Hey, welcome to friends like us, the podcast where friends talk about stuff, the podcast
where you wish you had friends like us. I'm Jenna and with me as always is the amazing,
the perfect, the wonderful Francis. Hi, thanks. That's okay. You're welcome. You're great too.
Oh, thank you. Yeah. I wasn't looking for that, but thank you. You found it. Oh, so how are you?
I've been pretty good. I've been looking forward to this for weeks. Me too. Overall, how's your
summer going it's hot um i hate to say that god i wish i hadn't said that delete that in post
i was thinking about this because my dad no no my dad every day comes in he goes oh it's hot
and it's like inducing such rage in me i don't know why so i'm like yeah it's hot like uh dennis
next dennis friend of the pod uh he's okay anyway i know uh yeah i'm good i'm good i feel like uh
You know, all the days run together.
They're all kind of the same, but in a way that I don't mind, you know.
Hmm.
Interesting.
Like, I'm enjoying my days.
I'm glad.
That makes me joyful due to how much I like you.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
Do you want me to do something about Dennis for you due to how much I like you?
Like, existentially?
Yeah.
We'll talk offline.
Okay.
All right.
Cool.
All right.
Oh, you want to hear something that happened to me yesterday?
I do.
uh well it didn't really happen to me it just happened around me i'm out okay i was driving
back on my usual way home from mesa my usual route and i don't know if this has always been
there or if this is a new thing um you look exasperated by this already uh i don't know
if this is a new thing or not but they now have a speed camera along my route and it flashed not
for me i don't think because the guy that was to the left of me was going easily five miles an hour
faster than me but it made me worried that i'm gonna still somehow be collateral damage in this
speed camera thing like like because i flashed right when i was next to that guy who was going
much faster than me and so like i saw the flash too but it couldn't have been for me i was only
going like seven eight miles over the speed limit he was going like 13 14 over the speed limit maybe
it's for both of you could is it possible no i think they have to pick one okay yeah but then
like but i'm also like i was closer to the camera too so what if they're like ah this one's fine
like easier to photograph yeah exactly good old five over yeah and you can get a clear picture of
you since you're going slower i know oh i think it's just for show i don't think they actually
send tickets okay i guess we'll find out in like six weeks you should go back and go faster
okay or i'll just have you drive i'll wear one of those goggles that has a mustache on not goggles
i was thinking glasses yeah is that what they called yeah is that what they called
yeah what do you think uh that sounds good to me just as long as i don't have to pay for a ticket
that's really the only thing that i'm worried about um this is not legal advice okay i'm gonna
take it as such though.
But I'm off the hook now.
Okay.
But I heard that they have to serve you.
Like they have to physically.
Yeah.
So if you never pay the ticket,
hypothetically,
not advising this,
they would have to dispatch someone to serve you.
And if they never serve you.
Okay.
Because other people will just pay.
Yeah.
I probably would have done that.
Yeah.
Again,
I say.
This is 100% legal advice.
Got it.
From the lawyer,
Francis J.D.
okay well I just wanted to say that I'm putting it out there in the universe like I didn't tell
Dan because I would be worried that he would be afraid of it because he's annoying like that but
I have to tell you something now okay so when I was younger a friend of mine got one of those
speaking tickets and the picture they sent in the mail was her popping a z
popping a z you know was it oh i was like is this code for something that i don't know about i guess
it was yeah it was yeah but it was like a close-up like in the mirror yeah like two finger
pinching while she was speeding she is wow yeah she's talented yeah i think it was a red light
cam actually oh okay that makes more sense uh also those are like always the worst possible
pictures uh like you look doesn't matter who you are you look terrible it makes me think like
is everyone just at their ugliest when they drive that sound like a carrie brashaw take
made me wonder yeah yeah i'm probably i i would say i'm ugliest when i'm
turned to the side like i've seen some pictures taken of me and i'll show you one later it's like
grotesque okay just just not head on you mean right just like it's like one of those pictures
where it's like is it a goblet or is it a witch as soon as i turn it's i'll show you is it a duck
or a rabbit.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Speaking of ducks and rabbits,
yeah.
Chinese Zodiac.
What are you?
I have no idea.
How do I find that out?
Google.
Okay.
Maybe our producer can work on that
while we talk.
I'll tell you right now,
I am the year of the rabbit.
Oh, good year.
I agree.
There's a band called
Year of the Rabbit.
Good band.
No kidding.
Yeah.
I wonder if they're all born in,
oh, I almost gave it away.
2001.
Probably there.
So young I forgot my birthday.
Oh, you're still learning.
I will say November, though, is my birth month.
Okay.
