okay so francis do you remember the other day i was telling you about my i was not really an
invention idea but an idea that i had that i thought would make my life better uh which is so
like in my youtube music i have multiple playlists like i have one for working out but then have my
liked music and um i'll like just shuffle play them and um then when i but then if i want to
listen to a different list that shuffled playlist goes away right so then i end up like listening to
the same songs over and over again because they keep coming up uh so i was thinking there should
be a way to like pause one playlist and go to another playlist well today i went to the gym
opened up my phone went to my working out playlist there was a resume button for my playlist
they must have manifested it i did i manifested it they had to have heard what we were talking
about francis they probably stole your idea i know but you know what i'm okay they can have that
that one's on me no it's not okay this has to stop the same thing happened to me i don't know
know this i invented itunes what yeah i had the idea first i was gonna call it you tunes
because you're you're not as selfish as apple is right exactly it was for everyone else
itunes you tune seems sort of accusatory though like these are your tunes but in the happiest way
i did it because i used to be a little karaoke singer and back in the day when you bought cds
you couldn't you you bought a whole cd for one song you wanted and i was like no i wish there
was a way you could just buy the ones you wanted oh that'd be a great idea youtunes and i sat on it
and i dreamed on it and then one day they had itunes yeah man apple if you're listening and
we know you are you are tim cook if you're out there listening he's a subscriber yeah friend
of the pod pay francis what you owe him yeah hit me with the rears bro yeah yeah just oh yeah gross
just a percentage of gross
I'm struggling out here
and interest on the amount of money
that he lost because he wasn't paid
and pay my lawyers
I think I invented rage rooms
ooh that's a good one to invent
yeah
because they weren't a thing in the 2000s
right and I was just like
we should go get a whole bunch of
trash from Goodwill
and have people pay to hit it
with bats
I invented rage rooms but
But obviously whoever I told stole this idea and now they exist.
You can still do it.
You just call it something else.
I don't know.
I mean, I think there are rage rooms that are called multiple different things.
I think that's the concept really that's been stolen.
Have you been to a rage room?
Yeah.
Did you love it?
Did you get your rage out?
Yeah.
It turns out I do this when I hit things with a bat.
Every time I hit things with a bat.
Yeah.
that doesn't sound like rage to me that sounds like joy yeah i was there with my uh few of my
girlfriends and they were like really like rageful and that was like my turn and it was
like and i was like i'm gonna show them yeah
someday we're gonna have to make a like a sound effect cd of all of your
i do you know other one i do don't steal that idea yeah yeah yeah i do that a lot
hi yeah yeah like miss piggy well i guess does she say hi yeah yeah an everyday speech
yeah yeah she's like when she gets angry she hi yeah yeah oh well i'm in good company then
welcome to friends like us podcast where friends talk about stuff i'm jenna with me as always is
francis and we have a very special guest our friend chrissy so happy to be here i am a
dedicated listener i'm a sizzler if you uh if you will uh friend of the pod happy to be here
oh well this is so exciting and the inventor of rage room yeah and she invented rage rooms
mm-hmm tm yeah would you have called it something else i probably would have just called it a smash
room oh that's good yeah that's good too yeah yeah because you'd think there was drinking in
there or or or it's okay i get where you're going now joe yeah pull your head out of the gutter joe
Your whole head's there.
I have a dirty mind.
All right.
Well, as regular sizzlers would know,
we get secret words from Joe at the beginning of our episode to say
and sneak into conversation.
And you can go to friendslikeuspod.com.
There is a running total of the points.
Francis is winning.
Ooh.
Oh, my God.
Yes.
No rage here.
Just hi-yah.
Hi-yah.
Nyah!
But we will say these words during the episode, and we will try and guess each other's words,
and we all three have one.
It's very exciting.
Now here's Joe with the words.
Jenna's secret word is decapitated.
Francis's secret word is sovereign.
Chrissy's secret word is cumulative.
Back to the pod.
First segment time.
You know what it is.
We all know what it is.
Invention of the week.
Inventions.
Ooh-wee.
I'm so excited.
I can't wait.
This is a real tough one because I dreamed up two today.
Whoa.
And I was like, oh, which one do I tell?
Yeah.
Okay, I've got it.
Okay.
The one I'm going to talk about, you know how there's wrestling?
I do know how there's wrestling.
There's two different kinds of wrestling.
What kind of wrestling are you referring to?
Are you referring to, because actually when I was coming in, I was wondering, there's WWF and there's WWE, right?
What's the E?
There's WWE.
