1
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welcome to very fine friends bonus bonus i improv i improv too oh shall we both improv yes

2
00:00:28,220 --> 00:00:28,780
Yes.

3
00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:30,840
A joke.

4
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,860
Can we get a suggestion, please?

5
00:00:33,380 --> 00:00:33,800
Yes.

6
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,500
Your suggestion is thesis.

7
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:39,120
Thesis.

8
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,620
Like the-sis?

9
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:42,860
Mm-hmm.

10
00:00:43,140 --> 00:00:43,600
Mm-hmm.

11
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:46,620
Great wordplay.

12
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:47,680
Thanks.

13
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,580
That doesn't appeal to me at all.

14
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,780
People are like, oh, I'm working on my thesis because I've been doing this program.

15
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It's like, ugh.

16
00:00:53,540 --> 00:00:54,280
That sounds terrible.

17
00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:54,980
Shut up.

18
00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:56,060
I don't want to hear about it.

19
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And I don't want to read it.

20
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um,

21
00:00:58,380 --> 00:00:58,820
I,

22
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:00,520
yeah,

23
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:01,400
don't ask me,

24
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don't make me listen to you talk about it.

25
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It's also weird thing.

26
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Like people have to defend their thesis.

27
00:01:08,820 --> 00:01:09,260
Like,

28
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:12,400
like that's the end of like in college.

29
00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:12,560
Yeah.

30
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:13,320
Like what do you want me to say?

31
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:14,000
Read it.

32
00:01:14,180 --> 00:01:14,400
No,

33
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:16,440
the thesis is the defense.

34
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:17,040
Yeah.

35
00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:18,120
That's my whole speech.

36
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:18,860
Yeah.

37
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:20,780
I'm going to the MU and I'm having a waffle.

38
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You can argue amongst yourselves.

39
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:23,320
Yeah.

40
00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:28,980
maybe stop being a dick and just read the thing how good is an mu waffle

41
00:01:28,980 --> 00:01:35,660
and m monsters university waffle wait what's mu that's what they called the student like

42
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cafeteria asu oh they didn't yeah they had waffles got fat on waffles i'll tell you that

43
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:49,920
they were good like an omelet station too my college did not have good food um

44
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:57,620
yeah it was very mediocre just like i'm sorry that's okay you okay yeah it's okay it's fine

45
00:01:57,620 --> 00:02:03,960
did it impact your school your education you think no it didn't oh it was probably better

46
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:11,160
that the food was bad yeah you know i'd be like me all fat and waffly i do yeah with butter and

47
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syrup you do i mean that sounds amazing yeah you do yeah yeah here's my thesis i'll be

48
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eating waffles. Yeah. Um, it is a weird little system. Just like

49
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:27,880
don't just shut up.

50
00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:40,997
Also I just did all the classes Sorry You don like my one essay Give me my degree Yeah I did all the work I did the tests That my thesis Give me my degree That my thesis Fuck you That my thesis

51
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Fuck you both.

52
00:02:47,337 --> 00:02:47,737
Classic.

53
00:02:50,077 --> 00:02:52,017
And now, improv.

54
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mom i'm back from school hey oh hey hon hey hey oh wow what an amazing 10 years wow

55
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yeah 10 10 years is a long time for college honey i know you think i was there i know i know

56
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what took you so long your father and i were a little worried i was trying real hard mama

57
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I didn't get it.

58
00:03:23,577 --> 00:03:24,877
You didn't understand it?

59
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You didn't understand school?

60
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No, I didn't get it at my degree.

61
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What?

62
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,517
They didn't like my big paper, my big feces.

63
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Your theses?

64
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Honey, were you pronouncing it like that?

65
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Of course, loudly and on microphone.

66
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You kept, no, you kept saying things like, my theses, my theses.

67
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Yes.

68
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There's theses everywhere.

69
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That's exactly what I said.

70
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Honey, you know it sounds like feces, right?

71
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No, it doesn't.

72
00:03:51,897 --> 00:03:54,937
Yeah, it does. It sounds exactly like when you say it like that.

73
00:03:54,957 --> 00:03:58,077
No, it's not even the same. I even was like, I thesiccated everywhere.

74
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You thesiccated?

75
00:04:00,777 --> 00:04:03,257
Yeah, I was disseminating my theses.

76
00:04:03,797 --> 00:04:10,017
Honey, honey, honey. This might be part of your problem. They probably thought you were just incontinent.

77
00:04:11,357 --> 00:04:14,577
Oh, well, I don't know what to do now. I mean...

78
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You gotta go back, honey.

79
00:04:15,857 --> 00:04:16,697
I can't go back.

80
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You ever heard of the sunk cost fallacy?

81
00:04:19,297 --> 00:04:22,457
No, it doesn't exist.

82
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That's why you haven't heard of it.

83
00:04:24,817 --> 00:04:25,097
Okay.

84
00:04:25,317 --> 00:04:27,637
So you've spent 10 years trying to get something.

