1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:19,200
welcome to very fine friends hi

2
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:28,140
frances should we do some bonus improv we should okay joe can we please get a suggestion

3
00:00:28,140 --> 00:00:32,520
your suggestion is sabotage

4
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:36,120
sabotage

5
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,680
I feel like you've got a sabotage

6
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story in you

7
00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:41,760
I do

8
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,640
this has nothing to do with me

9
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,040
I feel like you've both sabotaged

10
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and been the sabotage

11
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multiple times

12
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,740
yeah the saboteur and the saboteury

13
00:00:52,740 --> 00:00:56,640
yeah so this is a story about

14
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someone I used to know

15
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who I used to work with, who wasn't very good with technology at all

16
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and would constantly mess things up technologically

17
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:08,340
and would click on suspicious links

18
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and cause us to all have to go into IT lockdown.

19
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And so they would call me and they would be like,

20
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can you come here?

21
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,080
Something's going on with my computer.

22
00:01:18,220 --> 00:01:19,580
And I'd be like, okay, so I go in the office,

23
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into that person's office, and they'd be like,

24
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try and explain what happened.

25
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And they're like, I think someone sabotaged me.

26
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I've been sabotaged and I'm like

27
00:01:29,020 --> 00:01:30,880
no you

28
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just minimized the outlook

29
00:01:33,140 --> 00:01:34,980
window and now it is back

30
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and I'm going back to my office but it would like every like

31
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every day it'd be something new like it's sabotage

32
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I've been sabotaged

33
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,920
like my computer's locked down like you

34
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got an email from someone

35
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in our company name with like spelled wrong

36
00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:51,240
dot com and you clicked it

37
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:54,260
is this co-worker Dennis

38
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uh he can't even get to like the email so no we're i'm saved up from him because

39
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the lack of understanding but this person knew enough to like type and i would just do everything

40
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wrong wait so they would like minimize a window and immediately think someone's out to get me yeah

41
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okay after and no matter how many times they were proven like no this was user error or or not even

42
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error just hit another this is what it does when you click this button right like or like my files

43
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:37,620
disappeared and it's like you moved them i found them um but every single time sabotage never who

44
00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:43,080
did they did you ever find out who they thought was sabotaging them no it's just general vague

45
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saboteur out in the universe in the ether that's such a weird way to live your life just

46
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assuming that all the time.

47
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,980
I almost feel like at some point it became

48
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like a joke because it's like

49
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I don't know the situation so I'm just going to be like

50
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:02,920
sabotage. It's like

51
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,920
I have things to do. Maybe they just really like

52
00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:06,020
that Beastie Boys song.

53
00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:07,600
I never heard it.

54
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Sabotage.

55
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:11,400
Sabotage.

56
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:14,900
Now you have. Oh yeah.

57
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I hate that one.

58
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You just heard it basically We should clear that with legal I know because that was so dead on So as to sound exactly like

59
00:03:28,420 --> 00:03:29,240
I had my Shazam on.

60
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It picked it up.

61
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Oh my gosh.

62
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Yeah.

63
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The remastered version.

64
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Joe's too good.

65
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You guys are G.

66
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That's shorthand for good.

67
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You ever been sabotaged?

68
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Maybe.

69
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I don't know.

70
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If I was, I didn't...

71
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it was pretty mild

72
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,120
yeah

73
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:54,480
what if I had some like some huge thing in my past

74
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and I just forgot it

75
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:56,940
I just repressed it

76
00:03:56,940 --> 00:03:57,760
that means you're healthy

77
00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,660
oh repressing memories

78
00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:04,120
yeah yeah you're right that's not good

79
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:04,960
you should remember everything

80
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,100
especially your childhood I hear

81
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:09,060
you should remember everything especially your childhood

82
00:04:09,060 --> 00:04:10,760
your childhood shouldn't be like a mystery to you

83
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you should like be able to easily recall a lot of memories from it

84
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yes I think that's correct

85
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:15,840
yeah

86
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:22,120
um one quick story really quick it just i think we might have talked about this but i used to go

87
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:27,440
to jelsea's kitchen yeah one time a bird shat upon me yes um and i moved specifically so i

88
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wouldn't be anywhere near the where there's a lot of trees out on the patio and um a bird did it

89
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and i was first of all i was embarrassed because like god if anyone sees this i'm gonna be so

90
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embarrassed and then the manager came over and i was like um excuse me um i don't know why i said

91
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one of your birds like it's their birds but i was like one of your birds um dropped on me

92
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and it was like oh it did that's good luck and i was like it's gross but then i was thinking they're

93
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,760
like oh no it's good luck if a bird does that we'll get you i'll get you something you can

94
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:09,200
clean it off i'm like like what a convenient thing for a restaurant manager who's managing

95
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the patio where birds are dropping.

96
00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:13,240
I did not want my soup after that.

97
00:05:14,820 --> 00:05:16,100
It didn't go in your soup?

98
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:17,240
No, it went on me.

