when i was a child or teen preteen i don't even know we used to go back east to visit family in
upstate new york yep and one of our my dad's friends had like a big property with
like a pond like a big natural pond i don't know if it's natural i don't know why i said natural
it was a pond big natty pond could have been a silicone pond for all i know anyway um he would
like fish on his pond yeah so he's like we should go out on the pond and i was like
i'm not like a nature kid yeah so i was like okay like we can go out and like we're out on the pond
and he started rocking the
the boat
which is where the saying comes from by the way
my personal experience
anyway he started rocking it and I was like
screaming for him to stop you know
don't rock the boat
yeah that's where that song
comes from
my exact experience anyway so yeah he kept doing it
and I was like freaking out I started to have like a panic attack
and then
I went overboard in the lake
or the pond and I had to like swim back to the shore.
Was you going overboard the result of him rocking it
or are you panicking because he was rocking it?
It's hard to say.
The mists of time obscure even the strongest of memories.
But I will say I don't think it would have happened
if he hadn't been aggressively tormenting a sweet innocent child.
Like laughing like ha ha ha ha.
Like look at you, you're upset.
Like that kind of.
Yeah, yeah.
He was doing it to freak you out.
Yeah, because he knew that I was...
That exactly what would happen would happen.
He knew.
Anyway.
But you made it.
So you were swimming back on your clothes?
That's good for you.
Well, I wasn't going to take them off after I got in the water.
No, but I'm saying that it's hard to swim in clothes.
I don't think people realize how difficult that is.
When you're scared of fish, you can swim fast in clothes.
You said this was your dad's friend?
Yes.
your dad's friends have done a lot of weird stuff to you yeah i think i deserve to get into heaven
despite all of my sins based on what was done to me yeah you've done your punishment here on earth
thank you yeah you've done your purgatory yeah here i'm ready to be rewarded um well what was it
wintertime or summertime for some reason i was picturing this being winter it wasn't the winter
time if it was in the winter that would be like crazy because it's really cold over there in the
yeah i was gonna say that i think it was probably like spring or summer yeah okay
you'd be like george bailey's kid brother you'd have that ear infection
oh richard at bro bailey yes yep yeah um
wow i'm sorry that happened to you thanks it made me stronger i guess or whatever or whatever
yeah people say that don't you hate people say like oh it doesn't kill you makes you stronger
i'm like what about being maimed yeah there are certain there are certain things that don't kill
you that definitely make you way weaker than you were and maybe forever yep horrible saying zero
out of ten yeah that's saying it's not based on any of my life experiences because you got weaker
everything that didn't kill you welcome to very fine friends a podcast where friends talk about
stuff a podcast where francis relives childhood trauma uh well how are you today francis today
yeah today's great except for the horrible rush hour traffic i had to drive into and from work
everything went perfect i had a theory about this i was thinking if you tested your like stress
levels, I bet you they would peak in traffic.
Yeah.
This is why I don't drive on the freeway.
Aside from the fact that I'm terrified of dying in a car accident and going at higher
speeds increases the likelihood of that.
It's so much less stressful.
I would rather add seven to eight minutes to my commute and then not feel like the tension
of being on the freeway and just like, like, all of you.
i hate you uh so it's just like i have my regular routes and then i kind of just go on autopilot and
it's not stressful at all i have a couple of tips for driving in traffic because i used to be super
angry used to be i'm perfectly not anymore okay um but here's something i do like someone got in
my lane today like with no notice and i was like here i said this out loud it helps to say it out
out no blinkies or if they like cut in and like you didn't give you notice sometimes i'll say out
loud like good for them or like you did it you're here that sort of thing congratulations you did it
or just a simple like sir it's always sir even if it's a lady yeah she knows she knows what he did
Yeah, traffic's the worst.
Well, I'm sorry that you had to drive in so much traffic.
It's okay.
I got to see a lot of cars.
That was nice.
That is a pretty big goal for most people most days.
I need to see as many cars as I possibly can.
Well, I like to look in the windows and see what they're doing.
A lot of people breaking the law out there.
Like cheating on their taxes in their car?
With little speech bubbles so I know what's going on.
Yeah.
they strangle people in the car and look at me just like shh it's our little secret
on the freeway going really fast and then you're like dad's friend what are you doing
yeah throws me a fuzzy navel
quick interruption every week on the podcast we do something where our producer joe gives
Francis and I each our own secret word. Throughout the course of the podcast,
we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person
noticing. If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point. And
right before we die, we add up all the points. And then we get a prize, whoever has the most
points for guessing the most secret words. Here's Joe with today's secret words.
Jenna's secret word is parental. Jenna's decoy word is kindling. Francis's secret word is
overachiever. Francis's decoy word is expunged. Back to the pod.
I don't have an elegant segue. That's a segue.
Speaking of fuzzy navels, it's time for the invention of the week.
Inventions.
Francis.
That's me, boo.
