1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:22,380
you've inspired me to talk to old people no i'm gonna i'm cutting away their ability to do it

2
00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:28,840
guess who's got the high ground now you just walk up to them hi we're not peers

3
00:00:29,180 --> 00:00:29,780
How was your day?

4
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:30,360
Do you have any Werthers?

5
00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:33,160
My dad had a bag of those in the car.

6
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:34,140
He's 75.

7
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,340
See, that's the kind of shit.

8
00:00:36,420 --> 00:00:37,320
It's like, be aware.

9
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:38,340
Be self-aware.

10
00:00:38,940 --> 00:00:40,820
That's an old person thing.

11
00:00:41,620 --> 00:00:41,900
Yeah.

12
00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:43,820
Like, I don't do anything gay in the car.

13
00:00:44,020 --> 00:00:44,660
Except the one thing.

14
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,220
Except for the sex with men.

15
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:48,320
But other than that.

16
00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:52,460
You know, I'm not walking around with bachelorette party penises.

17
00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:54,120
I know.

18
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,560
I keep giving them to you and you keep going, no.

19
00:00:56,660 --> 00:00:57,380
They're in the trunk.

20
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:06,200
when you got rear-ended and the truck pops open there's just penises fly everywhere they just

21
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:12,720
leave i can't deal with this bye well hopefully they don't leave they rear-ended you so

22
00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:21,280
but that could stir up some gay panic so oh so you're okay with them leaving no i'm just i'm

23
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:25,640
saying i understand what if they didn't do any damage because the the penises took the brunt of

24
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:31,420
it they saved your car i would be like get back here and pick up every single one of those and

25
00:01:31,420 --> 00:01:34,840
put it back in the trunk those are gifts for my dear friend jenna

26
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:42,900
every one of them has a shaw on it

27
00:01:42,900 --> 00:02:03,638
what a penis gift you would invent like something for a penis or something penis related Either I would invent a sheath for your sword that looks like a penis

28
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:07,098
The play on the pen is mightier than the sword.

29
00:02:07,358 --> 00:02:07,918
The penis.

30
00:02:08,098 --> 00:02:09,738
So the pen goes into a...

31
00:02:09,738 --> 00:02:10,618
A penis?

32
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:10,878
No.

33
00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:13,738
The sword goes into a penis sheath.

34
00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:14,918
Oh, so it's for people who have swords.

35
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:15,538
Yes.

36
00:02:16,498 --> 00:02:17,038
Of course.

37
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:18,158
For people walking around with swords.

38
00:02:18,158 --> 00:02:19,658
And just the sheath looks like one.

39
00:02:20,358 --> 00:02:20,638
Yeah.

40
00:02:20,638 --> 00:02:23,658
Yeah, so it's like hanging off your belt

41
00:02:23,658 --> 00:02:25,058
so it looks like a really long penis.

42
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:25,698
Of course, yeah.

43
00:02:25,858 --> 00:02:26,918
And then to prove that you're not gay,

44
00:02:26,978 --> 00:02:27,758
you pull the sword out.

45
00:02:27,958 --> 00:02:28,598
Yeah, no, no, no.

46
00:02:28,598 --> 00:02:29,298
Oh, no, no, no.

47
00:02:29,578 --> 00:02:30,558
Say that again.

48
00:02:32,018 --> 00:02:33,218
Call me gay again.

49
00:02:35,118 --> 00:02:36,278
Say that to my rapier.

50
00:02:36,838 --> 00:02:37,698
Is that what they call this?

51
00:02:39,378 --> 00:02:40,658
Say that to my rapist.

52
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:45,218
Okay.

53
00:02:45,578 --> 00:02:46,298
Okay, great.

54
00:02:46,478 --> 00:02:46,698
Good.

55
00:02:46,838 --> 00:02:48,138
I'm glad we got that out of the way.

56
00:02:48,138 --> 00:02:51,918
and now improv

57
00:02:51,918 --> 00:03:11,058
Monica babe yeah I uh I don't want to cause any problems and I'm happy that you got that really

58
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:18,018
cool bachelorette party and I wasn't jealous but I'm a little uncomfortable with um some of

59
00:03:18,018 --> 00:03:20,078
gifts they got you. What?

60
00:03:20,438 --> 00:03:22,578
Oh. They were just

61
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,538
funnin'. They were having some fun.

62
00:03:25,418 --> 00:03:26,238
But you've been

63
00:03:26,238 --> 00:03:27,978
using them. Yeah.

64
00:03:28,238 --> 00:03:30,378
Well, I mean, it would be a waste

65
00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:30,878
otherwise.

66
00:03:32,438 --> 00:03:33,458
But they're all

67
00:03:33,458 --> 00:03:36,078
so much more impressive than me.

68
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:39,978
Look, honey.

69
00:03:41,818 --> 00:03:42,538
I've...

70
00:03:42,538 --> 00:03:44,258
I don't know what to tell you.

71
00:03:45,378 --> 00:03:46,398
I put them

72
00:03:46,398 --> 00:04:05,155
on the back of my car as a bumper guard and they been working you tried you tried to sit back there you said put me in the trunk I going to put my hands on the bumper So if somebody tries to back up and hit your car I stop it from getting damaged

73
00:04:05,155 --> 00:04:12,055
And you tried that and all you ended up with was broken fingers. So yeah, I'm sorry.

