1
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welcome to very fine friends i mean like the kids gather around the fireplace get a warm cup of cocoa

2
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:29,440
and settle in with a blanket

3
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:34,340
because it's time for some bonus improv.

4
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:41,300
Joe, could you please feed us a suggestion

5
00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:43,900
inside of a gingerbread cookie?

6
00:00:44,980 --> 00:00:46,580
Mm-hmm, coming right up.

7
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:51,340
Your sweet little suggestion is unfair.

8
00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:53,620
Unfair.

9
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:55,340
well Francis I feel like

10
00:00:55,340 --> 00:00:58,200
you probably have a lot of thoughts on this

11
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,240
I have been

12
00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:01,360
frequently wronged

13
00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:04,340
a lot of things in life are unfair

14
00:01:04,340 --> 00:01:04,980
you know

15
00:01:04,980 --> 00:01:06,380
that's very true

16
00:01:06,380 --> 00:01:08,940
I think the concept of fairness

17
00:01:08,940 --> 00:01:10,980
is just something we made up

18
00:01:10,980 --> 00:01:12,240
oh totally

19
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,900
and it's all I mean

20
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:16,700
you know like as a wise man

21
00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:17,340
once said

22
00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:20,300
you never know what your bad luck

23
00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:22,400
what worst luck your bad luck saved you from

24
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,900
wow that is good so deep right oh i know

25
00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:36,880
that was like a season one callback yeah um we doing seasons by the way sure we're seasoned

26
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:43,920
yes we're doing seasons because seasons because we're seasoned um but yeah i know that the idea

27
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:51,160
of fairness is like you never know like you look at somebody's life and you're you want it and then

28
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:54,780
suddenly they get cancer or something.

29
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:55,240
I don't know.

30
00:01:55,460 --> 00:01:56,300
I think that a lot.

31
00:01:59,180 --> 00:02:01,100
I knew someone who like had like the,

32
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,040
like I was so jealous of their life and yeah,

33
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,880
they got cancer and passed away.

34
00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:05,560
Yeah.

35
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:07,240
Actually.

36
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:07,840
Yeah.

37
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:09,640
Not just for the bod.

38
00:02:09,740 --> 00:02:10,420
And she was like a really,

39
00:02:10,420 --> 00:02:15,100
and she was like a really nice person too.

40
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:16,560
Super kind.

41
00:02:17,460 --> 00:02:17,860
Wow.

42
00:02:18,580 --> 00:02:19,140
That's not,

43
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:19,860
that's unfair.

44
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:20,540
Yeah.

45
00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:23,340
Just goes to show you, anything can happen at any time to anyone.

46
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:23,900
Yep.

47
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:26,380
I mean, she must be nice.

48
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:27,660
She did that for the pod.

49
00:02:28,260 --> 00:02:28,480
I know.

50
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:28,960
That's true.

51
00:02:29,180 --> 00:02:30,540
And we hadn't even existed yet.

52
00:02:30,660 --> 00:02:31,740
She just said she had an inkling.

53
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:32,000
She's new.

54
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:32,440
Yeah.

55
00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:34,680
She saw me and she was like, one day.

56
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,800
You're going to need to relay the story.

57
00:02:38,340 --> 00:02:38,480
Yeah.

58
00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:40,800
And you have to say something about fairness.

59
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:41,420
Okay.

60
00:02:42,540 --> 00:02:46,660
I rarely hear of someone I hate having something bad befall them.

61
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:47,380
What's up with that?

62
00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:50,060
Yeah.

63
00:02:50,540 --> 00:03:07,973
Yeah well do yeah I trying to think of a good example you know you have like you have someone like oh like oh dick cheney dead great like but he lived for a very long time

64
00:03:07,973 --> 00:03:11,013
he seemed to have gotten everything that he wanted out of life

65
00:03:11,013 --> 00:03:19,313
yeah i think we're all too like civilized like we're not like a primitive species anymore so we

66
00:03:19,313 --> 00:03:26,193
don't settle settle interpersonal disputes with violence so we would rather acquiesce to people

67
00:03:26,193 --> 00:03:33,053
that are being bullies or like tyrannical rather than like get in a physical confrontation which

68
00:03:33,053 --> 00:03:40,693
is why like the moniker of like bad things happen to good people i guess well also we live in a like

69
00:03:40,693 --> 00:03:48,773
tyrannical police state where like there's also consequences for doling out

70
00:03:48,773 --> 00:03:49,133
justice,

71
00:03:49,133 --> 00:03:51,373
even if it's justified.