You got, you hit me, baby.
Hit me with it.
Oh, you want to be hit?
Oh, yeah.
You know it.
You got to give me that sweet, sweet invention.
You winding up.
I wish we could do that for like 10 minutes.
What's stopping us?
People will stop listening.
Joe's face.
It's the extended version.
Stay tuned for the bonus content.
Yeah, the bonus content.
It'll be a video feed of Joe's face with us in the background.
Joe just like immediately end this, please.
Joe kills us both.
New segment idea.
How quickly can we get Joe to murder us?
speaking of murder yeah i think it's you know how sometimes you want to murder people
you're gonna love this well i was just thinking how like you know sometimes in movies people hold
up two guns and they're like shooting two guns yeah and i'm like get real you're not hitting
anything with those guns well also uh i've never fired a gun but i've been made to believe that
they recoil a lot yeah depending on so having two it's like man yeah you gotta be real strong to
just do a one-handed one-hander when you said i've never fired a gun i pictured you like
letting a gun go you're free you're free we love you do performance uh i that's true i i
free guns into the wild so if you ever find a loose gun it's probably one that i've freed
check out our map for locations of all places jenna's let guns go yep uh anyway i'm sorry
invention yes my invention is as fellas you know how some people eat in their cars i do know that
you know how it can be messy i do know that you know how we don't want to be messy i do know that
you know how some people share cars and they get mad at their partner if they get messy in the car
oh i do know that here you go i had this thought because uh well so viewers i mean listeners
will be intimately familiar with the following irrefutable fact taco bell while delicious
remains the hardest food to eat in the car seriously because the tacos open and lettuce
falls and cheese falls that's true but soft taco not so much the crunchy taco yeah
i've had trouble with both which leads me to a new world wait didn't they also used to have the
the thing like the crunchable or wrap or whatever and their ad used to be like and you're good to go
and it was like i don't know if i've ever seen that and you're good to go like the whole point
is like here it is yeah like the crunch wrap yeah like you can eat it on the wild but i'm pretty
sure they had a like like buy it eat it you good to go like something like that pop it chewing
anyway sorry i digress go on so taco bell okay the hardest to eat yeah well and this isn't just
for taco bell but taco bell fans are going to they'll be crying in the streets everyone is
a taco bell i mean we all secretly love taco bell right or openly love it yeah
yeah for me for sure for me for sure um check it out okay my invention is a device that you load up
with sauce these like three or four different condiment teats if you will
i will you fill them up and then it latches onto your visor so you can sauce your taco
or your burrow.
Like milking a cow?
Okay, keep going.
Yeah.
Well, you don't have to milk it.
It's like...
No, I'm going to milk it.
Okay.
Anyway, so it frees up your hand
so you don't have to open the sauce
when you're driving and, you know,
putting the sauce on your...
You don't have to open the packet and...
Yeah, it could be very dangerous
even though we're all willing to take that risk.
It would be nice to not have to.
Now you just have to use both hands at the same time.
To milk it.
And you have to put them in front of your face.
For just a second.
You could do it in the drive-thru line.
Oh.
you know what that means audience
someone just got in an accident
using their taco tea
well I don't know if that's being picked up
on Mike
it might not be being picked up but there's very loud sirens
going right now
just down the street
that's how you know this idea is
tits
fire
fire sauce
well done
that is my favorite taco bowl sauce
me too yeah i agree um so that's just it so it's just straps to your visor little teats
yes and it's filled with your various sauces yeah like what sauces do you envision
um being in there the sauces you want um this is totally customizable i was just curious what
your sauces would be. Oh, you want to know my personal sauces?
Yeah, your personal sauces.
Well, fire sauce, of course.
Sriracha is an obvious choice for me.
Okay.
Basically, anything that doesn't have to go in the fridge.
Ah, good point.
You know? So...
Vinegar-based.
Okay.
What if there is someone wants to have a refrigerated sauce?
One of the teats
is
it has that...
You know that stuff in first aid kits where you crack it and it gets cold?
Yeah.
It's got that on it.
Oh, nice.
It's a nippy teat.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, wait, how is it hands-free?
Because it's secured to the visor.
But you still have to dispense it somehow, right?
it's remote control is it like a soap dispenser you like automatic you just like wave the drivers
think you're like like waving them on no i'm just putting fire sauce on my taco
um and so part of the thing that you don't like about taco bell is that lettuce gets everywhere
because they open.
So you're opening this taco to put the sauce in.
How is this helping you avoid lettuce getting everywhere?
Here's what happens.
Here's what it is.
Okay.
You get your food.
You pull into a spot.
You sauce your tacos.
Then you drive away and now you can eat them.
So you're parked.
you have to be part to use this so how is this better than just a sauce packet well you because
if you have a sauce packet you don't it's not like you're driving you need to i can understand
the not wanting to open a sauce packet while you're driving you just looked up at me with
crazy eyes here's here's the truth here's the truth here's the truth okay i used to do this
thing where I would get my sauce packets and I would
open it and then I would
take a bite of my taco and then
slurp a little sauce
in the same bite. Yeah.
