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welcome to friends like us bonus bonus

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Improb.

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Improb?

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Improb.

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Joe, could we please get a suggestion for our scene?

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Your suggestion is misunderstanding.

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Misunderstanding.

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This reminds me of one time I was driving into a parking garage

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and uh there was a lady and her like daughter that were walking like down the parking garage

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like close to the cars like enough that i could go around them they were still kind of in my way

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um but i drive in and then um hit them i run them over with my car no um as i'm driving towards them

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my automatic lights turn on because it's been in the dark long enough so it looks like i'm just

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like flashing my lights at this like lady and her daughter and it felt very aggressive and i didn't

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just i hope the lady wasn't like thinking like that was me being like get out of my way oh she

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didn't react at all this is all in your head yeah but it felt at the at the time like it was maybe

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because i think maybe at the this this was a few years ago um i still think about it sometimes

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like i think i also then at like right after that like kind of like move to the middle so that i

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would go around them like i'm driving they're in the distance they're on the side that i'm driving

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on right i'm driving on the right and they're coming towards me and then so like i moved around

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after that so i think it looked a little it might have looked aggressive well maybe they thought it

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was deliberate maybe when you turn your lights well sorry i'm putting it on you maybe when the

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lights turned on um yeah i didn't do this toyota yes yes maybe they enjoyed the spotlight maybe

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they were like oh she wants to see us we're a star you could have just changed the trajectory

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of that little girl's life because the mom could have been like i want you to be an accountant

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someday and little girl's like no i want to be lit up in bright lights i want to stand in front

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of cars she could be a nascar flag waver oh or what if i sent her down a bad path where she's

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one of those ladies in skimpy clothes that waves the flag to start a drag race with hooligans

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Oh, an unofficial racing event.

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Yeah.

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Well, that is actually the barrier to entry to getting into NASCAR.

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I've heard you have to start in drag races.

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NASCAR has scouts at all that.

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They're just someone like a trench coat and a fake mustache taking notes.

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Yeah.

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I like the way she dropped that flag.

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All right She could be honest Yeah We could take her from this life Make an honest woman out of her I would never want to do that because I be worried I was going to get run over

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Yeah.

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But it seems like the ladies all seem like it's a real honor to be doing that.

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Yeah, they do, huh?

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And they all look good, don't they?

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Yeah, I mean...

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You gotta be hot to do that.

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You gotta be hot.

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Yeah.

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and so i guess that maybe that's why they're happy because they know they're hot yeah he's like oh

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thank god yeah look at the job i have i couldn't do this if i wasn't hot yep yeah what if you oh

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i'd be so embarrassed what if you were hot and you got the job and like you you know sometimes

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like someone in the audience of a swim like thing will like make a noise on accident and like it's a

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false start oh yeah what if that happened at your drag drag car event drag race yeah then what so

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what would i have i accidentally drop a handkerchief before it's supposed to start yeah like where your

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dexterity was off or something or there was a bee a nighttime bee and that like that ruins your

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career and that's like that's her was like she's not ready and that's like the thing that you look

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back on 30 years later yeah yeah then now you gotta get an ugly job but no one wants to hire

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you because this is only for ugly people yeah oh man oh this poor girl what did i do to her

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yeah all because you went to a garage i'm never doing that again at least you learned

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yeah i did and now improv

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Peter.

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Yeah?

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Peter, oh my god, the letter came.

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Oh my god, what does it say?

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I'm opening, I'm so scared, I'm so nervous.

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Don't be, don't be.

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All my life I've wanted to get into hot college.

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You got this.

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I love you, Peter.

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Oh, babe, I love you too.

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Okay, I'm opening it.

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Oh.