72
00:03:51,693 --> 00:03:54,013
It's like you deserve punishment,

73
00:03:54,013 --> 00:03:56,953
but also I need to go to work.

74
00:03:57,113 --> 00:03:58,693
So I can't be going to jail now.

75
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:02,193
And now improv.

76
00:04:08,673 --> 00:04:09,313
Veronica.

77
00:04:09,793 --> 00:04:10,333
Hey,

78
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:21,813
veronica hold on okay what i just i wanted to tell you i know you wanted the lead in the school

79
00:04:21,813 --> 00:04:30,273
play and i know that i got it and i know you were working really hard at it yeah and i'm sorry i

80
00:04:30,273 --> 00:04:37,493
know that that's very unfair yeah thank you for saying that because it is go on and i just wanted

81
00:04:37,493 --> 00:04:45,473
to let you know i've made it all better i gave myself cancer just even the playing field a little

82
00:04:45,473 --> 00:04:53,613
bit i'm so sorry that so now we're even i get the lead in the school play but well now i feel

83
00:04:53,613 --> 00:05:00,074
terrible because i wish you would get it um wait what well before you gave it to yourself from

84
00:05:00,074 --> 00:05:09,514
for the for me i did it for you but i but i got it for you for you veronica i but i didn't make it

85
00:05:09,514 --> 00:05:15,713
fair veronica i got it for you but i didn't know when i wished it on you that you were gonna do

86
00:05:15,713 --> 00:05:21,613
that did you really think i was so terrible of a person that i wouldn't give myself cancer to

87
00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:27,933
make things fair i was upset my emotions were rolling around in me like a wave on an ocean i

88
00:05:27,933 --> 00:05:29,813
was mad. I'm gonna say it.

89
00:05:29,894 --> 00:05:31,913
I'm gonna say it. The fact that you can't

90
00:05:31,913 --> 00:05:34,053
control your emotions is the reason that you didn't

91
00:05:34,053 --> 00:05:35,433
get the lead in the school play.

92
00:05:36,873 --> 00:05:37,313
Yeah.

93
00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:39,973
I'm so sorry. Emotions

94
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,593
is what acting's all about. Okay, stop.

95
00:05:41,753 --> 00:05:43,873
Mrs. Duncan said she couldn't trust you

96
00:05:43,873 --> 00:05:46,093
to control your emotions on stage

97
00:05:46,093 --> 00:05:47,693
and that's why she couldn't cast you.

98
00:05:47,793 --> 00:05:49,834
She told you that? She told me that, of course.

99
00:05:49,913 --> 00:06:02,207
She tells her ingenue everything Inapropes Inapropes I sorry You just jealous that you don have the same kind of relationship Mrs Duncan that I have I going to prove to you that I emotionally stable

100
00:06:02,547 --> 00:06:05,887
When I go home tonight, I'm going to wish that you are cured.

101
00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:07,067
Don't you dare.

102
00:06:07,187 --> 00:06:07,467
Yeah.

103
00:06:07,627 --> 00:06:09,067
Don't you unlevel that playing field.

104
00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:10,647
Your stupid cancer's going away.

105
00:06:10,707 --> 00:06:11,967
No, don't you dare.

106
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:13,567
Yeah, and then life's going to be unfair again.

107
00:06:13,627 --> 00:06:14,827
I'm going to take it fine.

108
00:06:15,387 --> 00:06:15,727
No.

109
00:06:16,207 --> 00:06:16,607
No.

110
00:06:16,847 --> 00:06:17,047
Yes.

111
00:06:17,047 --> 00:06:18,087
You better not, Veronica.

112
00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:18,767
Yes.

113
00:06:18,767 --> 00:06:19,307
Yes.

114
00:06:19,307 --> 00:06:20,367
Oh my God.

115
00:06:20,507 --> 00:06:24,767
And then Mrs. Duncan is going to confide in me and she's going to.

116
00:06:24,767 --> 00:06:26,007
Oh, she better not.

117
00:06:26,147 --> 00:06:27,307
And she'll be like, you're my ingenue.

118
00:06:28,067 --> 00:06:28,367
No.

119
00:06:28,607 --> 00:06:31,527
And I'll be like, don't tell her that because she can't handle it.

120
00:06:31,607 --> 00:06:33,687
Well, then you're going to have to get cancer.

121
00:06:34,567 --> 00:06:36,867
I'll do whatever I have to do.

122
00:06:38,207 --> 00:06:39,487
Cut to three days later.

