1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:18,300
welcome to

2
00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:25,700
hell just kidding welcome to it's heaven

3
00:00:25,700 --> 00:00:30,960
Very, very fine friends.

4
00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:32,400
Purgatory episode.

5
00:00:34,180 --> 00:00:34,980
Bonus.

6
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:38,740
Improv.

7
00:00:40,180 --> 00:00:42,040
I like the way you do that.

8
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:43,080
Bonus.

9
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,900
Sorry, he's talking about some kind of bonus content.

10
00:00:47,540 --> 00:00:48,680
Bonus content.

11
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:52,220
I'm talking about, you don't talk about bonus content.

12
00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:52,660
It's rare.

13
00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:54,220
Okay.

14
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,140
All right.

15
00:00:55,140 --> 00:00:56,840
We're going to do some bonus content.

16
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:57,380
Joe,

17
00:00:58,260 --> 00:00:58,600
cure,

18
00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:00,400
cure us up with a suggestion.

19
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:00,920
Joe,

20
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:02,020
Joe,

21
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:06,560
you have to give us a suggestion.

22
00:01:06,820 --> 00:01:07,920
It's your job.

23
00:01:08,340 --> 00:01:08,900
Oh,

24
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:10,860
you're going to do your job.

25
00:01:12,860 --> 00:01:13,380
Okay.

26
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:15,560
Your suggestion is counterfeit.

27
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:17,600
Hmm.

28
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:17,920
Hmm.

29
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:18,860
Hmm.

30
00:01:20,140 --> 00:01:24,480
I always am amused by the fact that people still try to counterfeit money.

31
00:01:25,140 --> 00:01:26,320
I get it.

32
00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:27,340
I mean,

33
00:01:27,340 --> 00:01:28,040
I get it,

34
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:29,480
but it's like,

35
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:30,900
I don't catch you.

36
00:01:31,060 --> 00:01:31,300
Yeah,

37
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,500
you're not getting away with that.

38
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,700
I feel like I get the impulse to like be financially free.

39
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:36,800
Yeah.

40
00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:39,660
Also,

41
00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:41,380
if you're putting all this effort on counterfeiting,

42
00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:45,400
there's got to be some sort of project manager job that would be good for

43
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:45,560
you.

44
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:48,660
When I was a kid,

45
00:01:49,020 --> 00:01:53,940
one of my dad's friends was doing that was counterfeiting.

46
00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:54,220
Yeah.

47
00:01:54,220 --> 00:01:57,200
Yeah. Whoa. Project managing.

48
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:07,920
Rapid. Yeah, they were like just photocopying money like and I found this

49
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:11,540
out because like they were babysitting me and I heard them talking to someone

50
00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:15,600
else and she was like, look, she's like it looks like real money. And even as a

51
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:22,220
kid, I was like, oh, never gonna see her again. And you didn't. I don't remember.

52
00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:25,560
I mean, probably after a while now, like here's a fuzzy naval kid. Yeah,

53
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,700
yeah, I got a fake money. Yeah, but they were doing like,

54
00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:41,125
like hundreds and it like you can like like you so dumb You can start with hundreds I know you got to start with like ones right

55
00:02:41,725 --> 00:02:42,425
Because no one's,

56
00:02:42,785 --> 00:02:44,605
no one's getting a pen out for a dollar bill,

57
00:02:44,785 --> 00:02:44,905
right?

58
00:02:44,905 --> 00:02:48,885
They do all the extra security on the hundred to start by printing an overdue

59
00:02:48,885 --> 00:02:50,505
bill that you haven't paid.

60
00:02:50,925 --> 00:02:52,965
Then you work your way up to actual cash.

61
00:02:53,165 --> 00:02:53,525
Yep.

62
00:02:54,905 --> 00:02:57,805
Stay tuned for our next layer of bonus content.

63
00:02:59,065 --> 00:03:00,685
It's a little more instructive.

64
00:03:00,785 --> 00:03:01,265
Shall we say?

65
00:03:01,565 --> 00:03:02,045
Hmm.

66
00:03:02,625 --> 00:03:03,065
Hmm.

67
00:03:03,685 --> 00:03:04,565
Counterfeiting pennies.