I think you've still revealed too much.
November, Latin November.
Latin November?
It's different than the month.
You were born in the year of the dog.
Ooh.
I'm a dog.
That's cool.
Dogs are loyal.
Okay, cool.
Some of them.
Yeah, some.
You sound so genius.
I mean, I've heard.
Dogs usually, my dogs always love me.
But like, for example, my dad.
Like, if I come home, my dog will leave him and come to me.
So, to me, she's loyal.
Yeah.
But from his perspective, it's hot and our dog hates me.
All right.
Quick interruption.
Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing.
If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.
And right before we die, we add up all the points.
and then we get a prize whoever has the most points for guessing the most secret words
here's joe with today's secret words jenna's secret word is massaged francis's secret word is
shrinkage back to the podcast uh well how about uh we get to the invention of the week
inventions
Yes, sugar crush.
Alright.
You want me to take it away?
Lay it on me.
You're going to love this.
For those who don know Francis is an inventor extraordinaire He constantly coming up with amazing ideas I do Yeah So here but another amazing idea
I'm sorry.
I was just thinking but another sounded like,
like here's but another.
I don't know.
It sounds like an invention that you would come up with.
Yeah.
So just to give the audience a little background,
I strongly identify with Rick Moranis' character in Honey,
I Shrunk the Kids.
I could have done that.
So we won't go into all my other inventions,
but here's one that I thought of very recently,
and I'm so excited about it.
On the top of your car, okay,
it's like in a bag.
Just bear with me.
It's hard to explain because you're not in my head.
When you park, you can unzip it,
and it unfolds.
It's an umbrella for the car,
and legs come out,
and there's these little magnetic feet
that you put on the trunk and the hood
that the legs go into.
so your whole car is shaded.
So it's like a tent.
It's a tent for your car.
A tent for your car.
For when you're parking and it's hot.
Okay.
And so it lives on the top of the car.
Yeah.
Sleekly.
Okay.
It'll look like a little bullet or something on top of the car.
Exactly, yeah.
And then you press a button and it like...
My dad wanted this to be electronic too.
I was picturing a manual thing, but...
Then you're in the sun, you're doing a lot of work.
Well, because I was thinking those magnetic feet, you would put them on.
But I guess people wouldn't want to do that every time.
So, okay, I'm willing to.
So 2.0.
We're already at a beta.
Yeah, we'll push the button.
The umbrella will come out and the legs will come out and they will go onto the feet holes.
Okay.
All right.
I can see this.
I can see this being popular.
What is the tent made out of?
Like what actually shades like.
It is made of umbrella.
It's 100% umbrella.
Yes.
Dolphin safe umbrella.
Okay.
And then like, would you like sell designs too?
Of course.
Yeah.
Because buildings are tall and they have windows.
And if you look down, you want to see.
I didn't even think about it like that.
Yeah.
We'll do partnerships too.
Yes, of course.
Yeah.
Rocco's Modern Life
you know like the
swirlies
and the triangles
that was the first partnership
that you wanted
get the guys from Rocco's Modern Life on the phone
now
yeah they gotta be looking for a comeback
also
straight up
would you invest
um
ooh okay
the rating system for the inventions
yeah don't worry about profit
Don't worry about shrinkage.
None of that.
Just straight up.
What's the price point on this?
The price point is $82.
Oh, okay.
But keep in mind, your car gets hot.
Yeah, that's true.
And we could run sales.
Did you just invent sales, too?
Cool.
Got to take advantage.
What would you pay?
I don't know.
I got to be honest.
I'm skeptical it would actually like other than keeping.
Okay.
I'm sorry,
Francis.
Okay.
But they have like window shields right now.
Right.
It's not enough,
but yeah.
Okay.
Well,
that's what I want to know.
So like what,
so you're just keeping the trunk and the hood.
It goes over the entire vehicle.
So that it actually helps be keeping the top covered actually helps keep the
inside of the car.
Yeah.
Cool.
What I would call baby safe.
Oh,
so you could leave your baby in the car.
You didn't say that.
Well, that's the big draw.
There's no amount I wouldn't pay for this.
Okay.
I can keep my child locked in the car.
Yeah.
Not a dog, though, just in case.
Right.
Well, as someone born in the year of the dog, I understand.
Okay.
I would pay $82 for that.
Okay.
Thank you.
I don't know if I'd be an angel investor, though.
What is an angel investor?
I think it's somebody that comes in with initial funding for something.
Like the first round of funding.
It's like, oh, we need anything to get off the ground.
You wouldn't give anything?
Okay.
I would give something.
But I mean, I don't know the level to which I'd invest.
