welcome to very fine friends hi
frances should we do some bonus improv we should okay joe can we please get a suggestion
your suggestion is sabotage
sabotage
I feel like you've got a sabotage
story in you
I do
this has nothing to do with me
I feel like you've both sabotaged
and been the sabotage
multiple times
yeah the saboteur and the saboteury
yeah so this is a story about
someone I used to know
who I used to work with, who wasn't very good with technology at all
and would constantly mess things up technologically
and would click on suspicious links
and cause us to all have to go into IT lockdown.
And so they would call me and they would be like,
can you come here?
Something's going on with my computer.
And I'd be like, okay, so I go in the office,
into that person's office, and they'd be like,
try and explain what happened.
And they're like, I think someone sabotaged me.
I've been sabotaged and I'm like
no you
just minimized the outlook
window and now it is back
and I'm going back to my office but it would like every like
every day it'd be something new like it's sabotage
I've been sabotaged
like my computer's locked down like you
got an email from someone
in our company name with like spelled wrong
dot com and you clicked it
is this co-worker Dennis
uh he can't even get to like the email so no we're i'm saved up from him because
the lack of understanding but this person knew enough to like type and i would just do everything
wrong wait so they would like minimize a window and immediately think someone's out to get me yeah
okay after and no matter how many times they were proven like no this was user error or or not even
error just hit another this is what it does when you click this button right like or like my files
disappeared and it's like you moved them i found them um but every single time sabotage never who
did they did you ever find out who they thought was sabotaging them no it's just general vague
saboteur out in the universe in the ether that's such a weird way to live your life just
assuming that all the time.
I almost feel like at some point it became
like a joke because it's like
I don't know the situation so I'm just going to be like
sabotage. It's like
I have things to do. Maybe they just really like
that Beastie Boys song.
I never heard it.
Sabotage.
Now you have. Oh yeah.
I hate that one.
You just heard it basically We should clear that with legal I know because that was so dead on So as to sound exactly like
I had my Shazam on.
It picked it up.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
The remastered version.
Joe's too good.
You guys are G.
That's shorthand for good.
You ever been sabotaged?
Maybe.
I don't know.
If I was, I didn't...
it was pretty mild
yeah
what if I had some like some huge thing in my past
and I just forgot it
I just repressed it
that means you're healthy
oh repressing memories
yeah yeah you're right that's not good
you should remember everything
especially your childhood I hear
you should remember everything especially your childhood
your childhood shouldn't be like a mystery to you
you should like be able to easily recall a lot of memories from it
yes I think that's correct
yeah
um one quick story really quick it just i think we might have talked about this but i used to go
to jelsea's kitchen yeah one time a bird shat upon me yes um and i moved specifically so i
wouldn't be anywhere near the where there's a lot of trees out on the patio and um a bird did it
and i was first of all i was embarrassed because like god if anyone sees this i'm gonna be so
embarrassed and then the manager came over and i was like um excuse me um i don't know why i said
one of your birds like it's their birds but i was like one of your birds um dropped on me
and it was like oh it did that's good luck and i was like it's gross but then i was thinking they're
like oh no it's good luck if a bird does that we'll get you i'll get you something you can
clean it off i'm like like what a convenient thing for a restaurant manager who's managing
the patio where birds are dropping.
I did not want my soup after that.
It didn't go in your soup?
No, it went on me.
But why did you want your soup?
You just were over it.
Well, once it...
Yeah, what if I looked away and boom,
in the soup?
Hmm.
Soup du jour is giardia.
Anyway.
Soup du giardia.
I still like to sit on the patio.
It is very pleasant.
Yeah.
And now, improv.
Kelly.
Yeah?
Kelly, someone's been reading our mail.
What?
I just went to the mailbox and I picked up a piece of our mail
and one of the envelopes in this corner is stored open.
What?
Let me see.
Here it is.
oh no no honey that's just like a tiny little that's it probably got clipped on the inside of
our of our mailbox carly now i saw a documentary they've invented these little tiny metal hooks and
they open it from the corner and then they gently or gumbly fold the papers and pull it out through
the corner read the mail put it back honey this this it just says current resident it's not even
this is spam mail
this isn't even anything worth
origamiing to get to no okay um we need a post office box I will no longer be receiving mail at the house I will burn it
Oh, God.
