1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:26,280 welcome to friends like us bonus improv oh yeah yeah uh joe can we get a suggestion please 2 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:33,920 litigation oh litigation perfect because you're a lawyer yes this is tailored to me 3 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:39,900 oh i was thinking about lawyers today actually oh you know the husband and wife law team yeah 4 00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:48,300 um i was thinking i'm more of a law tigers kind of gal myself but yeah it's good to have a rolodex 5 00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:55,720 of yeah lawyers yeah i was thinking that um the best to get the best lawyer what you really need 6 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:56,920 is for them to get divorced 7 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,140 and then for them to hire their own attorneys 8 00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:00,620 and then to hire the one that won. 9 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:02,200 Yeah. 10 00:01:02,780 --> 00:01:03,760 Because then you really know. 11 00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:04,160 Yeah. 12 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:05,140 That's who they picked. 13 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:05,640 Yep. 14 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,820 Have you ever seen in movies or whatever 15 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:15,120 or read about the strategy of people are getting divorced 16 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,560 and then you meet with all the lawyers in town 17 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,100 so there's a conflict of interest? 18 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:20,580 Oh, yeah. 19 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:21,840 Oh, yeah. 20 00:01:22,060 --> 00:01:22,260 Yeah. 21 00:01:22,420 --> 00:01:23,100 It's hot. 22 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:23,440 I know. 23 00:01:23,460 --> 00:01:24,120 It is kind of hot. 24 00:01:24,260 --> 00:01:24,960 It's like a... 25 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:25,920 It's mobby behavior. 26 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:26,820 I like it, though. 27 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:27,880 Yeah, it's smart. 28 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:28,560 Yeah. 29 00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:31,080 It's so expensive. 30 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:32,800 Hey. 31 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:37,560 All's fair in divorce and lawyers. 32 00:01:37,820 --> 00:01:40,400 I would just try not to get divorced, even if I hated them. 33 00:01:41,260 --> 00:01:42,380 That would be ideal. 34 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:42,880 Yeah. 35 00:01:43,660 --> 00:01:47,260 But, you know, we live in a fallen world. 36 00:01:47,980 --> 00:01:48,400 We do. 37 00:01:48,620 --> 00:01:48,800 Yeah. 38 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:49,000 Yeah. 39 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,980 How many people do you think when they get married and they say, like, 40 00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:55,220 the death do us part. 41 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,380 How many people do you think genuinely believe they're going to be with the 42 00:01:58,380 --> 00:02:00,400 person till they die? 43 00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:03,560 I think we can almost exclusively divide this by gender. 