joe can i please get a suggestion for some improv
laundered laundered
money laundering sounds like the coolest uh like there's something about it sounds so cool to me
like i remember hearing about it and being like yeah like that's like the real criminals money
launder yeah that's the last step before it's before you can do whatever you want with it
yeah exciting step but then when you find out like i never thought of it as actually like
washing money i thought it was like i don't know like cooler than it actually is like no you just
hide it you just have a business that you filter money it's just more work it's more work i wanted
to work i wouldn't have done this criminal enterprise i know if i wanted to like buy a
small gift shop in the mall i would have just done that yeah jenna's dundies
llc yep yep llc i'd buy from your gift shop thank you um i appreciate that
you're welcome uh what what's your favorite kind of gift to buy
it's hard for me to answer that question here's what i'll tell you yeah i think you know this
about me already. I love
L-O-V-E, love
a airport souvenir shop.
I bought some less
useless crap from those stores.
When I find a good souvenir shop at the
airport.
They're all the same now, I feel like.
No. No? No.
Such variety. Really? There's some that are, it's like,
okay. I feel like it's all kind of like
the Hudson News kind of, right? You get a bunch
of t-shirts, maybe some shot glasses.
Nope. There's a store
in the Seattle mall. I mean, airport.
that is like,
it goes,
you reach the end and you turn and there's more.
What?
Yeah.
I wish I could take you there someday.
Yeah.
Bucket list.
Oh yeah.
That's one of the things I want to do before I die.
Go to the Seattle airport gift shop.
You joke,
but do you remember like,
is it a specific terminal?
Like what if I could get you there?
Okay.
Yeah.
I always find it.
They have like weird kitchen stuff, cookbooks, interesting cookbooks, pens that say things on them.
Seattle related?
No, sometimes, sometimes they sell scarves.
This sounds like your room of requirement.
Like whenever you need the Seattle airport gift shop, it just appears and it moves.
It changes stock.
It finds you.
I love that idea.
And magnets.
well that magnets is standard gift shop fair
only thing my one complaint is it has children's stuff get that out of there
yeah more adult stuff please kids don't need
crap yeah go sit in the airport chilies and shut up yeah then that chili to go and just shut up And then you go Yeah And now improv
Oh, crap.
I forgot my phone charger.
Ah, shit.
USB-C?
Oh, hi.
Hey.
Where did you come from?
I've been waiting.
I've been around the corner.
What?
For years.
I needed a USB-C charger, and then you're standing, you're just a stranger here.
I'm not a stranger.
I know you intimately.
That sounds a little weird, but, I mean, my flight's delayed.
I've got some time.
I want to hear more about this.
Why?
How?
You weren't here a second ago.
I was.
I was listening in the walls.
Okay, this seems a little...
Are you like an airport weirdo?
Can I offer you a snow globe?
Ooh, look at this one.
Turn that, turn that. Let me show you what happens.
Turn that.
Oh, there's music in this one.
Oh, shh, you're ruining it.
Oh, sorry.
You like that?
Well, I do, actually.
I need something for my niece.
I forgot to get her something.
Only one of three million.
that that rare yeah yeah i saved it for you wow what wait i'm sorry i'm still hung up on this
you say you know me of course you're you're a frequent traveler i know i know i i mean i come
in and out of the boston airport like in and out of logan all the time yeah i've never seen you
before well i you look i mean you look like you're an employee here yeah that's what i am i work here
but you know me specifically.
You must see thousands of people a day.
You didn't know that every airport employee is assigned 10,000 travelers,
and it's my job to know you?
No, I had no idea.
Yeah, Susan.
Yeah, it is Susan.
Yeah, Susan Rachel Fanuja.
Susan Rachel Fanuja, yes.
Yeah, I know.
Okay, did you just see my ID when I went through security?
If I just saw your ID, how would I know that you like the aisle seat?
Okay, well, everybody likes the aisle seat.
That's a good guess.
Okay, Miss Cranapple, no ice.
Oh, whoa, okay.
Ah.
Okay.
That's a little weird.
That's a little weird, right?
That's a little weird.
How would I know that unless I, Jacob.
Jacob.
Okay, nice to meet you.
Okay, so you have 10,000 other.
No, I have 9,999.
Okay, yes.
All right, very good.
But you're my whole world right now.
The other 9,999 don't come through Logan?
Sometimes.
But I the only one here right now The only one here right now This is Isn that amazing We gotta get you a hat Oh okay Here it is The perfect hat
Holy cow.
I heart Logan.
This is amazing.
A hat's never looked good on me.