What's that?
Entertainment, because they can't call it a federation because it's not real.
so there's no wwf anymore it's been turned into the wwe okay so i thought that was because of the
world wildlife fund that they had to change that that could be a secondary reason oh but i like
your reason better i like that better yeah because it's not a real sport yeah oh that's interesting
um so they have to call it entertainment there's the other kind where the guys are like
where it's like the high school kids do.
Oh, okay.
Nope, not talking about that.
Not talking about that.
And a third kind, wrestling.
Yeah, and there's wrestling.
Which is a gator.
Yep, that's some good old-fashioned gator fun.
I'm learning so much about wrestling.
Oh, well, that's good, I think, for your invention.
Not really.
It has nothing to do with wrestling.
So why did you start this off with,
you know how there's wrestling?
You'll understand.
Okay.
It is a belt you wear that is large,
So that's what I was thinking, like the wrestling belts?
Yeah.
Not that big, but I want you to know it's a little bit big.
Like a cowboy belt?
Maybe.
Okay.
Like a rodeo winner's belt?
Yeah.
Keep your mind open.
Okay.
It's open.
Because it could be that.
It contains a pair of robotic hands.
I know you mean these hands, but this is different.
Well, they're winners every time.
I know.
This is not as big as the miser hands.
and they have little light gloves on
so they can be seen
and what they do is they do sign language
so if you're out
and you need to talk sign language
you can, on your phone
you just type what needs to be said
and it's a Bluetooth app
and then the belt opens
and the hands come out and do the sign language
laughter
so it's just staring crotch level
That's what I was going to say.
Could we pivot and have it be a necklace?
No, they come up.
Oh, they rise.
They come up and then they go back in.
So it's not just down by your junk.
I was also going to say, this would instantly become something else.
People would figure out what certain signs were and just constantly be doing those.
No.
If it's near their crotch.
It comes up.
And if it ever doesn't work, you could stand on a stool.
And then your face is in someone's crotch.
But so are the hands.
Anyway, it does more than just that, too, because you can program it to, like, talk to the hand.
So it could be a sassy lady from the 90s if you wanted it.
The mid-90s.
Or...
Oh, now you're selling me.
Yeah, and it can carry grocery bags.
Okay, so they're just an extra set of hands that can also do sign language.
But they can't cut your hair.
No, that's...
No hair cutting.
But we don't want to cross into miser hands territory.
Right.
We've got to buy it.
That's sold separately.
um okay you said they're wearing white gloves they flip people off you yes we don't censor our guests
um so here's okay if you're typing something that you want to say so you already have to type
it doesn't like auto translate what you're doing it could oh well that would be better
I was going to say, because otherwise, why couldn't you just show the deaf person what you've typed?
What if you get a text while you're looking at your phone and it's not for them?
So if there's a text that you don't want the people to see, luckily you have this belt.
Yeah, well, because the belt could be a beautiful, like designer belt.
I'm going to pitch it's a necklace again.
because it could hear you
if it was close to your mouth,
closer to your mouth,
as opposed to you talking to your crotch.
But then they'd be little tiny hands, right?
Well, they could be the size of your face.
People wear chunky statement jewelry.
Have you not seen Prue Leith?
Oh, yes, I have.
Wait, seen what?
From Great British Baking Show?
Oh, no.
She wears chunky statement jewelry.
Well, we have more than one model.
And we have a hat.
Oh, that's nice of us.
Oh, great.
Well, because it could be...
It would look like one of those beer can hats.
Yes!
With two hands just gripping your head all the time, like a crown of hands.
And if you didn't like what someone was saying, you could push a button and the hands could come out and cover your ears.
Just a resplendent head crown of ears.
So it's like if you want to be in denial, like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It could accuse.
okay so point you can point at people you're gonna go use multiple people at once
you can use up to four yes your own hands
it sounds like we love it
i want to think of i want to think of other uses for these extra hands could they hold stuff yeah
so if you if you need to work on your car it can hold a wrench or a flashlight
Oh, so they can be helping hands as well.
Yeah.
That's not the name, though.
Okay.
Good.
Because I think that's taken.
Yeah.
It's like a WWF.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
How big is this going to have to be?
Because if you've got, like, arms, it's got to have folds and there's hands.
Mm-hmm.
How big?
Yeah.
Well, as small as possible.
but large enough to read.
The size of a salad plate?
But I mean, I'm thinking depth too.
It's going to be kind of...
Yes.
Thank you.
They come out from the belt though
so they're probably retractable.
