1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:17,960 have you tried that thing where you breathe all the air out of your lungs and then scream 2 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:21,280 no wait how do you do that 3 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:28,280 try it 4 00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:41,240 welcome to very fine friends 5 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:46,600 listeners at home you try that 6 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:47,940 pause the track 7 00:00:47,940 --> 00:00:50,460 exhale completely 8 00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:52,500 and then scream 9 00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:55,520 and then get back to us and let us know. 10 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:56,980 Do it around sleeping babies. 11 00:00:57,540 --> 00:00:57,760 Yeah. 12 00:00:58,020 --> 00:00:59,020 They won't wake up. 13 00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:00,000 It won't be a very loud scream. 14 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:00,240 Yeah. 15 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,240 You can't trust us. 16 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:03,360 While you're doing that, 17 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,760 we're going to do some bonus improv. 18 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:07,820 Joe, can we get a suggestion? 19 00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:09,660 Your suggestion is empathy. 20 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:11,960 Empathy. 21 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:13,880 No. 22 00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:17,560 No, you're not for it. 23 00:01:17,780 --> 00:01:17,960 No. 24 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:19,380 I'm for it. 25 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:20,600 I love empathy. 26 00:01:21,180 --> 00:01:22,340 I wish the world were kinder. 27 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,300 I always wonder what's going on in someone else's life. 28 00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:26,400 Why are they acting that way? 29 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:27,840 Yeah. 30 00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:32,700 There's a lot of behavior that I'm like, really? 31 00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:33,860 Really? 32 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:34,340 Yeah. 33 00:01:34,700 --> 00:01:36,700 Like, it doesn't even look fun. 34 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:41,920 Like, being bad, but being bad in like a fun way, I get. 35 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:42,660 Yeah. 36 00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:46,260 Like, robbing a bank and rolling around in the money. 37 00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:46,940 Totally. 38 00:01:47,180 --> 00:01:47,920 That's fun. 39 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:56,580 it's bad behavior but it's fun but like just being an asshole to somebody like 40 00:01:56,580 --> 00:02:03,500 just like i don't know what's i had a saying for this i was gonna tell you 41 00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:20,342 it was about bad attitudes and being an ass but slipped my mind got a bad attitude are you an ass don be is that the phrase Oh wow Yes Yes I hear that all the time 42 00:02:21,662 --> 00:02:23,622 Yeah, it's... 43 00:02:23,622 --> 00:02:25,042 What? 44 00:02:25,182 --> 00:02:25,962 No, I forgot it again. 45 00:02:26,122 --> 00:02:26,262 Oh. 46 00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,702 Yeah, but empathy is super, super important. 47 00:02:28,962 --> 00:02:29,242 Okay. 48 00:02:31,582 --> 00:02:32,922 Some people just don't have it. 49 00:02:34,602 --> 00:02:35,042 Yeah. 50 00:02:35,362 --> 00:02:39,622 And a lot of those people know they don't have it, and they mask. 51 00:02:39,622 --> 00:02:40,122 Have you heard this? 52 00:02:40,122 --> 00:02:41,842 Have you ever heard of this book called The Mask of Sanity? 53 00:02:43,302 --> 00:02:49,202 It's about how psychopaths or sociopaths, I can't remember which, are aware. 54 00:02:49,742 --> 00:02:54,602 And they create a mask that they can present to society. 55 00:02:55,442 --> 00:03:00,882 So they know that they're hiding their true nature, but they need to exist among other people. 56 00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:03,962 So they lie, and it's crazy. 