This hat looks really good on me.
I made it.
Jacob.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
I have a little mannequin head.
And I took a class.
It's required to work here.
You have to take a class?
I have to make hats, aprons, magnets.
Okay, well, I got time, Jacob, as I'm sure you know.
Oh, yeah.
I know the exact moment we have to stop talking.
Can you show me?
Do you have your own personal store for me?
Can I see it?
You're the only person who's ever asked.
Am I the only person that's ever known about you?
Yes.
No one ever says, I need something.
Hold my hand.
I'm going to take you there.
Oh.
Let's skip.
It's warm and a little damp.
It's because I'm nervous and happy.
Also, that's just how it is.
That's okay.
I'm not judging you.
It was just a comment.
Let's go to your store, Jenna.
Let's go.
Let's go to your store.
Look me in the eyes.
It's Susan Rachel Finuja.
Yeah, but all your closest friends.
That's true.
Yeah.
Because you ate your twin in utero.
How would I know that?
Oh my god, how did you know that?
And my mom was going to name the twin Jenna.
I know.
And so now a little bit of me is like...
A lot of you.
Oh, oh my god.
All right.
I'm ready to skip to my store now.
Here we go.
Yay!
Oh, sorry.
It's a published space.
Sorry, that's what I do when I skip.
Yeah.
I'm so sorry.
All right, we're here.
Close your eyes.
Okay, they're closed.
Think of heaven.
Okay.
I'm going to open the doors.
They're glass.
Ooh.
Look.
Oh, my God.
Oh, wow.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
I know you're crying.
You're crying, Rachel.
This is better than heaven.
This is...
That's what it's called.
Better than heaven?
Yeah.
This is everything I didn't know that I needed.
Holy crap.
You like this second hand?
Yes.
It attaches at the wrist to your other hand.
Yes.
It can grab things up to five pounds.
Thank you.
Yes.
I am constantly using my left hand.
I'm a lefty, as you know.
As I know, of course.
Yeah.
And I just have to write everything by hand, but then it's like, it doesn't need me time.
Sometimes I need to make notes with hand notes, and I can't type at the same time.
Susan, I know.
Oh, this is like an invention that I wish somebody had invented.
Yeah.
Did you also wish for your own color of lipstick?
Look at this.
Oh my God.
I have to look at the name.
It's called Susan's fern.
That is exactly the color of my fern at home.
I know.
Sometimes you must know this too I know Sometimes I take the leaves of that fern and I tape it to my lips because I love the color Susan I know
This is unbelievable.
Oh my God.
I know.
Is that a full-size wax figure of David Attenborough?
Better.
David Attenborough's brother.
Chris Attenborough.
Chris.
the third Attenborough that's the lesser known.
Yeah, this is rare.
He's my favorite.
Attenborough.
I know.
Why am I even telling you these things anymore?
If you want to take this home, though, it can't go on the plane.
I can have it shipped to you, though.
I'm a certified DOT shipper.
It's a requirement of the airport.
I got to tell you, I always thought airports were just kind of a pain in the ass.
Oh, no.
This is unbelievable.
I can break up with someone for you.
I'm a certified relationship expert
and therapist.
Can you do it right now?
If I get Jeffrey on the phone.
This has been such a long time coming
and I just don't know how to do it.
No, it's okay.
I have a clone phone of yours.
You don't need to give me that.
Hold on.
I'll call him.
All right.
Is it ringing?
It's ringing.
He always waits until the last second.
It's a real asshole.
Jeffrey?
Speaking.
she's done bro
what? Susan Rachel?
Susan Rachel Fudnucha
she's gone
how's he taking it?
he's not crying at all do you want him to cry?
I want him to cry a little
she never loved you
hold on let me put this on speaker
okay not quite that much love
don't kill yourself click
whoa
hot right? that was amazing
I know
can can you call somebody else for me yeah i'm certified well can you call
can you call okay it's my dog walker oh they're gonna say your dog i was like oof
no no no i'm certified jacob don't stop jacob uh your dog walker yeah yeah can you call my dog
walker just i i gotta i if you would just tell him i'm doing a really great job i feel intimidated
every time she's around are you gonna buy something in here or not jacob i'm a real person i got sales
quotas to meet call jeffrey call my dog walker talk about fern i'm so sorry jacob i didn't think
about you do you need me to call anybody for you oh it's a little late for that i'm going i'm going
in the back room. It's a tiny room
just so you know.
I hate you.
No!
No, but I need a scarf! No, Jacob,
no!
All boarding
for a tentative, for a tentative.
Thank you.
End scene.
you