Francis I know this is not going to be a surprise to you because you're in my house and you can see
all the boxes but I'm moving and I hate it I like I know oh my god I'm so sorry well I
Where are you going?
The act of moving.
I'm excited to be in a new place.
But the act of moving might be the worst thing in the world.
It's horrible.
I know.
Listen, I've moved.
I get it.
Yeah.
It's just really, we'll test the bonds of your marriage.
Most divorces happen during.
Mid move.
Cheating and then moving.
Hmm.
You're right.
Cheating would be more fun.
Yeah.
Because moving sucks.
yeah i'm getting nothing out of this yeah um are you doing a lot of the the work no thank goodness
good i i mean really it's as far as moving goes i it's very minimal for me so yeah it's it's i
don't know why i'm complaining other than it's just it's just kind of general stress levels
that's just like and then you like look around and you're like oh my god i have so much crap
yeah um that was hard for me too because i moved i've moved like six or seven times
as an adult.
And every time it's like, why do I own things?
Yeah.
And then you get settled into a place and you're like, ooh, things.
Let's get more.
I own many things.
Yeah, let's get more things.
Yeah.
Well, I'm sorry.
That's really hard.
It's all right.
It'll be over soon.
Specifically tomorrow.
Oh, it's so exciting.
Yeah.
I can't wait to be there.
Yeah.
Yep.
You have your own room.
maybe after you're out of here we should break in here every week even still record yeah like
scared of new people yeah just the family that moves in here we'll just they'll have to get used
to it yeah i don't know how we're gonna stay funny while also holding guns at people but i do
this is great um what sort of housewarming gift should i bring you
whatever surprised me i don't want to know okay it'll be a nice surprise okay
all right welcome to very fine friends a podcast where friends talk about stuff
well you know what's going on my my life francis how are you
i'm good good yeah i just dropped a class oh nice yeah let me tell you why okay so a few
semesters ago i took an online class but they made you go do tests in person for my online
class and I hate going to proctored exams.
Yeah.
The lady who works there was kind of a big old B.
Okay.
So.
For those who don't know, B stands for bitch.
Yes.
No.
She wishes she was a boof.
She was a biatch.
So anywho, as soon as this class started just now, it was like, here's your syllabus.
Oh, you'll have to go take proctored exams.
I was like, nope.
And I just dropped it.
Wow.
And I picked up another one for next semester.
Nice.
so yeah cool good for you thanks what if the next one is also proctor what if it's all just like
it can't be because the one i'm in now isn't so you just gotta keep going till you find what
you're looking for that's good advice listeners don't settle yeah don't settle yeah
unless you want to and then do unless you're out of options yeah some of you probably should settle
Unless you're soil at a construction site.
Yes.
Soil at construction site, if you're listening, and we know you are.
Don't settle.
Or do settle.
Do settle.
We need to get this done.
What if we just empowered a whole bunch of soil at construction sites not to settle,
and then now, like, no buildings get built?
and there's this huge crisis in construction all over the world.
We can't abandon soil now.
Oh, well, no, I mean, we're Team Soil for sure.
So whatever they decide to do, we're on board.
But I like that all work is coming to a halt because of us.
Yeah.
So sorry.
This had to happen.
Soil's been settling long enough.
It's time for Soil to be with someone hot.
Yeah.
Like me.
Yeah.
Soil, come.
I've got a new place, Soil.
Oh, you're going to love it.
It's going to be so great.
Quick interruption.
Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer, Joe, gives Francis and
I each our own secret word.
Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into
our conversation without the other person noticing.
If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.
and right before we die we add up all the points and then we get a prize whoever has the most points
for guessing the most secret words here's joe with today's secret words jenna's secret word
is brittle jenna's decoy word is newcomers francis's secret word is slaying francis's
decoy word is giveaway all right back to the podcast it's time to get into our first segment
which is as always the invention of the week
inventions
okay all right so this is a little saucy
Ooh.
I'm going to try to describe it as PG as possible.
Okay.
But it's not PG.
Oh, no.
This is an invention for lovers, but it's a two-part.
And the first half could be for just friends.
It could be for anyone you know.
Okay.
Then the next half is for lovers.
Whoa.
This is a big buildup.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
You know how sometimes you're not in the same place as someone that you want to be with?
I do know that.
Yeah.
You know how you want to go out to dinner with them, but they live in Rhode Island.
I do know that.
Yeah, and you don't.
I know.
Well.
Well, starting tomorrow, I will.
Just kidding.
