welcome to very fine friends i mean like the kids gather around the fireplace get a warm cup of cocoa
and settle in with a blanket
because it's time for some bonus improv.
Joe, could you please feed us a suggestion
inside of a gingerbread cookie?
Mm-hmm, coming right up.
Your sweet little suggestion is unfair.
Unfair.
well Francis I feel like
you probably have a lot of thoughts on this
I have been
frequently wronged
a lot of things in life are unfair
you know
that's very true
I think the concept of fairness
is just something we made up
oh totally
and it's all I mean
you know like as a wise man
once said
you never know what your bad luck
what worst luck your bad luck saved you from
wow that is good so deep right oh i know
that was like a season one callback yeah um we doing seasons by the way sure we're seasoned
yes we're doing seasons because seasons because we're seasoned um but yeah i know that the idea
of fairness is like you never know like you look at somebody's life and you're you want it and then
suddenly they get cancer or something.
I don't know.
I think that a lot.
I knew someone who like had like the,
like I was so jealous of their life and yeah,
they got cancer and passed away.
Yeah.
Actually.
Yeah.
Not just for the bod.
And she was like a really,
and she was like a really nice person too.
Super kind.
Wow.
That's not,
that's unfair.
Yeah.
Just goes to show you, anything can happen at any time to anyone.
Yep.
I mean, she must be nice.
She did that for the pod.
I know.
That's true.
And we hadn't even existed yet.
She just said she had an inkling.
She's new.
Yeah.
She saw me and she was like, one day.
You're going to need to relay the story.
Yeah.
And you have to say something about fairness.
Okay.
I rarely hear of someone I hate having something bad befall them.
What's up with that?
Yeah.
Yeah well do yeah I trying to think of a good example you know you have like you have someone like oh like oh dick cheney dead great like but he lived for a very long time
he seemed to have gotten everything that he wanted out of life
yeah i think we're all too like civilized like we're not like a primitive species anymore so we
don't settle settle interpersonal disputes with violence so we would rather acquiesce to people
that are being bullies or like tyrannical rather than like get in a physical confrontation which
is why like the moniker of like bad things happen to good people i guess well also we live in a like
tyrannical police state where like there's also consequences for doling out
justice,
even if it's justified.
It's like you deserve punishment,
but also I need to go to work.
So I can't be going to jail now.
And now improv.
Veronica.
Hey,
veronica hold on okay what i just i wanted to tell you i know you wanted the lead in the school
play and i know that i got it and i know you were working really hard at it yeah and i'm sorry i
know that that's very unfair yeah thank you for saying that because it is go on and i just wanted
to let you know i've made it all better i gave myself cancer just even the playing field a little
bit i'm so sorry that so now we're even i get the lead in the school play but well now i feel
terrible because i wish you would get it um wait what well before you gave it to yourself from
for the for me i did it for you but i but i got it for you for you veronica i but i didn't make it
fair veronica i got it for you but i didn't know when i wished it on you that you were gonna do
that did you really think i was so terrible of a person that i wouldn't give myself cancer to
make things fair i was upset my emotions were rolling around in me like a wave on an ocean i
was mad. I'm gonna say it.
I'm gonna say it. The fact that you can't
control your emotions is the reason that you didn't
get the lead in the school play.
Yeah.
I'm so sorry. Emotions
is what acting's all about. Okay, stop.
Mrs. Duncan said she couldn't trust you
to control your emotions on stage
and that's why she couldn't cast you.
She told you that? She told me that, of course.
She tells her ingenue everything Inapropes Inapropes I sorry You just jealous that you don have the same kind of relationship Mrs Duncan that I have I going to prove to you that I emotionally stable
When I go home tonight, I'm going to wish that you are cured.
Don't you dare.
Yeah.
Don't you unlevel that playing field.
Your stupid cancer's going away.
No, don't you dare.
Yeah, and then life's going to be unfair again.
I'm going to take it fine.
No.
Yes.
You better not, Veronica.
Yes.
Oh my God.
And then Mrs. Duncan is going to confide in me and she's going to.
Oh, she better not.
And she'll be like, you're my ingenue.
No.
And I'll be like, don't tell her that because she can't handle it.
Well, then you're going to have to get cancer.
I'll do whatever I have to do.
Cut to three days later.
Bronica, can I speak to you a moment?
Hold on.
Okay, go ahead.
I just got back from my oncologist.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
Oh, that's interesting.
What did they have to say?
Uh, he said it was like a miracle or something, but my cancer is gone.
You bitch.
The cancer left?
The cancer is gone.
Maybe it couldn't stand you.
What did you do to my level playing field?
I undid it, biznatch.
No.
I went home and I did what I did and now you're here.
No, I can't live with this guilt of being better than you.
Shocker, you're going to live because the cancer's gone.
No, no.
You know what?
Oh, I don't feel good.
Wait, no.
Didn't I tell you?
No, don't you dare.
Oh, this is hard to say.
Don't you dare.
I am riddled.
And I mean riddled with cancer.
Don't you know.
Every cell.
Yep.
Veronica, what have you done?
It's like honeycombs in there.
No.
And guess what Mrs. Duncan said?
No.
She said she's going to plan my funeral after the show, which she's sure is going to be great.
Well, the joke's on you.
What?
Because now the playing field is no longer level.
Now you're above me.
Ha ha ha.
Deal with that guilt.
Oh.
Now you have the advantage.
You have Mrs. Duncan.
You have the honeycomb cancer.
You've got everything.
And I'm just healthy.
Well, I guess we're each just going to have to live with that.
No, we can't.
Hmm.
Cut to the next day.
Beep.
Sorry, that's my cancer machine.
Yeah, I know what it is.
I had one as of four days ago, and I don't anymore thanks to you.
I know, I saw your name scribbled on it under checked out.
Well, I got some news for you.
Oh.
I leveled the playing field on your behalf.
Is that even man?
What?
What is that even man?
What is that even men I tell you what it means Sorry I L Got on When was the last time you spoke to your parents This morning Okay They kissed me they told me they loved me and they proud of me
Yeah, well, that's the last thing they've ever said to you
What?
That's right
What do you mean?
I cut the brakes on their car
They were in a terrible accident and they're gone now
So now you are disadvantaged
Wait
You leveled the playing field
Leveled again
No
You have Mrs. Duncan
But no parents
But the
You dumb bitch
The playing field
Is still wildly unlevel
No
You're just making me more
Bad
Things are bad for me
You didn't make anything
Don't you see what you've done?
You took Mrs. Duncan from me
I took your parents from you
Okay fine
You eye for an eye that
I'm pretty sure this is a level playing field
No
Oh great, so you're smarter than me too
That's another one up that you have on me
What else should I take from you, Veronica?
There's nothing left to take
Give me your hair
No
I will need it shortly
I know, because of your chemo
You can apologize for everything you've done
And we can be friends again
and you can do the play bald and I'll know and I'll know.
And then we're even.
Here's the wall.
W-A-H-L.
Ah.
Yes.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
As you know, I'm much smarter.
Yeah, I know.
And you know things about brands that I don't know about.
Yeah, it's fully charged.
Good. All right.
Take it all off in one fell swoop so it remains wig-like.
Wow.
There. Now I'm bald. Are you happy?
Yes, I'm happy.
Great.
Now go do your show.
I'm going to.
Okay.
Cut to the day after the show.
Do you see, Veronica?
Do you see what the school paper said about the play?
Oh.
I'm sorry, I know this is going to be hard for you.
She's dead.
I'm just wheeling her around school like she would have wanted.
She wanted me to tell you something.
What?
She said you were magnificent in the show.
You stupid dead bitch!
Scene.
you