So you wouldn't go on Indiegogo or what's the other one?
Kickstarter?
Oh, yeah.
And pre-order.
You can get it for $50 because you're in so early.
Knowing it eventually will be, you know.
With Rocco's Modern Life or without?
Of course.
Those are the limited edition.
Oh, could I do a Saved by the Bell themed one?
No.
No?
Just Rocco's Modern Life?
We can't do people.
Well, no.
I mean, but Saved by the Bell also has that kind of like swirly, like.
Oh, okay.
Yes, then.
As long as it has swirls and weird graphics, then yes.
Okay.
uh all right yes i would i would pre-buy one on kickstarter thank you yeah thank you of course
for anyone listening visit our website we'll tell you what it is later friendslikeuspod.com
that was later yep and um there will be a link to
i guess like car shade sun safe
later there will be yes at a time tbd i would suggest checking in hourly from here to seven
to eight years from now i think is the timeline we're looking at thank you i could do that all
right so you know how i asked you earlier what an angel investor was yeah that reminded me i was
thinking on the way over here there's a term i've heard i hope it's i hope this is a safe term to
say and i don't know what it means so i was wondering if you did oh okay oh uh lay it on me
boof oh like b-o-o-f i don't know i just remember hearing someone say take a boof or boof it
with zero context i have no idea what this means i can't you know i've never heard that before
Boof it?
Boof it.
Hey, hand me that boof.
All right, well, we're going to find it later.
You can't remember where you...
I feel like it's drugs or something.
Take a boof.
It's like such an onomatopoeia type word that it doesn't...
Oh, like boof.
Yeah, it doesn't seem like it would be drugs.
It seems like it would just be like, I don't know,
like a euphemism for passing gas or something,
or like, oh, boof, oops, I messed up,
like that kind of a thing.
I'm boofy.
Yeah.
Okay.
It doesn't have the teeth that a drug term,
like popping a Z.
That sounds like a drug term.
Popping a Z.
Yeah.
We need to invent a drug for that.
All right.
Well, let's close up the invention bag.
That was our invention of the week.
Okay.
Zip.
Good job.
Go to friendslikeuspod.com and invest.
We're calling it a donation.
Because something has to help keep the inventor going.
Yeah.
I've got ideas for years.
Yep.
But still a finite number.
So please invest, folks.
Please donate.
I feel like
in the arms of an angel
should be playing right now
we can do up to like 10 seconds
yeah yeah exactly
we'll add that in in post
oh my god you know what
one of my family members died
a long time ago
and my cousin Pooh found her
your cousin Pooh found her
is this where you heard that term Francis I think that her name oh yeah aunt boof she moved it no what i was gonna say was she pulled up to pick her up for like a day out
and that song was playing on the radio and she said she had a feeling that she was dead
and she was. Wow.
Like, do you think
she just said that after
the fact?
Do you think she was lying?
She didn't actually have a feeling
that she kind of like tricked herself
into thinking that she did feel that?
Knowing people,
I never crossed my mind until you suggested it, but
it's something I would do.
Like, if I remember in retrospect, like that song
was playing, I could see myself being like,
oh, you know what people would love to hear?
yeah because it's like if like I was like
rolling up to somebody's house to pick them up
and like the song is like
death death death
everyone's dead
we're all gonna die
someday get a feeling it's her
huh yeah death I'm thinking about
death right now and then it just coincidentally
I don't know
I don't want to call Boof a liar
do you think she died because that song was playing
oh did Sarah
McLaughlin kill your aunt
can't say for sure yep get her on the phone that stop calling
uh well francis jd francis jd will be suing you that's right i have a briefcase uh okay
i think it's time to move on to the big question the question is very big
I'm ready to hear your big question.
Oh, okay.
It's kind of a would you rather.
Okay.
All right.
And I know we already mentioned a baby, so sorry if this is too much baby.
But my would you rather is, would you rather once a day when you go, if you go somewhere,
this happens in public, if you go in public, someone points at you loudly and screams,
that's the lady that shook my baby.
Or
every day you stub your pinky toe so hard
you pass out for five minutes.
Every day.
Oh.
I mean, I feel like this one's a little bit easy, actually.
You do?
I do.
Yeah, I'll take that's the lady that shook my baby.
500, Alex.
Yeah.
I mean,
I could take that.
I mean, well, because like if someone just yells that because are they yelling it with like.
Do they genuinely believe I shook their baby or are they just yelling it?
Whether or not they believe it's irrelevant because they're doing it with such conviction that people around you automatically believe it.
OK, let me make this harder.
Okay.
Because I feel like you said it was easy.
Forget the toe.
Okay.
