welcome to very fine friends bonus bonus i improv i improv too oh shall we both improv yes
Yes.
A joke.
Can we get a suggestion, please?
Yes.
Your suggestion is thesis.
Thesis.
Like the-sis?
Mm-hmm.
Great wordplay.
Thanks.
That doesn't appeal to me at all.
People are like, oh, I'm working on my thesis because I've been doing this program.
It's like, ugh.
That sounds terrible.
Shut up.
I don't want to hear about it.
And I don't want to read it.
um,
I,
yeah,
don't ask me,
don't make me listen to you talk about it.
It's also weird thing.
Like people have to defend their thesis.
Like,
like that's the end of like in college.
Yeah.
Like what do you want me to say?
Read it.
No,
the thesis is the defense.
Yeah.
That's my whole speech.
Yeah.
I'm going to the MU and I'm having a waffle.
You can argue amongst yourselves.
Yeah.
maybe stop being a dick and just read the thing how good is an mu waffle
and m monsters university waffle wait what's mu that's what they called the student like
cafeteria asu oh they didn't yeah they had waffles got fat on waffles i'll tell you that
they were good like an omelet station too my college did not have good food um
yeah it was very mediocre just like i'm sorry that's okay you okay yeah it's okay it's fine
did it impact your school your education you think no it didn't oh it was probably better
that the food was bad yeah you know i'd be like me all fat and waffly i do yeah with butter and
syrup you do i mean that sounds amazing yeah you do yeah yeah here's my thesis i'll be
eating waffles. Yeah. Um, it is a weird little system. Just like
don't just shut up.
Also I just did all the classes Sorry You don like my one essay Give me my degree Yeah I did all the work I did the tests That my thesis Give me my degree That my thesis Fuck you That my thesis
Fuck you both.
Classic.
And now, improv.
mom i'm back from school hey oh hey hon hey hey oh wow what an amazing 10 years wow
yeah 10 10 years is a long time for college honey i know you think i was there i know i know
what took you so long your father and i were a little worried i was trying real hard mama
I didn't get it.
You didn't understand it?
You didn't understand school?
No, I didn't get it at my degree.
What?
They didn't like my big paper, my big feces.
Your theses?
Honey, were you pronouncing it like that?
Of course, loudly and on microphone.
You kept, no, you kept saying things like, my theses, my theses.
Yes.
There's theses everywhere.
That's exactly what I said.
Honey, you know it sounds like feces, right?
No, it doesn't.
Yeah, it does. It sounds exactly like when you say it like that.
No, it's not even the same. I even was like, I thesiccated everywhere.
You thesiccated?
Yeah, I was disseminating my theses.
Honey, honey, honey. This might be part of your problem. They probably thought you were just incontinent.
Oh, well, I don't know what to do now. I mean...
You gotta go back, honey.
I can't go back.
You ever heard of the sunk cost fallacy?
No, it doesn't exist.
That's why you haven't heard of it.
Okay.
So you've spent 10 years trying to get something.
I'm real close.
That time is not going to be wasted.
You're going to go ahead and keep putting good money after good.
Okay.
I'm willing to try.
Anything for my degree.
Honey, what is going on with your speech?
I...
What do you mean?
It's just how it is on the East Coast.
Okay, well, honey, I'm sending you back.
And like I said when you were 18 and I sent you out there the first time,
I'll see you when you get a degree.
You can come back then Until then I don want to see you Okay Thanks Mama All right Back at school Dean
Yes, this is Dean Whitaker.
Open the door.
Okay.
Well, you could open it.
It's unlocked.
Just come on it.
My Mama sent me back.
Okay.
She said I'm here to get a degree.
She said we're paying good money.
Yes.
Yeah, you are.
10 years, that's a lot.
You're not even halfway through your credits.
Really?
I told her I had one thing left to do.
I'm really not even halfway?
I'm looking at it right here.
It's been 10 years.
You look at the notes in your file here.
Ah, the notes.
Yes.
Yeah, that brings me to my next point.
you have mispronounced everything to the point of extreme confusion to all of your teachers.
I'm sorry, were you trying to say no?
I thought I did.
No.
My mind is blown.
Now, what was the one thing you thought you had left to do?
My theses.
Wait, I don't want to hear about that, son.
Come on, I've been holding it in.
I need you to look at my feces.
I don't want to look at that.
Oh, that was a Freudian slip.
Oh, I said Freudian.
I'm not all gone.
Please, Dean Whitaker.
Please.
No, I'm not.
That's uncouth.
What would Mama Whitaker say?
Your mom?
No, that's what I call my wife.
I know.
We have a weird relationship.
I don't know what she'd say.
Please.
I can't.
She'd say that's untoward, boy.
Untoward?
Untoward.
She'd say that?
Yes. Maybe she could take a look at my theses.
Don't you dare show my wife your thesis.
It's healthy.
I don't care how solid it is.
I don't want to look at it.
Please.
There's no defense of something like that, young man.
Okay, I just have to go to plan B.
That's right.
It's a stapler.
I'm putting all my pages together in order.
You just cocked a stapler.
I cocked you.
Sorry, I told you it was not.
Yes I did Yes I did and I cock you No Yes you going to get my cock Dean Whitaker please
I'm 28.
I've been here 10 years.
Apparently, I've done next to nothing.
I spent a lot of time on this paper.
Okay.
Just read the first page and you'll be blown away.
Make you a deal.
Okay.
If you're blown away, I get my degree.
If you're not blown away, I'll leave school.
You know what?
I think that's as fine a deal as I've ever gotten.
Let's shake on it.
Here we are.
All right.
Ooh, your hand is wet.
Thank you.
Okay.
Here goes.
This is for your future.
Oh, I'm sitting down.
That's it.
Uh-huh.
Ooh.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Oh.
oh no
what
oh
I see what you're doing here
what
no
oh
Oh, God.
Yes.
Oh.
I'm crying too.
Yes.
Wow.
Okay.
Well.
Yes, Dean?
I gotta say, that was a real roller coaster.
Yeah, yeah.
But in the end, you convinced me.
You did it, boy.
I now understand.
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
Why we should be pronouncing things the way you say.
It's weird to have gotten all that from reading it and not hearing it, but I got it.
Also, it's two-ply.
And scene.
We'll see you next time.