention.
you think people are going to leave you alone if they're suddenly bleeding from the head?
Yes.
You think people are going to be like, you know what?
She's fine.
I'm just going to go now.
I don't think they're going to think.
I think they're going to be like, I'm out.
I'm out of here.
They're not going to be like, what's happening?
Are you okay?
Do you need me to call 911?
You don't think the man's instinct to like protect the woman or help her is going to kick in?
I don't think so.
I know that's not an instinct that you have.
No, I do.
I have that instinct.
But I think that, you know how they say, like, don't yell help, yell fire, because, like, people won't help you.
But they will come see about a fire.
Yeah.
You ever heard that?
Yes.
Yeah.
It's real.
It's human psychology.
So maybe you could scream fire and the blood will come down.
Then he'd just go, where's the fire?
Then he'd stick around.
It's the opposite of what you were saying.
So I should yell help than if I want to not have him stay.
Yeah.
So he's standing in front of me, talking to me.
Here, let's try this out.
Am I the man?
Yes.
Okay, great.
My dream.
No, actually, because I want to see how this works.
I'll be the man.
Okay, I'll back up when I scream.
Okay.
Oh, just coming out of the store.
Oh, I got everything I need for Halloween.
Oh, Jeanette.
Hey, how's it going?
Oh, hey.
Oh, I'm so glad I got you.
I'm just so busy right now.
Listen, I know it's a little early, but I'm already planning my Super Bowl party.
I just told you I was busy.
And, uh, yeah.
Anyway, last year, everyone loved your dip.
Yeah.
And it feels like it really wouldn't be a party.
Yeah, okay.
I'm pretty sure the 49ers are going to be in the Super Bowl again.
Yeah!
If you'll excuse me, I have to go now.
Oh.
Wait.
Uh-uh.
Wait, wait.
I was about to leave, but now there's blood running down your head.
Are you okay?
What happened?
Quick, somebody
Somebody get
No, I don't need help
Somebody
Janette, what's going on?
Somebody call 911
No
I will hold your bloody head until help gets here
No
And in the meantime, I'm going to keep talking about football
To keep you calm
Gunshot
I don't know, I don't think it would work
Well, you're just a good friend
I think most people
if someone started spontaneously bleeding from the top of their head.
I know where this went wrong.
Oh, okay.
There's one tiny detail that if you change it,
it'll be...
It's a bit of a detail.
This is not for friends or people you know.
This is for random people you don't know.
Okay, so how often are you being...
Okay, so...
You're going out.
Okay.
Guess what?
What?
Your divorce just got finalized.
Okay.
It's time to party.
Put on your lube bootings.
All right.
Let's play this scenario out.
Are you the divorcee?
No, I'm the man again.
Oh, okay.
Great.
Oh, my God.
Love this club.
Wow.
Drink is good.
I'm hot.
Hey.
Yeah, I heard that.
You are hot.
Oh, thanks.
This is for me, though.
Have a nice night, sir.
Whoa.
What's that?
Sorry.
It's so loud in here.
It's not that loud.
I said no.
What?
Thank you.
I don't mean to be a, you know, just please.
Hey, hey, hey.
Someone pretty like you shouldn't be all alone.
I'm bleeding.
Go away.
This is too much drama for me.
I don't need this in my life right now.
Have a good night.
Whoa.
Francis.
I know.
That's the secret.
It can't be a friend.
Oh.
If they care, they stay.
Caring voids the warranty.
Oh, caring voids the warranty?
Yeah.
Must be used on strangers.
Okay.
You like it?
Well, I mean, we now know that it would absolutely work.
Yeah.
God, I want to know the rest of her story now.
I want to know what she goes on to do.
I guess we'll have to save that for another invention.
Great.
So does this have a name?
Yeah.
What is its name?
X-Men.
Hmm.
We might get sued.
Well, not if we spell it E-X.
That's what I was going for.
Wait, but does it sound like former men?
Um, yes.
How about we do a different name?
Oh, okay.
How about, um, just spitballing here.
Gigan.
Damn, that's good.
Miss Guygon?