68
00:03:06,065 --> 00:03:07,785
What do you mean they don't take these anymore?

69
00:03:09,625 --> 00:03:11,305
They're going to have to keep taking them.

70
00:03:11,905 --> 00:03:12,405
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

71
00:03:12,465 --> 00:03:13,725
I'm just going to.

72
00:03:13,725 --> 00:03:14,565
Oh, they'll take them.

73
00:03:14,805 --> 00:03:15,465
Oh, they'll take them.

74
00:03:15,505 --> 00:03:18,325
Do you pick up quarters or coins that you find?

75
00:03:19,565 --> 00:03:20,825
Depends on the coin.

76
00:03:22,625 --> 00:03:23,405
I guess.

77
00:03:26,245 --> 00:03:27,585
Just quarters for me.

78
00:03:27,585 --> 00:03:29,865
I don't really find a lot of coins.

79
00:03:31,565 --> 00:03:35,645
I don't notice them if they're around.

80
00:03:36,145 --> 00:03:39,185
You don't go rummaging in people's coin closets.

81
00:03:39,965 --> 00:03:41,765
The queen closets.

82
00:03:42,065 --> 00:03:42,825
Coin closet.

83
00:03:45,385 --> 00:03:47,985
Sounds like a misinterpreted vagina.

84
00:03:48,705 --> 00:03:48,985
Yeah.

85
00:03:50,805 --> 00:03:52,365
One that could fit a coat.

86
00:03:55,505 --> 00:03:57,005
Do you pick up coins?

87
00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:00,125
No.

88
00:04:00,125 --> 00:04:02,905
I used to, but then I heard someone say that it's like,

89
00:04:03,685 --> 00:04:08,285
it's like, I don't use this term negatively,

90
00:04:08,285 --> 00:04:13,605
but it's like very lack-minded

91
00:04:13,605 --> 00:04:16,125
to pick up coins off the ground.

92
00:04:18,585 --> 00:04:19,885
You're like desperate for a coin.

93
00:04:22,105 --> 00:04:24,405
Here's the thing about me. Once I have a thought about something,

94
00:04:25,145 --> 00:04:28,485
it's like if I see the server pouring my water and he touches the

95
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,305
like the craft to my glass.

96
00:04:30,525 --> 00:04:31,045
I'm like,

97
00:04:31,085 --> 00:04:31,805
I don't want that now.

98
00:04:32,025 --> 00:04:33,425
Once I have the idea of it,

99
00:04:34,165 --> 00:04:38,865
I like make up my mind and I can't go back.

100
00:04:40,685 --> 00:04:41,205
You know,

101
00:04:41,325 --> 00:04:43,465
why can't the craft touch your glass?

102
00:04:43,705 --> 00:04:44,725
Because if they do that to me,

103
00:04:44,745 --> 00:04:45,585
they're doing it to other people,

104
00:04:45,645 --> 00:04:47,765
which means I'm drinking other people's lips.

105
00:04:48,825 --> 00:04:49,425
I don't know.

106
00:04:49,465 --> 00:04:51,405
That's a hard thing to transfer.

107
00:04:51,705 --> 00:04:52,105
No,

108
00:04:52,605 --> 00:04:53,265
what if they're hot?

109
00:04:54,205 --> 00:04:54,405
Well,

110
00:04:54,425 --> 00:04:55,385
they're not showing me pictures.

111
00:04:55,505 --> 00:04:56,085
We call it.

112
00:04:56,405 --> 00:04:57,045
Is it okay?

113
00:04:57,045 --> 00:04:58,285
Would you like to,

114
00:04:58,485 --> 00:04:59,405
by the transitive property,

115
00:04:59,525 --> 00:05:00,285
kiss this gentleman.

116
00:05:02,685 --> 00:05:03,005
You know.

117
00:05:03,645 --> 00:05:04,045
It's like when,

118
00:05:04,205 --> 00:05:04,525
you know,

119
00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:04,925
it's just,

120
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:05,245
you know.

121
00:05:05,665 --> 00:05:05,985
Okay.

122
00:05:08,065 --> 00:05:17,650
And now improv Um sir Sir

123
00:05:19,150 --> 00:05:21,410
Um, sorry, you're not supposed to be back in this area.