Not moving to Rhode Island.
Oh, yes.
Good.
Because I don't want to have to follow you there.
Anyway.
Go on.
This half of my invention is a holographic device that basically you can go to a restaurant and it projects the other person across the booth from you.
And wherever they are, it's projecting you.
So yes, you're at a table for one, but it's like you're having dinner with your friend.
Okay.
Pretty cool, right?
Sure.
Alright.
Should I wait until the end for comments?
That's the first half.
Alright.
Here's where it gets good.
Alright.
This is when it gets a little...
This is for saucy.
This is...
You'll see.
You're gonna love this.
Okay.
You know how sometimes your significant other is in another state?
I do know that.
And you're not?
Yes.
Or they're on a work trip.
They're in Rhode Island and you're here.
You're here, yeah.
But you know how you're...
We're...
Horny species.
I've heard of that.
It's hard to...
Yeah, that's why there's so many hobbies.
Because people have to think about something else.
What if I told you?
that just because your husband is at a work conference in Rhode Island,
you could still, quote-unquote, be marital.
Okay.
Perform the marital act?
Yeah, and here's how.
Okay.
It's a two-part system.
He's got some of the components, and you've got the other at home.
And basically, these two components, which are connected via internet and Wi-Fi,
communicate to the other device what's happening in the other place.
So, the one person...
Okay.
Let me just put this in PG terms.
Let's say you're drinking out of a glass.
Yes, okay.
In Phoenix.
All right.
In Rhode Island, the other device feels like it's being drunk out of.
Okay.
All right.
And vice versa.
So you can do whatever you want, and the other person knows what's happening.
Is there some kind of video interface to this?
Or hologram?
If you remember the first half of this.
Yeah, I was trying to connect those dots.
You did it.
It's not just for friends.
Yes, there is a picture in picture.
Okay.
All right.
Here's my first thought.
Could this be accomplished with just propping up an iPad against a seat and just video calling somebody?
Okay, I've tried really hard not to be gross.
Let me just take one more stab at it.
Well, let's address the first part.
Okay.
Yeah.
You're saying you don't need the hologram?
Well, I mean, you're saying a hologram projects like they're sitting there with you.
Yeah.
Couldn't you just prop an iPad up against a chair and so you're seeing like the top half of somebody and then you're still talking to them?
Or the bottom half if that's what you prefer.
Yeah, depending on how you normally eat dinner with your friends.
I'm going to be honest.
Yeah, you could.
But a hologram is way more interesting, and they look corporeal in front of you.
And if they're eating a lamb chop, you're watching it.
So it's literally like you're having dinner together instead of I'm on the phone with someone.
But the video would do the same thing.
You'd see them eating a lamb chop.
In 2D.
you want oh you want that lamb to be coming right yeah i want to see it's like you're there
yeah oh nice you guys have like little food fights and the wait steps like
um did that answer your question uh yes the part where you said i'm gonna be honest
you could answer my question.
Don't you agree that there's
value of having someone 3D
in front of you?
I mean, it depends on how good the hologram is.
Do we have that kind of good hologram
technology? Yes, it's very good.
We're there. And it's proprietary.
Oh, good. Thank goodness.
Thank God we have the
rights to it. We've tweaked it. Ours is
slightly better. Okay.
They do it now with dead celebrities
at, like, concerts. Yeah. No one's
complaining about that.
No one's in the audience going, why aren't we just using an iPad?
Well, I think because they're dead.
Oh, yeah.
You could really set up an iPad on Tupac right now and have it be this.
Have they even tried?
Yes.
It did not go well.
You didn't answer.
The estate of Tupac has put a restraining order against me.
I am not allowed within 1,000 feet of his coffin.
You're brave for talking about it now.
Thank you.
I wasn't going to ever admit this out loud, but that is the case.
Okay.
As for the other part.
Yes.
I would think.
There's okay.
there's a lot that probably couldn't be replicated by this device
is my guess well the first edition is just mostly to get us into market technology will improve over
time okay so this is just a kind of first to market proof of concept type invention well yes
And, you know, the main thing is you absolutely...
You know those devices where someone has a remote and they can control the intensity and the other person has it?
Yeah.
It's kind of like that, but better.
Why not just...
Well, it seems like a lot...