Like Miss Saigon?
That works.
Wow, that's good.
No I was thinking like Goo Gone Oh like Goo Gone Oh got to be Gloosbury Yeah that the best we going to do
Thank you, Joe.
Not release the squibs?
That's funny.
Guy Gone.
Release the squibs, that's cute.
It's cute?
Highfalutin in your Labutins.
Divorce the night away.
Okay.
I feel like there's another name in there.
It's not reigning men.
Maybe that could be the tagline.
That's a good tagline.
Divorce the night away.
Okay.
Sorry, I'm making notes for myself.
I know people would try this.
well it would be honestly best as a weird halloween prank but listeners do not do this without
buying it from us first yeah we're also gonna get it yeah that's right you couldn't even get
it anywhere you can't even make this you can't even jury rig this yeah don't even try if you do
try we'll know because we'll see your failed attempts yeah and no amount of screaming will
The blood runs dry.
No, that's stupid.
I would go to their house if I found out they were using it,
and I would jimmy their door and scare them late into the night,
and I would jimmy every door.
I'd go around.
I'd hit the windows.
You'd jimmy all the doors?
Yeah.
Just, here's your closet.
I'm making eye contact.
Get that off your head.
Bathroom door.
i don't think jimmying the doors is as menacing if the person isn't on the other side of the door
like if someone's in their bedroom and you're like like in the laundry room jimmying a door
it's not it doesn't have the same menacing effect i don't think well anything's scary when you're
home alone like i have a a clothes steamer like a super nice one and i put like clothes on it and
I always forget it's there when I use it and like I turn the corner in the dark and I see
like the silhouette of a person and I like it's a nice night one day I'm gonna be in those clothes
the night I conquer my fear yeah when you're ready for it okay good uh well we've proven that
this works so i i don't know how every single lady on earth won't buy one of these and the blood
doesn't stain oh that's that's a nice feature yeah it's a detergent it's actually it actually
cleans your clothes it gets on your then you can just throw your clothes in the washer it's actually
a beautiful exfoliant on your face and then it cleans your clothes it's an exfoliant when it's
on your face and then when it's on your clothes it's detergent it's yeah uh how quickly does the
blood run down is it like a slow burn yeah okay it's thick viscous viscous goop you have time to
like here's a rendition of what's actually happening it starts it's in the middle of my
forehead. It's now
touching my eyebrow. Does that kind of help?
Yeah. It's relatively fast.
I guess normal speed.
Yeah, that's the technology.
You specially
timed it.
You practiced. You hit a lot
of people in the head.
Clocked how quickly the blood
ran down their forehead. Yeah.
So that it would perfectly mimic
that speed. Because accuracy
is key. I couldn't
look at myself in the mirror and live with
myself and love myself if I hadn't
assaulted those strangers
for the science.
And the strangers
are grateful, by the way. They got a free
one. Oh, yeah.
They got
a free one.
They screamed and they bled.
They screamed, they bled,
and you immediately left the scene.
Yeah, I did. Further proving that it works.
Yeah. God, I'm good.
I just want to see if this works.
Oh, good.
Yes, it does.
I see blood and I immediately want to leave.
And they were all divorcees.
Oh, good.
Well, I divorced the night away.
Probably on shelves by the time this episode drops.
Yeah.
I guess.
I'm sold out.
Just in time for you to use it not for your Halloween costumes.
No, this is a serious.
No, this is serious.
This is like pepper spray.
This is if you are trick-or-treating.
If you're a grown woman trick-or-treating.
and a man doesn't, wants to talk to you for a long time before giving you candy.
But they don't care about you.
Yeah.
If they cared about you, then sadly this will.
You can't use this.
It avoids the warranty.
Yeah.
And it's a crime.
Punishable by Jill.
Sounded like he said punishable by Jill.
That's right.
Here at Friends Like Us, we have a special enforcer named Jill.
Yeah.
she handles all our crimes
hi it's Jill
Jill get back off mic
alright
sorry
man tough fraud
anyway you don't want to know what happens
that's the point of Jill
scary Jill
cool well go to friendslikeuspod.com
to buy your own
divorce the night away
and
enjoy your freedom, ladies.
