so my dog had a bone and she always ends up swatting it under the couch and it's super annoying
because it you have to get on the floor and like get it for her yeah and i don't know i had a
stroke of genius like i just knew this was gonna work i heard her flick it under the couch and so
i'm like okay i'll get it i looked under it was too far too far but i'm like the back scratcher
can reach this so i was like dad he's in the other room he's like what i said call summer in there
and hand her the back scratcher she'll bring it to me and i'll get the bone and he was like what
And I'm like, you don't understand.
I see this so clearly.
Hand it to her.
She'll take it.
And she'll know to come back.
And give it to me.
I'll call her.
Like, you call her.
You give it.
I call her.
She comes.
And she wouldn't do it.
Oh, Summer.
What are you doing?
It was such a good plan.
Oh.
You know, it would have been helpful, too.
You're fixing her problem.
Right.
You know what I'm doing.
Yeah.
You want this bone back or not, Summer?
So I had to get my own broom and you know what that reminds me of?
What?
Some other story about a bone.
Ooh.
Welcome to Friends Like Us, the podcast where friends talk about stuff.
I'm Jenna and next to me with a riveting cliffhanger is Francis.
How are you, Francis?
Oh, I'm doing great, Jenna, and happy to be here with you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
quick interruption every week on the podcast our producer joe gives francis and i each our own
secret word throughout the course of the podcast we need to find a way to slip the secret word
into our conversation without the other person noticing if the other person can guess the secret
word, they get a point. And right before we die, we add up all the points. And then we get a prize,
whoever has the most points for guessing the most secret words. Here's Joe with today's secret words.
Jenna's secret word is eerie. Francis's secret word is fingerprints. All right, back to the pod.
uh now i need to know what other story of a bone does it remind you of okay you're gonna love this
so my i would give my dog these big fat beefy marrow bones yeah it sounds like i'm trying to
sell them i'm not um anyway she was like ignoring it but she like wanted attention and i was trying
to get her like back on the bone and um so i went to like lightly kick it and i accidentally like
launched it and my dad was sitting in a recliner and it hit his ankle bone like hard bone on bone
and it hit him immediately and he and i knew like i threw my hands up like oh god like i just
i just heard him and he couldn't even talk he was just like it was like crack and he was like
like and i was like i know i know and he was like and i i just kept saying i know i know
I'm sorry Dennis for laughing at your pain
oh
yeah it was a very and I was like I kept saying things like
it's okay it's not broken I didn't know
wait what noise did he make it
he couldn't
could not talk
and I just know it hurts so bad
um
okay
this is an advertisement for lazy boy recliners
friends like us brought to you by big meaty bones
things that make you go
is it a sign that um i'm like too online that uh when you when you said you went to lightly kick it
and my first thought was like that was a website.
Dot com.
Yeah.
Oh, what is Lightly Kick It?
Oh.
Sounds interesting.
We should check on that domain.
Oh, yeah.
It could be for things you want to like roast
or talk badly about, but like not that bad.
Yeah, you're just going to lightly kick it.
Yeah.
Or it's like soccer tutorials.
What if it's just both
and you never know what you're going to get?
there's a new video every day.
Yeah, we're definitely getting that domain.
Okay, cool.
Friends Like Us, brought to you by lightlykickit.com.
Forward slash bone.
Use promo code bigmeatybone.
Speaking of promo codes,
not really speaking of promo codes.
It's a good segue.
Thank you.
I invented it just now
and that's a good segue
to our invention
of the week
inventions
oh great
you're going to love this
alright
is your word segue by the way
no my word is not segue
oh okay
the folks listening at home
we have our secret words given to us by our producer, Joe,
and we have to see if we can guess when the other person says the secret word.
Mine is not Segway.
Okay.
I should be punished.
Vocally.
Okay.
Do better.
All right.
Well, I just don't go to my invention, I guess.
No.
All right.
So you're going to love this.
I'll just say right now it's inspired by Marty McFly.
Okay.
Of Back to the Future fame?
Yes.