85
00:04:27,777 --> 00:04:28,397
I'm real close.

86
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That time is not going to be wasted.

87
00:04:30,917 --> 00:04:37,777
You're going to go ahead and keep putting good money after good.

88
00:04:39,197 --> 00:04:39,677
Okay.

89
00:04:39,897 --> 00:04:40,817
I'm willing to try.

90
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Anything for my degree.

91
00:04:44,777 --> 00:04:48,617
Honey, what is going on with your speech?

92
00:04:49,297 --> 00:04:50,857
I...

93
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:51,337
What do you mean?

94
00:04:51,797 --> 00:04:53,697
It's just how it is on the East Coast.

95
00:04:54,857 --> 00:04:57,397
Okay, well, honey, I'm sending you back.

96
00:04:57,697 --> 00:05:02,717
And like I said when you were 18 and I sent you out there the first time,

97
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I'll see you when you get a degree.

98
00:05:05,657 --> 00:05:16,213
You can come back then Until then I don want to see you Okay Thanks Mama All right Back at school Dean

99
00:05:18,213 --> 00:05:20,653
Yes, this is Dean Whitaker.

100
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Open the door.

101
00:05:23,093 --> 00:05:23,353
Okay.

102
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:25,193
Well, you could open it.

103
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It's unlocked.

104
00:05:25,633 --> 00:05:26,353
Just come on it.

105
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My Mama sent me back.

106
00:05:29,213 --> 00:05:29,653
Okay.

107
00:05:30,273 --> 00:05:31,893
She said I'm here to get a degree.

108
00:05:31,893 --> 00:05:34,253
She said we're paying good money.

109
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Yes.

110
00:05:35,653 --> 00:05:36,253
Yeah, you are.

111
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,633
10 years, that's a lot.

112
00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:41,433
You're not even halfway through your credits.

113
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:44,073
Really?

114
00:05:44,593 --> 00:05:46,693
I told her I had one thing left to do.

115
00:05:47,153 --> 00:05:48,713
I'm really not even halfway?

116
00:05:50,673 --> 00:05:52,053
I'm looking at it right here.

117
00:05:52,433 --> 00:05:53,733
It's been 10 years.

118
00:05:53,733 --> 00:05:59,553
You look at the notes in your file here.

119
00:05:59,713 --> 00:06:00,353
Ah, the notes.

120
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Yes.

121
00:06:01,613 --> 00:06:03,313
Yeah, that brings me to my next point.

122
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you have mispronounced everything to the point of extreme confusion to all of your teachers.

123
00:06:12,233 --> 00:06:13,873
I'm sorry, were you trying to say no?

124
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:14,733
I thought I did.

125
00:06:15,013 --> 00:06:15,453
No.

126
00:06:15,553 --> 00:06:16,493
My mind is blown.

127
00:06:17,973 --> 00:06:22,113
Now, what was the one thing you thought you had left to do?

128
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My theses.

129
00:06:24,853 --> 00:06:27,953
Wait, I don't want to hear about that, son.

130
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Come on, I've been holding it in.

131
00:06:30,533 --> 00:06:32,253
I need you to look at my feces.

132
00:06:32,253 --> 00:06:35,613
I don't want to look at that.

133
00:06:35,613 --> 00:06:37,013
Oh, that was a Freudian slip.

134
00:06:37,753 --> 00:06:38,493
Oh, I said Freudian.

135
00:06:38,873 --> 00:06:39,953
I'm not all gone.

136
00:06:40,813 --> 00:06:41,773
Please, Dean Whitaker.

137
00:06:42,973 --> 00:06:43,413
Please.

138
00:06:43,753 --> 00:06:44,353
No, I'm not.

139
00:06:44,813 --> 00:06:46,493
That's uncouth.

140
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:49,753
What would Mama Whitaker say?

141
00:06:50,533 --> 00:06:51,233
Your mom?

142
00:06:51,413 --> 00:06:52,573
No, that's what I call my wife.

143
00:06:53,793 --> 00:06:54,093
I know.

144
00:06:54,173 --> 00:06:55,293
We have a weird relationship.

145
00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:56,633
I don't know what she'd say.

146
00:06:56,693 --> 00:06:57,093
Please.

147
00:06:57,233 --> 00:06:57,633
I can't.

148
00:06:57,773 --> 00:06:59,513
She'd say that's untoward, boy.

149
00:07:00,213 --> 00:07:00,653
Untoward?

150
00:07:00,973 --> 00:07:01,413
Untoward.

151
00:07:01,413 --> 00:07:02,133
She'd say that?

152
00:07:02,253 --> 00:07:04,573
Yes. Maybe she could take a look at my theses.

153
00:07:05,193 --> 00:07:07,473
Don't you dare show my wife your thesis.

154
00:07:07,473 --> 00:07:08,053
It's healthy.

155
00:07:12,373 --> 00:07:15,253
I don't care how solid it is.