Sometimes I feel like I have too much talent.
I agree.
Yeah.
Oh, and that wraps up the invention of the week.
Now let's talk about your talent.
Yeah, I just feel like
some people out there can't think of one good idea.
And here I am.
I can't.
That's not true.
Divorce the night away was your
words.
I'm pretty sure you mostly inspired it though
Let's just do an exercise
I'm going to show you that anyone can do this
Name one problem you have
See I can't even think of a problem
But I know I have them
You put me on the spot
Here's a foolproof way
Your dryer is broken
Oh no your clothes are wet
You have somewhere to go
You have a line in the backyard
How do you dry your clothes?
My hair dryer
i would take what i what i need to do and just air dry it that's absolutely brilliant
thank you so i invented a hair dryer you invented a hair dryer you just gotta do one little thing
different like maybe it could have two barrels it could be like a shot or like a shotgun
shaped but it's a hair dryer so it's a portable clothes dryer yeah it looks like a hair dryer
no it looks like a gun well but yeah sorry it looks like a gun see double barrel shotgun
actually would be kind of fun to use
see and you thought of it
no you didn't
well alright I guess then we're all
geniuses
good talent
except Jill
well Jill has other talents
like what
Jill you're an enforcer
you know you're an enforcer
You're the muscles behind Friends Like Us.
And that's it.
Look.
I thought you just kept me around for my body.
We do for your muscly, muscly body.
I love you.
Francis is dying.
Ow.
Hold on, Francis.
Let Jill Heimlich you.
Enforce me.
Wow. That was great.
Oh,
baloney.
All right. Well,
thanks for fixing Francis,
Jill.
It's time
for our next segment.
Our next segment.
John,
I don't know if I can do it
you can
you invented a hair dryer
you can do this
okay
it's time for her
this is all stinging
this is great podcasting
it's time for our next segment
JonBenet
Francis can you say it?
yeah I can say it
thank you
it's time for our new segment
JonBenet
fancy
hey y'all it's joe benet fancy
all right
in this segment we detail we've decided to turn to a true crime podcast
so buckle up listeners we're now a true crime podcast
and always have been and and yeah have always been but we're now revealing it to you
um we are about to detail a heinous crime
that never happened but it's real but it's real and it's heinous and every disgusting detail
is verifiable on Wikipedia.
Wikipedia.
You said that funny.
Joe, well, we know everything about
all crimes ever. Yeah.
So Joe just needs to
give us a suggestion and it'll immediately
make us think of a certain crime.
We'll know exactly what's crime.
Which is like our Rolodex. Yeah.
Joe had to
step away for a second, but Jill
can give you a suggestion if you want.
Sure, Jill. We're not paying you extra for this, though.
Oh, okay.
Your suggestion is rainforest.
Oh, no.
Rainforest.
Well, Francis, I know we're thinking of the same one.
Obviously, there's only one heinous rainforest.
The Rainforest Cafe.
Yeah.
The Nasty Murders and Disfigurement.
At the Rainforest Cafe.
Rainforest Cafe, yep.
Of 1995.
Yep.
This one, well, I feel like this is almost cheating because we're picking one that listeners all know.
I know.
I mean, everyone knows where they were when they heard about the Rainforest Cafe grizzly murders and disfigurements.
Of 1995.
Yeah, it was people, I've heard them say it's the Manson murders of the 90s.
it's i've heard people call the manson murders the rainforest cafe disfigurement and murders of
the 70s 60s yeah it was 1969 i only know that because of the rainforest
grizzly murders and disfigurements of 95 yeah yeah well uh this is a tough one to talk about
You okay?
I'm okay.
No, I mean, it's been 30 years at this point.
So, you know, time heals all wounds.
Yeah.
Thank goodness.
Well, not their wounds.
Not theirs, no.
Yeah.
Well, it was, as you remember, Francis, a bachelorette party.
Yes.
And they hadn't made a reservation.
I remember that.
No.