Yeah, they're retractable.
I know, but it would have to be
when they're not out.
When they're resting
they could be holding each other's hands.
Oh, that would be so sweet.
Yeah, proprietary folding technology.
they fold into a handle
it's proprietary
it hasn't been invented yet
yes
okay so you're inventing this folding technology
and then the first thing you're using it for
are these hands
that could maybe be
on a necklace or maybe
be on a hat
and definitely be on a belt
okay
will this impact the livelihoods
of
interpreters who are normally brought in to do this kind of work Are you stealing jobs Oh my goodness
No.
They're allowed to own them, too.
But why would somebody pay them?
They could have two conversations at once, then.
Think about it.
They could be doing ASL,
and the hands could be doing, like, British language.
I just created a job.
It is different.
Yeah.
So it's translating the sign language?
Yes.
It has a chip that does that.
So before every presentation, the interpreter has to go, Americans, up here.
Brits, down here.
See?
We're bridging cultures.
Brits are going to be at crotch level.
Yep.
Again, they come up.
Okay.
It's on an angled hinge.
Here, let me do a demonstration.
Boop.
This demonstration is great podcasting.
People are imagining it at home.
For those at home, Francis just basically put his hands in front of himself and went, boop.
That's really all that was.
Technology's hard to explain.
They go, hi-ya.
Mwah.
I think this is a great idea
I think you're gonna get more use out of it
with like carrying groceries and things
or doing other functional things
the number of times
that people will use it for sign language
I think it's interesting that that was your first
thought
well okay
does this invention have a name?
I was thinking like
getting handsy
handsy. I was literally thinking that
exact same thing. That's it, though.
Get handsy.
Hands on. Or my hands are down here.
Yeah, I was thinking that, too.
My hands are down here. I was thinking,
oh, we both thought.
What were you thinking?
Joe, think of something with me.
Hands
of
North America.
Perfect.
We're in perfect harmony. So organic.
Told you I would sing.
All right.
Well, we've got three killer names.
You said they're wearing white gloves?
Yeah.
Just because I had a dream about Disneyland last night.
Probably why.
Gorgeous.
Yeah.
And you have to use sign language a lot at Disneyland?
Nope.
It wasn't my dream.
I just independently dreamed of Disneyland.
And then I pictured the gloves from Mickey Mouse when I was thinking of this invention.
Okay.
No big deal.
Tim Cook, don't you touch this.
Yeah, you little asshole.
You've taken enough from him already.
Just leave him be.
Leave him alone.
Oh, so much to Francis.
Yeah.
I'll program these hands to choke.
That would be a danger.
I know.
Or possibly a selling point to people who are into that kink.
There's a disclaimer.
I can't be held responsible for what the Sizzlers do.
It's true.
Yep.
Sizzlers, you're your own people.
We appreciate that about you.
This is going to fall into the category of I would invest because I want to see people using it.
Let's leave it at that.
It's enthusiasm.
I'd love to see the prototype you're going to bring to the sharks.
Yeah.
That's what I want to see.
They won't let me too close to them because they'd be worried about the choking.
Oh, right.
A lot of people go on that show to hurt them.
As we all know.
Famously.
Those episodes have been scrubbed.
They're secret shark hunters.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, any final thoughts?
I said it all.
Getting handsy.
A.K.A.
My hands are down here.
A.K.A.
Hands Across America.
Well, go to friendslikeuspod.com to purchase one of these.
It'll be up for sale, I'm sure, by the time this episode drops.
That proprietary folding technology, I'm assuming you've invented it already.
I just, yeah, got it.
Got it?
Cool, it's done.
Also, go to social medias, FluPod Official,
and check out the drawings, the initial prototypes.
That will be available by the time you hear this.
okay i guess that wraps up the uh invention of the week okay let's time for our next segment
uncle teeks street display
hello and welcome to uncle teeks street display
uncle uncle teeks oh i get it like antiques yeah yeah that was uh
Uncle Teeks.
Yep.
Francis, do you want to explain how this segment works?
Exactly as it sounds.
Basically, we come up with fun heirlooms or like, the word devices in my head, but I just
needed to say it, get it out.
Heirlooms and decor and things from home or whatever that we don't really know what they
are, their history, and we're trying to see if they're worth anything.