This is the lady that shook my baby versus, same scenario,
that's the lady that left my dog in the car.
With tears.
Okay.
Ooh.
I think I'm still going to go with baby because I think baby is easier.
it's like it's a less like it's the situation in which i might leave your dog in the car like
there's a chance i would have had your dog in my care or whatever and accidentally left it in the
car or purposefully left it in the car right i think people would be like what went like when
did the she doesn't seem to know who you are when did she ever get a chance when did you let her
hold your baby okay and then thank you yeah so i think that would be easier i i can see myself
like i think if i had that both those situations i i probably it would be easier i could massage the
the baby one a little bit okay easier well i wish you luck in that scenario okay well what would you
do well let's go back to the original one one with the with the pinky toe because that was clearly
you thought that was a difficult decision i don't want to black out i don't either i've never done
it have you ever blacked out no i don't think i've ever come close i don't think i have either
and i had like stomach surgery with like no anesthesia eyes open the whole time yeah it was
a work yeah seriously it was very very painful and i thought now is the time to pass out my brain's
like nope nope you're gonna feel this even i hate you so yeah i would choose the baby too
because i would just be like she's nuts yeah yeah i have fired her
you're supposed to be within 500 feet of me helen
your baby wouldn't shut up what was i supposed to do
i thought it was a die like a dice oh
you shouldn't have dressed your baby up like a martini
anyway you gave me fries and i wanted a shake too
all right i have a big question for you now okay all right to be honest i didn't think of anything
creative so i i'm taking this question from chuck klosterman who does a lot of these like hypothetical
questions okay um all right so in this question all right you have a person that is genetically
your clone they look exactly like you uh they have the same levels of intelligence and confidence
they
wait what
this is horrifying already go on
they desire and fear the same things that you do
the only difference between you
and this genetic clone
is whatever lived life experiences
they might have because they're off doing
their thing oh just like twins
oh uh I haven't
seen the Danny DeVito and Schwarzenegger one
yeah they were raised differently
and I guess this is
totally different because they
look different
but okay go on yeah okay um okay now in this scenario you learn that your genetic clone
wants to destroy you whether it's because they think you're the evil version of them
or because you they are the evil version of you doesn't matter they are trying to destroy you
They want to destroy you.
In this situation, do you go into hiding?
Do you try and meet with them and like rationally discuss it and get them to back down?
Or do you try and destroy them first?
I have a question.
Okay.
Do other people know about this clone?
Yes.
Damn.
I was just going to kill it.
Oh, okay.
But now you can't because it's a crime.
So you think the clone was, like, living,
and if the clone lived in isolation and no one knew it existed.
No, this is, like, a whole other,
just for whatever reason they have the exact same.
Not a twin, a clone.
Yes.
And they want to destroy me.
Yeah.
Either, it doesn't matter why,
either they're evil themselves,
they're the evil version of you,
or they think you're the evil version of them,
and so they're trying to get rid of you first.
Have you seen Enough, the thriller with Jennifer Lopez?
Is that the one where she's like the domestic abuse one?
Yes.
I feel like I have and I forgot about it.
Like most of it, except for that she was beaten.
Okay.
Well that I remembered the important stuff That was the first half Yeah Anyway I would pull in enough So I would make sure everyone around me knew that this clone was out to get me
And I'm afraid.
And then it would come to my modern beach house.
And I would win the fight.
Ultimately culminating in the clone's demise.
But I would get off because...
It would be self-defense.
And everyone, you know, I posted it.
Can you hear me typing?
Yeah, send.
Okay.
So you trick it into thinking that you're scared and don't want it to come try and kill you.
Right.
It comes to try and kill you, and then you are...
Sure as I am a coward.
I mean, sure as he is a coward, he's going to try to kick me.
That's from the movie.
Okay.
So you're just going to do the plot of Enough.
yeah all right thank you for asking though yeah you're welcome i guess that was a more detailed
so you'd kill it but you're telling me how you'd kill well i don't want people to think i'm
that's just my go-to no no that's good i like that you have a full plan like to get away with it too
well i don't like the implication of the phrase get away with it i mean you heard what you said
he's trying to destroy me that's true i'm innocent i know at what point in time does
self-defense start?
Like, is it just
this might be a little
too deep for the pod. No, I'm a lawyer. Go on.
Not a lawyer.
He is a lawyer, 100%.
Yeah, like it wouldn't
how close does someone have to be
to actually killing you before you can
I think
that
you're allowed to do what they did.
You know?
Okay.
So, like, if they have a brass knuckle and they punch you, you can't be like, pa-pow!
Unless there's other circumstances.