Yeah.
which is that like to me that's so heartbreaking because it like it underscores just how like fun
and full of life these young ladies were yeah that they just the the world was still their oyster
they didn't even think of reservations they just like they just knew that things were going to work
out for them yeah i mean it's a bachelor it's a bachelorette party so already you're on top of the
world yeah you feel like you can do anything you know they're out here breaking hearts conquering
men. Yeah. Going
wild.
Thinking that someday they're going to
be able to divorce the night away.
Little did they know.
The night would be divorcing
their blood.
That blood would be real
running down their heads. Yeah. So
they get in
there. I remember this like it was yesterday.
In a way it was. It still is.
Every day it the same for me Every day I wake up and for like half a second I forgotten that it happened And then I remember it It just I know That why we always like to work Yep
Yeah.
And our bosses understand.
They understand.
Because this is a national tragedy.
Yeah.
Because these were blonde women.
Well, yeah.
And technically not bottle blonde, but still.
Yeah.
It doesn't matter.
As long as the light catches.
Which in the end was how the killer found them.
because their blonde hair was reflecting the light from the ceiling,
which reflected into the eye of a decorative toucan.
Yep.
Which then shot upon them.
Which, actually, the toucan involvement in this is,
this is actually why Kellogg suspended the toucan as the mascot of Froot Loops
for a good year and a half, at least.
I think it was at least 18 months.
It might have been a full two years.
that the toucan was not the mascot.
Toucan was not a mascot
because it was like too,
just an image of a toucan was too much for.
Yeah.
He only got his job back because of the union.
Well, I know.
But he was, he didn't push it for too,
like he was gracious, he understood.
Yeah, it was hard on him too.
It was hard on him too,
but he was willing to take that hit
because it was like,
this is a nation in mourning.
And if my seeing me makes things harder,
that I want to accelerate this.
But after a while, you know, he was kind of like, okay, I got to get back to work.
And which then, you know, in America, ultimately understood.
Yeah.
It's not like he could do anything else.
No, no.
I mean, there's only one job for a toucan.
Red Forest Cafe or cereal.
Cereal box.
Yeah.
So what I'm remembering now, God, this is coming back like crazy.
Before anything happened, little objects started to go missing from the women at the table.
And they didn't notice because they were having such a good time.
Oh, yeah.
I know.
They didn't notice until the sash, the bride-to-be sash, was the thing that went missing.
Yeah.
And her friends were like, Dana, Dana, where's your sash?
Where's your sash?
Yeah, they're like, did you change your mind?
Yeah.
No, Gregory's great.
Oh, Gregory and Dana.
I'm so mad just because what a great couple name.
I know.
This is kind of a weird twist to all of this.
So, you know, a few years later, Gregory ended up marrying somebody also named Dana.
There are conspiracy theorists who think that was no accident.
Really?
Yeah.
What's he liked about it was the name.
Well, anyway, we're not here to talk about...
Allegedly.
Yeah.
Gregory's a whole other podcast, quite frankly.
We could get into the psychology of Gregory.
But we're going to put that to the side for now.
That's a whole other segment another time.
Yeah, but the ladies, Dana, she was so young.
And also her maid of honor, Jessica.
Yeah.
Tiffany.
Yeah.
Rebecca with a K.
And Berbar.
Berbar was kind of an unfortunate one because she wasn't actually originally going to make it.
because she was in Sweden, obviously.
But Dana was like, it's not going to be the same without you, Brabara.
I'll pay.
Is it money?
I'll pay.
I know.
And then Brabara was like, no, no, no.
But she then made her realize how much Dana wanted her to be there.
Yeah.
But she didn't tell Dana.
And so when Dana got to the Rainforest Cafe, Brabara was there waiting.
And it was like this big celebration.
And they were like, oh, I didn't think you'd be here.
It was beautiful.
I know, it was beautiful.
Everyone in the restaurant was like, oh.
I know.
Send them a drink.
Yeah, I know.
They actually didn't pay for drinks.
I'm glad they didn't have to.
Yeah.
Well, no, they didn't pay for anything in the end.
Or they paid with their lives.
