1
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welcome to friends like us bonus improv what uh we just need a suggestion from our producer joe

2
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Your suggestion is Gravedigger.

3
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Gravedigger.

4
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Hmm.

5
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Do you go to a lot of cemeteries?

6
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No.

7
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Same.

8
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Yeah.

9
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Same.

10
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Like a lot of different cemeteries?

11
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Like touring them?

12
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Yeah.

13
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I do.

14
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I think, like, the old ones look cool.

15
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Like when you're, like, back east and you see someone, you're like,

16
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i know that there's like probably some real old people there just it looks cool like

17
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like in my head sorry this is such an interesting podcasting uh in my head i'm thinking like oh

18
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it'd be really cool to like walk around there and like look for like old tombstones and like

19
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read the stuff on them yeah and then i know that if i ever did it i would be like this is boring

20
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get me out of here i don't care i don't care yeah you want to hear something really funny always a

21
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friend of mine we went to the cemetery um to like pay respects to uh family of hers who had passed

22
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it wasn't labeled yet like the headstone hadn't come or whatever and so like we went and like

23
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i was like oh i heard that like for certain like ritual stuff you can use like

24
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like dirt from the cemetery.

25
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And so,

26
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but I'm like,

27
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Oh,

28
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but I feel really weird about just taking random dirt,

29
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you know,

30
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from the cemetery.

31
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She's like,

32
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no,

33
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here,

34
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have some.

35
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We would,

36
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we would want you to have some.

37
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Right.

38
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So she's like,

39
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giving me permission to have it.

40
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I was like,

41
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okay.

42
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So it was like kind of like a fun,

43
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like joke kind of deal.

44
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Like,

45
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sure,

46
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I'll take some dirt.

47
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So like I took a little thing of dirt or whatever.

48
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And like later we found out that was not the right site.

49
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No,

50
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it was like not even the right area.

51
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And so like,

52
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So you have somebody else's dirt?

53
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Mhm.

54
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Yeah.

55
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Whoops.

56
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Do you still have it?

57
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No.

58
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The funny part was I did like a little thing with it where I was like trying to put good

59
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out into the universe and I was even like talking to it through the person who I thought it was to be like you know talking about how great their like family member was and like whatever whatever They come to find out It like imagine they were listening It was like who are you talking about

60
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What?

61
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I don't know them.

62
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Get my dirt back.

63
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And now improv.

64
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Hello.

65
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Hi.

66
00:03:03,015 --> 00:03:04,975
Uh, you don't know me.

67
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I'm, I'm the ghost of Harold Richardson.

68
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Harold Richardson?

69
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Yeah, sorry.

70
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Like I said, you don't know me.

71
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Oh.

72
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Um, bit of a weird thing, though.

73
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I'm going to need you to stop using my dirt.

74
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Oh, I can't.

75
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No, you took dirt from my grave.

76
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I think you maybe thought it was somebody else's.

77
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And you're using it for some real weird stuff.

78
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Yeah, that's my right.

79
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That's my right as a person, as a human, as a living being.

80
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All right, well, you didn't have to throw that in my face.

81
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Sorry, I just need to make sure you know where I stand.

82
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I kind of feel like it's, you know, a little bit, it's my dirt.

83
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The dirt from my grave.

84
00:03:53,295 --> 00:03:54,055
Okay, well, you're dead.

85
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Yes, but as you can see, I still have opinions about things.

86
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Yes, I think that's great.

87
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I don't know if you saw, I have a sign outside my door that says no solicitors and no ghosts.

88
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I did see that.

89
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I thought it was weird.

90
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Okay, well, please respect it.

91
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I don't want you to come back here.

92
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I'm not going to change my behavior.

93
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Thank you.

94
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No, but I just don't stop putting weird hexes on people using my dirt, man.

95
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How do you even know about that?

96
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Because I know I'm in the ether.

97
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I know about a lot.

98
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Once you die, you learn about a lot of stuff.

99
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Okay.