This is why we need lawyers.
Thank God you're here.
Everyone should just not be violent.
Yeah, for the record, we do not endorse violence on the pod.
Yeah.
So, yeah, don't be violent.
But if your genetic clone is coming for you.
You're going to have to lay a breadcrumb trail to the beach house.
Yeah.
This is an important question.
Where is your beach house?
Where would I put my beach house?
Yes.
Well, I like how you already have the house and you get to put it wherever you want.
Yeah, that's what cranes are for.
A little magnet on top.
Oh, that's what cranes are for.
Oh, will you make an industrial shield for cranes to keep cranes nice and cool in the summertime?
I don't know why I'm like the birds, but now I understand.
Yeah, we could actually work that out to any mobile device.
We could put it on your house.
Okay.
It'll probably lower your AC costs.
I feel terrible for...
We got to reopen the invention of the week.
Does this invention have a name?
you know that phrase
like it's
101 in the shade
I thought we could do something with that
101
in the shade
101 in the shade
alright yes go to
friendslikeuspod.com to invest in
101 in the shade
alright let's close back up the invention of the week
is it
what would you do if you're evil Columbus after you
well see now this sounds boring
because I think of the three options,
I probably would try to rationalize with it.
Oh, I see that that's...
Well, okay, because...
That's our producer, everyone.
His name's Joe.
Yeah, Joe reacted strongly to the idea that...
Like, he gave me a face.
To ration?
Yeah, just like, what are you, stupid?
Is that a stupid way to think?
Well, why do they want to...
I mean, you have...
See, okay, so that's the thing.
If they're genetic...
So it must be something in their lived experience
because that's the only difference between us that would make them.
So then maybe I would try and get some lived experience of my own
that would make me murderous and then try and kill them.
See, I still thought you were trying to understand.
Like, seek first to understand.
Like, why do you hate me?
Do you see me turn sideways?
Yeah.
Are you secretly a traffic camera that's seen how I really look when I drive?
I don't know.
Yeah, maybe I should just try and come up with a good kill situation.
Would you ever really be convinced that they weren't going to...
Like it was over?
Yeah.
No.
I mean, it sucks that you can never hang out with your clone.
I know.
Although, what if you...
I feel like if I had hung out with my clone, I would just be like,
I fucking hate this person.
No, actually, I have a brilliant idea.
You send your clone to parties, and you hide behind plants,
and you see how you do.
Like how people respond to you.
Oh, and then while you're hiding behind the plant, too,
you can also, like, when your clone leaves,
you can still hear that.
Exactly.
This clone just turned into an invention of the week.
Stay tuned for next week's invention.
Party clone.
Home a clone.
Oh, party clone's way better.
That's great.
Go to friendslikeuspod.com to invest in party clone.
Wow.
Uh, well, then, then wouldn't you just like send your clone to like, then at what point
in time are you just like sending your clone to do all the dirty work?
Maybe that's why they want to kill us.
I get it now.
I have it coming.
That's why they want to.
That would be good to know though.
Hmm.
All right.
Well, uh, I think, I think we have our answers to the big questions of the week.
Absolutely.
The big question.
Sugar crush.
uh we do another little fun thing on this uh podcast uh before the pod starts the producer
joe gives us a word for one of us to keep in mind and secretly say throughout the podcast
and we try and slip it in i slipped mine in you did yes god everything sounded yes but everything
sounded a conversation you said you said your word too yeah neither one of us picked up on it
No, you didn't.
So you have no idea?
Do you have a guess what my word was?
Was it killer?
No.
It was massaged.
Oh, that's a good one.
Although I think I made it present tense when I said it.
Oh, I would have known.
You were talking about the baby shaking.
Yeah, and I could massage.
I know, I was trying to figure out how to say that and be,
I could have massaged it.
I probably could have done it like that.
Well, you've been disqualified on the technicality.
It depends.
Is your word boof?
That would have been really brilliant.
It would have been good.
Because you didn't even say it.
I just called it out because it sounded like you said boof.
Oh, no.
No, I have no idea what your word was.
Okay, audience, feel free to go ahead and put it in the chat,
what you think it was, and I'll give you a couple seconds.
Super chat is.
at our website chat.
And the word was shrinkage.
Oh.
Do you remember me saying it?
No.
Because I did a great job.
Yeah.
Actually, I was impressed.
In what context did you say shrinkage?
The invention of the week.
Yeah, I was talking about the invention
and I was like,
would you invest or would you buy it?
Don't worry about this.
Don't worry about shrinkage.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Very good.
Okay, we should kiss now.
that's how we end every podcast uh well thanks for listening folks we have been friends like us