And then like I thought it was genius.
And then one day I had this horrible
thought realization where I was like,
these people are touching these.
And you're putting it in. Yeah.
I'm basically sucking their fingers. Yep.
And once I had that thought, I was like,
no more.
How much sauce can you legally give me?
Is there anyone back there
handling these with our feet.
Please hand them to me one at a time.
So okay how is this different than just keeping little squeeze squeeze bottles in your car other than it mounted to your visor that the that the main advantage is that it mounted to
one's visor and um the secondary advantage is it's coming from above
what if you miss and then it lands on you and but what how is coming from above
or what if you're just driving and you're not eating it goes a little haywire
it wouldn't do that it loves you
it just wouldn't do that okay um it's been hurt before well it's this are this the technology is
good. It's proprietary and strong.
You should have
led with that. Yeah, well, teeth don't
randomly release.
That's not my
understanding.
I think everyone should just try it before
they
have bad
ideas about it. Everyone buy this
and then you can criticize
it. I think that's only fair.
Let me ask you a question.
do you ketchup fries when you're in the car
um that was the main benefit of sucking up the ketchup okay my technique it was like fry
ketchup slurp it was the perfect solution in a world where people's fingers weren't disgusting
and i was like this is it um so but okay now do you have the same difficulty it's so like you know
how like whataburger has like the little they don't have packets they have like a little cup
with their condiments into jack-in-the-box i think maybe does the same thing maybe not with
their ketchup but they do with like or you could like you could dip it or you could peel it and
squirt it um yeah so but so like a little cup does that is that easy for you so one of my hands
has to be on the steering wheel.
Yeah, the other one's on the food.
And I use that hand and I lift it to the visor.
So then it automatically goes like a soap dispenser.
Yeah, because...
Check this out.
Audience, I'm holding up a taco
and I'm using my fingers
to squeeze the teat
as I move the taco.
The taco goes
right now I'm picturing the taco
lips.
Are you eating?
You'd have to be eating
the world's shortest taco.
I know.
No.
It's motion
sensing. Okay.
there we go when the talk when the taco's near um see this is why i worry the motion sensing makes
it easier to dispense for sure but then it does make me worried about like what if you just like
get into the car and it senses your head you've got fire sauce all over your head
um you're like not again well it doesn't work until the car started
uh you get into a car accident and your head flies forward and then now you're covered in sauce
Ma'am, we're sorry. We could have saved your husband, but his head was covered in too much fire sauce.
Well, there will be a disclaimer on the packaging on the website.
Which is, don't get into a car accident.
But shit happens, okay? You're not going to sue the CD company because CDs flew all about your car.
I did do that. How do you think I got my millions?
I didn't know, and now I do.
Maxwell, I sued them, the CD.
Oh, what CD specifically was it?
No, just the blank CDs
Oh, of course, yeah
I kept a thing of blank CDs in my car
You never know when you're gonna
I'm gonna wanna rip a DVD or a CD of some kind
I actually, side note, I have in my car currently
a whole bunch of mixed CDs that I made in high school
I still have them
Do you listen to them?
I think when I first found them again
I did listen to them and like
oh yeah, I remember this CD.
You know it's illegal what you've done.
Yeah.
That's right. That's right, coppers.
Don't worry, I'm a lawyer. I'll have your
record expunged. Thank you, I appreciate that.
Okay, well,
this...
There are definitely
people that will buy this.
Um...
I...
It could be in the home, too.
what would you clip it to in the house
your bed frame
so when you're in
you know how you're in bed
yeah you know how you want to eat tacos
yeah
I don't know how
this is different than just having
little squeeze bottles in your car
except for the motion sensing
and the proprietary
what was it
remote start technology
yeah
um um no um here's what's different you've got multiple sauces you're gonna have five jingling
individual sauce packets oh where's my this one oh where's my that one guess what they're
all right next to each other okay um so then are you going to taco bell and being like i'm not
ordering anything today i just need to refill my taco teat anything you could buy a taco you could
get on so could you just please give me like 30 fire packets my teat needs refilling they'll know
what that means okay and we're gonna brand this thing with a taco bell logo oh well and actually
taco bell could get out they could just sell little teats they can sell pre pre-loaded teats
Can I get a Rocco's Modern Life?
Oh, man.
See?
Yep.
Yes, we do see.
So we love it.
Great.
How many teats per thing?
Four.
Four?
Okay.
I feel like ranch would be, does ranch need to be refrigerated?
It does.
Yeah.
That would be a big one, though.