100
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well i don't care and i'm mean and i want to hex people and i'm in the middle of one right now

101
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i'm hexing the school girl i went to elementary school with well it sounds like she probably had

102
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it coming thank you but just can you do you have to use my dirt for it what's the alternative i

103
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paid for this well every time you put a hex on somebody wait you paid for it

104
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yes who's wait wait there's somebody out there that's selling my dirt yeah what do you think i

105
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was gonna go get it yeah i just assumed you went to the grave site and picked up my dirt

106
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no um i went through stone dash stone dash yeah is that like door dash but for headstones yeah For headstones Yeah And the dirt underneath them Yeah I pay for this And there no refunds

107
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So unless you're willing to go out and hurt people for me,

108
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I have to keep using this dirt.

109
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There's an end to the amount of dirt you have, right?

110
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So if I help you, then I'm free.

111
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Yeah, there's an end to everything.

112
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because because right now every time you use my dirt for something i get like whipped to wherever

113
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like wherever you're hexing somebody like whoever this elementary school person is it's like i'm

114
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gonna be there like second you hex her boosh okay i get trans you're just i just i'm sick of seeing

115
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all these people i don't know hexed okay well maybe you could i'll give you the address and

116
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you could just go over and hurt her.

117
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And just...

118
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Just do it myself?

119
00:06:10,569 --> 00:06:11,569
Yeah, and then I won't use the dirt.

120
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For every person you hurt for me,

121
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I'll put the amount of dirt

122
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into a little pile,

123
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and then when it's all gone,

124
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I don't know, I'll give it to you.

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Okay, and then I get my dirt back.

126
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Yeah.

127
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Okay.

128
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Alright, that sounds like a deal.

129
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Here's the address.

130
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Here's the name.

131
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Here's an outline of her stupid hair.

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Okay.

133
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What do you want me to do?

134
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Or should I just surprise you?

135
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I just hurt her.

136
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Just cause pain.

137
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Okay.

138
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All right.

139
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I'll do my best.

140
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Okay, bye.

141
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I'll be right there.

142
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Hold on.

143
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I'm finishing my donation work.

144
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And my charity stuff.

145
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I'll be right there.

146
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Oh, Grandma, you okay?

147
00:06:56,669 --> 00:06:57,909
Here, let me spoon feed you.

148
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As your only caretaker.

149
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I love you.

150
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Okay.

151
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Hi.

152
00:07:04,689 --> 00:07:06,289
Kayla.

153
00:07:08,109 --> 00:07:08,729
Do I know you?

154
00:07:08,869 --> 00:07:11,289
Oh, are you here to help me feed the homeless?

155
00:07:13,489 --> 00:07:13,929
No.

156
00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:16,009
What are you?

157
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:17,769
Did I win something?

158
00:07:17,809 --> 00:07:18,929
Because if I did, I'm going to donate it.

159
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I'm here to tell you that your charity is all for naught.

160
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I don't understand.

161
00:07:33,349 --> 00:07:38,349
I've seen the benefits of my charity. Oh, look out. You almost stepped on my three-legged dog for whom I made a wheelchair

162
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Okay, oh

163
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God he's so cute look at him

164
00:07:45,629 --> 00:07:59,084
Okay you going around to pet him Go ahead I can I not really corporeal Oh it okay Listen I been through a lot in my life too I used to be a really bad person and then I reflected on my behavior and I dedicated my life to doing good

165
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Ugh.

166
00:08:02,764 --> 00:08:03,324
Damn it.

167
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This is gonna be harder

168
00:08:05,224 --> 00:08:07,264
than I thought. Ugh. What's

169
00:08:07,264 --> 00:08:08,444
wrong? You stay here. Go.

170
00:08:09,404 --> 00:08:11,204
Oh. Oh, there's

171
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a bunch of orphans in the back. Oh, I know.

172
00:08:13,244 --> 00:08:14,704
They're holding up a sign that says,

173
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thanks for giving us a forever home.

174
00:08:17,044 --> 00:08:17,544
You go back.

175
00:08:19,044 --> 00:08:20,264
You go back to them.

176
00:08:21,744 --> 00:08:22,584
I'll be back.

177
00:08:22,684 --> 00:08:23,064
I'll be back.

178
00:08:23,144 --> 00:08:23,324
Okay.

179
00:08:23,464 --> 00:08:25,364
My door's always open for you and anyone.

180
00:08:26,104 --> 00:08:27,164
It's very generous of you.