57 00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:09,122 And now, improv. 58 00:03:10,122 --> 00:03:16,922 Wife, please come here. 59 00:03:18,942 --> 00:03:20,422 Oh, yes. Yes, husband? 60 00:03:22,522 --> 00:03:24,042 I've decided to come clean. 61 00:03:25,022 --> 00:03:26,662 Oh, should I be worried? 62 00:03:26,942 --> 00:03:27,242 Yes. 63 00:03:27,442 --> 00:03:27,922 Oh. 64 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,082 This is troubling news at best. 65 00:03:31,862 --> 00:03:33,662 And at worst, it will change your life forever. 66 00:03:34,602 --> 00:03:35,882 Oh, no. Hang on. 67 00:03:36,322 --> 00:03:37,402 Let me find... 68 00:03:37,402 --> 00:03:38,702 What happened to all of our chairs? 69 00:03:38,942 --> 00:03:39,502 They're gone. 70 00:03:40,122 --> 00:03:41,542 I need to sit down for this. 71 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,522 No, I got rid of them. 72 00:03:44,002 --> 00:03:48,342 You put peanut shells all over the floor like a Texas roadhouse. 73 00:03:48,702 --> 00:03:50,022 The original, yes. 74 00:03:50,182 --> 00:03:52,542 So that I can't sit down on the floor without getting messy. 75 00:03:52,802 --> 00:03:54,402 All right, fine, I'll stand for this news. 76 00:03:54,542 --> 00:03:55,202 Stand on the peanuts. 77 00:03:55,842 --> 00:03:56,922 I'm standing on them. 78 00:03:57,122 --> 00:03:58,182 Thank you. Have a few. 79 00:03:59,642 --> 00:04:00,642 You know I'm allergic. 80 00:04:02,202 --> 00:04:02,962 Carry on. 81 00:04:04,182 --> 00:04:05,862 Here it is. The news. 82 00:04:06,522 --> 00:04:08,142 God, I wish I was sitting right now. 83 00:04:08,142 --> 00:04:11,142 I don't care about that wish. 84 00:04:11,142 --> 00:04:13,142 Which leads me to my next point. 85 00:04:13,142 --> 00:04:15,142 I don't care about anything. 86 00:04:17,142 --> 00:04:19,142 That's what I've been hiding from you all these years. 87 00:04:19,142 --> 00:04:21,142 All those birthdays I remembered made me sick. 88 00:04:21,142 --> 00:04:22,142 What? 89 00:04:22,142 --> 00:04:24,142 All the food I cooked you pissed me off. 90 00:04:24,142 --> 00:04:25,142 What? 91 00:04:25,142 --> 00:04:27,142 Picking you out from the airport, I wanted to kill us both. 92 00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:38,324 What I just don care There it is Honey Honey Don call me that Just Husband Shut up for a second Shut up 93 00:04:39,324 --> 00:04:40,564 Let me ask you something. 94 00:04:43,224 --> 00:04:44,444 Have you read... 95 00:04:45,924 --> 00:04:47,444 a book... 96 00:04:48,704 --> 00:04:51,784 called Unmasking Sanity? 97 00:04:53,784 --> 00:04:54,504 Yes. 98 00:04:54,504 --> 00:04:56,444 Is that why you're behaving like this? 99 00:04:57,444 --> 00:05:00,864 It's why I feel confident to behave like this. 100 00:05:02,184 --> 00:05:02,824 Why? 101 00:05:04,744 --> 00:05:06,944 Who wrote that book, honey? 102 00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:10,244 Dr. Mitchell Sandberg. 103 00:05:10,924 --> 00:05:11,184 Yeah. 104 00:05:12,304 --> 00:05:14,264 Dr. Mitchell Sandberg. 105 00:05:15,724 --> 00:05:16,784 What about it? 106 00:05:16,824 --> 00:05:17,284 Who cares? 107 00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:20,324 Now you're going to wish there were some chairs. 108 00:05:20,764 --> 00:05:21,144 What? 109 00:05:21,144 --> 00:05:22,384 You're going to wish there were some chairs. 110 00:05:22,564 --> 00:05:24,364 Oh, you son of a bitch. 111 00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:25,624 You're going to wish there were chairs. 112 00:05:25,684 --> 00:05:26,684 Should I go stand on the nuts? 113 00:05:27,444 --> 00:05:32,104 I'm Dr. Mitchell Sandberg. 114 00:05:32,204 --> 00:05:33,344 Shut up. 115 00:05:33,384 --> 00:05:35,084 I wrote this book. 116 00:05:35,144 --> 00:05:35,864 Give that book to me. 117 00:05:35,924 --> 00:05:37,064 Let me open the back jacket. 118 00:05:38,144 --> 00:05:39,264 Yeah, that's right. 119 00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:41,844 Oh, it's Michelle Sandberg. 120 00:05:43,324 --> 00:05:45,744 You didn't even care enough to read it. 121 00:05:46,204 --> 00:05:47,184 Oh, my God. 122 00:05:47,304 --> 00:05:49,204 Because I've been calling you wife all these years. 123 00:05:49,324 --> 00:05:50,184 Yeah, that's right. 124 00:05:51,764 --> 00:05:52,604 That's right. 125 00:05:52,604 --> 00:05:53,724 I wrote that. 126 00:05:53,864 --> 00:05:54,964 So you don't care either? 127 00:05:55,304 --> 00:05:56,024 No, I care. 128 00:05:56,204 --> 00:05:57,024 Not a lick. 129 00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:58,364 Ha ha ha ha. 130 00:05:58,584 --> 00:05:59,464 And I got you. 131 00:05:59,604 --> 00:06:03,304 The only thing I cared about in this world was getting you to unmask. 