I mean, there's more than just, like, sipping cups involved, right?
uh-huh there yeah yeah so picture this there's a life size
doll robot yeah robot yeah you know that's with each person
so it's a sex robot
that the other person controls
think of the cheating this will prevent now people will just be getting divorced because of moves
but they're moves that you're initiating 2 000 miles away
oh i meant like moves like to a new house
from before oh yeah yeah i'm there yeah
okay definitely people will buy people definitely this is a moneymaker definitely people will buy
this yeah we could even do like a giveaway at the beginning and getting it out into the market first
is part of your so you're saying even though the technology will catch up to your idea
and so eventually
any newcomers
to the industry
are going to
they're going to be like well we weren't here first
so our product's not going to be
as good. Right and they didn't have the
giveaway. Right right
I forgot about the giveaway. Yeah.
What was the giveaway again?
A tote?
Yeah.
I can't believe I guessed the giveaway right away.
Yeah.
In a water bottle.
Oh, okay.
But not a reusable water bottle, just a little Poland Springs water bottle.
We don't even change the label.
No.
Yeah.
But hey, one more water bottle than you had before the giveaway, so.
Yeah.
Stop complaining.
You have your sex robot.
just shut up
enjoy your water
oh I'm sorry
I didn't mean to cheapen
this invention
it's for lovers
or people who want to eat dinner
that Venn diagram is a circle my friend
how are these two
really related
I don't know.
This didn't have to be a two-part thing.
Because there's a hologram on one side and a robot on another.
It's two separate.
Well, I figured sometimes you got to dinner before.
So what if...
Okay.
So this is dinner.
This is a dinner date.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
What if the robot went to dinner and then the other person maybe just had like a...
a face, like,
projection of the face on the robot's face,
but then because the other person on the other end
is controlling the robot, as we know,
from the aforementioned lovemaking.
Yeah.
What if, yeah, then we'll just have it be the robot
and no hologram.
Because then they could still control it.
At dinner.
That's asking a lot of the restaurant.
You're right.
It's just a step too far.
Yeah.
I think that we just need to see this in practice and then find out what works and what doesn't.
Okay.
Listeners, if you want to be a beta tester for this, drop us a line on social media at veryfinefriends on all platforms.
What are we calling this?
You seem exasperated by that.
Well, I don't know.
I want it to be sweet.
Wine me, dine me, and 69.
Oh, no.
No.
Then sweet people won't purchase it.
Like Cuddlebot.
Or like Far and Wide.
um
feel it
no
feel it
okay
cuddle bot
it's you
no
what's a word for
distance is the wrong distance
right distance
relationship
Right distance.
I guess it'll be okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This could be great for prisons.
We'll license it to the state penitentiaries.
Oh, can you imagine? That's disgusting.
No.
Prisoners are just going to be...
That's all that's going to be happening.
We're here for the money.
Only if they're good.
It's like a conjugal visit.
a big branch just flew into my line of sight from out the window it was really distracting
yeah it was scary looked like it came from the sky people are see how desperate people are to
get this product they're climbing through the trees to come get it hydraulic kiss do we like
that hydraulic kiss yeah like a hydraulic press but a kiss uh that just sounds like an industrial kiss
i guess it is okay well i can guarantee this will sell because anything even remotely
sex related does sell so i'd be a fool not to be on board yeah you need to invest and our what
sets us apart from normal of those is that this is a specifically about love oh so you wait do
Do people have to prove they're in love to buy it?
If they want a discount.
If they want the tote.
And the Poland Springs.
Yeah.
Okay.
So how do they prove it?
They submit a video.
One from Rhode Island and one from wherever else they are.
And they say three things they like about the other person.
and then they kiss the crook of their elbow as though it were the person and if the kisses match
we know so then we line up the two videos next to each other and then using our proprietary
technology you get it it magically melds them together and be like oh that is actually what
those two people have clearly made out before and they get ten dollars off okay and what what is the
price point of this
love
robot, love making robot?
For the set?
Yes. $1,499.
Okay, so for
if you can prove you're in love, it's $1,489.
$1,489.
Yeah.
Okay. Yeah. This will actually promote
people to go in love.
Like, oh shoot, I better
fall in love because I need that $10.
I need that $10, yeah.
We could be the next...
Like matchmakers of the country.
You're welcome, America.
Yeah.
Subscribe.
Yeah.
I'm looking at you, lady who proctors exams.
Oh, God, I hated that woman.
Okay.
Well, right distance relationship.
Let's see.
Hearing it from you, I like it.
Yeah.
Joe?
Yeah.
Joe's on board.
Okay.
Well, we're going to make a ton of money on this.
Go to verifiedfriends.com to pick up your own set and to submit your videos to prove that you're in love.