So we bring it to Uncle Teeks street display.
play and we learn their history and their value okay all right yeah yeah so so i think you have
to go first okay perfect that's wonderful because i'm ready oh good you seem ready
worked out perfectly okay um hi hi oh god i'm so nervous so nervous to be here no don't no don't
be nervous uh it's been a dream of mine to meet to meet you guys well we're here to examine your
goods thank you thank you just show us your goods oh gosh thank you guys well as you probably don't
know because you don't know me my grandfather was recently murdered i know i know violently
and i inherited his home and they cleaned everything out before we could get there oh
my heart's just broken but i found one thing in the attic i just don't know what it is
well is it evidence i don't think so i i found it and i'm hoping that it's worth a lot because
boy, I just
need the money.
Well, show us,
young man. Reveal the goods.
I'm taking it out of its velvet cloth.
It is
shaped like
a bowl.
Hmm.
Is it a bowl?
I'm not the expert. I don't know.
What are these markings around the edge?
They're ancient
hieroglyphs from the
1960s.
I think.
The 60s, known
for their ancient hieroglyphs.
Yes, here. Would you like to hold it?
Please be very careful. It's all I have of my grandpapa.
Yes. Oh, I see.
I declare
this to be
a ming bowl.
Ming.
Yes. Oh, wow.
wow my instincts were so right when i said of the 1960s ming dynasty oh my god and now i will
hand it over to my colleague who is a ming expert oh this is clearly ming you can tell by the
hieroglyphs here on the edges do you see uh do you see this one uh this one uh here that's uh
just, it's got
nine little
cubes.
Oh, the cubes.
That was the hieroglyphic
representation
of the Brady Bunch.
Which the Ming
Dynasty was extremely
I don't want to say
obsessed with.
I would say obsessed.
No fighting, you guys.
Deborah, no, Deborah,
she keeps me honest.
they were obsessed i didn't want to put too much on them uh and uh yes uh deborah why don't you
explain this other hieroglyph oh yes well that was uh one you would also often see on pyrex bowls
which are very similar to a mean bowl but a mean bowl is the real article and so they copied the
Pyrex as a way of getting
back at the
Pyrex Empire.
The Ming Empire
and the Pyrex Empire
famously hated each other.
Just feuding clans.
It's so interesting. I mean, I've heard
of Ming, but I've never heard of Pyrex.
Pyrex?
Pyrex. Oh, so much to learn.
Equally as ancient as the Ming
Empire. Made of delicious
lead.
This must be worth
millions?
Millions
of
casseroles.
Yes.
Millions of the joy
you'll bring from eating
out of this bowl.
Yep.
It's worth no money?
Well, it's not worth
nothing.
I would say
in today's dollars
back
in the ancient 1960s
it was worth
about $4.10
I believe.
He was rich. He was very rich.
And in today's dollars
that is
about $4.11.
Okay.
But it's a very interesting find
It's been a while since we've seen one of these bowls.
A brilliant piece.
Okay, I don't care about that.
But at least you have something to remember your grandfather by.
Shh!
Oh no!
Sir, my other hands could have held that.
I'm leaving.
Sorry.
I have
Hi, I was wondering if I talked to the appraisers
Yes
We love that
Oh good
This
It's
As you can see it's rather large
And it's kind of wooden
It's only kind of wooden
Just a little bit wooden
A wonk of wood
perceptibly wooden uh but on the inside you'll see it's different material
sounds like a glonken duben i don't know i don't know yet oh i was i was wondering if it was going
to be a glonken duben uh my my grandfather was he was german and um he used to love and he he had
this hanging in his backyard and he loved to bird watch and this was hanging in a tree in his
backyard and it was actually the last thing that he saw before he was decapitated
oh my his robot hands oh no i know it was a tragic accident but i was aside from the sentimental
value obviously as being the last thing i can look at it and it's the last thing that my
grandfather looked at.
I was wondering if it had
any kind of
value to the outside world.
Well, you mentioned
an inside material. Would love to see it.
Oh, here. Oh, here. I can open it up.
It's the mother of pearl
inlay.
Oh.
It's so delightful. I've never seen
anything so delightful in ever my days wood and mother of pearl my my gosh it is a glonken doobin
yes oh thank god i was hesitant before i should trust myself more you should trust your gut
maury of course i will thank you got trusted oh close it i i can focus a real glonkingloobin The glonkingloobin has an opalescent inlay
and not the mother of pearl we see here.
This is the real deal.
Yes, top of the grandpa.
So if this is a real glonkingloobin,
then it must be worth a fortune.
Well, we haven't even gotten to what it does.
Yeah, I was going to say, I'm not even sure.
I only know of them from lore.
Can you explain what it is?
Yes.
It famously, as you said, hangs upon a patio.