44 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:05,560 Really? 45 00:02:07,380 --> 00:02:09,660 Because I feel like there's probably a lot of people that are just like, 46 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:09,940 you know what? 47 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:10,680 If it doesn't work out, 48 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:11,500 it doesn't work out. 49 00:02:11,940 --> 00:02:14,460 Like they're not going into it thinking that this is actually going to be 50 00:02:14,460 --> 00:02:15,480 like a long-term thing. 51 00:02:16,180 --> 00:02:16,340 Yeah. 52 00:02:16,340 --> 00:02:18,780 I think when you're in, 53 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:19,260 I mean, 54 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:20,100 as you know, 55 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:20,280 I, 56 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:22,120 I, 57 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:23,400 everyone's hot to me, 58 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:24,540 but I'm chronically single 59 00:02:24,540 --> 00:02:36,503 because it hard to choose a partner I know So I not the authority is what I saying But it seems to me when people are like in that like veil of love Yeah Like you really an optimist 60 00:02:36,943 --> 00:02:37,103 Yeah. 61 00:02:37,103 --> 00:02:37,303 You know? 62 00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:40,223 And so like I think a lot of people maybe do believe. 63 00:02:41,223 --> 00:02:42,303 Because like why would you bother? 64 00:02:43,583 --> 00:02:44,103 I don't know. 65 00:02:46,523 --> 00:02:46,883 Obligation? 66 00:02:47,303 --> 00:02:48,663 How many people do you think get married? 67 00:02:49,623 --> 00:02:51,763 Because they're like, ah, it's time I guess. 68 00:02:51,763 --> 00:02:54,543 I've been with this chick for 69 00:02:54,543 --> 00:02:55,763 three years, I guess 70 00:02:55,763 --> 00:02:58,383 it's fine. I bet you there's a lot of that. 71 00:02:59,323 --> 00:03:00,803 Oh, but that's going on their head, right? 72 00:03:01,023 --> 00:03:01,923 Yeah, they're not saying it. 73 00:03:02,263 --> 00:03:03,103 That's their proposal. 74 00:03:04,543 --> 00:03:06,243 It's not in their vows or anything. 75 00:03:06,243 --> 00:03:06,563 Okay. 76 00:03:07,203 --> 00:03:08,823 Although, it should be. 77 00:03:09,203 --> 00:03:10,623 Yeah, I think it's about to be. 78 00:03:12,303 --> 00:03:13,303 And now, 79 00:03:14,023 --> 00:03:14,403 improv. 80 00:03:21,763 --> 00:03:26,263 what what i was just thinking 81 00:03:26,263 --> 00:03:40,843 what well all my friends are married yeah and you're cool you know what i could do it 82 00:03:41,563 --> 00:03:46,483 do what what are we what are we talking about here well i was just thinking you know you and me 83 00:03:46,483 --> 00:03:48,343 we get married. And 84 00:03:48,343 --> 00:03:50,423 if I get tired of you or 85 00:03:50,423 --> 00:03:51,243 something, I just 86 00:03:51,243 --> 00:03:53,103 get divorced. 87 00:03:58,883 --> 00:03:59,643 You know, 88 00:04:01,883 --> 00:04:02,723 my friend Sandra 89 00:04:02,723 --> 00:04:04,683 just got married. She had a bunch of gifts. 90 00:04:05,443 --> 00:04:05,643 Yeah. 91 00:04:07,243 --> 00:04:08,643 It was all about her for like a 92 00:04:08,643 --> 00:04:10,523 year, too. Just her, not him? 93 00:04:11,083 --> 00:04:12,363 No, she made it all about her. 94 00:04:12,563 --> 00:04:14,663 Oh, you wouldn't do that, though. I kind of would. It looked like 95 00:04:14,663 --> 00:04:15,463 fun. Oh. 96 00:04:16,483 --> 00:04:18,543 gotta think about this. And then I kind of think 97 00:04:18,543 --> 00:04:20,503 like, yeah, 98 00:04:20,583 --> 00:04:20,963 I mean, 99 00:04:21,623 --> 00:04:24,543 if we got divorced, you wouldn't be like a dick about 100 00:04:24,543 --> 00:04:26,703 it, right? So, we're just like... 101 00:04:26,703 --> 00:04:28,403 That could be my time to make it about me. 102 00:04:29,383 --> 00:04:29,943 That's true. 103 00:04:30,363 --> 00:04:32,023 If I get a year, 104 00:04:32,443 --> 00:04:34,083 yeah, you can kind of make... 105 00:04:34,083 --> 00:04:36,103 Yeah. So, we agree on that? 106 00:04:36,883 --> 00:04:38,023 You get the wedding, I get the divorce? 