Ultimately, I know.
So the first disfigurement.
Ah.
Sad to say, it was Jessica.
I know.
Well, Jessica was kind of like the loud.
She was the loudest in the group.
So it kind of makes sense that she was the one that was taken down first.
Yeah.
The irony of her coming back to the table with no lips.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
And she didn't know.
She didn't.
She didn't even know.
She did not realize.
She's just trying to talk and they were like, girl, what?
And well, she succeeded in talking because she still had her tongue.
Those were that was next to go.
Yeah.
Every time she left, she came back missing something.
Yeah.
And next was Rebecca with a K.
Yeah.
A big capital K in the middle.
Oh, yeah.
Big capital K.
She was like the life log, like the kindergarten friend.
The one who she wasn't.
She wasn't like in the rest of the group, really.
Yeah.
but
don't judge her too
she
she was the least attractive
out of all of them
and she was kind of the
dorkiest
she had her like
really shiny
long kind of like muumuu dress
like pink
you just said it all with muumuu didn't you
no I meant
she didn't have a sense of proportion
she was actually not
it just made her look boxy.
Yeah.
And she was wearing
she was wearing white stockings
and white stockings
always make legs look like tree trunks
you know
and white shoes too.
Oh God.
I know.
Bad look.
But she was like
she was like the sweetest person.
So nice.
Everyone said she was
they were like
she earned that capital K.
Kind.
Kind with a capital K
is what they would say.
Yeah.
Oh.
I know.
God it's like so sad.
But I think what I'm remembering now
is that
someone came and said
There's a phone call for Rebecca?
Because they didn't know her.
They were just like.
Yeah.
They just thought it was a weird name.
Yeah.
And Rebecca just got up and was like, oh, someone's calling me?
It was the killer.
Yeah.
But we didn't know that then.
No, I know.
And it was weird.
No, and they didn't seem to notice.
The call was coming from inside the restaurant.
It was coming from inside one of the trees in the restaurant.
The tree phone.
Yeah.
The tree phone.
Yeah.
Which I don't know if listeners know this, but every rainforest cafe has three tree phones.
Yep.
I mean, not anymore.
What do you mean?
They disabled the tree.
Because of the tragedy.
I heard there's one, but it doesn't work.
It's just there.
Right.
Yeah.
It's symbolic.
It's...
Yeah.
You can go pilgrimage to it.
You can leave a sash.
Yeah.
It's in Daytona, which is where the ladies wanted to go in the bachelorette party, but
they couldn't afford it, so...
Too bad, huh?
I know.
Let this be a lesson to you all.
Spring for Daytona.
Yep.
Oh, that's a good...
That was a good dad for the Daytona Chamber of Commerce.
You think?
Spring break.
Spring for Daytona.
They can't use it.
Yeah, they can...
We'll talk, Daytona.
We know you're listening.
We gotta negotiate.
We'll talk after the pod.
The first heinous murder.
Heinous murder.
Heinous.
Was with a shoe.
Yeah.
and it was used.
It was a dirty used shoe.
And
they never found the shoe.
So they only know it because of the shoe prints.
Yep.
I know.
It's amazing how much you can tell from a shoe print.
You can.
There's a whole wing of science devoted to the bottoms of shoes.
They can look up any shoe by the print.
Yep.
Isn't that crazy?
They just look up the shoe.
Yeah.
The shoe database.
what they do is they take a picture of the print
and they send it cc all
to
shoe and all the executives
of shoe companies get the email
and then quickly they're like not mine
or like
what's this about
it does look familiar
anyway
who
who was your favorite one to die
oh
that's a weird way to phrase it well you know we're americans we're really into this stuff
um i
brabar probably yeah i think because of the poetic way that it happened oh and she came so far i know
i know came so far that's where that song came from that's what it was about her actually um
yeah it's one of the spice girls slow jams but yeah remember when they sang the acoustic
remembrance not a dry eye in the house that's why they stopped music i know another see the
rainforest cafe killer cutting short a lot of lives the death toll continues to rise i know
anyway it was gotta be barbaric because she she actually went looking for she climbed up the tree
looking for whoever it was
that took her friend's lips
and laid her tongue.