A well-known patio hanger.
Yes.
And at golden hour, it opens and Mother of Pearl catches the sun.
Delectably.
Yes, beautifully, deliciously.
And it blinds the birds.
And they fall out of the sky.
Yes.
And then you can observe them up close.
Yes.
Oh, well, now I understand why Grandfather had it.
Yes.
Clonken-Dubin.
Why he was so distracted that he didn't notice his hands.
I don't have my appraisal book.
Yeah, Anna.
We're going to have to do this one off the cuff, Maury.
Yes.
Let's do some air finger marks.
Yes.
Calculation.
Like a beautiful mind up in here.
I got it.
Very good.
This glonkendubin is worth 15 other glonkendubins.
What?
A compounding glonkendubin?
Yes.
You're very lucky.
Glonkendubin can only be traded for a larger glonkendubin.
That's perfect.
Finally, I can send little Jimmy to school.
But don't open it in front of his eyes.
Oh, I won't.
No, I don't want him to fall out of the sky.
To be observed.
Yeah.
Well, thank you.
Thank you for bringing this piece of history to us.
No, thank you.
This is better news than I even could have imagined.
Thank you so much.
Bye.
And then the little rainbow goes,
with what it's worth, like it does on Antiques Roadshow.
15 clunk and doobits.
I have something
Oh yes
Mori
We have another
Thing to appraise
Wonderful
Oh I'm still Mori
You can be someone else
Sorry no I get
Excited I get
Southern
Welcome
Don't we all
Francis
this was passed down to me
for my mother
and my mother's mother
we usually only hear from
grandfathers
this is new territory for us
grandmothers
we'll see if our expertise
will transfer
it is
a box with two sides
that have buttons
and you can expand
and contract.
Oh.
And it makes a sound.
I don't know what on earth it is.
I can actually, I know what this is.
I knew you would.
This is, and this is, these are,
there's very few of these still in circulation.
This is an old-timey hurricane alert system.
Oh, of course.
Yes, this would be the town crier would take one of these and go into the town square and press it together and then pull it apart and then press it together and then pull it apart.
And that would let everyone know quick to the to the hurricane shelters.
These saved a lot of lives back in the day.
That explains why the noise it makes is so shrill and irksome.
Yes, yes.
I mean, it had to be.
and it's actually
rare to have one in the Americas
because I believe, where were these originated from?
Poland
but
my mother's mother
was old Poland
before the war
before they were sovereign
like 1960s Poland
ancient
the time of bowls
yep
I've heard of this time of bowls
to think I have something sitting on my dresser
that's from the time of Poles in Poland.
Your mother must have loved you.
And her mother's mother must have loved her.
There's a lot of love in this.
And famously, we are descended of town criers.
I knew that.
I thought you had that glint in your eye.
She's got the permanent stain like a Yorkie.
Near the eyes.
From all the crying?
Yes, yes.
I mean, I say that with love.
The tears.
Yes.
Yes, that's what a town crier is.
Not one who cries out, but one who is sad.
Oh, I do be dizzy.
Our family was sad and wanted everyone to know things.
So we were the town crying criers.
You were the perfect crier, some might say.
well
Maury
what would you
value this
hmm
how could one
even begin
gun to my head
I would say
that's how we do it
on Uncle Cheeks
funny you should mention that
because I brought
my grandpa's gun
oh good
something good
from my grandfather
yes
I can't look
I can't look at this
while I pray
so I'm getting excited again
um
you know I've been doing this
a long time
I do know that
I'm just gonna say it
Say it, Maury
Eight Glonkendubins
So less than a Glonkendubin
Well
But more than a bowl
We can't blind you
Unless you can open that up and it's Mother of Pearl inside
A little hurricane
It contains its own hurricane
Well now it's worth nothing
Oh no, but
Oh no, the hurricane's escaped
No
It's rigging happened
Oh no
I'm inconsolable
The hurricane is destroying everything in its path
This might be the final
Our last episode of
Uncle Teak's
Street Display
Alright, well I think we learned a lot
In that segment
You think there's really a glonkin doobin?
I do.
I know there is.
Yeah.
Because I want it enough.
My heart is pure.
I think that's how things come into existence, too.
Yeah.
That and Apple iTunes listens.
Yes.
I was having a good time.
Sorry.
But you need to keep it fresh in your mind.
You need to keep those wounds open and fresh.
Never heal.
Don't move on.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah, because you need to learn from this, and you need that vengeance to fuel you.
Yeah.
Well, don't worry.
I've got that in space.