Okay.
um and it's a it's a bicycle concept okay okay so you know those bicycles that serious bikers have
where they're like sitting down and bicycling wait is that all bikes oh yeah yeah yeah wait
what bikes are the standing bikes no um where their butts close to the ground really close to
the ground oh like the low like recumbent type bikes where your like legs are long in front of
you yes i think so yes as opposed to like the kind that they were like lance armstrong exactly
yes and you say those are the serious bikers not the lance armstrong bike
listen i don't need to be attacked by the bicycling community i know they're all serious
we can lightly kick them yes um i saw a picture and i'm confirming okay so uh so keep that in
So you're sitting down.
It's a bicycle.
Maybe not laying so much, but like, you know, you're leaning back.
Okay.
Just trying to paint a picture.
And it's a very comfortable seat.
And you're in a steel ball.
You get in.
Okay.
You get in and on the bicycle.
Okay.
If you want to hitch a ride with someone, you flip a switch so that you're not pedaling anymore.
And you put it on a car's hitch.
and now it's like a little trailer they can pull,
but you're safe in the ball.
Because of the metal cage.
Yes.
Okay.
And if someone does hit you, you roll.
I feel like that's safe.
Why don't they make old cars like this, then?
Like a complete circle?
Yeah, like a hamster wheel or like a hamster ball.
That's why hamsters ruined it.
Hamsters ruin everything.
I agree.
Okay, so when you hitch, how does it stay so that the ball's not just flinging back and forth behind the car?
Well, that takes physics that I don't know and can't explain.
Okay.
But it just like a trailer goes onto a hitch you know Yeah And the trailer fine You be fine in the ball Yeah but trailers have wheels so they kind of like in a straight like the wheels give them like a kind of track to go on
Yeah, this has a wheel too.
It has two wheels.
And they're right underneath your butt.
Okay.
On the outside of the ball.
Okay.
So I want you to picture a big ball.
I got it.
I'm picturing it.
Right on the bottom, two big wheels.
Okay.
That's it.
Okay.
So what it is for, it's great for exercise.
You need to get across town, but you don't want to bike.
Boom.
You're on someone's truck.
Is the big wheel detachable?
Does it become, can you take that off?
In which case, is the wheel the invention?
Like, could you, like, wheel to put over or around your recumbent bike?
Are you picturing, like, a tire around the entire thing?
No.
I'm picturing...
Because that's interesting.
I'm picturing, like, a hamster ball.
Your giant tire is interesting.
Yeah.
No, no, I'm picturing, like, a hamster ball.
Okay.
Is that correct?
And it's, yeah.
And it's metal, a metal hamster ball.
The bike is inside of it.
And then there's a hitch on the front.
Yeah.
Okay.
So it's great for exercise.
It's great for travel.
Wait, wait.
Okay.
But like, yes.
All right.
So you get hit.
Let's say you get hit.
And then you are spinning around, but it's a ball.
So it like rolls around.
Is the bicycle fixed to a certain point in the wheel?
I think it would have to be, right?
Yes.
But once it detects a hit, it will detach.
So you can roll freely.
Okay.
And you have the seatbelts.
But then wouldn't you just be like,
flying loose in the answer?
Oh, for sure.
Okay.
Until you stop rolling.
You'll be dizzy, but you'll be safe.
Okay.
All right.
What is this invention called?
I'm thinking...
Dizzy, but safe?
I think it needs to be like puncher than that.
Like a one-two.
You know, like ball bike.
Ball bike?
Yeah.
Okay.
Pedal metal.
Ooh, that's pretty good.
Pedal metal.
What?
Not hitch a ride.
That's good.
Hitch a ride is pretty good.
Take me.
Oh.
And leave me.
Hitch a ride works on multiple levels because it's hitch a ride,
but also, like, if they hitch a ride, you're going to be okay.
Hitch your ride?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Because someone statistically will be absolutely hit by one of these things.
Probably most of the people using it will be hit.
Like a bone into an ankle.
I want to see it in action.
I like the idea of...
But then, okay, how cumbersome is it so that when you are being a bike
and not being hitched to something,
that...