124
00:05:21,510 --> 00:05:23,190
This area is for the servers only.

125
00:05:23,750 --> 00:05:24,230
Ooh, ooh.

126
00:05:24,850 --> 00:05:28,250
And you're definitely not supposed to be...

127
00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:28,930
Can I touch this?

128
00:05:29,230 --> 00:05:30,370
No, uh, yeah, no.

129
00:05:32,110 --> 00:05:34,590
No, no, what? I'm sorry, why are you...

130
00:05:34,590 --> 00:05:35,290
Did I pee in this?

131
00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:37,370
No, don't, why would you? No.

132
00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:39,570
What's wrong? Why are you interrupting me?

133
00:05:40,130 --> 00:05:41,790
Why are you doing this?

134
00:05:41,850 --> 00:05:43,810
Why are you kissing everything back here?

135
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:45,210
Why not?

136
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:48,490
Because it's weird.

137
00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:49,550
No, no, no.

138
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,510
My father taught me this.

139
00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:52,330
What?

140
00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:55,970
He said, when you go into a restaurant and you really like it,

141
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:59,890
you got to go in the back and claim it, he said.

142
00:05:59,950 --> 00:06:01,010
He said, it's your territory.

143
00:06:01,330 --> 00:06:04,310
He said, kiss it, touch it, piss on it.

144
00:06:05,070 --> 00:06:06,030
He said, love it.

145
00:06:06,030 --> 00:06:13,270
oh is this your soda gun yeah it's yes it's my so look how far i could put it in my mouth

146
00:06:13,270 --> 00:06:22,790
no no oh no which one's soda water i hate that one it's it doesn't matter now

147
00:06:22,790 --> 00:06:27,850
oh i can't use that again it'll never be clean again where's your butter

148
00:06:27,850 --> 00:06:34,090
oh i'm not telling you that now now that i know what you're gonna do with it you don't know what

149
00:06:34,090 --> 00:06:39,550
i'm gonna do oh what are you gonna do what all right fine here here's the butter

150
00:06:39,550 --> 00:06:46,590
oh i knew it oh i'm gonna take it from my hand and put it right on bread

151
00:06:46,590 --> 00:06:55,190
and then let's bring it to someone i what what do you would then then what what are they what

152
00:06:55,190 --> 00:06:59,750
are you gonna tell them that you you did this or is it like your little secret okay you see all

153
00:06:59,750 --> 00:07:07,070
this butter on my hand yeah walk out to let's go to one of your tables okay okay here we are

154
00:07:07,070 --> 00:07:13,650
hi yeah do you see this butter on my hand yeah it's quite a lot of butter lick it off

155
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:17,630
are you sure yeah i'm sure i mean only if you think i'm hot

156
00:07:17,630 --> 00:07:23,790
oh oh there you go that good okay oh that tickles

157
00:07:23,790 --> 00:07:34,150
that's enough thank you sir you've proved a point what what where are you going hot stuff

158
00:07:34,150 --> 00:07:40,270
i'll be back i nope i've marked you you can't keep oh i see what you did i looked i licked your

159
00:07:40,270 --> 00:07:53,635
hand and now you mine i marked you excuse me server what your policy on straddling guests um it typically frowned upon but not against the rules I going to get on It never happened Oh I fit

160
00:07:54,815 --> 00:07:56,555
Oh, that's why I marked you.

161
00:07:56,915 --> 00:07:58,595
If I fit, say sits. That's the

162
00:07:58,595 --> 00:07:59,395
saying cats say.

163
00:08:00,535 --> 00:08:02,775
Wait, say it again. If I fit, say sits.

164
00:08:03,535 --> 00:08:04,575
You know how cats

165
00:08:04,575 --> 00:08:05,295
go in boxes?

166
00:08:07,415 --> 00:08:08,235
I do.

167
00:08:08,435 --> 00:08:10,355
I know that about cats.

168
00:08:10,495 --> 00:08:12,555
Sorry, I'm getting a little butter in your hair, but you

169
00:08:12,555 --> 00:08:14,255
don't mind. I don't mind at all.

170
00:08:14,255 --> 00:08:16,175
Yeah. I don't mind at all.

