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welcome to friends like us uh we're gonna do a little improv but first we need a suggestion

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producer give us a suggestion yeah we'll we'll riff a little bit first and then we'll do a scene

3
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your word is innocent innocent i feel innocent you look innocent thanks yeah you're welcome

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innocent of what any and all crimes and you're a lawyer we know you're a lawyer yeah i can think

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of a way to get out of anything like i can think of questions to ask where it's like oh i thought

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you meant like you had one foolproof way but you're saying in any situation yeah like there's

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questions that you can think to ask that here's here's one example okay if i got pulled over in

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my white camry and then i would go to court i'd be like your honor it's the best-selling color

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of like one of the best-selling models you're telling me you know a hundred percent that it

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was me and not some other white camry that drove by i don't think so you said you got pulled over

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right because he pulled over the wrong camry it's a white camry oh oh i see what you're saying

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i was like wouldn't the fact that you're in it prove that right because he pulled over the wrong

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car oh and the other guy got away because he was going so fast your honor nice robes by the way

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you look great in black very flattering um uh but what if i feel like someone's had to have

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tried that and it didn't work i'd have never heard it and you've been to every single every trial and

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i've read every court book every court book every documentary yeah they call them court books yeah

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and every documentary too wow yeah and i did a personalized tour with reese witherspoon

18
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oh what just reese and francis live right well she got a lot of experience from the legally blonde

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movies oh okay i see i see how you got there now i'm just saying yes um what if okay what if the

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scenario was um you are the only one in a store that's closed the alarm is going off and you're

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holding two really expensive bottles of wine that the store sells wine and the cops burst in and

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there you are the alarm going off and also you in a robber mask and gloves what would you say to get out of it the best robber mask and the best wine

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you're you're in the both everything is just the best selling you're in the robber mask i'm in the

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most popular color robber mask also i'm on ambien

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your honor i thought i was in bed these are wines i thought they were

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i thought it was paddling i thought they were flippers i'm sorry

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i don't even drink wine

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your honor why would i steal something i wouldn't use

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it's a good point innocent thanks look at the cops

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thought you did something didn't you double flip off i hold up the wines

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aha you still have the evidence

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no and now improv

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wake up babe wake up what what is it i was here i was here all night what are you talking about

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Where else would you have been?

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I was here with you and we were making love.

36
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What?

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Honey, I don't remember that.

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I blew your mind.

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Wait.

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Have you been having sex with me while I'm sleeping again?

41
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God, no.

42
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I wait.

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Till you awaken.

44
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Okay, well then why don't I remember this?

45
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You need to remember it.

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Remember, you changed my name in your phone to Oh God.

47
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What?

48
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Oh, actually, it is changed.

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I don't remember doing that.

50
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Some people may come to the door and they're going to say this man did a crime and I just need you to be there for me.

51
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Of course, yeah.

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I mean, of course, I'll be here for you.

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Whatever you need.

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Okay.

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I'm sleeping.

56
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Is that them?

57
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Okay, I guess.

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Hello?

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Hi, yes.

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It's three in the morning.

61
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Can I help you, officer?

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I'm looking for a very dangerous man.

63
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Oh, no, it's just myself and my husband here.

64
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Here's his picture.

65
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Oh, that's a picture of my husband.

66
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Yes.

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Do you know where your husband was tonight?

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I was told he was with me all night.

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You need to be straight with me,

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because the man in this picture has been accused of very heinous crimes.

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Multiple people are dead, and others are disfigured,

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and others left those people because of the disfigurement Oh wait hang on I getting a call Oh the caller ID says oh God I step outside

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Out of respect.

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Honey?

75
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What's he saying?

76
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He said multiple people are dead, and he has a picture of you.

77
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Oh, that's a load of shit.

78
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I didn't do that.

79
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Remember?

80
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We were kissing.

81
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I thought we were making love, and it blew my mind.

82
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Well, first we kissed, and then I rubbed you.

83
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I rubbed you the right way.

84
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That does sound like something I'd enjoy.

85
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You are so beautiful.

86
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Oh, not now, honey.

87
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The cops are still here.

88
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God, for me, I'm getting...

89
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I'm in the mood.