156
00:07:18,493 --> 00:07:19,973
I don't want to look at it.

157
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:20,833
Please.

158
00:07:22,333 --> 00:07:25,073
There's no defense of something like that, young man.

159
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:28,753
Okay, I just have to go to plan B.

160
00:07:32,253 --> 00:07:34,193
That's right.

161
00:07:34,653 --> 00:07:35,333
It's a stapler.

162
00:07:36,293 --> 00:07:38,293
I'm putting all my pages together in order.

163
00:07:38,733 --> 00:07:39,753
You just cocked a stapler.

164
00:07:39,913 --> 00:07:40,333
I cocked you.

165
00:07:40,333 --> 00:07:41,213
Sorry, I told you it was not.

166
00:07:41,333 --> 00:07:52,050
Yes I did Yes I did and I cock you No Yes you going to get my cock Dean Whitaker please

167
00:07:53,150 --> 00:07:54,090
I'm 28.

168
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,370
I've been here 10 years.

169
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,030
Apparently, I've done next to nothing.

170
00:07:58,690 --> 00:08:04,690
I spent a lot of time on this paper.

171
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:05,410
Okay.

172
00:08:06,630 --> 00:08:09,410
Just read the first page and you'll be blown away.

173
00:08:10,250 --> 00:08:11,110
Make you a deal.

174
00:08:11,110 --> 00:08:11,590
Okay.

175
00:08:12,030 --> 00:08:13,390
If you're blown away, I get my degree.

176
00:08:13,970 --> 00:08:16,330
If you're not blown away, I'll leave school.

177
00:08:18,170 --> 00:08:18,970
You know what?

178
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:22,710
I think that's as fine a deal as I've ever gotten.

179
00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:24,590
Let's shake on it.

180
00:08:24,750 --> 00:08:25,330
Here we are.

181
00:08:26,870 --> 00:08:27,650
All right.

182
00:08:27,970 --> 00:08:29,050
Ooh, your hand is wet.

183
00:08:29,410 --> 00:08:29,870
Thank you.

184
00:08:31,790 --> 00:08:32,230
Okay.

185
00:08:32,950 --> 00:08:33,870
Here goes.

186
00:08:33,990 --> 00:08:34,810
This is for your future.

187
00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:35,670
Oh, I'm sitting down.

188
00:08:37,370 --> 00:08:38,090
That's it.

189
00:08:39,190 --> 00:08:39,470
Uh-huh.

190
00:08:39,570 --> 00:08:39,790
Ooh.

191
00:08:40,110 --> 00:08:40,510
Uh-huh.

192
00:08:40,610 --> 00:08:40,770
Yeah.

193
00:08:40,890 --> 00:08:41,070
Oh.

194
00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:45,330
oh no

195
00:08:45,330 --> 00:08:45,750
what

196
00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:48,550
what

197
00:08:48,550 --> 00:08:50,610
what

198
00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:51,330
what

199
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:54,170
oh

200
00:08:54,170 --> 00:08:57,090
I see what you're doing here

201
00:08:57,090 --> 00:09:01,170
what

202
00:09:01,170 --> 00:09:02,610
what

203
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:03,590
no

204
00:09:03,590 --> 00:09:04,550
oh

205
00:09:04,550 --> 00:09:08,550
oh

206
00:09:08,550 --> 00:09:09,550
oh

207
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:10,550
oh

208
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,130
Oh, God.

209
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:11,630
Yes.

210
00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:12,730
Oh.

211
00:09:15,310 --> 00:09:15,590
Oh.

212
00:09:15,590 --> 00:09:16,570
Oh.

213
00:09:19,570 --> 00:09:21,190
I'm crying too.

214
00:09:22,290 --> 00:09:22,810
Yes.

215
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:24,030
Wow.

216
00:09:24,370 --> 00:09:24,690
Okay.

217
00:09:25,450 --> 00:09:25,730
Okay.

218
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:26,450
Well.

219
00:09:27,050 --> 00:09:27,990
Yes, Dean?

220
00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:33,030
I gotta say, that was a real roller coaster.

221
00:09:33,650 --> 00:09:34,530
Yeah, yeah.

222
00:09:35,610 --> 00:09:39,570
But in the end, you convinced me.

223
00:09:40,550 --> 00:09:41,490
You did it, boy.

224
00:09:43,490 --> 00:09:45,090
I now understand.

225
00:09:47,930 --> 00:09:48,530
Exactly.

226
00:09:50,910 --> 00:09:51,470
Exactly.

227
00:09:51,910 --> 00:09:52,410
Yeah, yeah.

228
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:55,930
Why we should be pronouncing things the way you say.

229
00:09:56,390 --> 00:10:01,130
It's weird to have gotten all that from reading it and not hearing it, but I got it.

230
00:10:02,090 --> 00:10:03,390
Also, it's two-ply.

231
00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:06,610
And scene.

232
00:10:10,550 --> 00:10:22,390
We'll see you next time.