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Improb.
Improb?
Improb.
Joe, could we please get a suggestion for our scene?
Your suggestion is misunderstanding.
Misunderstanding.
This reminds me of one time I was driving into a parking garage
and uh there was a lady and her like daughter that were walking like down the parking garage
like close to the cars like enough that i could go around them they were still kind of in my way
um but i drive in and then um hit them i run them over with my car no um as i'm driving towards them
my automatic lights turn on because it's been in the dark long enough so it looks like i'm just
like flashing my lights at this like lady and her daughter and it felt very aggressive and i didn't
just i hope the lady wasn't like thinking like that was me being like get out of my way oh she
didn't react at all this is all in your head yeah but it felt at the at the time like it was maybe
because i think maybe at the this this was a few years ago um i still think about it sometimes
like i think i also then at like right after that like kind of like move to the middle so that i
would go around them like i'm driving they're in the distance they're on the side that i'm driving
on right i'm driving on the right and they're coming towards me and then so like i moved around
after that so i think it looked a little it might have looked aggressive well maybe they thought it
was deliberate maybe when you turn your lights well sorry i'm putting it on you maybe when the
lights turned on um yeah i didn't do this toyota yes yes maybe they enjoyed the spotlight maybe
they were like oh she wants to see us we're a star you could have just changed the trajectory
of that little girl's life because the mom could have been like i want you to be an accountant
someday and little girl's like no i want to be lit up in bright lights i want to stand in front
of cars she could be a nascar flag waver oh or what if i sent her down a bad path where she's
one of those ladies in skimpy clothes that waves the flag to start a drag race with hooligans
Oh, an unofficial racing event.
Yeah.
Well, that is actually the barrier to entry to getting into NASCAR.
I've heard you have to start in drag races.
NASCAR has scouts at all that.
They're just someone like a trench coat and a fake mustache taking notes.
Yeah.
I like the way she dropped that flag.
All right She could be honest Yeah We could take her from this life Make an honest woman out of her I would never want to do that because I be worried I was going to get run over
Yeah.
But it seems like the ladies all seem like it's a real honor to be doing that.
Yeah, they do, huh?
And they all look good, don't they?
Yeah, I mean...
You gotta be hot to do that.
You gotta be hot.
Yeah.
and so i guess that maybe that's why they're happy because they know they're hot yeah he's like oh
thank god yeah look at the job i have i couldn't do this if i wasn't hot yep yeah what if you oh
i'd be so embarrassed what if you were hot and you got the job and like you you know sometimes
like someone in the audience of a swim like thing will like make a noise on accident and like it's a
false start oh yeah what if that happened at your drag drag car event drag race yeah then what so
what would i have i accidentally drop a handkerchief before it's supposed to start yeah like where your
dexterity was off or something or there was a bee a nighttime bee and that like that ruins your
career and that's like that's her was like she's not ready and that's like the thing that you look
back on 30 years later yeah yeah then now you gotta get an ugly job but no one wants to hire
you because this is only for ugly people yeah oh man oh this poor girl what did i do to her
yeah all because you went to a garage i'm never doing that again at least you learned
yeah i did and now improv
Peter.
Yeah?
Peter, oh my god, the letter came.
Oh my god, what does it say?
I'm opening, I'm so scared, I'm so nervous.
Don't be, don't be.
All my life I've wanted to get into hot college.
You got this.
I love you, Peter.
Oh, babe, I love you too.
Okay, I'm opening it.
Oh.
it says we regret to inform you what oh my god no wait wait you didn't get into hot college no
how could this be you always tell me i'm so beautiful yeah well i thought you were i guess
i'm wrong no what do you mean peter no i need your support right now are you backing away
because suddenly wait if your elbows always look like that peter peter what are you doing with that
suitcase i wouldn't nothing you idiot peter no i'm i'm just an average idiot now i'm upset i need
you i'm gonna reapply next year they could be wrong no no no i i've been taught college
monica they're never wrong peter but you were my reference there i'm a legacy admission i don't
understand how this could happen I don either I mean your parents are both smoke shows Peter I feeling like you backing out of this relationship and I need you to stay right now I so fragile
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, look. Extra mail. Here's another letter from hot safety school.
Hot safety school. Okay. A backup school is always good.
You are a dog.
Who wrote this?
Oh, even hot safety school doesn't want you?
Peter, what do I do?
Thank God I have you.
I am Monica, babe.
I can't be with someone who's not hot.
What?
By academic standards?
What?
We've built such a nice...
Wait a minute.
Doesn't my personality count for anything?
I know that for school, hotness is important, but not for love.
No.
Sorry.
i'm one of those deep people that feels like you really should be hot to be in a relationship
what do i do what do you think what's my life supposed to look like now
i don't know what that's up to you oh my god wait you here's another letter
you it's from fugo university you applied to fugo university no it must have my my counselor
must have it's a joke it's got your name on it oh man it's a big envelope open it i can't bear
oh big envelope it's one of those big ones that they send peter send brochures and all the like
extra material you need to know and what oh skip to the letter dear monica babe
we're so happy no put it down no this is a joke no i'm not going that you not only have been
accepted to foggo university but we are naming the dining hall after you i need to lie down
we're gonna have a statue made of you so that everyone can see your thankles in bronze honey
i didn't even know what you do have thankles no that's i never even heard the word thankle
it's a thick ankle it's oh my god the calf just goes down and it doesn't taper off
oh i don't know what to do monica babe please peter i'm asking you one last time
if you leave i don't know what i'll do okay i i gotta see how i gotta see how the public reacts
to this i'm gonna be honest i still might leave but i'll give you let's let's go to dinner and
see what happens okay this has to be a big misunderstanding cut to dinner
table for one i'm assuming uh no she she's with me table for two hi
Oh Oh is this Is this like a make a wish thing Peter stand up for my honor No That my girlfriend
She's with me.
Tell her I'm hot.
She's got a great personality.
For two, please.
Table for two.
All right, babe.
I don't know if I can do this.
Peter, what changed?
What changed? We were happy yesterday.
We never went out in public.
I guess, I don't know.
Our relationship has been solely inside.
I guess I never saw your reflection in other people's eyes.
It's throwing me.
I'm sorry.
A great personality is one thing, but you gotta be hot, babe.
Okay, Peter.
I'm not superficial.
We're just a personality is enough for me.
Okay, well.
Oh, God, here comes the waiter.
Okay.
hold on let me put the menu a little bit in front of my face oh thank you yeah
well well well the lovely couple is ready for dinner you can order for me um
uh i'll have oops i dropped the menu
what is it oh no peter
i cannot serve you at this restaurant we have standards sir what are you doing
uh i know i'm sorry i'm sorry can you just
can you just look past it maybe bring us a couple of lobsters i'll tip well i promise
in a mirrored dish.
We cannot have your reflection
in this restaurant
scaring the other customers.
Peter, maybe I can't mess up your life like this.
If this is how it's going to be,
I need to just go off and be on my own.
I fully support that decision.
Peter!
What? Monica, babe!
It's a test.
Fine.
They broke up.
Cut to a nondescript medical office building.
Doctor?
Yeah?
I'm gonna take the bag off my head.
Oh, you can't scare me. I've seen it all.
I need to warn you.
I'm not getting great reviews these days.
But I need you to fix my face, so you're gonna have to look at me.
Hey, I'm a miracle worker. I can do anything.
Okay. Hot Monica, you can do this.
And it's me.
Ah!
and scene