welcome to friends like us bonus improv what uh we just need a suggestion from our producer joe
Your suggestion is Gravedigger.
Gravedigger.
Hmm.
Do you go to a lot of cemeteries?
No.
Same.
Yeah.
Same.
Like a lot of different cemeteries?
Like touring them?
Yeah.
I do.
I think, like, the old ones look cool.
Like when you're, like, back east and you see someone, you're like,
i know that there's like probably some real old people there just it looks cool like
like in my head sorry this is such an interesting podcasting uh in my head i'm thinking like oh
it'd be really cool to like walk around there and like look for like old tombstones and like
read the stuff on them yeah and then i know that if i ever did it i would be like this is boring
get me out of here i don't care i don't care yeah you want to hear something really funny always a
friend of mine we went to the cemetery um to like pay respects to uh family of hers who had passed
it wasn't labeled yet like the headstone hadn't come or whatever and so like we went and like
i was like oh i heard that like for certain like ritual stuff you can use like
like dirt from the cemetery.
And so,
but I'm like,
Oh,
but I feel really weird about just taking random dirt,
you know,
from the cemetery.
She's like,
no,
here,
have some.
We would,
we would want you to have some.
Right.
So she's like,
giving me permission to have it.
I was like,
okay.
So it was like kind of like a fun,
like joke kind of deal.
Like,
sure,
I'll take some dirt.
So like I took a little thing of dirt or whatever.
And like later we found out that was not the right site.
No,
it was like not even the right area.
And so like,
So you have somebody else's dirt?
Mhm.
Yeah.
Whoops.
Do you still have it?
No.
The funny part was I did like a little thing with it where I was like trying to put good
out into the universe and I was even like talking to it through the person who I thought it was to be like you know talking about how great their like family member was and like whatever whatever They come to find out It like imagine they were listening It was like who are you talking about
What?
I don't know them.
Get my dirt back.
And now improv.
Hello.
Hi.
Uh, you don't know me.
I'm, I'm the ghost of Harold Richardson.
Harold Richardson?
Yeah, sorry.
Like I said, you don't know me.
Oh.
Um, bit of a weird thing, though.
I'm going to need you to stop using my dirt.
Oh, I can't.
No, you took dirt from my grave.
I think you maybe thought it was somebody else's.
And you're using it for some real weird stuff.
Yeah, that's my right.
That's my right as a person, as a human, as a living being.
All right, well, you didn't have to throw that in my face.
Sorry, I just need to make sure you know where I stand.
I kind of feel like it's, you know, a little bit, it's my dirt.
The dirt from my grave.
Okay, well, you're dead.
Yes, but as you can see, I still have opinions about things.
Yes, I think that's great.
I don't know if you saw, I have a sign outside my door that says no solicitors and no ghosts.
I did see that.
I thought it was weird.
Okay, well, please respect it.
I don't want you to come back here.
I'm not going to change my behavior.
Thank you.
No, but I just don't stop putting weird hexes on people using my dirt, man.
How do you even know about that?
Because I know I'm in the ether.
I know about a lot.
Once you die, you learn about a lot of stuff.
Okay.
well i don't care and i'm mean and i want to hex people and i'm in the middle of one right now
i'm hexing the school girl i went to elementary school with well it sounds like she probably had
it coming thank you but just can you do you have to use my dirt for it what's the alternative i
paid for this well every time you put a hex on somebody wait you paid for it
yes who's wait wait there's somebody out there that's selling my dirt yeah what do you think i
was gonna go get it yeah i just assumed you went to the grave site and picked up my dirt
no um i went through stone dash stone dash yeah is that like door dash but for headstones yeah For headstones Yeah And the dirt underneath them Yeah I pay for this And there no refunds
So unless you're willing to go out and hurt people for me,
I have to keep using this dirt.
There's an end to the amount of dirt you have, right?
So if I help you, then I'm free.
Yeah, there's an end to everything.
because because right now every time you use my dirt for something i get like whipped to wherever
like wherever you're hexing somebody like whoever this elementary school person is it's like i'm
gonna be there like second you hex her boosh okay i get trans you're just i just i'm sick of seeing
all these people i don't know hexed okay well maybe you could i'll give you the address and
you could just go over and hurt her.
And just...
Just do it myself?
Yeah, and then I won't use the dirt.
For every person you hurt for me,
I'll put the amount of dirt
into a little pile,
and then when it's all gone,
I don't know, I'll give it to you.
Okay, and then I get my dirt back.
Yeah.
Okay.
Alright, that sounds like a deal.
Here's the address.
Here's the name.
Here's an outline of her stupid hair.
Okay.
What do you want me to do?
Or should I just surprise you?
I just hurt her.
Just cause pain.
Okay.
All right.
I'll do my best.
Okay, bye.
I'll be right there.
Hold on.
I'm finishing my donation work.
And my charity stuff.
I'll be right there.
Oh, Grandma, you okay?
Here, let me spoon feed you.
As your only caretaker.
I love you.
Okay.
Hi.
Kayla.
Do I know you?
Oh, are you here to help me feed the homeless?
No.
What are you?
Did I win something?
Because if I did, I'm going to donate it.
I'm here to tell you that your charity is all for naught.
I don't understand.
I've seen the benefits of my charity. Oh, look out. You almost stepped on my three-legged dog for whom I made a wheelchair
Okay, oh
God he's so cute look at him
Okay you going around to pet him Go ahead I can I not really corporeal Oh it okay Listen I been through a lot in my life too I used to be a really bad person and then I reflected on my behavior and I dedicated my life to doing good
Ugh.
Damn it.
This is gonna be harder
than I thought. Ugh. What's
wrong? You stay here. Go.
Oh. Oh, there's
a bunch of orphans in the back. Oh, I know.
They're holding up a sign that says,
thanks for giving us a forever home.
You go back.
You go back to them.
I'll be back.
Okay.
My door's always open for you and anyone.
It's very generous of you.
Of course.
Harold!
She dead?
I couldn't do it, man.
What the hell?
She's like the nicest person on the planet.
You don't know what she did to me.
What did she do?
Did she kill your parents?
Worse.
Worse than that?
She said I did something I didn't do.
What, did she say you killed your parents?
Worse.
She said I kicked her.
What?
I know.
That's it?
What do you mean, that's it?
She said you kicked her?
She ruined my elementary school reputation.
People thought I was a...
They called me the kicker.
They used to say, here's the kicker, anytime I walked in.
Wait, but...
But look, I'm seeing in the mantle behind you that there's a trophy.
It's a trophy that says best kicker NFL.
You turned this into a very lucrative career.
Okay.
It sounds like she did you a favor.
Okay.
What's your last name, Harold?
Richardson.
Okay.
I'm going to Google something real quick.
All right.
That's it.
I got the names of some of your loved ones.
I'm going to use some of this dirt.
No.
And I'm going to hex them, which means you're going to have to hex them.
No, don't whip me.
Don't whip me to my lungs.
I'm doing it.
And the dirt.
Whoosh.
Oh, my sweet Charlotte.
Harold.
My sweet, sweet Charlotte.
Harold, I've thought of you every night.
I don't know how I could go on.
Oh, I'm so sorry for what's about to happen.
What's going to happen?
Are we going to be together?
In a way.
scene nice