Yeah, and at some point sash.
Well, yes.
But I think the sash was fine
when they were like,
maybe we're a little drunk,
we lost a sash.
But when Jessica came back
without her lips,
then that was a little bit like...
Because why are they going to do shots now?
Yeah, well, also,
where are your lips?
so she climbed to the top of this tree i know and then she and then the killer was up there
but she didn't know she didn't know it was dark you know you've been to a rainforest cafe yeah
they purposely make it dark up there they do so they don't have to clean i know yeah well
don't sue us rainforest cafe but that's the truth we all know it yeah and he pushed her
right onto a pile of forks that were all pointing up yep all pointing up because i don't know if
you know this rainforest cafe used to store their cutlery in boxes of sand on the table yeah i know
long one for the party yeah such a shame yeah this is jill i heard recently that now you can
only buy boxes of sand to hold forks straight up in the black market because they were illegalized
after the rainforest that is correct very reactionary lawmaking if you ask me but but
There have been no other crimes like that since.
That's true.
So maybe it's doing some good.
Maybe it did some good.
Isn't it sad that Brabant was Swiss and died with a lot of holes in her?
Yeah.
I know.
Oh, Brabant.
Sick.
Twisty.
I know.
She went from Switzerland to her foreign exchange place in Sweden to Oklahoma City.
where she ultimately
had her demise.
Yes.
Two different countries.
No, but the killer
had a sick...
He had a sick,
twisted sense of humor
like that.
It was not a mistake.
No, he knew.
And she's the one.
He knew.
Old Swiss barbar.
Old Swiss
by way of Sweden barbar.
And then
the last
last murder, Dana.
God.
Poor
sashless Dana.
Yep.
At least she died with her lips.
A lot of good they do Gregory at that point, but.
He still goes to the gravesite.
They were preserved.
Yeah.
So he goes to the gravesite every year on the anniversary of her death and leans in.
And kisses it.
Yeah.
Spider-Man style.
Yeah.
So sad.
Well, I feel like we could go on about this forever.
We should stop, though, because it's actually hurting my heart.
I know.
I would like to go out for some treats, though.
We can go to our Rainforest Cafe.
Okay.
Sounds good to me.
We'll bring our fork box.
I'll bring the sand.
Well, all right.
Well, I guess this segment has a happy end, then.
Yeah.
Because we're going to get treats after this.
Yeah.
And there's still a living Dana, thanks to Gregory.
Yes.
rest in peace for war and gregory and dana if you're listening and we know that you are
uh thank you for listening and uh all right that wraps up
john benet fancy yay
i did it you guys i said it i like that we didn't tell them who did it i think they should never know
His name be not uttered.
Yes, I said that word on purpose.
His name be not uttered.
Well, some sad times on this Halloween pod.
Yeah, but we need murder.
Otherwise, we wouldn't have a true crime podcast.
Yeah, that's true.
So.
So worth it.
Right.
It sucks, but like.
Oh I know Thank you Uh well there only one thing left to do Well no there a couple things left to do but the next thing is the big question
the question is very
big
you like it a big question?
I love it a big question
I'll ask you a big question
I would love that
this is not the big question
but it's a quick one I'm just curious what you'd say
because it just popped into my head and I want to know.
Okay.
You know how we love music?
I do know that.
Yeah.
Do you know you always ask me leading questions?
We used to before it was outlawed after the rainforest got.
Well, we have the memory of music.
Spice Girls were outlawed.
Yeah.
Because they're such a touching tribute.
And if you're caught listening to them, they'll rip your lips off.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
Anyway.
They'll go, fork you!
Burbar!
I was thinking
you know when you hear a new song and you're like
whoa oh my god I love it
oh it's touching me
if you had the opportunity
to listen to a channel
like Spotify channel or whatever
I'm not plugging them but whatever
where it was like a channel of songs
that you would
like your 10 out of 10 songs that you've never
heard before this is a channel of new music
you've never ever heard
and everyone's a banger
but you can never hear the song again.