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Donald.

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Donald, not now.

92
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Haven't you ever wanted to?

93
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When the...

94
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Someone's in the other room with a badge?

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Oh, God, I love that.

96
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This...

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Wait, this is a dangerous side of you I've never seen before.

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Maybe the cops was...

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Get the cops out of the bed.

100
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Maybe the cops were right.

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Maybe you are the dangerous guy they're looking for.

102
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What?

103
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what honey i i'm just saying i don't

104
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wow officer officer i'm sorry about that yeah um anyway if we don't catch this guy

105
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uh well i'm gonna be embarrassed

106
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well i don't want you to obviously i don't want anyone to feel embarrassed in their job

107
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i i don't know if that's the man look you have a picture of a man that looks like my husband

108
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and you say that this is a dangerous man who's doing dangerous things yeah he's got he's wearing

109
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a name tag in the picture let me see if i can make it out donald that that is my husband's name

110
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but donald is the most common name

111
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and he does have brown hair which is the most common hair color

112
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huh hold on no one's ever tried this great questions well thank you they're not really

113
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questions they're they're more like statements to help you know yeah no this is a great defense

114
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i gotta think about this i'm not again i'm not trying to embarrass you at your job no but don't

115
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you care that multiple people are dead and multiple people are single you mean the people

116
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that were once with the people that are now dead they're victims too that's true no one ever thinks

117
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about the people that were in relationships with the dead people i'm sorry about the disfigured

118
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ones obviously their spouses had to leave it's not what they agreed to oh i thought this was

119
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murder we were talking about. No, some people are dead.

120
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But

121
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you not talking about their partners or spouses No I don care No no Only the disfigured ones Yes Oh The other people are they getting money from policies You have a very specific sense of who to feel sympathy and empathy for

122
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Yeah.

123
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Officer.

124
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Feels.

125
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Officer.

126
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I'm sorry.

127
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What's your first name?

128
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Gata.

129
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Gata Feels.

130
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Officer Gata Feels.

131
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Yeah.

132
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Oh, it's a beautiful name.

133
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Thanks.

134
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It's a, well, I, Cops run in my family.

135
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My dad's name is Cop.

136
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And he named you God of Feels?

137
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Yeah.

138
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Beautiful.

139
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I love a good story like that.

140
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Well, I don't know what to tell you, officer.

141
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My husband has apparently been rubbing me in just the way that I like.

142
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Okay.

143
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Oh, hang on.

144
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Oh, God's calling me again.

145
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Oh, I'll step into the pantry.

146
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Yes.

147
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Feel free to help yourself to animal crackers in there.

148
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Okay.

149
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Have a smart pop.

150
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Hello? He's still here, by the way.

151
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Oh, God, I'm ready.

152
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Are you telling yourself that you're ready?

153
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I'm telling you.

154
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Oh, okay, because you said, oh, God.

155
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I'm just hoping you defend me, the monster Donald.

156
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Wait, are you or are you not the monster Donald?

157
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Shh! Imagine my fingers against your lips.

158
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Were they against anybody else's lips or bodies tonight?

159
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Maybe with a gun or a knife?

160
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Um...

161
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Donald?

162
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Bernice, I think it's hot when you don't ask questions.

163
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Oh, Donald.

164
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I think it's hot when you kill people who are in the pantry.

165
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Oh, Donald.

166
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Bernice.

167
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All right, I'm going to keep you on the line.

168
00:10:05,733 --> 00:10:06,953
I don't know what I'm going to do yet.

169
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I like stabbing personally.

170
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Officer got a feels?

171
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Yeah.

172
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:15,633
Oh, you went to town on those animal crackers.

173
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Oh my god, you make these?

174
00:10:18,073 --> 00:10:19,213
No, I bought them.

175
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I think it's Nabisco makes them.

176
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Anyway, I believe you.

177
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Oh, perfect.

178
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All right, no stabbing necessary.

179
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I didn't hear what you just said.

180
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I just got a check in your bedroom.

181
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Oh, you feel free.

182
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I mean, if you're not after my husband, then...

183
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No, that's what I'm looking for.

184
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Donald!

185
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Scold!

186
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Ha!

187
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Season.