99
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:19,040
But why did you want your soup?

100
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:21,840
You just were over it.

101
00:05:21,980 --> 00:05:23,620
Well, once it...

102
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:25,420
Yeah, what if I looked away and boom,

103
00:05:25,420 --> 00:05:25,980
in the soup?

104
00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:27,900
Hmm.

105
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,700
Soup du jour is giardia.

106
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Anyway.

107
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Soup du giardia.

108
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I still like to sit on the patio.

109
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It is very pleasant.

110
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Yeah.

111
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And now, improv.

112
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Kelly.

113
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Yeah?

114
00:05:53,980 --> 00:05:55,460
Kelly, someone's been reading our mail.

115
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What?

116
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:59,560
I just went to the mailbox and I picked up a piece of our mail

117
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and one of the envelopes in this corner is stored open.

118
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What?

119
00:06:03,980 --> 00:06:04,680
Let me see.

120
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:05,640
Here it is.

121
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:13,060
oh no no honey that's just like a tiny little that's it probably got clipped on the inside of

122
00:06:13,060 --> 00:06:21,200
our of our mailbox carly now i saw a documentary they've invented these little tiny metal hooks and

123
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they open it from the corner and then they gently or gumbly fold the papers and pull it out through

124
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the corner read the mail put it back honey this this it just says current resident it's not even

125
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this is spam mail

126
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this isn't even anything worth

127
00:06:38,620 --> 00:06:49,780
origamiing to get to no okay um we need a post office box I will no longer be receiving mail at the house I will burn it

128
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Oh, God.

129
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:52,440
Uh.

130
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:56,200
Okay, all right, we can get a post office box.

131
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Thank you.

132
00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:58,740
Okay, um.

133
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Hey, uh, hun?

134
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:01,540
Yeah?

135
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,120
You feeling okay?

136
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:03,760
No.

137
00:07:04,220 --> 00:07:04,480
What?

138
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:04,600
What?

139
00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:05,880
I don't know.

140
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:06,860
You have a cold or something?

141
00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:07,580
Yes.

142
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:09,920
It's an intentional cold.

143
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:16,020
what does that mean an intentional cold someone probably the same person who opened about our

144
00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:23,480
mail okay dropped a germ in it and i opened it dropped a germ in the mail when they were

145
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reading that the germs are on their fingers and in their mouth and they were breathing on the

146
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:34,680
papers and i pulled it out and i not knowing not knowing and i touched it now listen i hate this

147
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:43,720
world uh honey oh don't say that honey i'm i'm in this world too don't just i you love me i still

148
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:51,680
love you thank you uh no just don't be so paranoid all the time not every not everybody's out to get

149
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:58,860
you there's not some secret guy what do you mean that's no i'm saying there's not a secret guy

150
00:07:58,860 --> 00:07:59,580
A secret guy?

151
00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:08,200
That's, yeah, there's not a secret guy that's origami-ing our mail open and putting germs in the current residence hall.

152
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,020
You once told me you can't prove a negative.

153
00:08:11,020 --> 00:08:13,100
Yeah, I did.

154
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:15,300
Yeah.

155
00:08:15,300 --> 00:08:32,140
Yeah, that's because you said, well, if there isn't a guy that lives at the bottom of our pool and tickles my toes every time I'm in the pool, then prove it.

156
00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:33,440
And I said, I can't.

157
00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:34,380
I can't prove a negative.

158
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:35,660
That's why I had the pool filled.

159
00:08:37,340 --> 00:08:38,060
Yeah, I know.

160
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:39,240
And now we don't have a pool.

161
00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:43,760
You filled it when there were still pool toys in there, by the way.

162
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,720
There's half a pool noodle coming out of that concrete.

163
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,400
I did what I had to do to survive.

164
00:08:47,980 --> 00:08:48,380
Okay.

165
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:53,240
I'm telling you, I promise you, there's not some secret guy.

166
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:54,040
There's not.

167
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:56,680
I choose to believe you because I love you.

168
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,560
Now, can you help me bring the groceries in from the car?

169
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:00,220
Of course.

170
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:00,920
I'm a man.

171
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:01,540
That's what I do.

172
00:09:02,220 --> 00:09:02,900
Okay, let's go.

173
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:04,000
Okay.

174
00:09:04,220 --> 00:09:05,000
I'll look to the left.

175
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:06,120
You'll look to the right.

176
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:07,860
No, honey, just...

177
00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:09,400
Let's just go to the trunk.

178
00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:11,560
Let's just open the trunk.

179
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:12,640
Pull the groceries out.

180
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:13,640
We don't need to...

181
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,440
Honey, no, stop.

182
00:09:14,660 --> 00:09:14,800
What?

183
00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:18,460
Stop doing barrel rolls on the ground.

184
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,060
No, honey.

185
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:24,080
This is the home of Callie and her husband.

186
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,300
Look upon us with fear, you mongrel.

187
00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:31,420
I was going to say bitches.

188
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,340
That was good restraint, honey.

