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welcome to very fine friends

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bonus improv super bonus oh super bonus

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So bouncy.

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It's bonusing.

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So juicy and bouncy.

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Joe, can we get a suggestion

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for a bonus?

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Your suggestion

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is gay grace.

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No. Just kidding.

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It's contrition.

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Contrition? Yep.

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That's the word.

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So

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can I tell you?

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Sorry.

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I actually have something to say

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and I don't know why I'm stumbling over it so much.

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It's okay.

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So,

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growing up Catholic,

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right?

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You have your first confession.

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Right.

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Was it in a nice box?

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The confession?

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Like in the movies

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how it's like a super nice box

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with like a really nice screen

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and a super hot priest

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in the next...

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No, no.

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Not that kind of a movie.

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Okay.

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No.

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it was a regular, uh, stop ruining this Francis. Um, okay. So I remember, so you're like eight

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years old when you get here. Um, so, right. So I was like eight years old. Um, and my younger

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brother, Jake would have been five. Um, and I'm sure that we didn't get along at the time. Um,

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but anyway, I don't even remember what I confessed, but like, like little kids first

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confession stuff is like hilarious it's like i i hit my brother or like i didn't clean my room or

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whatever like cute stuff like that but i remember thinking so i remember afterwards there was like

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a party at my parents house because there was like other kids like other families that had kids that

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also had their first confession um uh we had a party at the house and so then i remember being

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outside and there's like this wall like near the garage, like a little like half wall.

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It's probably like three feet up maybe.

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Um, and I was walking on top of the wall and then my brother, Jake wanted to get on the

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wall.

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Um, and he was like struggling to get up.

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So like I like reached down and I helped pick him up and I was like wow what a good person I am Like in my head I remember thinking I was like wow I really am filled with grace from being free from sin because I am helping Jake out

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And I have a distinct memory of thinking this

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and being like, man, yeah,

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like God's grace is really inside of me

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because I'm being nice to my brother.

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And I don't think that lasted very long.

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Also, I got a Game Boy from my grandparents

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as a confession gift.

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for your first confession for my first confession i had a game boy that lasted at uh 10 years

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because i broke when i was a freshman in college all because you confessed all because i confessed

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yeah hmm i don't know if i ever did that when i was you never had a confession i don't think so

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nothing is you went to a catholic school yeah nothing's no i didn't go to catholic school i

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I just went to a Catholic church.

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Got my communion.

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Oh, you would have had to have had confession before.

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Why don't I remember it?

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What happened in there?

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I don't know.

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Hmm.

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Gave me a fuzzy navel.

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Yeah, did you happen to give your confession to one of your dad's friends?

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It was in a van, a Catholic van.

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Was it in a nice van?

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Like in the movies, they always have like a nice van with like nice screens and panels.

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Yeah.

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Stop ruining this, Joe.

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There's no windows on the back of it.

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And now, improv.

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I just wanted to say you don't have to say thank you that I didn't hit you with my car.

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What?

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I just want to say, I'm sorry.

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I know you, we don't really know each other that well, but I saw you walking.

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And you kind of, you walked in front of my car as I was pulling into the mall parking lot.

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and i had the right of way it's a mall no you didn't you were very far from the crosswalk okay

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actually and um i went i i almost floored it and i didn't what and i wanted to just say you don't

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have to thank me for that you almost floored it i almost did but i didn't and you're welcome but

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you don't have to say thank you i'm not going to say thank you you just told me you almost floored

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it i i almost sicko what do you mean i didn't okay i am a good person that's what i wanted to

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say to you i absolutely disagree with that and i do think we know each other i know i've seen you

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at the store what's wrong with you nothing what's your name i

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jeze jezebella i writing that down okay well if you want it for my thank you card i telling you you not being thanked Why not I have a hard life I was on the phone just now And it could have been a lot harder

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You're welcome that it wasn't.

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Oh, okay.

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So you're saying that if I think about breaking your door down tonight and going up the stairs

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and choking you to death in your sleep, but I don't, you can thank me?

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Yes.

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If I wake up tomorrow unchoked, I will thank you.

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well we'll see about that won't we i i look forward to it and then you know i i would say

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don't i won't say this makes us even if you don't choke me but you know there's nothing to be you

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why are you driving so slow and following me while i'm walking still lemon pop poppy seed

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muffins if you're getting me a thank you gift i'm that's just if you're if you're gonna do that

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that's oh if i'm gonna do that yeah i like not crazy women that i see at the store well if i

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find one i'll try to send her your way okay uh women am i right uh you am i right i'm sorry i

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didn't catch your name and you know my name yeah okay okay yeah okay okay well i'm jezebella

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i know listen you've got problems you're welcome you're welcome for the rest of your life i i don't

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need that i don't want that okay i just i'm going to the mall you're nuts smell you later

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cut to 37 minutes later inside the mall

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i i was i was gonna give you a flat tire on your shoe you i was gonna give you a flat tire on your

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shoe i i could have i was walking behind you and i i was and i and a flat tire on my shoe yeah you

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know when you step on the back of somebody's shoe and it like your their foot pops out of it because

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you're holding their shoe down why would you do that because it because it's a really funny thing

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to do when you were walking right by the fountain where there was a lot of teens around and i thought

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it would be really funny because you would have looked really stupid but i didn't do it

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and the teens are now no longer they're not making fun of you and i just wanted to say you're welcome

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Oh, okay. Thank you. Hey, by the way, you're welcome. You're welcome. Because when you were on the escalator, I had this really distinct thought that maybe I could push you down to the floor and your hair could go in the escalator. And then you would rip it off and you'd be partially bald.

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Oh, well.

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For no reason at all.

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You're welcome.

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I actually look really good bald, so I would have been fine with that.

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So I'm not going to thank you for that.

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I'm sorry.

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Because that would have been at worst a lateral move for me But I remember when Britney Spears shaved her head and I did it with her in solidarity And I got nothing but compliments So actually I I forgive you for not doing that to me

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Oh, this bitch.

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Okay, look, I don't, I just, I just want you to know that I'm looking out for you, buddy.

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Okay?

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I can't handle this right now.

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I've had a lot on my plate.

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It's been not nice knowing you.

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I don't want to ever see you again.

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Cut to that night at church.

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What?

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Hi.

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Are you doing here?

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Hi.

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Jezebel?

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Jezebella.

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I...

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I was insulting you.

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Oh.

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Well...

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Too dumb to notice.

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Okay, well, not really, because there's something else I need.

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Okay, you're welcome.

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Thank you.

143
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No, no, no.

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No, no, this is...

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This is not a thank you situation.

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Oh.

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Okay, so...

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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I was...

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I was thinking...

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that you are a fine looking gentleman and you probably have a fine looking wife.

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And I thought about seducing your wife.

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I thought about it.

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And I did it.

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I'm sorry.

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You slept with my wife?

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Yeah, I'm sorry.

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So I guess we're even now.

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You slept with my wife.

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Yeah.

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I thought about it and I did it.

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See?

165
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See?

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isn't it worse when I follow through on my thoughts

167
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than when I don't?

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So now do you want to thank me

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for not hitting you with my car?

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Or for not giving you a flat tire in front of those teens?

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Huh?

172
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Jezebella.

173
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Yeah?

174
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I just came to church for a quick prayer.

175
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We're sitting shiva tonight.

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She's dead.

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I didn't say I liked it.

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It's seen.