Don't worry.
We have strong data protection and these videos will not leak.
No.
We have proprietary data.
Something tells me there's going to be a lot of people with moist elbow crooks real soon.
Oh, God, I hope so.
So what if we're walking around and we just see a bunch of old moist crooks and we're like...
Did you get the discount?
Yeah.
Good for you.
Bunch of moist crooks.
Yeah.
Again, I don't know how the first half and the second half really...
I don't think they need to be connected unless it's the same technology, but...
It's a discount if you buy them together.
If you don't care about going to dinner.
What's that discount?
And how do you...
Do people have to prove that they're using it with friends?
It's $11.
whoa more for friendship huh i guess when you're in love you don't need as you're just happy to be
in love listen as an adult it's harder to make friend true friends than to fall in love yeah
love is statistically speaking yeah that that is just true they know it's true everyone knows
yeah much much partners are partners but friends are friends that's 10 harder yeah so that's why
I get 10% more of a discount.
Yeah, you get it.
Yeah.
So you don't have to, but why wouldn't you?
Yeah, I mean, exactly.
Don't be stupid, people.
Yeah.
Ignorami.
Nice.
Thanks.
Good plural.
Latin plural.
Thank you.
That wraps up the invention of the week.
it's time for our next segment this just in
this just in our next segment is this just in
we got breaking news here on the pod uh our producer joe
has just
oh
oh my gosh
horrible horrible news
we've just been handed a piece of paper from our
producer Joe
I
I even hate to talk about this on the heels of
such like what was such a
fun fun topic with the invention of the
week
are you okay
I'm okay I can do this
I can do this
a blimp has exploded
the hindenburg the hindenburg
is i i can't see how there's any survivors i can't believe this i have stock in the hindenburg
i know i got you that stock as a birthday present i was like this is gonna last you
as long as our friendship is what you said.
Exactly.
God, does this mark the end of our friendship?
No, it can't.
No.
No, we need friends more than it.
This needs to bring us closer together.
Well, I think the ship must have been filled with helium
because we all know that's the most incredibly flammable gas.
And I just, I hope that this, God.
I hope this hasn't changed the future of air travel.
How could it not?
I mean, look at...
I was planning on...
I'm going to be honest with you.
2026 was going to be the year that I flew a blimp.
Flew in a blimp.
I had it planned.
I was going to go to Des Moines.
Iowa or Washington?
Both.
Wow.
It was gonna, I was calling it double Des Moines.
It was a part of-
Sorry, I'm emotional.
I know, I know.
It's okay, take whatever time you need.
But I don't understand how this could happen.
This is the safest technology there is.
I, if you can't strap what amounts to a large basket underneath a dirigible, what is, what
is the point?
is anything safe
no
I don't feel like I don't know if I could ever travel again
this was lauded as
the safest invention since
bread
it was in the newspaper just last week
I know
not sliced bread that's dangerous
I mean it's a good invention but
it's dangerous
bread cuts it's happening all over the country
Bread cuts.
Yeah.
I just wonder, I can't, I wonder how President Kennedy is going to address this.
Well, he always keeps his head cool.
Yeah.
He keeps his head.
That was his slogan when he ran for President Kennedy.
Why we all voted for him.
I keep my head.
Oh, thank God.
Yeah, we'll be fine.
He just needs to address the nation.
Wow.
One of his trademark fireside chats.
Yes, with his wooden teeth.
Good old wooden toothed Kennedy.
God, I can't believe.
God, was it?
I think it exploded midair.
In the safe, safe air?
Wait, wait, no, no, this just in.
Oh.
This just in.
It caught on fire during its landing.
Oh my gosh.
Oh.
Those poor people.
I know.
Here they were, they were like, oh, they were getting their bags out of the overhead bin.
They were like, oh, thank God they turned their phones off of blimp mode.
And to have to die in New Jersey of all places.
Oh.
That's the real tragedy.
Moment of silence for Hoboken.