189
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,100
I appreciate that.

190
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:37,300
Oh, stop.

191
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:41,400
No, stop putting the Vietnam paint on your face.

192
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:41,700
No.

193
00:09:42,220 --> 00:09:42,740
Stop.

194
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,660
and I'm wearing the hat too

195
00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:47,300
look at it

196
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:49,740
I promise you there's not some

197
00:09:49,740 --> 00:09:51,760
secret guy

198
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,540
let's ask

199
00:09:53,540 --> 00:09:54,400
chat GPT

200
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,900
type it in

201
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,840
I don't know I don't trust

202
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,440
how do you trust chat GPT but

203
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,460
not me telling you

204
00:10:03,460 --> 00:10:13,680
there no secret guy you right you know I been I sorry I been different ever since our living room window was blown to shreds

205
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,480
Honey, that was...

206
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,560
That was weird. There was a monsoon

207
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,400
that came. Yeah, I know. You said.

208
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,300
You said. You actually saw the

209
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:23,240
tree branch hit the window.

210
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,400
You know how easy it is to throw a 3,800

211
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,100
pound tree branch into a window?

212
00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:29,040
All you need's a winch.

213
00:10:31,940 --> 00:10:33,400
Cut to...

214
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,480
An underground lair below their house.

215
00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:41,980
Winch in hand.

216
00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:46,260
I'm glad we chose this guy.

217
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:55,100
And what I love about it is he knows we're here and it's killing him.

218
00:10:57,580 --> 00:10:58,960
We should kill him.

219
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,520
Sounds good.

220
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:06,940
First, I gotta open his mail.

221
00:11:07,340 --> 00:11:09,240
Yeah, do the origami.

222
00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:11,740
Hold on, let me sneeze in it.

223
00:11:13,660 --> 00:11:16,560
That was a great sneeze.

224
00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:17,540
Thanks.

225
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,080
I like that we're twins.

226
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:22,200
It's great.

227
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:27,220
You ever want to branch off and hurt more than one person?

228
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:29,960
Kinda.

229
00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:32,060
Well, this is a great first step.

230
00:11:32,060 --> 00:11:33,260
I think we got potential.

231
00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:37,060
Cut back to the house.

232
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:40,900
Hey, honey, have you seen my...

233
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:42,200
Have you seen my keys?

234
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:45,280
Why would I know about your keys?

235
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:50,040
I thought you were the last one that had them, that's all.

236
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,700
Oh, yeah, I don't think about that stuff.

237
00:11:53,020 --> 00:11:53,380
No?

238
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:55,240
You don't think about that stuff?

239
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:56,680
I think about my keys.

240
00:11:58,820 --> 00:12:00,660
I'm being sabotaged here.

241
00:12:00,660 --> 00:12:03,040
I don't have the bandwidth to think about your keys.

242
00:12:03,380 --> 00:12:04,400
Oh, here they are.

243
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:04,920
Nope.

244
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:05,720
Those are my keys.

245
00:12:05,900 --> 00:12:06,460
Thank God.

246
00:12:08,580 --> 00:12:09,060
Why?

247
00:12:09,180 --> 00:12:09,920
What are you thinking?

248
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,420
I'm, no, I just need to run to the store.

249
00:12:13,660 --> 00:12:14,700
It's a sabotage.

250
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:15,900
I'm telling you.

251
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:17,220
It's okay.

252
00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:25,080
I'm, there's not some secret person or persons, twins even.

253
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,840
Why would you say that?

254
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:27,600
Because there's not.

255
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:28,820
Why would you say that?

256
00:12:28,820 --> 00:12:29,720
There's not.

257
00:12:30,660 --> 00:12:34,220
And they're not branching out and starting to sabotage me, too.

258
00:12:34,340 --> 00:12:35,020
That's not happening.

259
00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:36,300
I'm going to have to take off work.

260
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:38,640
Honey, no, you can't.

261
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:38,860
Nope.

262
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:40,100
I just text my boss.

263
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:41,040
Honey, this is...

264
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:41,380
Can't come in.

265
00:12:41,540 --> 00:12:42,100
Life's crazy.

266
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,440
Day 93 of not going to work.

267
00:12:44,540 --> 00:12:46,220
I'm pretty sure you don't have a job anymore.

268
00:12:46,420 --> 00:12:47,440
They can't legally fire me.

269
00:12:48,140 --> 00:12:49,160
Yes, they can.

270
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:50,160
No.

271
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:55,580
At a Christmas party in 2005, my boss got drunk and promised he wouldn't.

272
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:56,920
Via text.

273
00:12:56,920 --> 00:13:00,940
the text is gone

274
00:13:00,940 --> 00:13:02,660
honey that's probably

275
00:13:02,660 --> 00:13:04,700
2005 was completely different technology

276
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,140
no that's different technology

277
00:13:07,140 --> 00:13:10,740
cut back to the lair

278
00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:15,280
end scene

279
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:30,500
Thank you.