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it says we regret to inform you what oh my god no wait wait you didn't get into hot college no

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how could this be you always tell me i'm so beautiful yeah well i thought you were i guess

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i'm wrong no what do you mean peter no i need your support right now are you backing away

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because suddenly wait if your elbows always look like that peter peter what are you doing with that

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suitcase i wouldn't nothing you idiot peter no i'm i'm just an average idiot now i'm upset i need

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you i'm gonna reapply next year they could be wrong no no no i i've been taught college

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monica they're never wrong peter but you were my reference there i'm a legacy admission i don't

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understand how this could happen I don either I mean your parents are both smoke shows Peter I feeling like you backing out of this relationship and I need you to stay right now I so fragile

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I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, look. Extra mail. Here's another letter from hot safety school.

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Hot safety school. Okay. A backup school is always good.

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You are a dog.

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Who wrote this?

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Oh, even hot safety school doesn't want you?

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Peter, what do I do?

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Thank God I have you.

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I am Monica, babe.

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I can't be with someone who's not hot.

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What?

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By academic standards?

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What?

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We've built such a nice...

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Wait a minute.

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Doesn't my personality count for anything?

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I know that for school, hotness is important, but not for love.

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No.

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Sorry.

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i'm one of those deep people that feels like you really should be hot to be in a relationship

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what do i do what do you think what's my life supposed to look like now

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i don't know what that's up to you oh my god wait you here's another letter

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you it's from fugo university you applied to fugo university no it must have my my counselor

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must have it's a joke it's got your name on it oh man it's a big envelope open it i can't bear

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oh big envelope it's one of those big ones that they send peter send brochures and all the like

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extra material you need to know and what oh skip to the letter dear monica babe

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we're so happy no put it down no this is a joke no i'm not going that you not only have been

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accepted to foggo university but we are naming the dining hall after you i need to lie down

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we're gonna have a statue made of you so that everyone can see your thankles in bronze honey

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i didn't even know what you do have thankles no that's i never even heard the word thankle

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it's a thick ankle it's oh my god the calf just goes down and it doesn't taper off

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oh i don't know what to do monica babe please peter i'm asking you one last time

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if you leave i don't know what i'll do okay i i gotta see how i gotta see how the public reacts

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to this i'm gonna be honest i still might leave but i'll give you let's let's go to dinner and

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see what happens okay this has to be a big misunderstanding cut to dinner

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table for one i'm assuming uh no she she's with me table for two hi

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Oh Oh is this Is this like a make a wish thing Peter stand up for my honor No That my girlfriend

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She's with me.

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Tell her I'm hot.

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She's got a great personality.

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For two, please.

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Table for two.

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All right, babe.

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I don't know if I can do this.

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Peter, what changed?

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What changed? We were happy yesterday.

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We never went out in public.

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I guess, I don't know.

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Our relationship has been solely inside.

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I guess I never saw your reflection in other people's eyes.

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It's throwing me.

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I'm sorry.

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A great personality is one thing, but you gotta be hot, babe.

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Okay, Peter.

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I'm not superficial.

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We're just a personality is enough for me.

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Okay, well.

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Oh, God, here comes the waiter.

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Okay.

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hold on let me put the menu a little bit in front of my face oh thank you yeah

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well well well the lovely couple is ready for dinner you can order for me um

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uh i'll have oops i dropped the menu

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what is it oh no peter

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i cannot serve you at this restaurant we have standards sir what are you doing

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uh i know i'm sorry i'm sorry can you just

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can you just look past it maybe bring us a couple of lobsters i'll tip well i promise

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in a mirrored dish.

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We cannot have your reflection

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in this restaurant

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scaring the other customers.

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Peter, maybe I can't mess up your life like this.

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If this is how it's going to be,

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I need to just go off and be on my own.

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I fully support that decision.

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Peter!

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What? Monica, babe!

152
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It's a test.

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Fine.

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They broke up.

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Cut to a nondescript medical office building.

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Doctor?

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Yeah?

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I'm gonna take the bag off my head.

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Oh, you can't scare me. I've seen it all.

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I need to warn you.

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I'm not getting great reviews these days.

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But I need you to fix my face, so you're gonna have to look at me.

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Hey, I'm a miracle worker. I can do anything.

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Okay. Hot Monica, you can do this.

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And it's me.

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Ah!

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and scene