And Trenton But not Jersey City No no rough rough day to be a blimp yeah i wonder if blimpy stock will fall
oh my god i didn't even think of that i know this is too soon to start going into conspiracy theories
but do you think subway had anything to do with this i mean they had their own sandwich and their
own mode of transportation oh my god blimp blimps and blimpies i mean that was sweeping the nation
well we need to be careful talking about this on air look no hey listeners i i want to be clear
this is pure speculation the facts are not in i am not suggesting that i know anything for sure
i do think it is worth keeping in mind it is but again i say we we can't be over here
insinuating that subway is responsible for the
no no no no no no no this is just
this is you know this is like this is still raw for
this is still raw this is just this is where my mind is
going with the speculation and i listeners approach this
with caution and with sound judgment
do not light subways on fire
okay as retribution for what happened you know i'm sure in 50 years when blimpy is still around
we'll know that we were wrong about this god i know although we never take a quiznos anymore
that mode of transportation quiznos or that sandwich shop true um
so this could be the end nothing is sacred i know
well god i mean is there any more news
i hope not i don't know if i can handle it i know it's just usually i i found that big big news
happens in threes god oh my heart yeah but maybe not today bad news guys no
You know that ship that they were calling unsinkable?
The one that Molly Brown wrote on?
It made it safely ashore?
Oh, yes, of course.
Of course, yes.
I hate to be the one to tell you this.
It hit an iceberg.
It sunk.
Right ahead?
Straight ahead.
Straight ahead?
I was supposed to be on that.
Oh, don't get the survivor's guilt.
That's right.
You lost that.
card game earlier today yes and you lost your ticket i lost my ticket oh and also i was in the
wrong a young starting city but yes well but you had a hologram that was in the right starting i
was gonna take i was gonna take a blimp to london and then take the ship to dublin yeah or belfast
I can't remember
I'm sure that
I mean such a big ship
I'm sure that everyone
Was saved though
Yeah I mean
At least
There was no way that they
Didn't properly store
Enough life vests
And enough lifeboats
So thank god for that
Yes
Guys
I hate to be the one
To tell you this
No
What?
No
The only one that made it out
Was an old woman
well it was molly wasn't of course it had to be well she's got that great nickname unsinkable
i know yeah i you know what listeners out there uh start giving yourselves nicknames right now
that's the only way to make it through this i'm gonna be start calling me
not flammable jenna because i do not want to be like one of those hindenburg people
Unsinkable, not flammable Jenna.
Yeah.
I'm unkillable Francis.
Covers all bases.
Yeah.
Well, at least she made it out.
I know.
Thank God.
And probably all the lobsters.
God.
That were on board.
Yeah, the lobsters, well, they had first class tickets.
The rich always make it out.
They do.
Wow.
The Titanic.
I.
you gave me stock in the titanic i did for my birthday absolutely it was a real gift of the
magi situation and he paid for it using the yields from his hindenburg stock
well at least i'm sure that even though the titanic has sunk i bet you
it's never going to lead to other people dying because they want to see it
no thank goodness yeah guys no no you know that father and son that just wanted to reconnect
america's sweet family america's sweet family so they went on that submarine to go look at the
titanic and they got good pictures yeah it was a there was such a fast turnaround on that tourism
business. I know.
Yeah, they left not but five minutes ago.
Oh, but they're
fine, right? Yeah, they're okay. And they're bonded.
They're slowly dying underwater.
What? No.
No.
They were all that was keeping us going as a country.
They were the glue that kept this country
together. They were the
helium.
Oh, and the Titanic
was the match.
Oh, no. This is a hard day for
news in America.
Well, one thing's for sure.
If you are having a child's birthday party, start using hydrogen in those balloons.
They're going to have to.
I know.
God, Jenna, at least we can still smoke Marlboro Reds without worrying about our health.
Thank God for that.
I'm having one right now.
I'm having two.
Guys.
Come on.
I can't take any more
I think we've gotta
wrap it up
it's not like one day no one will believe
the news
no god I hope not
that was
just in
well I
I don't even know if we should
continue the podcast
it's really hard for me to even breathe
just try
that's probably not
You sound like that father and son trying to look at that Titanic.
Oh, too soon.
You're right.
It happened but five minutes ago.
Oh.
Well.
I'd still ride a blimp.
You know what?
Good for you.
You know, they do say the safest time to fly in a blimp is right after a blimp accident.
There can't be two.
I know.
What are the odds?
You know what?
Why don't we both board a blimp to the big question?
Ooh.
the question is very big okay um the big question are you ready for it i don't know
i i i feel like that roller coaster that we just went on is kind of made me ready for
almost anything i don't know i'm still feeling very raw i'm very like my feelings are really
brittle right now be careful with them that's all i have to say i will always be careful with
your feelings your feelings are special to me thank you and if you were ever in the middle of
back pain and expressing it i'd never call it annoying okay well thank you i appreciate that
yeah yeah so here's the big question okay you know how there's heist movies i do know how there's
heist movies if you had to do a heist did you see the thing in the louvre the other day i did
you know they're saying and by they i mean just random internet people yeah they're saying that
like this is like a rich person's like request because you can't sell that stuff yeah i i know
yeah who's gonna unless you like break it down so it's some like shysty billionaire like wanted
this stuff. Did the Louvre get heisted?