I think people would want ranch.
well you know you can do you can go to talk you can go to taco bell and you can be like
uh can i get the tea pack and they'll give you the food and instead of giving you sauces they'll
just give you this thing for a nominal charge actually does ranch because now i'm thinking
about it i've definitely gotten one of those like little ranch cups from um jack in the box before
and they're warm they're not they're not refrigerated some of them could be shell
stable depending on how many
chemicals they pump into it. Exactly. Just make
sure that you pick the ranch with
the most chemicals when you buy our... Okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
Just enough to keep it preserved.
Not enough chemicals to
deteriorate the teat.
Yes. God, I hope your secret
word isn't teat. I'm screwed.
That would be amazing.
um
all right well what do we call it this bad boy
I mean taco teat sounds pretty good
taco teat is great
taco teat stay
I also thought of
that was real stupid
write it down
rain
teat snow or hail
do you say rain teats
rain teat snow or hail
you know like rain sleet snow or hill oh i don't know i'm not familiar with that sorry i reacted
the post office motto or whatever isn't it yeah neither rain nor sleet nor yeah oh i thought
their motto was we sell stamps that too i mean more than one motto yeah we sell stamps
utterly
I was thinking utter too
utter
delicious
saucy
udders
saucy udders
I
I think
taco teats is
the clear winner though
yeah
unless you like
yeah it's good
Why are we reopening the clams?
It's fun.
It's fun to think about what it could have been.
You know, I used to know someone who used to say this.
When anyone said, it is what it is, she would say, but it should be what it could be.
Isn't that nice?
Hmm.
Let it should be what it could be.
Is it nice?
Did you say let it?
Wait, is that what you said?
No, no, no.
Here, I'll do it again.
I'll be both people.
Okay, sorry.
I'll be both people.
I only was half paying attention to your friend.
It is what it is.
But it should be what it could be.
I'm going to change my life.
Mine's already changed.
Since I bought the taco teat, or what was it?
Yeah, taco teats.
Taco teats day.
Teat Tuesday.
Great.
Well, these will be in every car, I'm pretty sure.
They'll be in mine.
They will come preloaded.
It'll be a feature.
What about mounted hands that feed you the food?
If you buy In-N-Out and you get a burger, you can put the burger in the hands.
You just lean forward.
You have a thing on your steering wheel and you push it and it brings it forward and you take a bite.
Could we maybe do a tie-in with me's or hands here?
I was going to say, and then they give you a haircut.
Know how when you're driving and you're trying to get a haircut and your hair gets everywhere?
Your partner gets mad at you.
I mean I would buy that
I don't want to be seen using it but I'd buy it
Can you imagine just driving
and then you just see like hands coming
to it
Well everyone will have one so it won't be weird
That's true if everyone's doing it it's not weird
Oh and then you'll get less road rage and traffic
because then you can like look in and see people getting haircuts
You're in traffic
I'm healed from that now
Yeah you're welcome
See
Someone turned you know when they're at a light
and you're driving and it's your green light
and then they like speed out in front of you on the turn this happened to me like i almost hit
him i had to like hit the brake but instead of being angry i just went oh why'd you do that
and that was the end of it i do often think about your strategy francis once told me
that um if someone's going really slow in front of you and you're stuck and behind them
that just imagine that they're transporting a cake yeah yeah that they like have to go slow
so it doesn't fly.
Especially at a turn
where you're like,
what are you doing?
Where it's like,
you don't have to come
to a complete stop
to turn right.
Unless it's your grandma's birthday.
Yep.
And then,
so I think about that.
It doesn't usually help
mitigate the anger,
but I do think about it
for whatever it's worth.
Well, that's the first step.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Admitting you think about it.
Admitting that I think about it.
Yep.
Okay.
Well,
Taco Teets,
Taco Teets Day.
Smashing success.
Yep.
And go to
veryfinefriends.com
and
buy one.
Buy two.
Stay.
Oh.
Discount.
You buy them on Tuesday as well.
Yep.
But if you want to buy them
on any other day of the week,
we'll give you the discount.
Like,
we just want you to buy it.
Stop giving them away,
Francis.
We love these people.
I know,
we do love you.
They keep our lights on.
You're just throwing your teats
all over town,
aren't you?
Yep.
Uh,
well,
I think that wraps up a very successful invention of the week.
Hooray, y'all.
Just maybe stop putting things on the mic.
I'm sorry.
Random objects.
I apologize to everyone who loves me.
Now go swim in a lake.
All right.
Well, it's time for our next segment.
take me to prompt
oh hey there betsy do you want to go to the prompt with me
francis you want to explain this yes i do thank you here's how it works our producer
whose name is Joe
will be providing
Jenna and myself with
prompts
to which we have to come up with responses.
Okay? You'll see how this works in just a moment
when he gives the first one.
Anyway, it'll be Joe's
job to decide, based on his laughter,
which
of us provides the
best response.
And it's anyone's game.
