Joe, may we please have a suggestion for our improv?
Thank you, Joe.
Surgeries.
Hmm.
you ever had a broken bone jenna um i broke my jaw sometime when i was a kid
oh my god which is like but i didn't know it was broken um yeah it was like one of those things i
didn't tell anybody that i was in pain uh well because i was like it was somewhere around the
time when i was 10 um i was a secret time it was a tough kid yeah so did it grow all weird yeah it
did that's how they knew it broke because like later i i went and got x-rays and it was like
it stopped developing on one side like on that side so like i can pop my jaw in and out um
oh that is bonus content for sure sorry i don't know if that pop picked up on the mic
I'll have it picked up.
Okay.
But, yeah.
So, I did, yeah, that.
But I don't know if that really counts if you're not, like, in it in the moment, right?
What do you mean?
What are you saying?
Like, if it's broken in retrospect, does that count?
Of course it counts.
It's broken.
Wear it as a badge of honor.
Okay.
Well, I...
Sorry.
I'm not.
Have you ever broken a bone?
Yeah.
Ooh, what'd you break?
I cracked my head open and I...
Oh, that bone.
The big bone.
Yeah.
Big round bone.
Oh, geez.
Yeah, I almost died.
No.
What happened?
I tripped over a dog.
Ah.
We were running parallel to each other.
No, perpendicular.
And I just hit her, and I tumbled.
And then we had a sidewalk in my backyard, and I hid it right on the corner.
And I, like, got up in a daze, and I was like, ugh.
How old were you?
I don't know.
Seven or eight?
That part of my life is gone now.
yeah but like paramedics came to get me yeah and they were like wrapping i remember they cut my
shirt off my favorite shirt i know and they were like wrapped my head and like they're gonna put
me in the ambulance and my dad like rolled up right at that time i was like no get him out of
the car and like he wouldn't let me take him to the or he wouldn't let them take me to the hospital
why because he didn want to pay for it so he took me he drove me to his friend who was like a general doctor like a PCP And was like he stitched me up while I was like awake Is your friend on was it just is he on PCP
Maybe, it got done pretty fast.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, big scar.
Well, you're still here.
Not so much mentally.
What if you would be a completely different person if that hadn't happened?
What if I was straight?
Oh my God.
Until I hit my head.
The dog knocked you gay.
Okay.
And now, improv.
Okay, babe, I know the baby's coming and you're in a lot of pain.
yeah yeah okay cool i got the go bag all ready to go uh you just hop in the car and i'll take
you over to doug's house your your friend doug yeah my friend doug no okay why he's coming to
the hospital no no no no you know we can't afford a hospital you know that
no no they bill you later well yeah well doug will bill us later too it's fine
so wait a minute
I'm gonna put my pain away for a minute
not only do I not get to go to a hospital
I'm gonna go to your friend Doug
and he's gonna charge us
yeah but like a really like he gave us a really
he gave us the friends and family discount
I'm not going to Doug take me to the hospital
look
hey look
I'm the man of the house
you just gotta trust me on this one okay
what the hell is that man of the house
I'm sorry I don't mean to get all patriarchal
We're done with all that.
No, we're equals.
Okay, well.
This is my house.
Remember last week you got to pick the movie?
Get the hell out of here.
Well, this week I'm invoking my right to choose where you give birth, okay?
You said you liked the movie.
It was fine.
I wanted to watch Terminator 2 Judgment Day.
We've seen that a hundred times.
I cannot deal with this right now.
I'm in so much pain.
I'm dizzy.
Okay, that's right.
We don't have time to discuss this.
We'll just head over to my friend Doug's house.
No.
Look, he's cool.
Doug sucks.
I'm calling my sister Janune.
Janune already knows about this plan, okay?
I'm sorry.
Sometimes Janune and I talk.
Hold on.
Oh, God.
She agrees that the hospital industrial complex is just,
they're out there trying to, like, extract every last penny from it.