123
00:06:40,527 --> 00:06:42,147
Bronica, can I speak to you a moment?

124
00:06:42,467 --> 00:06:43,007
Hold on.

125
00:06:43,927 --> 00:06:44,607
Okay, go ahead.

126
00:06:46,047 --> 00:06:48,267
I just got back from my oncologist.

127
00:06:48,267 --> 00:06:48,807
Oh, you did?

128
00:06:48,807 --> 00:06:49,207
Yeah.

129
00:06:49,207 --> 00:06:49,867
Oh, that's interesting.

130
00:06:50,027 --> 00:06:50,947
What did they have to say?

131
00:06:51,627 --> 00:06:56,607
Uh, he said it was like a miracle or something, but my cancer is gone.

132
00:06:56,747 --> 00:06:57,567
You bitch.

133
00:06:57,827 --> 00:06:59,267
The cancer left?

134
00:06:59,447 --> 00:07:00,387
The cancer is gone.

135
00:07:00,407 --> 00:07:02,107
Maybe it couldn't stand you.

136
00:07:02,747 --> 00:07:05,927
What did you do to my level playing field?

137
00:07:06,047 --> 00:07:07,907
I undid it, biznatch.

138
00:07:08,107 --> 00:07:08,527
No.

139
00:07:08,707 --> 00:07:11,347
I went home and I did what I did and now you're here.

140
00:07:11,467 --> 00:07:14,987
No, I can't live with this guilt of being better than you.

141
00:07:15,087 --> 00:07:17,607
Shocker, you're going to live because the cancer's gone.

142
00:07:17,607 --> 00:07:18,627
No, no.

143
00:07:18,807 --> 00:07:19,367
You know what?

144
00:07:20,087 --> 00:07:21,547
Oh, I don't feel good.

145
00:07:22,587 --> 00:07:23,507
Wait, no.

146
00:07:23,667 --> 00:07:24,367
Didn't I tell you?

147
00:07:24,707 --> 00:07:25,567
No, don't you dare.

148
00:07:25,567 --> 00:07:27,687
Oh, this is hard to say.

149
00:07:27,887 --> 00:07:28,967
Don't you dare.

150
00:07:29,047 --> 00:07:29,847
I am riddled.

151
00:07:30,287 --> 00:07:32,267
And I mean riddled with cancer.

152
00:07:32,307 --> 00:07:33,327
Don't you know.

153
00:07:33,527 --> 00:07:34,527
Every cell.

154
00:07:34,867 --> 00:07:35,087
Yep.

155
00:07:35,327 --> 00:07:36,667
Veronica, what have you done?

156
00:07:36,687 --> 00:07:38,227
It's like honeycombs in there.

157
00:07:38,367 --> 00:07:38,807
No.

158
00:07:39,347 --> 00:07:40,647
And guess what Mrs. Duncan said?

159
00:07:40,807 --> 00:07:41,227
No.

160
00:07:41,747 --> 00:07:46,327
She said she's going to plan my funeral after the show, which she's sure is going to be great.

161
00:07:47,207 --> 00:07:49,287
Well, the joke's on you.

162
00:07:49,687 --> 00:07:50,087
What?

163
00:07:50,607 --> 00:07:52,807
Because now the playing field is no longer level.

164
00:07:52,947 --> 00:07:53,807
Now you're above me.

165
00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:55,147
Ha ha ha.

166
00:07:55,667 --> 00:07:56,687
Deal with that guilt.

167
00:07:57,547 --> 00:07:57,967
Oh.

168
00:07:58,207 --> 00:07:59,547
Now you have the advantage.

169
00:08:00,907 --> 00:08:01,827
You have Mrs. Duncan.

170
00:08:03,007 --> 00:08:04,567
You have the honeycomb cancer.

171
00:08:04,687 --> 00:08:05,427
You've got everything.

172
00:08:05,427 --> 00:08:08,567
And I'm just healthy.

173
00:08:09,687 --> 00:08:12,807
Well, I guess we're each just going to have to live with that.

174
00:08:13,747 --> 00:08:14,427
No, we can't.

175
00:08:15,307 --> 00:08:15,707
Hmm.

176
00:08:16,327 --> 00:08:17,767
Cut to the next day.

177
00:08:20,987 --> 00:08:21,427
Beep.

178
00:08:22,867 --> 00:08:25,667
Sorry, that's my cancer machine.

179
00:08:25,887 --> 00:08:27,327
Yeah, I know what it is.

180
00:08:27,367 --> 00:08:31,207
I had one as of four days ago, and I don't anymore thanks to you.