Yep, that's right.
it's anyone's game
it's a deadly game
Joe's laughter is the prize
okay
I thought I did a pretty good job
explaining that but
I guess you needed to
I needed to give my own
hey get used to it kid
we're about to play this game
I know
I like Jenna's explanation better
okay
oh nice
vote for the overachiever
that's nice
thank you so much
I was an overachiever
I said way less than you
I just called it a deadly game
okay okay so okay i got points
okay i have 12 questions for you oh jenna look at me you're dead
i told you this is a deadly game i know i'm in it now i'm locked in i'm pissed off
if you were the last person on earth what's the first thing you would do
i was the last person on earth was the first thing i would what you keep going what's the
first thing you would do the first thing i would i'll go first yeah okay anyone go yeah okay i'll
go i would and i know this is the truth i would run out into the street screaming
the hills are alive with the sound of music just feel like that's something i would do
i would um
get into like find a steal.
Well,
I guess stealing is irrelevant at this point.
I would take a very fast car and I would go drive around and find cool shit
and then take it for myself.
I would steal.
It's not stealing anymore.
It's just taking.
I know.
It's just having.
It's holding.
Yeah.
That's what I would do.
I would.
go outside wearing pants and a belt,
and I would do this really funny thing I invented
where if you take your belt off fast enough,
you spank yourself.
Do you need to be the last person on earth to do this?
I don't want anyone else to see this.
You invented it You clearly done it before Yeah I had to wait till no one home So just being alone also okay
I would go to everyone's closet in the neighborhood.
I'd take all their clothes.
I would sew them together into a giant parachute quilt.
And then I'd jump off a building using everyone's clothes.
even though parachutes are available
oh yeah
but not of all my neighbors clothes
they're not
available like that kind of
you find me
a parachute
that has Roger's pants
and
and Anita's dress
and
stitched into it good luck
you're not going to find that parachute unless everyone's dead
well I hope
for your sake that happens
thank you
Joe I'm gonna go
I'm gonna give one point to
Francis on that one you liked my belt
I did
okay I've just
given you a thousand dollars but you have
to spend it within the next 24 hours
how do you spend it
I would
find a child that understands the concept of money
and i would say this thousand dollars is yours
if you do a series of pranks but you don't get the money if you tell people that i paid you to
prank so i would get a child to be rambunctious what are the pranks um uh
they one of them would be um stealing your parents car and driving it around the block
and if you hit something you don't get the money
uh help me catfish your teacher
and creating a giant
slip and slide inside
the school hallway, main
hallway.
If you break your hip, you don't get the money.
And then running
a gambling ring
to see which kid slips
the farthest, can go the farthest
distance down the hall.
and I get to keep any profits from the gambling ring,
but they get the $1,000 still at the end.
So this is a real rat race situation you got going on.
Kind of.
Yeah, that's nice.
Yeah.
What'd you do?
I would find
a hundred jovial senior citizens,
put them in a van I rented with some of the money,
drive them to Tucson to visit the last Sweet Tomatoes,
and pay for all of them to have a meal before straining them in Tucson.
Okay.
How much does this van cost?
It's a rental.
I know, but how much?
Okay, so $1,000.
So let's say.
It's $65 a day.
I only have it one day.
Okay.
But you're paying for 100 people to have a meal.
At Sweet Tomatoes, it's a sub $10 meal.
Yeah, the max meal that they can have is.
Well, and that's not even accounting the van expense.
It's like $9 a meal.
Yeah.
Okay.
What are you saying?
I haven't spent it all?
Wait, also, this is a hundred passenger van.
Old people don't care about safety rules.
They'll sit on each other and do.
And then they won't be able to get up because they're old.
I'll help them.
Oh, okay.
I'll have a nice lunch.
And then I'll say...
And then you abandon them at sweet tomatoes.
I'll say, why did you come with me?
You don't know me.
Let this be a lesson to you.
Yeah.
If I can sweeten the deal for you, Joe,
one of the old people I forced to stay in the van
while we all ate.
And that person thought they got screwed.
Little did they know.
They're going home.
I brought some food with me out of sweet tomatoes.
They get to eat in the car.
They're in there with the taco teat.
It's all mine.
Teat tomatoes.
Yeah.
Hey, we should go to them.
Sweet teats.
Damn it.
Okay.
I'm going to give a point to Jenna on that one.
Hers was a little bit more whimsical, I think.
You want whimsy? Okay.
How would you win in a fight against a T-Rex?
Go ahead. You go first this time.
Okay. Well, I would attack its insecurities and immediately make fun of the arms.
And to the point where it cried.
And, you know, obviously its arms couldn't reach its eyes to, like, wipe the tears.
so that would reinforce my point
and I would be like
I don't even want to fight you
you're so physiologically
devolved
and
it would go home and
his parents would give it permission to
hit me because I was a bully
but when it saw me again I would
be like
arms you're back
and the cycle would start all over again
and
That is shockingly close to what I was going to say.
I'll say you both get a point on that one.
Oh, okay.
Which famous singer would you commit a felony with?
With?