132 00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,184 I knew those dinners meant nothing. 133 00:06:05,804 --> 00:06:10,344 I knew that we both wanted to die after coming back from the airport. 134 00:06:11,584 --> 00:06:13,104 You've been treating me clinically? 135 00:06:13,384 --> 00:06:14,644 I don't even have a birthday. 136 00:06:15,744 --> 00:06:16,864 You piece of shit. 137 00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:20,244 I just tricked you. 138 00:06:22,344 --> 00:06:23,404 So let me guess. 139 00:06:23,464 --> 00:06:26,724 Somehow these roadhouse peanuts fit into all this? 140 00:06:26,724 --> 00:06:27,984 I love peanuts. 141 00:06:27,984 --> 00:06:29,564 I love them. 142 00:06:29,564 --> 00:06:31,404 Oh, you sick bitch. 143 00:06:31,404 --> 00:06:33,224 Uh huh. Uh huh. 144 00:06:33,224 --> 00:06:35,364 Where do we go from here? 145 00:06:35,364 --> 00:06:38,364 I was so excited to not care and you were going to be devastated. 146 00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:40,104 And I love the idea of that. 147 00:06:40,104 --> 00:06:54,326 Oh and I know now I this is the first time I ever really felt anything Watching you get crushed You wanted to show me how you didn feel anything 148 00:06:54,566 --> 00:06:58,046 Well, I tricked you into dropping your mask. 149 00:06:58,946 --> 00:06:59,746 Hey, Michelle. 150 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:01,626 Ooh, that felt weird. 151 00:07:02,186 --> 00:07:03,346 Yes, husband. 152 00:07:04,346 --> 00:07:05,906 Did you ever read a book called 153 00:07:05,906 --> 00:07:07,806 Executing the Unmasking of Sanity? 154 00:07:10,446 --> 00:07:10,886 Yeah. 155 00:07:11,586 --> 00:07:12,586 Hmm, that's interesting. 156 00:07:12,746 --> 00:07:13,626 Who wrote that book? 157 00:07:13,666 --> 00:07:28,526 uh dr harambe sandberg well you're in for a treat just call me harambe what that's right 158 00:07:28,526 --> 00:07:33,466 oh my god the pack cover it's you that's me i've always called you husband i know i didn't know i 159 00:07:33,466 --> 00:07:38,826 didn't know that was your real name yes my whole entire uh relationship to you has just been me 160 00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:42,666 giving you the professional confidence to execute your framework. 161 00:07:43,246 --> 00:07:45,486 You son of a bitch. 162 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:46,386 Oh, yeah, and guess what? 163 00:07:47,206 --> 00:07:51,026 All those times I picked you from the airport, I did care. 164 00:07:51,406 --> 00:07:52,686 What? No. 165 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,706 I got there early. I was in the parking lot. 166 00:07:54,906 --> 00:07:55,146 What? 167 00:07:55,346 --> 00:07:57,646 Yeah, I was reading a book called How to Love Your Wife. 168 00:07:57,826 --> 00:07:58,266 No. 169 00:07:58,726 --> 00:07:59,166 Yes. 170 00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:00,426 No. 171 00:08:01,186 --> 00:08:03,126 No, no, no, no, no. 172 00:08:03,126 --> 00:08:05,866 My whole identity is being a psychopath 173 00:08:05,866 --> 00:08:08,446 and making you unmask yourself as a psychopath. 174 00:08:08,826 --> 00:08:12,426 You've been a caring, empathetic person this whole time? 175 00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:14,326 It's called layering, and guess what else? 176 00:08:14,666 --> 00:08:15,006 What? 177 00:08:15,426 --> 00:08:15,926 The peanuts. 178 00:08:16,786 --> 00:08:20,186 I've been giving you micro doses of them, so your allergy's gone. 179 00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:21,066 No. 180 00:08:21,446 --> 00:08:21,646 That's it. 181 00:08:21,646 --> 00:08:23,106 You did something nice for me. 182 00:08:23,146 --> 00:08:23,846 That's right, elephant. 183 00:08:25,166 --> 00:08:26,006 Because of the peanuts? 184 00:08:26,226 --> 00:08:27,086 Yeah, I got it. 185 00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:27,286 Yeah. 186 00:08:27,506 --> 00:08:27,726 Yeah. 187 00:08:28,446 --> 00:08:30,526 God, you asshole. 188 00:08:30,666 --> 00:08:31,286 That's me. 189 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,426 Let me ask you this. 190 00:08:35,146 --> 00:08:35,946 Ask away. 191 00:08:35,946 --> 00:08:37,946 My whole life has been fulfilled just now. 192 00:08:37,946 --> 00:08:39,066 nothing could go wrong. 193 00:08:40,426 --> 00:08:41,806 Have you ever read a book 194 00:08:41,806 --> 00:08:43,906 called 195 00:08:43,906 --> 00:08:45,066 Weaponizing Empathy? 196 00:08:48,066 --> 00:08:48,466 And 197 00:08:48,466 --> 00:08:48,626 scene.