I don want our baby first memory to be an administrative bill from the hospital it won I getting upset the baby doesn even know about a bill Well it doesn for as long as I can help
No, I refuse. I'm putting my foot down.
Oh, I don't feel good. I don't feel good.
All right, we better hurry up. Doug's just around the corner.
No, I'll have this baby in the house before I go to Doug.
All right, Doug can come to us.
No, I don't want Doug. I hate Doug.
Look, I'm prepaid for Doug.
All right.
How long have you been talking to Janune?
I don't know.
Since the wedding?
It's normal, right?
I'm friends with your sister.
Back it up.
The wedding?
Not in a weird way.
Janune and I are just friends.
I don't know if I want this baby.
Okay, it's a little late for that.
You're making me mad.
Now that I know this baby's half you.
Maruna, listen to me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm just angry.
Look, just trust me, okay?
You trusted me all this time.
Remember when I said, when I proposed to you, and I was like,
I will spend my life making sure everything for you works out
the best of my ability.
It was nice.
It seems like a loophole now that I think about it.
No, no, no.
This is me doing that.
Trust me.
I don't know.
I don't trust Doug.
Doug's not a doctor.
Doug is.
Doug's cool.
No, no.
He's.
He's got.
He grew up on a farm.
Tremors.
yeah but that's okay he's not doing surgery
he's pulling the what if he what if the
what if
on the way out he shakes it
on accident because of the tremors
he doesn't tremor that hard babe
you're right
just trust me on this one please babe
okay but if
anything goes wrong
I'm picking all the movies
deal
cut to Doug's
Douglas
Hey
I want to go home
Someone's having a baby
No actually I just
It's gas I've realized
No you're at Doug's now
Doug can tell
Douglas
Babe just listen to him okay
I'm trying but the voice
Okay that's a low blow
I can't do anything about my voice
Give me some leeway here
Just come on lie down
On my futon
a fucking futon
yeah it's a futon
futons are great
they get a bad rap
they double as a couch
and a bed and a place to give birth
do you sleep on this
let's not worry about that right now
okay we running out of time did you wash your hands hands Yeah yeah they good Let me see them Hold them up Look Look look Clean
Just, just come on.
Glide on.
There's plastic already on the futon.
Oh, God.
I'm squatting.
Babe, you're doing so good.
You're doing so good, babe.
Okay.
No Rafiki stuff, okay?
No.
Marina, I'm here with you the whole time, okay?
Okay.
All right.
Uh-oh.
So, just imagine.
Okay.
I birthed a lot of foals.
What?
Foal?
Foals.
Foal?
Foals.
What?
Foals.
What's he saying?
He's saying foals, babe.
Foal?
Foals.
What the hell are we talking about?
Foal?
Yeah, I think he means like a baby horse.
You've birthed a horse?
A lot of them.
Oh, that actually makes me feel a little better, Doug.
Yeah.
God, I told you.
It was going to be great.
All right.
I feel less anxious.
All right.
So stand on the futon.
Stand?
That's how the horses do it.
Unstable.
Oh, well.
You're doing great.
Okay.
And I'll just stand here and wait for the baby to fall out.
What the hell?
You're not even going to do anything?
That's how it works with the horses.
It just kind of happens.
Excuse me.
That's okay.
Weird stuff happens when you're giving birth.
Doug, I want you in there.
All right.
Put a long glove on.
Long glove.
I got...
Snap.
Is that on my arm?
Yep.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
Get it.
It's okay, babe.
I'm totally comfortable.
Go talk to Janoon.
Okay.
Sorry.
Don't keep bringing that up, okay?
I've got to.
Maruna, you're the only one for me.
Okay.
All right.
Now, use that anger at your husband.
bear down all right i'm getting i'm going i'm going so deep
oh oh oh what i oh oh can i use you as a puppet just kidding just kidding
oh no need okay it's good to laugh a little full birthing humor yeah okay
can you hear it
here it comes
oh my god
he's beautiful
oh crap my tremors
what no
where'd he go
you