Shania Twain.
because
I'd want her
she seemed sassy
and I'd want her
I'd want to impress her much
you want her to sing
man I feel like a woman
while you commit the felony
that's nice
yeah
Shia if you're listening
we know who you are
hit me up
baby
we'll do some crime
That'd be cool if she had a song called
We'll Do Some Crime because that would have been like the perfect
Yeah
What if she comes out with one now because she was listening
And she's like that's such a good song idea
I guess we'll do some crime
Oh Shania
You shouldn't have
She's like I didn't
I would choose
Faith Hill because she's very talented
And doesn't really
Do anything anymore
I feel like she needs to get out of the house
okay sorry keep going okay thank you
anyway she also has a song with her husband called let's make love
and i thought it'd be funny while we were coming to crime i kept looking to her and saying that
as a joke until the point where it got annoying i'd be like hey i have an idea and she'd be like
don't and i'm like let's make love and she's like it's getting weird
she strikes me as very boring
Faith Hill
just because you don't know her
I think all the puns we could do with her songs
or just repeating their titles to her face
I don't know any of her songs
hey Faith how do you feel about this kiss
oh that's her
yeah
she's the only person to ever get the word centrifugal
motion into a song
and everyone just accepted it
is that true
I wouldn't lie
well I also don't care about Faith Hill
so that's another point too Jenna
in your opinion
what's really going on over
in the Bermuda Triangle
that's where the sheen factory is
and there's a lot of
children
floating
on wood while they
sell that's why clothes are wet
wait so
you think it's just an area with no parental supervision that's just loaded with kindling
that's your just picturing tons of wood only kids lord of the flies kind of situation no no
they're working they they can't get into social class discussions they're busy do they have
i'm picturing them now like do they have like a little song that they sing hi ho
like the dwarves
no because that
distracts from sewing
oh
and increases the
risk that their
fingers will be
struck with a needle
which attracts
sharks in the
Bermuda Triangle
and for the lady
I think that's
where Santa really
lives
I'm gonna say
John again
love a nice quick one-liner
or when she just says the exact same thing I said
you love that too
hey
don't judge the judge
yeah
good I like that I like sayings
I control the points here Francis
when the jetpack is invented
what will it be most useful for
in your opinion
um hovering to second floor windows and watching people change when they don't know you're there
all uh like a 70s comedy that's what i would have said
when the jetpack is invented what will it be most useful for will be most useful or used
well I mean
this is like quiplash like I'm giving you a
semi serious question
but I'm not expecting you to answer it
seriously
I'm actually asking clarification
how will people
actually use it versus how would it
technically be most useful
I was viewing
it as
what funny
thing would you find it most useful
okay
Okay.
Singeing off the eyebrows of the people behind you that were seeing you off.
That's Francis.
We're back, baby.
Is it ever okay for two snowmen to fall in love?
No.
I meant snow.
yes but only if they use they move their carrots from their nose to make them penises and then the
tips touch i just want to clarify you heard me say snow no i did jenna's answer is more tolerant
and I'm giving a point to her.
That's nice.
Have a good life, snowman.
Good luck getting in the kingdom of heaven.
What's your secret superpower
that you haven't told anyone about until just now?
um i can make people's clothing fly off their bodies at will um at my will to embarrass them
and you guys have never experienced that because i've never wanted to embarrass you i'm
magnanimous that way thank you
I can make my
boobs inflate really fast
and pop like bubble gum and then go back to normal
so you blow a bubble with your chest
back to normal
yeah
alright
it's a point for Francis
why did you buy
all the toilet paper
from the CVS
why would I
why did you
why did I buy
all the toilet paper
from the CVS
yeah
I'm the manager
and I wanted to know
is this my turn
to start
I don't know
if you heard
but taco teats
just came out
so
it's all Taco Bell related
you're just shitting a lot
okay
don't minimize this
no
man they're really coming for us today
those sirens
well Mr. Manager
it's just manager
I
I am creating a life-size paper mache, Jimmy Carter, doing Habitat for Humanity.
And it's all made out of toilet paper, paper mache.
And I just needed it all.
It's a tribute to Jimmy Carter and Habitats for Humanity.
Oh, really quick.
I just wanted to
one quick thought
I'm going in white face
so I'm wrapping myself in
millions of
rolls of toilet paper because when someone's like
he's in white face I can be like no I'm not
and I literally could never unroll it
because there's so much
wait white face?
yeah where you pretend to be white
no one will ever guess
that you're not really white.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's a point for Francis.
What?
Hey, I didn't challenge you.
Yeah, I did.
Yeah, you did.
Okay.
Thanks.
All right.
We got two final questions.
Which occupation should be discontinued right now?
wait i go first on this one
doctor
let everyone i think we'd all have a like a way more of an appreciation
for our lives if there were no doctors also it'd be kind of fun if we just like
someone got hurt and we're like all right i guess i'm the closest one to them i'm gonna do
this surgery then so no one's professionally trained that's what happened i think that's
I'm here.