Uh.
Okay, all right, we can get a post office box.
Thank you.
Okay, um.
Hey, uh, hun?
Yeah?
You feeling okay?
No.
What?
I don't know.
You have a cold or something?
Yes.
It's an intentional cold.
what does that mean an intentional cold someone probably the same person who opened about our
mail okay dropped a germ in it and i opened it dropped a germ in the mail when they were
reading that the germs are on their fingers and in their mouth and they were breathing on the
papers and i pulled it out and i not knowing not knowing and i touched it now listen i hate this
world uh honey oh don't say that honey i'm i'm in this world too don't just i you love me i still
love you thank you uh no just don't be so paranoid all the time not every not everybody's out to get
you there's not some secret guy what do you mean that's no i'm saying there's not a secret guy
A secret guy?
That's, yeah, there's not a secret guy that's origami-ing our mail open and putting germs in the current residence hall.
You once told me you can't prove a negative.
Yeah, I did.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's because you said, well, if there isn't a guy that lives at the bottom of our pool and tickles my toes every time I'm in the pool, then prove it.
And I said, I can't.
I can't prove a negative.
That's why I had the pool filled.
Yeah, I know.
And now we don't have a pool.
You filled it when there were still pool toys in there, by the way.
There's half a pool noodle coming out of that concrete.
I did what I had to do to survive.
Okay.
I'm telling you, I promise you, there's not some secret guy.
There's not.
I choose to believe you because I love you.
Now, can you help me bring the groceries in from the car?
Of course.
I'm a man.
That's what I do.
Okay, let's go.
Okay.
I'll look to the left.
You'll look to the right.
No, honey, just...
Let's just go to the trunk.
Let's just open the trunk.
Pull the groceries out.
We don't need to...
Honey, no, stop.
What?
Stop doing barrel rolls on the ground.
No, honey.
This is the home of Callie and her husband.
Look upon us with fear, you mongrel.
I was going to say bitches.
That was good restraint, honey.
I appreciate that.
Oh, stop.
No, stop putting the Vietnam paint on your face.
No.
Stop.
and I'm wearing the hat too
look at it
I promise you there's not some
secret guy
let's ask
chat GPT
type it in
I don't know I don't trust
how do you trust chat GPT but
not me telling you
there no secret guy you right you know I been I sorry I been different ever since our living room window was blown to shreds
Honey, that was...
That was weird. There was a monsoon
that came. Yeah, I know. You said.
You said. You actually saw the
tree branch hit the window.
You know how easy it is to throw a 3,800
pound tree branch into a window?
All you need's a winch.
Cut to...
An underground lair below their house.
Winch in hand.
I'm glad we chose this guy.
And what I love about it is he knows we're here and it's killing him.
We should kill him.
Sounds good.
First, I gotta open his mail.
Yeah, do the origami.
Hold on, let me sneeze in it.
That was a great sneeze.
Thanks.
I like that we're twins.
It's great.
You ever want to branch off and hurt more than one person?
Kinda.
Well, this is a great first step.
I think we got potential.
Cut back to the house.
Hey, honey, have you seen my...
Have you seen my keys?
Why would I know about your keys?
I thought you were the last one that had them, that's all.
Oh, yeah, I don't think about that stuff.
No?
You don't think about that stuff?
I think about my keys.
I'm being sabotaged here.
I don't have the bandwidth to think about your keys.
Oh, here they are.
Nope.
Those are my keys.
Thank God.
Why?
What are you thinking?
I'm, no, I just need to run to the store.
It's a sabotage.
I'm telling you.
It's okay.
I'm, there's not some secret person or persons, twins even.
Why would you say that?
Because there's not.
Why would you say that?
There's not.
And they're not branching out and starting to sabotage me, too.
That's not happening.
I'm going to have to take off work.
Honey, no, you can't.
Nope.
I just text my boss.
Honey, this is...
Can't come in.
Life's crazy.
Day 93 of not going to work.
I'm pretty sure you don't have a job anymore.
They can't legally fire me.
Yes, they can.
No.
At a Christmas party in 2005, my boss got drunk and promised he wouldn't.
Via text.
the text is gone
honey that's probably
2005 was completely different technology
no that's different technology
cut back to the lair
end scene
Thank you.