Yeah.
I have a journal that says, Journal of Perceived Slights.
It was a gift.
And it's full.
I'm sure it's full.
I don't know.
Maybe.
When I die, do you want it?
Yes.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
If you don't give it to me, it's going in my journal of Perceived Slights.
Okay, okay.
now that we're all multiple
Glock and Dubin's richer
um
it's time
is your word Glock and Dubin?
I already wrote that down
it is Glock and Dubin
alright it's time for our
final segment
the big question
whoa
the question is very big
I have one.
Great.
Unless you do.
No, I just wanted to give you the opportunity.
Thank you.
I want to be asked.
Yeah.
Sorry, Phil.
Yeah.
My weird question is, if you have to start a socially unacceptable hobby that would have
you like be a pariah if people knew what you were doing but you have to do it what socially
unacceptable hobby are you coming up with there's so many options
i don't know if this is socially unacceptable and i mean it is social like
i would go through people's things when they weren't in the room
that is socially unacceptable
if I could clear that up for you
I wasn't worried about that being
question
question about the rules of this scenario
are we assuming that
people know that Jenna's doing that
or that she always gets found out
here's what I would say to that
yes because you have to be able to defend it
that's an angle that I'm going to put on this
you need to like come up with
a socially unacceptable hobby
and how you would defend doing it.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah, I would go through people's things.
I'm thinking like specifically like purses.
Because then you could be like,
I'm thinking like you're out and about with somebody.
They go to the bathroom like at a restaurant or something.
You go through their purse.
But then they catch you.
Yeah.
What do you say?
No, I would say,
like, oh,
let's role play this.
Okay, I'm
elbow deep in your purse right now.
That's a big purse.
Linda?
Oh, what are you doing?
I'm...
You got me.
I'm going through your purse.
I trusted you. I left it here.
Linda.
Look, I
go through people's purses when they're not around.
it's something that i do but here's this here's the thing i have a good reason
hold on brenda get in here she's going through my stuff oh my god she's about to justify it what
i'm sorry elbow deep in that mother and oh i didn't even show you my other arm it's got your
purse brenda my handbag so i'm sorry but listen here's the thing i know what it's like to have
have a purse and I know how things often get lost in purses, right? You both know that, right? And
sometimes important things get lost in there. Things that you don't want to forget, like dry
cleaning tickets or coupons that expire. I was just going through your purses to make sure there
wasn't anything important that you could possibly be missing out on. I was trying to be a helpful
friend. I'm trying to be
a helpful friend.
Why wouldn't you do this in front of us?
Just because
it's... I don't think people
would take
too kindly to it. They'd just be like, don't worry.
But I can
do it on my own. But I
just feel like it always gets put off.
People never do it on their own. I was just trying to be helpful.
By the way, Cindy,
your comforter is ready for pickup.
Oh, I forgot about my comforter.
Yeah, see? Linda! I told you.
wasn't that helpful?
I forgive her.
I don't have any old coupons or receipts.
What'd you find in my bag?
Just a picture of somebody else's kids.
It was weird.
They're so cute though, aren't they?
They are pretty cute.
I try and pass them off as mine.
That's fair.
They are cuter than your kids.
Mine are real uggos.
All right.
I love you.
Good.
Here you go.
See?
You loved me at the end.
Yeah.
And thank you.
Yeah.
Because, you know, if you don't pick up your dry cleaning, they give it away eventually.
Yeah, exactly.
Or sell it.
It's like some dry cleaners code.
Yeah, like in the, they take the storage, like on storage wars.
Yeah.
Yeah, but it's all shirts and blankets.
But they give you enough, I feel like they give you enough time where you can't be mad.
It's like, okay, I didn't pick it up in a year.
Yeah.
Obviously, you didn't need it.
What am I going to say?
Yeah.
Cool.
Yeah, so that's my answer.
Okay.
Thanks.
Sure.
Okay.
So I sort of do have a socially unacceptable hobby.
Ooh.
Which is collecting and keeping safe objects that would be offensive in today climate Which were some of which were passed down to me from my grandparents
who didn't know better.
And some of them I found at thrift stores.
But the one I will describe to you is like, it's a little man on a stick and he's like
a marionette and he dances, which sounds cute, right?
Yeah.
Well, he's a little black man.
Oh.
So that makes it inappropriate.
And he's got a little bow tie and it's like.
Like an old.
Yeah.
Like an old from the like 40s or.
Yeah.
You know.
Kind of like.
In the south where that was.
Like minstrel shows.