Where do you think first responder comes from?
It's whoever's the first person there.
I'll put my thumb in the gun hole.
Yep.
Yeah.
I see why you
went there. Yeah, thank you.
I'm gonna say
mechanic Oh your car broken now you gotta buy a new car
mechanic's kind of like a doctor for the car
what are you saying that i stole your idea yeah
i made it less good oh you got a gunshot wound well now you gotta go buy a new body
okay i guess i see your point
you must really see her point because i just gave her one
i'm taking it gracefully
last question wait a minute i'm taking it gracefully and then you bring out the
i already mentally committed to air horns okay okay you can't un air horn an air horn that's not
true there's a can for that sucks in the horn there's no unairing that horn yeah
all right final question final question unless you guys tie in which case i feel like i should
have a tie i do have a tiebreaker question okay all right kids are in our future what is
kids aren't in your future kids aren't our future what is
kids kids grandkids yeah that's it that's the answer little ones are the little ones
fast food joints in space malls in space
drive-in movies in space you and i in space space were we recording when i came up with that song
about us driving around in space and being pulled over by aliens or no no okay well that could be in
space too wait what is that song i don't think i heard that didn't rhyme when i said it didn't
have to rhyme because it was in space was i here for this yeah why when did this happen it was
before we started apparently.
Was it when we were talking about Dimarsh?
Yes, because that's how I got there.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
You sing a lot.
Yeah.
I can't remember all of them.
That's okay.
Sing it again, Francis.
It's gone.
It was a whim.
Oh, no.
You should record them.
Okay.
I'm going space is the future.
It's a point for Francis.
Oh.
All right.
Tied.
Are we tied?
Tied at six points each.
So quick tiebreaker question.
See?
You can put the air horn back in the can.
No.
Bring it back.
Okay.
Tiebreaker.
Tiebreaker question.
I want gut reactions, fast answers.
At the same time?
Doesn't have to be.
Okay.
But don't think about it too hard.
Okay.
This is when I accidentally commit a crime or say a crime I did.
well knowing you it'll be a crime that someone committed against you
that you've repressed until now
true I can't control that
sorry if I start crying
final tiebreaker question
okay
what's your favorite thing about yourself
brain
well
I have access to Francis's brain.
That's my favorite thing about
myself.
That was really sweet.
I'm going to give Jenna the...
It better be true
if I lost over that.
Wow.
Oh, well.
See? Nice guys sometimes do
finish first. Wow. I never
thought I'd be the nice guy in this scenario.
Finishing first, no less.
Oh. Well.
that has been take me to prompt wow i can't believe i fell in love at the prompt
we have one final segment that is the big question the question is very big guess what everybody
we have a listener submitted big question if you listening at home would like to submit a question
for us to answer on the pod just email us your question at very fine friends at gmail.com
and we will read your question on the air and we will try to answer it and we will succeed in
answering it and we're gonna talk like this the whole time the whole time this was part of the
question it was like do this voice when you read it okay the big question what up my vffs
if you could wake up tomorrow being fluent in any skill set or language of your choice
automatically no effort on your part you'd be the best at whatever field you choose
what would you wake up knowing how to do
This is from Mary.
Thank you, Mary, for that suggestion.
Thanks, Mary.
Big hug from us on the pod.
That sounded like a strained hug.
I hug hard.
Yeah.
You hug hard.
You hug fast.
That was Francis's teats exploding on the hug.
They're back to normal.
There they are.
So, any skill or language.
Well, I guess, yeah.
And then you'd be best at whatever field you choose.
What would you choose?
God, I love these questions, and I wish they were real.
I would choose, like, stockbroking.
Like, if you were so good, you could always predict, like, what was going to go up, what was going to go down, like, what was coming, but you were always accurate.
Yeah.
I feel like that would be, like, amazing.
Yeah.
oh sorry
no no Joe please
were you going to add more onto the stockbroker thing
yeah I was just going to say you would probably
eventually be flagged
as some kind of
like
you know like in casinos like if you win too much
they kick you out
tough titties
tough taco titties
you can't throw me out
I work here
do you think they can throw me out Joe
that's my
you're not mad when I'm wrong
from Wall Street where are you being thrown out of
well like Jenna's saying I get flagged
who's going to flag me
sorry I'm so good
the SEC
you would be assumed to have
insider information
but people who actually have insider information get away with it all the time
I was going to say you could just join
Congress. You could just join the House of Representatives.
Looking at you.
I would never kill myself.
I feel like language
is kind of a waste. Yeah, I think
language is a waste. Which is not
to say that learning language isn't important,
but I feel like it's easier than learning a whole skill set.
Now, if you could say
we'd be fluent
in every language.