Are we going to just see giant balls on sidewalks?
One can hope.
I mean, you're going to see these giant balls everywhere.
Yeah, I just think the world might need to adapt.
Maybe we need a bike lane and a ball lane.
Bike lane, ball lane, car lane.
No pedestrians.
No, screw pedestrians.
Yeah, you can get in a ball.
Yeah.
yeah we could they could be rented like a like one of those uh bird bikes or whatever
you just go to like a picturing a parking lot with just filled with these balls and then
they're like abandoned in front of like on the side of the road yeah and you could just get in
strap in and go that's our slog i think as soon as someone's and it could be painted cool cut like
they could be wrapped they could be you know they could look like pool balls
billiards okay here's here's a question is it like a cage where people can see in are you
protect like is it like a you can see out but people can't see in kind of a deal i'd prefer
that i don't i don't want to be watched in my ball yeah yeah i'd like ball privacy i 100 agree
yeah yeah but i like the idea of seeing out yeah oh yeah you gotta see out yeah maybe one of those
food doors
so you can get a delivery
if you need to
some people live in their balls
I guess it's not our place to say
you can live in your ball
and they could be float
buoyant
alright so then you could hitch it to a boat
yeah and you could
pedal in the sea
sounds pretty nice
Miami to
Spain
oh
just a few short hours
in the Balthalona
okay
aside from the
cumbersome size
I
I would say
is there a word cumbersome?
no
no you're really itching to guess my word
I am
no my word is not cumbersome
that's a word I say
regularly.
Okay.
Well, when the occasion calls for it.
I would say I'm a maybe and I would buy one.
Okay, I like that.
Maybe is a pit stop on the road to yes.
All right.
And once you get to that pit stop,
you can hitch your ball to something
and it'll drag you all the way to yes.
Wherever you want to go.
Now we need to play Power of Love by Huey Lewis.
Huey, we know you're listening.
Just let us play it for free.
We'll do a parody.
Oh, okay.
Never mind, Huey.
Go back to bed.
All right.
That concludes the invention of the week.
All right.
Cool.
I think our...
Is our next segment...
Knockin' Boofs?
damn girl those booths were made for knocking
i think we're knocking booths this is a new segment on the pod uh knocking booths
this is where our producer joe gives us two celebrities who i think should be
were two famous people of some kind.
I guess that's celebrity.
Did I just define celebrity?
I might have.
You did a great job.
Thank you.
And we have to say which one of them, under duress, we would...
Is your word duress?
No, it's not.
That we would sleep with.
We'd have to give our reasons why.
And we can't pick them both, right?
That's up to you.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Noam Chomsky or Bill Clinton?
Knock those booths.
I don't know who Noam Chomsky is.
And that's not a fault of that person.
So you'd be getting some strange.
That might make him the more preferable option.
Yeah, there's no baggage.
Has he been in something I know?
He's a writer, general philosopher.
I think he's like in his 90s at this point.
Yeah.
Oh.
Do we pick when this happens?
Oh, like when in the person's life?
Yeah.
Tonight.
Right after we finish recording.
During recording.
But that is a good question.
Is this just like...
No, I think you have to take them as they are right now.
Okay.
That's why I tried to pick two people of similar age.
Bill Clinton's 90?
No.
I think he's 70-something.
I going to go 77 is my guess Now he 78 Whoa I thought he was like 80s I win I win that contest
Just because you were closer?
Yeah.
I didn't agree to that.
Drive-by by Francis.
Okay.
All right.
Well, we need our new celebrities.
We've already had time to think about Bill Clinton, so.
Okay.
while joe thinks of his celebrities go to friends like us pod.com check out all that we have to
offer including the invention of the week uh where you will be able to invest we can try and make that
happen if you want to see hit your ride or what was it the other big ball big ball i kind of like
that have a ball it'll get you to parties yeah uh there could even be an option okay we're gonna
reopen we're reopening the invention i'm just thinking you could hit a switch and you could be
spinning in the ball like like they like they do in the nasa exactly yeah
Yeah, and then you can turn it off when you're done.