107 00:04:40,483 --> 00:04:41,443 Okay. Deal. 108 00:04:41,643 --> 00:04:41,963 Alright. 109 00:04:44,503 --> 00:04:45,583 Let's do this, bitch. 110 00:04:45,703 --> 00:04:45,863 Yeah. 111 00:04:46,483 --> 00:04:50,843 Cut to three months later. 112 00:04:52,623 --> 00:04:53,743 Honey, you have to do the dishes. 113 00:04:53,883 --> 00:04:54,683 It's all about me this year. 114 00:04:55,303 --> 00:05:05,907 The whole year I told We made this We made this agreement remember When we got engaged I I thought I planned our wedding for one exactly one year later 115 00:05:06,047 --> 00:05:06,767 To the second. 116 00:05:07,327 --> 00:05:12,667 I did that because I wanted to milk every possible second out of this year of it being all about me. 117 00:05:13,527 --> 00:05:16,847 Fine, I'll- I guess I'll commit to my obligate- 118 00:05:16,847 --> 00:05:18,807 Oh, I see what you're doing. 119 00:05:20,067 --> 00:05:21,367 You want a divorce. 120 00:05:22,007 --> 00:05:23,387 We're not married yet. 121 00:05:24,107 --> 00:05:24,507 Yeah, I know. 122 00:05:24,587 --> 00:05:25,967 You're playing the long game. 123 00:05:26,467 --> 00:05:26,867 Maybe. 124 00:05:26,986 --> 00:05:27,687 I'll do the dishes. 125 00:05:27,887 --> 00:05:28,167 Fine. 126 00:05:28,467 --> 00:05:31,087 Oh, they're sparkling. 127 00:05:31,407 --> 00:05:33,027 Yes, I use a product. 128 00:05:34,327 --> 00:05:35,847 Oh, the product's called sparkling. 129 00:05:36,227 --> 00:05:36,387 Yeah. 130 00:05:37,607 --> 00:05:38,527 Well, okay. 131 00:05:39,667 --> 00:05:41,707 Got to six months later. 132 00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:44,187 Got three months left. 133 00:05:44,926 --> 00:05:45,707 Until the wedding? 134 00:05:46,147 --> 00:05:46,767 Until the wedding. 135 00:05:46,907 --> 00:05:47,486 Okay, I'm with you. 136 00:05:47,486 --> 00:05:48,307 It's still about me. 137 00:05:49,207 --> 00:05:50,547 It's all about me. 138 00:05:50,707 --> 00:05:51,047 Okay. 139 00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:52,867 What do you want me to do? 140 00:05:52,867 --> 00:05:55,027 I want you to be a human footstool 141 00:05:55,027 --> 00:05:58,387 We don't have an ottoman 142 00:05:58,387 --> 00:06:00,147 I want an ottoman at this moment in time 143 00:06:00,147 --> 00:06:00,887 I could just buy an ottoman 144 00:06:00,887 --> 00:06:03,327 Why buy an ottoman when 145 00:06:03,327 --> 00:06:04,647 No, you know what? 146 00:06:05,187 --> 00:06:05,707 I'm a man 147 00:06:05,707 --> 00:06:06,827 Douglas is free 148 00:06:06,827 --> 00:06:07,847 Put him on me 149 00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:08,147 Yeah 150 00:06:08,147 --> 00:06:09,027 Yeah 151 00:06:09,027 --> 00:06:09,567 Ooh 152 00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:11,926 Relaxing 153 00:06:11,926 --> 00:06:12,307 Thank you 154 00:06:12,307 --> 00:06:14,507 These sounds are complimentary to me 155 00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:19,087 Now let's watch old PBS episodes of Hercule Poirot 156 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,867 Oh, the Agatha Christie guy 157 00:06:20,867 --> 00:06:21,167 Yeah 158 00:06:21,367 --> 00:06:23,107 Oh, we're a good couple. 159 00:06:23,587 --> 00:06:24,587 Well, you're not allowed to watch. 