181
00:08:31,327 --> 00:08:34,047
I know, I saw your name scribbled on it under checked out.

182
00:08:34,287 --> 00:08:36,847
Well, I got some news for you.

183
00:08:36,927 --> 00:08:37,167
Oh.

184
00:08:37,687 --> 00:08:40,567
I leveled the playing field on your behalf.

185
00:08:40,647 --> 00:08:41,887
Is that even man?

186
00:08:43,027 --> 00:08:43,367
What?

187
00:08:43,367 --> 00:08:44,847
What is that even man?

188
00:08:46,327 --> 00:09:00,580
What is that even men I tell you what it means Sorry I L Got on When was the last time you spoke to your parents This morning Okay They kissed me they told me they loved me and they proud of me

189
00:09:00,580 --> 00:09:03,980
Yeah, well, that's the last thing they've ever said to you

190
00:09:03,980 --> 00:09:04,460
What?

191
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:05,800
That's right

192
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:06,420
What do you mean?

193
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,360
I cut the brakes on their car

194
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,660
They were in a terrible accident and they're gone now

195
00:09:11,660 --> 00:09:13,500
So now you are disadvantaged

196
00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:14,900
Wait

197
00:09:14,900 --> 00:09:17,320
You leveled the playing field

198
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:18,320
Leveled again

199
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:18,820
No

200
00:09:18,820 --> 00:09:20,100
You have Mrs. Duncan

201
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,700
But no parents

202
00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:23,660
But the

203
00:09:23,660 --> 00:09:25,340
You dumb bitch

204
00:09:25,340 --> 00:09:26,340
The playing field

205
00:09:26,340 --> 00:09:28,840
Is still wildly unlevel

206
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:29,820
No

207
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,000
You're just making me more

208
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,320
Bad

209
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:34,600
Things are bad for me

210
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:35,440
You didn't make anything

211
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,540
Don't you see what you've done?

212
00:09:37,940 --> 00:09:39,800
You took Mrs. Duncan from me

213
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,300
I took your parents from you

214
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:41,820
Okay fine

215
00:09:41,820 --> 00:09:43,560
You eye for an eye that

216
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:46,720
I'm pretty sure this is a level playing field

217
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:47,420
No

218
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,820
Oh great, so you're smarter than me too

219
00:09:49,820 --> 00:09:52,220
That's another one up that you have on me

220
00:09:52,220 --> 00:09:54,720
What else should I take from you, Veronica?

221
00:09:55,380 --> 00:09:56,900
There's nothing left to take

222
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:59,680
Give me your hair

223
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:03,360
No

224
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,800
I will need it shortly

225
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,760
I know, because of your chemo

226
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,040
You can apologize for everything you've done

227
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,320
And we can be friends again

228
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:16,380
and you can do the play bald and I'll know and I'll know.

229
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,960
And then we're even.

230
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,080
And then we're even.

231
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:26,040
Here's the wall.

232
00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:30,440
W-A-H-L.

233
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:30,880
Ah.

234
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:31,480
Yes.

235
00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:33,980
Thank you.

236
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:34,960
You're welcome.

237
00:10:35,060 --> 00:10:36,500
As you know, I'm much smarter.

238
00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:38,320
Yeah, I know.

239
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,380
And you know things about brands that I don't know about.

240
00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:41,540
Yeah, it's fully charged.

241
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:43,380
Good. All right.

242
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,520
Take it all off in one fell swoop so it remains wig-like.

243
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:52,720
Wow.

244
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:55,700
There. Now I'm bald. Are you happy?

245
00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:56,660
Yes, I'm happy.

246
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:57,480
Great.

247
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:58,640
Now go do your show.

248
00:10:59,420 --> 00:11:00,120
I'm going to.

249
00:11:00,340 --> 00:11:00,700
Okay.

250
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:03,060
Cut to the day after the show.

251
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:05,120
Do you see, Veronica?

252
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:08,020
Do you see what the school paper said about the play?

253
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:09,320
Oh.

254
00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:12,860
I'm sorry, I know this is going to be hard for you.

255
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:15,420
She's dead.

256
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:19,200
I'm just wheeling her around school like she would have wanted.

257
00:11:20,660 --> 00:11:22,100
She wanted me to tell you something.

258
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:22,880
What?

259
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,460
She said you were magnificent in the show.

260
00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:30,700
You stupid dead bitch!

261
00:11:33,420 --> 00:11:33,940
Scene.

262
00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:40,880
you