Oh yeah. Napoleon's Jewels.
Napoleon's Jewels.
That sounds made up.
It sounds like an exclamation.
Napoleon's Jewels!
Yeah.
It was like a good old
fashioned heist. They sold
like a lot of stuff.
Yeah, like a lot of stuff.
But then they dropped a crown in the street. Did you see that?
Yeah.
They're probably not going to get paid now.
Oh, that was like the one thing.
Yeah, it's just like in Gone with 60 Seconds.
He brings the Shelby back all mangled.
Gone with 60 seconds?
What did I say?
Gone with 60 seconds?
Gone with the wind.
Gone with the 60 seconds.
Yeah, you know what I meant.
Yeah.
Anyway.
It's like that movie, Get Out of Here Minute.
so i need you to um
build a heist team okay and tell me how you would um steal the mona lisa
oh that's a tough one because she's got so much attention on her well it wasn't gonna make it easy
for you this ain't no louvre that's okay hey me and my team we like a challenge yeah yeah okay
um first things first i would uh hire or i would get i would get someone um who's really good at
folding into tight spaces oh that more for fun i don't know if that's gonna come i would like to
see that yeah mostly because i like i think it would be fun to have that kind of a person around
Like, what if you're just, like, in the kitchen and you just, like, go in to get some tea out of the cabinet?
And it's like, oh, he's in the cabinet.
Oh.
You need a morale booster.
Yeah.
It'd be fun.
Just, like, as a way to just be like, Derek.
That's good because most, like, we should all be more like that because most people who try to descend chimneys die in the chimneys.
Really?
Yeah.
Does that happen a lot?
It does.
So we all need a little Derek in our lives.
We do.
Okay.
So first I'd get a Derek.
Okay.
um then um there's like the really common like okay you'd think you're like oh i want a safe
cracker or i want someone that's really good at surveillance technology or whatever no this is
what i'm getting i'm getting mrs de millo's first grade class is that a teacher you had no
it's not but i've been scouting oh okay and it just so happens mrs de millo's first grade class
is gonna fit the bill perfectly okay okay the whole class the whole class it's got to be the
whole class because you need the perfect field trip diversion it's a field trip diversion yep
now some of the people in the class
this is what's weird about her class this is why they're so perfect have been held back several
years so they're still part of the class does that mean she's a bad teacher don't okay she's
got a lot under plate okay okay teaching's hard all right she went through a move now she and her
husband are getting divorced it's it's a whole thing well i know if they had a right distance
relationship. They'd still be here.
They'd still be together. But anyway,
so you're too late for Mrs.
DeMillo's marriage.
Thank you very much.
And we don't sell the divorcees, but go on.
No. In fact, if you try
and buy it, we charge you $10 more.
Yes, that's how it works. Yes.
Anyway, I get
this gaggle of young kids.
Luckily, the people that she's held back,
it was
so demoralizing
for them, it stunted their growth. So they
still look like first graders they still looks like six to seven year olds yeah but they're
actually like 12 to 13 so they are capable of doing things that six to seven year olds are not
so there's this big class right they're on a field trip they all have little backpacks i don't know
if you know this about the mona lisa she looms large in her hearts but it's actually quite small
tiny woman it's not a it's not a big she's a real derrick yeah yes exactly she's got bde big derrick
energy anyway um so this class uh it's a regular field trip we're set mrs de mille is taking them
to the louvre uh and this is like great field trip every parent's gonna sign off on this like
yeah my kid gets to go to the louvre is that where mona lisa is yeah they're not having a good month
i know well uh security at the louvre if you're listening and just turn this off i was wondering
why when jenna said oh you're gonna make it hard for me with the mona lisa you're like yeah i'm
not giving you a louvre well now you know i'm an idiot i'm so confused all right back to your
teenagers yes yes so they're on their field trip it's a regular field trip right i'm there
i so they the field trip that so they start to get to the area of the mona lisa
right and so meanwhile the secret 12 to 13 year olds are doing some scouting
i create some kind of aid i there also not with them i create some kind of diversion slash distraction something that they need to shut down the museum for the day Right
Yeah.
And so it's like, oh, no, everybody leave.