Would you still like to have that channel
or would you like to find them organically
so you could listen to them?
Oh, like they're still in the,
like if I don't listen to the channel
then they still exist and I could run across them
in the wild.
Will you?
William you?
I would say I wouldn't want to listen to it.
I would hope that I run across them in the wild.
Yeah, that's beautiful.
the real question
okay
that was a small question
it was a little question
a little cute
anyway
my question to you is
if I said Jenna you have to
you have to
frame a random celebrity
for a weird crime
what celebrity would you pick
and how would you frame them for this crime
um okay
I
first I feel like there's the perfect celebrity out there
that I'm trying to think
could have been Brebar, she'd lived
I would
frame
Denise Richards
I would frame Denise Richards
for
insider trading
I have to.
I have to hear more.
First of all, why her?
And why insider trading?
She doesn't strike me as very bright.
So I feel like she wouldn't put up a good defense.
Denise, I'm sorry.
That's the persona you put out.
And I know you're listening.
I'm sorry, Denise.
Well, when you're hot, you don't have to be bright.
So she's not going to be insulted.
Does she even know she was insulted?
Oh, Denise, I'm sorry.
Just shot after shot.
Also, she's just like random enough.
Yeah.
It's not going to make like, well, it will be on the news, but it's not going to be like all people are talking about.
Okay, Denise did a crime.
Okay, so, but I think, so I would plant evidence of, like, I would go, I would break into, I would break into a top secret weapons manufacturing company, steal some kind of secrets that have release dates for their next big, like, okay.
there's a weapons company
um
let's call them Raython Martin
okay yeah it's so
random yeah I don't know where that name just
came to me it's a beautiful name yeah
Raython Martin boy or girl
yeah Raython Martin
yeah that's cute
uh
and
they have a new tank coming out
right that's gonna
revolutionize the way people
tank
this tank is going to also double as a drone oh a tank drone a tank drone td
so it's it's a like an imposing like massive force coming at you when it's on the ground when
it needs to like with but it can like collapse and like fold into itself and then origami yes
It's like an Oregon and they've created this kind of like steel, like carbon fiber hybrid.
So it allows it to be like really like sturdy when it's on the ground, but like light enough to be like drone and can fly away.
And so this is coming out.
Right.
And so obviously their stock is going to go through the roof when it's announced.
Yeah.
So I steal the plans for it, including the release date.
which the plans have the release date on it.
I then open an E-Trade account under Denise Richards' name.
I have these plans.
I put them into Denise's.
She's got an office.
She's got...
That she's never been in.
I know.
She's never been in it.
Exactly.
And she's got her grandmother's antique desk.
It's beautiful.
It's got one of those, like, the bottom drawer is like a file cabinet.
the lock old-fashioned lock yeah yeah but she never goes in there and it's really just because
she has the room right so she it's an office it's called an office but she whenever she needs to like
do any actual like computery type work she just she sits at the island in the kitchen yeah i mean
that's kind of where everyone does their work right so no fault to denise no one goes into
their office um but so i put these plans inside of her off the bottom drawer of her grandmother's
antique desk locket, right? But it's I have gloves on. So obviously, my fingerprints aren't on it at
all. I opened this E-Trade account under her name. Then two days before the announcement, I buy
just a shitload of stock in her name, right under her account. Now she doesn't already have an E-Trade
account right so there's a denise richards is that name is not taken in the e-trade account
so there's no nothing suspicious about it that way right they're like e-trade people are like
like somebody on the other end is like hey like you will never know we'll ever like us you just
signed up wait a minute it's crazy that sounds familiar yeah denise oh she was the bond girl
she was that hot chick yeah yeah um and there is you know they're just talking about in the office
and so like e-trade's already aware of it because it's like that's on their radar the guys in the
backend that see every new account that comes in they notice it and they're like hey babe it's that
hot girl um yeah yeah uh so they're already aware of it yeah right so then the announcement comes
on monday so she opens this account on friday or i open it in her name on friday