Was that what they're called?
That's exactly what it was.
Okay.
And then I have a couple of little figurines that are like little babies that look like that.
They're like precious moments figurines.
I don't display these.
Much like Ed and Lorraine Warren, I keep them hidden and safe so they can't do any more harm in the world.
Ah, okay.
But if someone were to be going through my piles of things one day and they'd be like, what is this?
Yeah, don't ever put those in your purse when you're around Jenna.
No, never.
Also, yeah, your ancestors are going to have some interesting things to take to Uncle Teak's street display.
Yes, yes.
My grandmother had these.
I don't know why.
Yeah.
They could be worth a ton of money, and I would still never, ever take them to be appraised.
Okay.
So you're hanging on to them so that they're not out in the wild.
You take them from the market.
You remove them from the market space.
Exactly.
I'm keeping them out of the world.
And that's your defense?
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah.
I also collect, unoffensively, little nut containers that look like a walnut that have a squirrel sitting on top of them.
I have like a dozen.
Oh.
Is that a common thing?
I guess it must be.
Apparently it's common enough.
There's at least 12 of them.
Yeah.
My grandmother had like three and I was like, these are so neat.
I'm going to put them all around my house.
And then I keep finding them at thrift stores and things.
So I have to buy them.
Yeah.
To keep my collection going strong.
So it's a walnut and a squirrel's on top of it?
The squirrel's on top of it.
And it opens.
Like the squirrel's the handle.
Oh.
Yeah.
And then it opens and you put nuts in there.
Oh.
She's like, but the squirrel's black.
Lovely.
I can't wait to see your nut container.
That you can see.
That's on display.
I'll show you my nuts.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Lovely.
Yeah.
All right.
It's my turn.
Yeah.
This is the best I could do.
Sorry.
I was thinking that I would shave people bald.
Without their knowledge?
Well, yeah.
If I found them sleeping, this is a quick buzz.
Or I could, like, run up and do a quick, and then, like, the middle part would be going to be like, should I finish?
like the jackass guys used to do?
Yeah, but I'm not a jackass.
Oh, okay.
So you're being polite about it.
Yeah, I'm like, oh, sorry.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
You're like an opportunistic hair shaver.
Yes.
And we're talking b-b-bald.
Like super bald.
Yeah.
Is your word b-b-bald?
No.
Just throw the microphone.
and my defense would be
that we are all
so
shallow
and vain that I
my mission is in the world is to go out and show
people that they're beautiful
not because of their hair
but because of their
brains
underneath all that hair
the hair is blocking the brains
and I just wanted them to see
for one moment that it
didn't matter and if that wasn't enough i'd whip out some sort of awareness pin and put it on and
be like it's a campaign you know don't hurt me um i feel like everyone would have to go bald all
at once for this to work i don't you're just doing it if you're responsible for balding everybody
it's like everyone needs to feel it at the same time to be like oh well none of us have hair
anymore i'll do little communities that are disconnected from technology what about people
who are already bald yeah what what about people who are naturally bald they're getting hair
they're getting the hair that you're taking off everyone else oh yeah i got glue in one hand and
your hair in the other what about people who have that picard like cul-de-sac hair oh that comes off
in one quick pull.
It stays
and keeps its shape.
It's like a trophy?
Yeah.
Okay.
That could be a big mustache.
It could be a very big mustache.
Yeah.
Or a little tube top.
Oh, yeah.
Sexy.
Oh, no.
Little down here
are the sideburns.
Yep.
My hair's down here.
But my hands are up here.
What do we think?
I think yours would get the most ire from people.
I don't think people would be okay with like,
oh yeah, now I really see my real inner beauty.
Also, what about people that don't have inner beauty?
That are just kind of like assholes.
I was going to say, some of the dumbest people that I know are bald.
No, but also...
Not where I thought you were going.
You wanted to show the brains.
No, but just...
Also, not everybody has merit.
That's true.
Not everybody has merit.
We don't know that until they're bald.
Oh, so it reveals...
You need your hair.
You should grow that back now.
Well, now we know.
How would you like a...
What'd you call it?
The cul-de-sac.
I've got a spare cul-de-sac you can throw on that.
Oh.
I feel so judged.
Did you know I was shaved bald one time?
Really?
I did it myself, but...
You just made it sound...
I was shaved.
I know.
It was passive voice.
By me.
I was distancing myself from the acting.
But I knew someone who buzzed their hair off, and they looked incredible.
So I was like, I'm doing it.
And then I have really short, spiked, like, fine hair.