If you're hitched to a car with a sober driver, but you're drunk in the bicycle, do you get a DUI?
No, you're a passenger.
Okay, you're a passenger even though it's your vehicle.
When you're hitched, you can't go anywhere.
You have to get out of the vehicle to unhitch.
It's a good metaphor for marriage, too.
Well, I don't know.
When you're hitched, you're stuck.
Forever.
Someone else is driving.
Okay.
Yeah.
Did we just turn that maybe into a yes?
By the spinning NASA addition to this?
Absolutely.
The thing that'll probably make everyone throw up?
Who doesn't love that?
Yes, you did.
All right, we're going to close back the Invention of the Week.
Okay.
You guys ready?
We're ready.
all right on this segment of knocking booths
will smith or carl weathers oh i feel like this one's an easy one for me
yeah for anyone uh listening at home jenna why don't you why don't you go ahead and tell them
who carl withers is for those who don't know the late great carl weathers dead he's dead
oh no that's all right uh i i would still say we have to do it now uh carl weathers uh most
famous, I think, for being
in the movie Predator.
And
he's in...
Oh, and also in the Rocky movies, yeah.
As who? Apollo Creed.
And also
in Arrested Development as himself.
Hold on, I'll Google it. Go ahead and make
your decision while I'm looking. Okay, well for me, this is
an easy one. It's Carl Weathers.
Just based
on his turn in Arrested Development
alone, he seems delightful.
and he seems like he's got a good sense of humor about himself.
I feel like if you were to ever have sex with Will Smith,
it would be...
He'd hit you.
He'd hit me?
No, I wish.
I think it would be...
I'm just kidding.
Don't hurt me.
We've got to go off grid now.
Oh, Francis, what are you doing?
Stop.
Cut the feed.
I also pick Carl Weathers.
That kind of muscle does not go away.
but Will Smith just seems like one of the neediest human beings on the planet
oh you went there what well I know you're listening I mean that in a loving way Jada's
gonna love this uh she will actually I think she likes anything that puts Will down um Jada I'm
sorry I just you know me I gotta be honest um I think he's a Pisces oh Carl doesn't mean anything
to me um yeah okay yeah we both pick carl weathers and he looks like a great husband was he married
yes no for how long i put my phone down oh okay i guess we'll never know yeah thank you for um
for that duo of celebrities i never would have looked into him no chomsky and carl weathers
yeah makes me want to box oh yeah okay it makes me want to get hunted by a heat-seeking predator
all right well after the podcast we'll go out all right all right well that has been
knock and booze
oh yeah knock my boobs
all right i think it's time to come to our final segment the big segment the big question
the question is very big
francis yeah do you have a question i do i wrote it down okay
keep in mind i don't advocate for violence but keep in mind i do you're gonna love this okay
if you had to choke out a mammal larger than a great dane in front of its family what would you
pick oh um in front of the whole family in front of the whole family
Their family.
Not my family.
You can invite them if you want.
Okay, all right.
Well, my first thought was giraffe,
because I think it'd be fun to choke that neck.
It's just so long.
Yeah, and you can start at the top and just...
Just choke my way down?
Just hug as hard as you can as you fall.
Yeah, yeah, because it would be like a full body,
like I could just cling to it.
It'd be like a pendant.
oh i'd be a choker necklace you would oh i and and also i think it would try and buck me off with
its neck i think its neck is pretty powerful but that would make it like a fun pretty powerful
that's their whole thing that's how they fight yeah i know that's why i think as long as just
to be clear are do i get to start mid-choke like the animal's not gonna fight me yeah because for
all it knows you're a friend okay so the giraffe and i we just get back from a really nice lunch
yes uh i ask if i can use its bathroom it says sure they you don't even have to ask yeah yeah
we're friends i know it's in the kitchen it's cleaning uh there were some dishes left in the
sink from the night before because the giraffe is not it's a real giraffe it's a real giraffe
and it's
she's not finicky
about things
which is what actually
made us friends
to begin with
that's what attracted me
to this giraffe
was that she was just like
really chill
and
wasn't like
too serious about stuff
right
it's a lived in home
yeah exactly
so she's just like
whatever it's
like I have a few minutes
I'll take care of it now
she's at the sink
she's cleaning up
the few dishes
that are in the sink
she's just starting to realize
that her next surgery
went well
from the month before.