171
00:08:16,435 --> 00:08:17,095
Oh, this is nice.

172
00:08:18,375 --> 00:08:19,235
Want me to feed you?

173
00:08:20,915 --> 00:08:22,595
I thought you'd never ask.

174
00:08:22,855 --> 00:08:24,155
Okay, I'm going to just say it.

175
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,275
This is the weirdest shift

176
00:08:26,275 --> 00:08:26,915
I've ever had.

177
00:08:27,755 --> 00:08:30,075
Oh, you're feeding him

178
00:08:30,075 --> 00:08:32,195
soup with your hands. Yeah, I can make a

179
00:08:32,195 --> 00:08:33,055
bowl with my hands.

180
00:08:34,395 --> 00:08:35,415
I'm going to slurp that up.

181
00:08:36,175 --> 00:08:37,275
Oh, my God.

182
00:08:38,815 --> 00:08:40,235
It tastes extra good from the extra

183
00:08:40,235 --> 00:08:41,115
butter on your cat.

184
00:08:41,915 --> 00:08:44,175
I am a cat in this scenario.

185
00:08:44,255 --> 00:08:51,855
could you leave ma'am no i can't leave i can't i'm sorry i'm sorry i i feel like i need to step

186
00:08:51,855 --> 00:08:59,015
in and do something about this this is can't be sanitary you've got to be breaking a lot of

187
00:08:59,015 --> 00:09:05,455
health code violations oh no no my father taught me um you just go to the health department

188
00:09:05,455 --> 00:09:10,255
and you just smack everyone around.

189
00:09:12,035 --> 00:09:15,475
That can't be the only salute.

190
00:09:15,595 --> 00:09:17,215
No, that can't work.

191
00:09:17,495 --> 00:09:18,355
I looked up this restaurant

192
00:09:18,355 --> 00:09:19,775
and I saw who your food inspector was

193
00:09:19,775 --> 00:09:22,015
and I went over there and I just went to town

194
00:09:22,015 --> 00:09:24,355
left, right, left, right, beat them, beat them bloody.

195
00:09:25,115 --> 00:09:26,395
And at the end of it, they were like,

196
00:09:27,395 --> 00:09:28,155
that was hot.

197
00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:30,495
You should see what I did over there.

198
00:09:30,515 --> 00:09:31,335
I made quite a mess.

199
00:09:32,195 --> 00:09:36,035
But you didn't block that food inspector more than me, right?

200
00:09:36,175 --> 00:09:36,895
Oh, my God.

201
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:37,315
No.

202
00:09:37,415 --> 00:09:38,395
Well, we have a special.

203
00:09:38,755 --> 00:09:39,115
Okay.

204
00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:40,575
You want a shrimp?

205
00:09:41,515 --> 00:09:42,615
I sure do.

206
00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:43,795
Feed it to me with your toes.

207
00:09:43,915 --> 00:09:44,355
Here it is.

208
00:09:44,415 --> 00:09:44,775
Hold on.

209
00:09:45,175 --> 00:09:45,655
Shrimp toes.

210
00:09:45,915 --> 00:09:46,275
Yeah.

211
00:09:46,375 --> 00:09:47,055
Oh, that's so funny.

212
00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:50,255
Oh, you went tail first.

213
00:09:50,435 --> 00:09:50,635
I did.

214
00:09:50,835 --> 00:09:51,675
Can you get it off?

215
00:09:52,155 --> 00:09:52,755
Don't joke.

216
00:09:52,755 --> 00:09:55,095
No, it's a little party trick I do.

217
00:09:55,235 --> 00:09:55,375
Look.

218
00:09:55,455 --> 00:09:55,775
Oh, wow.

219
00:09:55,935 --> 00:09:58,975
It's like tying a cherry stem with your teeth.

220
00:09:59,095 --> 00:10:00,875
I can detail a shrimp.

221
00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:02,175
It's so just my mouth.

222
00:10:02,275 --> 00:10:02,615
My God,

223
00:10:02,615 --> 00:10:03,115
that's hot.

224
00:10:04,135 --> 00:10:06,215
When's your wife going to stop staring at us?

225
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:10,175
And scene.