So I did it, and I was like, Uncle Fester.
Like, immediately, like, oh, no.
So I know about this stuff.
Okay.
But did your heart shine through when you were bald?
Well, you know me.
I'm great.
so it all worked out yeah i learned to love myself okay all right yeah yours yours is the worst
for sure thanks y'all i think you'd lose every friend if you did that yeah well all the real
friends would stay don't try this please don't test this theory mentally don't leave me
All right.
Well, if you do that to me, I get to keep anything I find in your purse.
Yeah, you do.
Fine.
All right.
Well, I think that wraps up the big question.
The big question.
All right.
You know what time it is.
It's word guessing time.
Okay.
I have a little list.
Okay.
Do you want to go first?
No, I don't.
Okay.
I'll go.
And I don't think I'm going to get Chrissy's unless by the grace of God, it was a rage room.
No.
Okay.
Darn.
I have a guess for Chrissy.
Okay.
Is it delectably?
Oh, no.
Oh, okay.
I just said that.
Was it judged?
No.
Oh.
Okay.
Was it?
I said it in the very beginning part.
Chrissy said it within the first three minutes of the episode.
I was so nervous to say it.
And you said it so naturally.
I said it right away.
You said it.
It was like, it was imperceptible.
Was it after our intro?
And I did make eye contact with you when I said it.
Oh, no.
Okay.
Oh, no.
And I was like, don't look at Jenna in the eye.
Look away.
No, this was actually before we even said, yeah.
Those secret words.
Wow.
Only real sizzlers will know.
Okay.
She got us.
She got us good.
All right.
What was your word?
Cumulative.
Whoa.
Wait.
When did you say it?
When we were talking about Francis getting his money back that he's owed.
I was like, you'll get the cumulative amount.
That's not fair.
I was caught up in the emotion of wanting my money back.
You took advantage of Francis' emotions.
Guard your hair tonight.
Oh, no.
Okay.
All right.
I have a guess for Francis.
Okay, me too.
Is your word hieroglyphs?
No.
Oh, that's a good guess.
That was a good guess.
Oh, dang.
I was watching the shape of your lips to see if you were going to get it.
I wanted to prepare myself because I don't want you to get it.
Is your word proprietary?
No, that is a common invention slang.
Yeah.
But great guess.
Yeah, Francis often when he's inventing something, you're like, what about this problem?
Don't worry, we have a proprietary this.
Don't worry, we've got that covered.
What about, I can't remember which one of you said this, but arrears?
Oh, no, no, it's not.
Not arrears?
It's not me.
Okay.
I hate arrears.
Yeah.
My word is sovereign.
oh when did you oh poland sovereign poland oh that was good you slipped that right by yeah
it's a hard game isn't it yeah and now we go to jenna no i'm worried that you got my word
you want to go first was it decapitated yes i wrote it down too
I saw you both write it down
I know I saw you both write it down too
and I was so worried
no
I am losing so badly
nicely done
no
can't believe it
you both got it
better decapitated than bald
it's true
I thought because it was such a ridiculous premise
that my grandfather
was decapitated
looking at a glock and gloobin that happens the owners of glock and gloobins are frequently
decapitated well i thought if i tied it back to the hands then it would maybe slip by i don't know
what a great end man oh well that just stinks for me great for you guys
and you're chrissy you're you're on the guest thing well you're gonna be
beating everybody else.
Yes!
You're number one on the guest.
If anyone beats me, I'm going to
shave their head Francis style.
It doesn't count if someone else doesn't do it.
Okay, well then we'll
send you out. I'll be dispatched.
Thank you. Leave a window unlocked.
I need you to defend my honor.
I'm going to come down Mission Impossible style.
Well, Chrissy, thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for having me.
It was a delight.
Tell people how they can find you.
Oh, you can find me so many places, but one place in particular, which is truestory.fm,
where you can listen to the most excellent 80s movies podcast.
Or if you prefer to get drunk, Gank That Drink, a supernatural drinking game podcast.
Or you can find me at the Neighborhood Comedy Theater if you want to see me in real life,
see if Francis managed to shave me bald.
yeah i would recommend yeah chrissy's a site in real life so come here come see her come come see
me at the neighborhood comedy theater in downtown mace arizona all right well i i'm gonna be so
distraught over my loss for the rest of my life i think until i can one up but i'll never be able
i will never one up chrissy we'll do a rematch at some point okay i'll come back okay all right
cool and i will i will best you okay very good very good all right well that wraps up another
episode of friends like us thanks for listening bye