181
00:08:27,304 --> 00:08:27,444
Of course.

182
00:08:31,324 --> 00:08:31,724
Harold!

183
00:08:32,464 --> 00:08:33,144
She dead?

184
00:08:33,984 --> 00:08:35,564
I couldn't do it, man.

185
00:08:35,744 --> 00:08:36,564
What the hell?

186
00:08:36,704 --> 00:08:38,604
She's like the nicest person on the planet.

187
00:08:38,904 --> 00:08:40,524
You don't know what she did to me.

188
00:08:40,964 --> 00:08:41,924
What did she do?

189
00:08:42,024 --> 00:08:43,824
Did she kill your parents?

190
00:08:44,044 --> 00:08:44,444
Worse.

191
00:08:44,744 --> 00:08:45,624
Worse than that?

192
00:08:45,624 --> 00:08:47,664
She said I did something I didn't do.

193
00:08:48,004 --> 00:08:50,484
What, did she say you killed your parents?

194
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:51,164
Worse.

195
00:08:51,824 --> 00:08:52,764
She said I kicked her.

196
00:08:53,644 --> 00:08:54,144
What?

197
00:08:54,604 --> 00:08:55,204
I know.

198
00:08:56,164 --> 00:08:56,904
That's it?

199
00:08:58,024 --> 00:08:59,464
What do you mean, that's it?

200
00:08:59,544 --> 00:09:01,304
She said you kicked her?

201
00:09:01,424 --> 00:09:04,444
She ruined my elementary school reputation.

202
00:09:05,604 --> 00:09:06,724
People thought I was a...

203
00:09:06,724 --> 00:09:07,684
They called me the kicker.

204
00:09:09,144 --> 00:09:12,824
They used to say, here's the kicker, anytime I walked in.

205
00:09:14,124 --> 00:09:14,824
Wait, but...

206
00:09:14,824 --> 00:09:20,724
But look, I'm seeing in the mantle behind you that there's a trophy.

207
00:09:23,064 --> 00:09:26,424
It's a trophy that says best kicker NFL.

208
00:09:28,824 --> 00:09:31,584
You turned this into a very lucrative career.

209
00:09:32,244 --> 00:09:32,504
Okay.

210
00:09:32,504 --> 00:09:33,944
It sounds like she did you a favor.

211
00:09:34,284 --> 00:09:34,544
Okay.

212
00:09:34,604 --> 00:09:35,384
What's your last name, Harold?

213
00:09:36,004 --> 00:09:36,324
Richardson.

214
00:09:36,604 --> 00:09:36,824
Okay.

215
00:09:36,824 --> 00:09:37,744
I'm going to Google something real quick.

216
00:09:38,764 --> 00:09:39,264
All right.

217
00:09:39,264 --> 00:09:39,664
That's it.

218
00:09:39,664 --> 00:09:40,944
I got the names of some of your loved ones.

219
00:09:40,984 --> 00:09:41,984
I'm going to use some of this dirt.

220
00:09:42,104 --> 00:09:42,364
No.

221
00:09:42,364 --> 00:09:44,984
And I'm going to hex them, which means you're going to have to hex them.

222
00:09:45,144 --> 00:09:46,184
No, don't whip me.

223
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:47,164
Don't whip me to my lungs.

224
00:09:47,164 --> 00:09:47,444
I'm doing it.

225
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:51,884
And the dirt.

226
00:09:53,504 --> 00:09:53,904
Whoosh.

227
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:57,524
Oh, my sweet Charlotte.

228
00:09:57,804 --> 00:09:58,204
Harold.

229
00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:00,164
My sweet, sweet Charlotte.

230
00:10:00,484 --> 00:10:01,684
Harold, I've thought of you every night.

231
00:10:01,924 --> 00:10:02,984
I don't know how I could go on.

232
00:10:03,344 --> 00:10:06,224
Oh, I'm so sorry for what's about to happen.

233
00:10:06,364 --> 00:10:07,044
What's going to happen?

234
00:10:07,044 --> 00:10:08,604
Are we going to be together?

235
00:10:09,684 --> 00:10:10,824
In a way.

236
00:10:12,364 --> 00:10:16,084
scene nice