Oh, Jenna just threw up everywhere.
I gotta clean the whole place, everybody out.
So then the kids are all really, like, sad,
and they start crying.
Right?
Yeah.
And the museum curator is like,
No, little kids, don't cry.
You will come back tomorrow, of course.
You will get to see the Mona Lisa.
You get to see the Mona Lisa.
seeing those crying
first grade teenagers really brings out
his Italian heritage
also the Bonalisa is Italian
right it's always
literally you are not allowed to curate
art
unless you are that nationality
so
yeah that's well known
yeah
so
so the kids they calm
down and
the museum curator feels really guilty about all this especially because and you know and then i'm
like i'm so sorry like i you know and then i make it seem like this was just like i feel terrible
this is all my fault um let me come back tomorrow and i will i will buy these kids whatever they
want from the gift shop and then the museum curator is like yeah yeah um so he's like of
course yeah you can come back and uh mrs de mille is happy because she has her eyes on some things
in that museum.
As happy as she can be.
Yeah, well, I know, under the circumstances.
She wears a lot of brown.
She's not a very, I know.
Mrs. DeMillo.
I know, a little frumpy.
Yeah.
Anyway, so the next day, the kids come back.
They are now the museum curators there to welcome at the door, like,
Oh, Mrs. DeMillo, bring your class.
Bring, come on.
Oh, bambinos.
so then they're being ushered through and um
as like he's bringing them through right uh they get they finally get to the mona lisa they're like
oh wow mona lisa and then the museum curator is like telling them facts about you know oh she uh
she's got a slight smile she always looks like she's looking at you um she's a tiny
then the museum gift shop employee so at this point in time i'm in the gift shop
and i've given them my credit card
little do they know it's a bad credit card like i know that there's like no money on it
so they i was like oh yeah don't worry go ahead pre-run this it'll it'll totally work
it doesn't obviously and i say this is an outrage this i know this card is good as it's
it's a platinum card it's titanium card even get the museum curator in here so then the museum
curator well then the gift shop employee runs to get the museum curator and so mid tour he's
gotta like come take care of this situation so then the little kids he's like little kids you
wait here and uh so the little kids wait there the museum so i'm dealing with the museum curator
this whole time right so and in the gift shop meanwhile the little kids with their tiny little
nimble fingers they're also not suspected of anything because who suspects six to seven
year olds of anything right nobody does right but these 12 to 13 year olds are wily they break
into the glass they i mean i've already got a pretty good replica set up like giving them so
they pull it out of their backpack they're allowed to have backpacks they're little kids
other people can't get away with such a thing because you know no one suspects a little kid
of trying to steal art because what are they going to do with it right right so then they put the
replica in there um then they put the real one in one of their backpacks meanwhile the museum
curator isn't there to see any of this he's with me so i also have an alibi now because the museum
curator is like i was with her the whole time she didn't do it right but anyway let's jumping ahead
so finally it all gets worked out the museum like i'm just like this is unbelievable i'm gonna have
this place shut down you're treating me terribly and the museum curator is all flustered and it's
taking a really long time and so finally miss de millo can't wait anymore so she comes with her
class to the gift shop while the museum curator is still there so he can't even he hasn't even seen
the mona lisa yet um and and because he's the curator he's the only one with the good eye that
could actually notice it so then so the other people are walking by and they think they're just
seeing oh look the mona lisa oh beautiful um and then so then mr millow's class comes by and i say
kids this is an outrage i'm not gonna buy you anything in this this piece of crap louvre let's
go get some gelato across the street instead and the kids are actually like very happy about that
they'd rather have ice cream then and they're also in on it well no only the 12 to 13 year old
The six to seven year olds are just living their little idiot lives.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
I'm there.
Yeah.
And yeah.
And so then by that time, we're all successfully on my private blimp on our way out of there.
Well, I'm on my private blimp.
The 12 to 13 year old has given me the backpack.
I trade him an exact backpack like the one he was wearing.
Yeah.
So that it doesn't look suspicious that he suddenly doesn't have a backpack.
Yeah.
People are none the wiser.
And you let them live?
Yeah, I let them live.
Yeah.
That's nice of you.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Let them live.
Ha ha!
Yeah, let them live.
Ha ha!
I love it.
Sugar crush.
Great plan.
So, yeah.
Nicely done.
I've actually already done this.
They haven't noticed that it's not the real Mona Lisa there.