74
00:04:13,635 --> 00:04:19,455
The dildos are more impressive than you at stopping damage to my car.

75
00:04:19,455 --> 00:04:28,235
okay well if you're so confident then i'm gonna host my own party great i would love that and i'm

76
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:36,255
gonna get many gifts good it's this saturday here's an invitation oh well you had this planned

77
00:04:36,255 --> 00:04:38,795
it's a

78
00:04:38,795 --> 00:04:46,815
it's a vagina party what does that even mean i don't know yet i put it out on the internet

79
00:04:46,815 --> 00:04:50,075
I said bring your V's

80
00:04:50,075 --> 00:04:53,775
Wait who do you think is showing up at this party?

81
00:04:54,015 --> 00:04:55,175
I didn't limit it

82
00:04:55,175 --> 00:04:58,135
I'm afraid it's going to be a bunch of ladies

83
00:04:58,135 --> 00:05:01,655
Would that be the worst thing in the world?

84
00:05:01,795 --> 00:05:03,015
You wouldn't be jealous Monica

85
00:05:03,015 --> 00:05:06,095
Well how are they using their V's?

86
00:05:06,395 --> 00:05:07,975
I don't know yet this is my first one

87
00:05:10,095 --> 00:05:14,315
Okay remember how I said that I could do

88
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:18,555
I could clean the house so much better

89
00:05:18,555 --> 00:05:19,935
because I could use

90
00:05:19,935 --> 00:05:22,535
I could pick things up

91
00:05:22,535 --> 00:05:25,455
with both my hands

92
00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:26,955
and my V

93
00:05:26,955 --> 00:05:28,975
yeah

94
00:05:28,975 --> 00:05:32,215
but while I was still holding things

95
00:05:32,215 --> 00:05:33,975
I could squat, pick things up

96
00:05:33,975 --> 00:05:35,955
and still be holding things in both my hands

97
00:05:35,955 --> 00:05:37,415
of course

98
00:05:37,415 --> 00:05:40,035
so I'd be 50% more efficient

99
00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:48,715
people without a feet do you remember that i guess vividly and you remember how i i couldn't

100
00:05:48,715 --> 00:06:00,693
quite make it work you not inviting these people over here to clean the house are you well if you did it I tried I would have had to send these invitations out to the greater world

101
00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:02,753
I knew that would come back and bite me.

102
00:06:04,393 --> 00:06:05,213
Cut to the party.

103
00:06:05,673 --> 00:06:06,473
Damn it, Donald.

104
00:06:08,553 --> 00:06:11,293
Oh, this is a pretty great party.

105
00:06:11,793 --> 00:06:12,233
Thanks.

106
00:06:12,793 --> 00:06:14,773
Why are there pencils all over the ground?

107
00:06:15,033 --> 00:06:16,613
Um, I don't know, but...

108
00:06:16,613 --> 00:06:18,073
Could you get it?

109
00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:21,173
I've got two drinks in my hand

110
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:22,633
That's cool

111
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,873
I bet you can think of a way

112
00:06:24,873 --> 00:06:27,033
To get it

113
00:06:27,033 --> 00:06:28,293
I don't know

114
00:06:28,293 --> 00:06:29,093
I have

115
00:06:29,093 --> 00:06:30,933
I don't know

116
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:33,573
I might not be able to

117
00:06:33,573 --> 00:06:36,833
In the meantime, I've been practicing my deep squats

118
00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:39,193
And I've been putting Crisco on the floor

119
00:06:39,193 --> 00:06:41,933
I'm just going to show you my deep squat

120
00:06:41,933 --> 00:06:42,553
Real quick

121
00:06:42,553 --> 00:06:42,913
Okay

122
00:06:42,913 --> 00:06:44,533
Go

123
00:06:44,533 --> 00:06:49,773
Oh my god.

124
00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:52,773
Okay, thanks.

125
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:53,433
You should go.

126
00:06:54,433 --> 00:06:54,913
Okay.

127
00:06:55,493 --> 00:06:57,993
Do you want these pencils back?

128
00:06:58,913 --> 00:06:59,393
Nope.

129
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:00,953
I want them out of the house.

130
00:07:01,673 --> 00:07:02,153
Okay.

131
00:07:02,393 --> 00:07:04,253
Thanks for the pencils and the two drinks.

132
00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:05,473
Feel free to come back later.

133
00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:07,933
Cut to after the party.

134
00:07:09,633 --> 00:07:12,113
Honey, we have no more pencils left.

135
00:07:12,113 --> 00:07:16,513
And I'm not sorry, Monica.

136
00:07:18,593 --> 00:07:21,373
Donald, this is exactly what I feared would happen.

137
00:07:22,513 --> 00:07:24,373
My inadequacies are...

138
00:07:24,373 --> 00:07:27,233
You're just putting them in the limelight.

139
00:07:27,913 --> 00:07:32,393
Do yourself a favor and go suction up those divorce papers I had printed out.

140
00:07:37,073 --> 00:07:37,673
Scene.

141
00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:42,613
you