That's a game changer.
that's a game changer
is it though?
what am I going to do with it?
you can go anywhere
you can find work
anywhere you go
you could be an ambassador
for
untouched nations
you could
untouched nations
I don't know why
that better not me
we'll see
I feel like
you'll be flagged by the EU
too much
excuse me ma'am have you been touching
some nations
I just feel like if you were speaking every language
in every dialect some country's
government would be like this is clearly an agent
of someone
you just want me to be flagged for something
you flagged me
no the SEC flagged you
who tipped him off
me
well I see how that's my fault
now I get it
I think
I think I would probably choose
being
the best
actor in the world
I think that would be a useful skill
you want to remove subjectivity
yeah
I didn't remove it the question removed it
you are
you wake up
and you are the best in your field.
But I think being the best actor would be fun.
Everyone would always want you to have your pick
of any kind of cool projects,
but also you'd probably be a really good liar.
Do you think you'd get bored getting it for free,
like having everything be easy?
No.
Me neither.
No.
My only boredom would come from the parts
that people wrote, right?
But I think if people knew like,
oh, Jenna could definitely pull this off,
they would write some really interesting things for you.
I feel like I would want to be really good at farming.
Agriculture.
You're the best farmer.
You could be a farmer in those clothes.
You could probably invent a new vegetable.
Probably.
We don't need it.
And perhaps even a sauce form of said vegetable from which a teat could dispense.
I don't know.
It seems like the most practical.
Like the first thing I thought when you said be the best stockbroker is like, okay, well, what happens if like there's no more stock market theoretically in some world?
I've already got my millions.
and I turn it into gold.
Your millions of
US dollars that will
probably also be gone in that scenario.
Oh, I'm converting them to gold.
Oh, okay.
But your farm idea
sounds nice. Thank you.
I was just thinking if
you needed me to write a movie for you, I would
write one called Juby. Oh, thank
you. Yeah. Could you do that
anyway? Yes. Okay.
Thanks.
Well, I think these are all good answers
If we all do it together
We'll be unstoppable
Yeah, we got food, money
Listeners, do you need an actor, a broker, a farmer?
Yeah
That was like the end of The Breakfast Club
Oh, that's good
I was going to go outside and just be like
The hills are alive
And then slap yourself with your own belt
Try it sometime
You will like it
Why you gotta wait for everyone on earth to be dead?
You're right.
I should just be me.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, thank you.
Mary was it?
Mary, yes.
Thank you for submitting that.
And again, if you would like to submit a big question, you can email veryfinefriends at gmail.com.
or you can feel free to DM us on social media
at veryfinefriends on all platforms.
Also, drop us a line if you have an idea for a new vegetable.
Yeah.
What would you...
What hybrid vegetable?
Or would it be brand new?
Ooh, coming up with something totally new.
That's tough.
That's interesting.
What about a tomato and a...
You know what we'll talk about later.
Again, yeah.
Yeah.
Save it for off pod.
You're right.
All right.
That wraps up the big question.
The big question.
We have one final bit of business here.
The little question.
Secret words.
Oh, boy.
Did you say yours?
I did.
I said mine.
Okay.
All right.
Oh, this is making me have to pee.
Oh.
Say your words quickly.
Don't pee just yet.
Don't pressure.
We like to go in slow with a little foreplay.
Jenna.
Yeah.
Was your word parachute?
No.
Was it kindling?
That was my decoy world!
No!
Oh, I'm pissed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Funchicles.
Was your word magnanimous?
Nope.
Was it untouched?
No.
I'm out.
Dang you!
Oh.
Oh, that brain of hers in action.
Oh.
nope no no kindling was my decoy word and i said my real word right before kindling
said it in the say i said a package deal all of them my real word was parental
because you were talking about kids and wood floating and i was like careful
yeah let's go back and listen everyone check the tapes it's clean people you were talking about
the bermuda triangle and i said so it's just a place with no parental supervision filled with
kindling great how god can we live that oh i forgot that wood was involved and so i was like
just just think that kindling means children it does the way i do it watch out kids you're gonna
burn but your kids kids will be okay maybe i can redeem myself here hopefully all right
is your word expunged that was my decoy word
oh no no oh well i have more guesses i guess for your was it clams
I wish it was
no
or okay
one other guess
overachiever
was that your word?
yeah
oh
thank god
nicely done
Jenna's up
net one
no up net two
well no
because you also guessed
his decoy word
right
no we both got
so that zeroes out
but I get two points
for guessing his real word
But you also said overachiever.
Oh, I did, didn't I?
Did you?
Did I?
Pretty sure you did, yeah.
Oh, yeah, no, yeah, she said that doesn't make me an overachiever.
Dang it.
Yeah.
I'm plus one, I guess.
Okay, you're still up.
Are you winning now?
No, I'm definitely not winning.
Go to veryfinefriends.com to check the score, folks.
Well, this was a fun guessing round.
We got a lot.
We did well.
Yeah.
Good for us.
Clams.
I was really hoping that was it.
I could go for some clams.
Well, thanks for listening and we'll talk to you next time.
Bye.
Adios.
you