I'm surprised you didn't ruin the vision of the curator.
if he's the only one who could see it well if i ruined his vision then he'd be like he'd be like
why would she have done why would she have done that and then if someone then eventually figured
it out he'd be like right when my vision was ruined oh you're right you're the you're the
heist expert instead i'm just some asshole who demanded better service yeah and threatened to
get the Louvre closed down. Yeah.
Alright. I think
you're my lady. You're my heist lady.
Thank you.
How would you do it?
Or what kind of a team would you assemble?
The museum
curator.
The museum janitor.
The estate of Da Vinci.
And we would
just wait until the museum was closed
and they would use their keys
to get it out.
That's not really a heist.
That's just like having permission to do something.
Hey.
You're just mad because you didn't think to use the museum staff.
Maybe Francis is only getting away with this because he already heisted the curator's heart.
So he has him under his thumb.
Now who's getting the discount?
And then he says, ah, Francis, I cannot help but heist the Mona Lisa for you.
we need a right distance relationship
I have the code
I can get us
I don't know why I'm Italian too
you take on the qualities of the person you're with
yeah
anyway
your plan has more
you know
oomph to it
yeah I was gonna say zhuzh
should've
yeah
but anyway we both walk out with it
yeah i guess end of the day the results the same yeah
except for at least in mine mrs de mille got a nice trip to paris
out of it she did you're right i was not thinking of
a random woman i invented when i came up with this height
heights yeah it's a new way of saying heist
yeah they'll never catch us now
because they don't know the new word yeah i think my heist song would be that one
is it called
fried green tomatoes
or am I crazy
I have no idea
what you're talking about
I don't know what
this is
do you know what I'm
talking about
no
wait
hold on
let me try one more time
I'm done
forget it
oh
all right that's my secret word
all right well i think that wraps up the big question the big question speaking of secret words
uh yeah did you say yours i did i said i said my secret word and my decoy word
listeners in case you hadn't heard we're now doing decoy words if we have a fake secret word
that if we can get the other person to guess it as our word as our word we get a point yeah
all right all right you want me to guess first yes was your word speculation
no and it wasn't it it was not my decoy word i have oh i don't really want to say this next one
because I'm worried it's a decoy.
Ooh, I'm nervous.
That's the whole point of the decoys.
Oh boy, I'm nervous.
Is it titanium?
No, it's not my decoy word either.
Okay, then it wasn't platinum either?
No.
Well, that's all I got.
Okay.
What was your word?
My word was brittle.
Wow.
Yeah.
I said my feelings are brittle.
Damn.
Be careful with them.
I will. Oh, I was so anxious to like protect your feelings. I didn't even notice.
I appreciate that. I was counting on that. My decoy word. Yeah. I tried to say it awkwardly,
but you didn't catch on. No. It was newcomers. I tried to kind of like force it in in a weird way.
I was like, because so we get this technology out first. So any newcomers to the scene.
that was your decoy that was my decoy i'm glad i didn't pick up on it
god i thought you were going to because it was real awkward there was not a real there was no
real good reason for me to francis said his decoy word literally right after that she hasn't guessed
how dare you joe that's okay i don't remember what you said after this son of a bitch
okay all right forget everything you just heard i forgive you
um
was your word
saucy
it was not saucy
oh
that was the only thing I wrote down
really?
yeah
okay
that was all I got
I'll just tell you
okay
my real word was slaying
slaying?
Yeah.
When did you say that?
Yeah.
I don't remember exactly what I said.
Don't think about like slaying of...
You'll hear it when you listen.
Okay.
And my decoy word was giveaway.
Oh.
Which I did get you to say.
Multiple times.
But I don't think there's anything for saying the decoy word.
It's only guessing the decoy word.
Still feels like a win.
I thought for sure you were going to say it
oh dang
another week plus they get a giveaway
yeah yeah nice
yeah you said
we got to get it in before any newcomers
and then you immediately said
plus there's a giveaway
it was very entertaining to me
another week of zilch
well we each get a point for saying our
that's something
secret words
net zero
Yeah, but it's okay.
Go to veryfinefriends.com to check out the current point standings.
Spoiler alert, Francis is winning.
And you can place your bets for next week.
Yeah, sure.
I don't know where you would lodge that information, but.
There's a line in Vegas.
Oh, yeah.
Or Calci or.
Rhode Island.
Polymarket.
Yeah.
DraftKings.
So many places.
MGM.
Oh, yeah.
That was a cougar noise
to represent the lion
from MGM.
Alright, well, that's
another episode. Thanks for listening.
Bye.
you