monday raython martin announces this drone tank stock immediately goes through the roof but she
meanwhile has just purchased a shitload of it in her e-trade thing unbeknownst to her so it's like
whoa whoa whoa suddenly all these red flags are raised how did she know like what there's no way
this was just perfect timing she didn't buy any other stocks she bought a whole bunch of it she's
never even had an e-trade account before so it's not like she's a stock girl and we all know this
about her and she dabbles yeah she's not a stock girl no she's not a stock girl so how did she have
this information okay knock knock knock the scc comes knocking at her door excuse me denise
we're gonna have to take a look around then they go and they're looking everywhere and they're like
what's in this desk and she's like oh i don't know it was my grandmother's i have never really
use it i always use i just take my laptop to the island in the kitchen whenever i gotta write
something and um and then they're like well we're gonna need the key and so she pulls out the little
cute little antique key and they're like oh this is a cute little key they dust it for prints only
see her prints on there open the bottom drawer of the dress desk uh-oh what's inside that's the
official police term uh-oh oopsies plans oh she's going away yeah she's going away for a long time
and then she is going to be like i don't know what this where this came from she's gonna play
into the whole everyone thinks she's stupid thing yeah which is then gonna make them be like uh-uh
there's more going on between those years another term uh-uh-uh yeah more going on between those
years and you're letting on, Denise.
Yeah.
You know what an office is.
You know how to use a desk.
Wow.
And then she couldn't argue her way out of it.
You're right, and she goes away for a long time.
Yep.
Diabolical.
Yep.
Sugar crush.
Thank you, that was...
So, anyway.
Yeah, well thought out.
Sorry, Denise.
I'm not.
She's lived a nice life.
She can have a suffer now.
Yeah.
and
Raython Martin
sorry to take you down with her
they're fine they didn't do anything wrong
yeah they let me sneak in and steal their plans
well the security is its own conversation
we can have that conversation
meanwhile I've opened like
a thousand
other little accounts and made
tiny Raython Martin
purchases and all of those
all the attention's on her
you're raking it in
I'm Raython Martin it in
Wow.
Yep.
So anyway, that's why I'm rich now.
I love it.
Yeah.
So.
Great.
You answered my question.
That was the, I answered your.
You did a good job.
Thank you.
That's it then.
Okay.
Well, I think that wraps up the big question.
And a small one.
The big question.
And the small one.
Yeah.
Big question and small question.
Yeah.
Little Q.
Well.
All right.
Only one final thing to do.
Uh-huh.
And that is see if we can guess the secret words.
Do you have good feelings about guessing?
I have a guess.
Shoot.
No.
But I don't think it's right.
All right.
Well, what do you think it is?
I think your word is database.
Nope.
Did I say database?
There's a shoe database.
You said there's a shoe database.
Oh.
That's a good guess, then.
Oh, okay.
Good guess, but wrong.
Okay, dang it.
Do you have any other guesses?
No.
Okay.
What's your guess for me?
Raython Martin.
No, my guess is antique.
And if that's not it, I guess psychology.
No, neither of those are correct.
All right.
Well, what was your word?
Stockings.
do you remember me saying that no rebecca with a k don't judge her i had to set up i had to drag
rebecca under the bus to set up a whole scenario where she's the frumpy one in the group wearing
like stockings white stockings with white shoes trunks yep i remember now yep well you covered
it well thank you what was your word conquering conquering oh yeah and i was worried i was gonna
to love this one but when did you say it i said that the the bachelorette party they were out
conquering men oh wow okay another week well it's rough go to friends like us pod.com to check the
running total of uh who's winning uh i'm fairly certain francis is winning i i have to double
check but and also you can make a donation to rainforest cafe and the estate of brabar uh and
buy yourself a divorce the night away and um also uh follow us on social media uh we're at
flu pod official at across all socials um you'll get to see drawings of all of our inventions
I say our inventions
they're Francis's inventions
no so we succeed together
okay all of our inventions
along with the other fun stuff
yeah
I guess that's it
thanks for listening to our spooky Halloween
oh no
Francis your head
okay bye I'm gonna leave now
that scared me
and you should leave too listeners
bye
We'll see you next week.