She's feeling strong.
Yeah.
It's a range of motions coming back.
She puts on the radio.
She puts on the stereo music.
She puts on Gloria Gaynor.
Oh.
That I'm every woman.
But she thinks I'm every giraffe to herself
because she's funny like that.
She's so funny.
She also thinks, you know who would love this?
Jenna.
Jenna, I know.
And she can't wait for me to come out of the bathroom.
Little does she know, I'm...
Oh, right.
And her whole family's there.
I forgot about that part.
And her whole family's there.
I sneak up.
I never actually go to the bathroom.
Right.
I shut the...
I turn on the sink.
I shut the door from the outside.
Right.
And I'm sneaking up behind her.
One of the young ones looks and is And thinks maybe like Jenna fun Maybe Jenna doing a fun marriage What she doing What Aunt Jenna doing Oh let not Yeah they call me aunt Because we really close I was there when the youngest was born
You're the godmother.
Yeah, I'm the godmother.
So he doesn't want to ruin the surprise.
So he didn't say anything to his mom.
So he's just sitting there waiting and the mom, like, singing.
Smiling even.
Yeah, mom sees him, have a funny look on his face, and she thinks,
maybe it's because I'm singing I'm every giraffe instead of I'm every woman.
Right.
And then just like,
like that,
like lightning fast.
I'm up,
I'm around the neck.
Up.
I mean,
like I'm picturing you had to like full,
you had to run up the back.
Is that what you're saying?
How did you get up?
Well,
the,
they're teaching the youngest giraffe how to like clean things in the sink
too.
So they have a little step stool like next to it.
Cause he's not big enough yet to reach the sink.
So I go up through,
The steps to the back.
And I've been working on my quad muscles specifically,
so I've got to have a higher...
You're a launcher.
Yeah, so I can leap.
I cling to the back,
and at first, the giraffe doesn't know what's going on,
and she's just kind of like, what?
And I whisper, and I just go, shh.
This has to happen.
And then I'm just clinging, and then suddenly...
She's laughing, because she's like, what is...
Nervous laughing.
But then she's like, hey, my neck, my neck.
Yeah.
and then she's like okay like okay well this isn't this isn't stopping not supposed to have
anyone on my neck and then the the family doesn't know because they also are like this is jenna this
has got to be a joke of some kind right also though my mom just had surgery right right so
maybe this is like some maybe it's like a fun massage like maybe she's helping i don't know
but mom just stumbled but yeah but oh no like there's fear in mom's eyes now and then they're
like what do we do what do we do uh and it's just the babies because the dad left um of course which
is why the mom had been leaning on me for a while right because i was such a good friend
but i i had to do it yeah and so finally he's like she's struggling and she like
her little her thin legs so she starts to go down and her knobby knees are now on the ground
They buckled.
It was hard to watch.
Yeah.
A buckle and a fall.
And then finally that she gives her last breath, the whole neck comes down.
I release the neck.
And the whole time you were wearing gloves so there'd be no fingerprints.
Yep.
Even though there are witnesses to this crime.
I don't want that.
I don't.
I still want to be able to say, the kids are crazy.
What are you talking about?
Well, guess what?
Now you're raising them.
Okay.
But they can't enforce the godmother.
I'm only godmother to the youngest one.
Oh.
And you know what?
I would raise it.
Until the neck was just long enough to choke.
And then we do it again.
The cycle starts again.
Great choice.
I didn't know you'd go with the largest necked predator when I brought up choking.
You're ambitious.
Thank you.
Well, I mean, as you can see, I've got a pretty good plan.
Yeah.
So what about you?
And don't forget you escaping the ball.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Oh, I've got my big ball ready to go.
Safari ball.
Okay.
So me?
Yeah.
Giraffe's taken, huh?
Yep.
Sorry.
Oh, that's interesting.
I feel like no matter what, it can't be a predator.
Okay.
Why?
You wouldn't want the sport of it?
No, no.
I'm there to have a good time.
I don't need the tables turned.
um so bigger than a great dane i'm gonna say um i'm gonna say a deer and i want it to be related
to bambi oh yeah because they're still working on that generational trauma so it's like additional
trauma it's like don't subject a new deer to new trauma bambi's already got his own shit going on
Right.
And this is the moment, again, where I just gained trust.
Maybe with salt.
Did you know that?
The salt lick?
Yeah, they love it.
So I cover myself in salt.
The movie Salt.
Yes, VHS tapes all over me.
Is that Angelina Jolie movie?
Is that what it might?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, she was an agent.
Yeah.
God, I loved her.
Too bad she's dead.
Just kidding, Angelina.
We know you're listening.
Yeah, she's great.
She's great.
She's actually on my lunch roster.
Oh, okay.
The giraffe was on my lunch roster.
You see how that turned out.
Well, I guess he's food now.
Would you wear a giraffe?
Like a full giraffe?
My neck or just their skin?
The skin.
Well, I guess...
Yeah, I was thinking about this because my dad...
I was picturing wrapping the neck around.
I was too, yeah.
I don't know if I'd want the head still.
But without it, how do you know it's a giraffe?
I don't know.
I'm picturing body and legs too so yeah I'd wear it body and legs you got to be on stilts
with your new coat yeah that will be my nickname too I've always wanted a cool nickname I think
stilts is a good nickname um I think you'd be popular I think so too yeah I'd roll up to parties
in my my big old ball and you get up with like stilts first but you're not visible yet yep and
You're like putting on the coat as you exit the ball.
Yep.
Okay.
That's hot.
So yes is the answer to the question I would.
So wait.
So you wouldn't want a predator.
No, no.
I want a deer who trusts me.
The deer to trust you.
Right.
I don't know why we both want to betray someone so much.
Well, it just makes it easier to get the job done.
Yeah, I agree.
Like I'm getting in closer.
Or you could be like just in the woods like with a sign that's like free hugs.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Again, only one that trusts you is going to come up.
Or like, I got a secret for you.
Who wants to hear a secret?
Because then you're getting a gossiper.
In which case they have it coming.
Yeah, I agree.
That one curious deer.
It's like, oh, I want to know.
Like lean closer.
Is it about that slut Bambi?
I knew it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
Also, I think I would stop.
oh you wouldn't you don't think you'd commit i think it'd be easier for you and your draft
because you're not looking directly in the face because you can't because you're dangling from
the neck yeah but i think it looking me in the eyes i think i'm a poisoner
oh you know like set it and forget it the crock pot of kills yeah
hey save it for the invention of the week
yeah I don't know
anyway the reason they asked was no reason
no it's
the reason you ask is because it's the big question
uh yeah
and I think that wraps up the big question
the big question
which I think it wraps up this episode of
Friends Like Us
if you are enjoying Friends Like Us
and you would like to subscribe
please feel free there's bonus content
available to subscribers
go to friendslikeuspod.com
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Bye.
Wait.
What?
What was your word?
Oh, yeah.
We forgot the word.
I forgot the word the whole time.
I don't think I said it.
I didn't say my word.
I don't think you did either.
I also forgot what your word was.
Oh.
Okay.
But hold on.
Before we get started.
Isn't it a little eerie
how things can just fly out of your mind like that?
Yes.
Okay.
Joe?
Eerie?
Was it eerie?
Yes, it was eerie.
Damn.
My word was fingerprints.
Oh, that's why I'm wearing gloves when I kill that giraffe.
Yes.
No other reason than so you could say the word fingerprints.
100%.
Wow.
That actually worked in really easily.
Yeah.
It was almost eerie.
I like how I just accept them.
Like, yeah, yeah, it was eerie.
All right.
That's our show.
See you next time on Friends Like Us.