160 00:06:24,827 --> 00:06:25,087 What? 161 00:06:25,327 --> 00:06:27,187 No, because I don't want you to know who the killer is. 162 00:06:27,347 --> 00:06:27,567 Oh. 163 00:06:29,027 --> 00:06:29,387 Sorry. 164 00:06:30,187 --> 00:06:30,667 It's yours. 165 00:06:30,667 --> 00:06:31,227 I made the deal. 166 00:06:31,387 --> 00:06:32,227 It's all about me. 167 00:06:32,227 --> 00:06:32,727 Yeah, it's okay. 168 00:06:32,847 --> 00:06:33,527 It's all about you. 169 00:06:33,747 --> 00:06:34,267 It sucks, though. 170 00:06:34,847 --> 00:06:35,687 Yeah, sorry. 171 00:06:35,926 --> 00:06:39,467 You should have thought of that before you made, we got engaged. 172 00:06:39,587 --> 00:06:40,926 I was blind about the divorce. 173 00:06:42,407 --> 00:06:45,587 Cut to three months and 15 seconds later. 174 00:06:46,767 --> 00:06:47,627 Well, this is it. 175 00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:48,587 Big moment. 176 00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:49,407 We're married. 177 00:06:50,587 --> 00:06:50,986 Wow. 178 00:06:51,167 --> 00:06:52,647 I finally did it. 179 00:06:52,907 --> 00:06:54,207 Can you, um... 180 00:06:54,207 --> 00:06:54,907 Oh, it's about to rain. 181 00:06:54,967 --> 00:06:55,887 Can you hand me that umbrella? 182 00:06:56,767 --> 00:06:57,507 Hell no. 183 00:06:57,727 --> 00:06:58,067 What? 184 00:06:58,447 --> 00:06:58,947 Uh-uh. 185 00:06:59,267 --> 00:07:00,426 I've been waiting for this. 186 00:07:01,067 --> 00:07:02,247 Oh, shoot. 187 00:07:02,486 --> 00:07:03,367 Yeah, that's it. 188 00:07:03,407 --> 00:07:04,147 Look at your clock. 189 00:07:04,247 --> 00:07:04,627 Oh, no. 190 00:07:04,627 --> 00:07:05,546 I cut holes in the umbrella. 191 00:07:05,567 --> 00:07:07,847 It says negative 23 seconds. 192 00:07:07,926 --> 00:07:08,486 Yeah, you're done. 193 00:07:08,687 --> 00:07:09,707 It's about me now. 194 00:07:10,227 --> 00:07:11,447 Well, no, we're not divorced yet. 195 00:07:12,247 --> 00:07:12,787 What are you saying? 196 00:07:12,787 --> 00:07:13,207 Oh, no, no. 197 00:07:13,347 --> 00:07:14,667 It's not about you until it's a divorce. 198 00:07:14,867 --> 00:07:15,267 Guess what? 199 00:07:15,986 --> 00:07:16,267 What? 200 00:07:16,387 --> 00:07:17,327 I want a divorce. 201 00:07:17,707 --> 00:07:18,947 Nah, um... 202 00:07:18,947 --> 00:07:19,527 What do you mean, no? 203 00:07:20,287 --> 00:07:22,147 I mean, no. 204 00:07:23,027 --> 00:07:23,767 Not yet. 205 00:07:23,867 --> 00:07:24,727 That wasn't clarifying. 206 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:35,850 No no It like launching nukes from a submarine We both have to turn our key That not Rock paper scissors No Come on No I refuse 207 00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:36,750 You can't. 208 00:07:36,750 --> 00:07:38,170 I can't give up on this marriage yet. 209 00:07:38,570 --> 00:07:39,010 Sorry, father. 210 00:07:39,010 --> 00:07:39,730 You got your year? 211 00:07:39,930 --> 00:07:40,590 Father, father. 212 00:07:41,730 --> 00:07:43,930 Don't say you may not kiss the bride yet, okay? 213 00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:44,570 We're not... 214 00:07:44,570 --> 00:07:45,570 Just give us a minute, please. 215 00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:49,130 No, I'm not getting divorced yet. 216 00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:49,910 Sorry. 217 00:07:49,910 --> 00:07:57,550 Well, I'll get ill. 218 00:07:58,310 --> 00:07:59,550 I dare you to. 219 00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:02,470 I will test these vows to the bounds of their strength. 220 00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:03,770 Test away, baby. 221 00:08:03,770 --> 00:08:05,470 Oh, guess what? I lost all our money. We're poor. 222 00:08:06,010 --> 00:08:07,610 All right, well, that's fine. 223 00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:10,050 I agree to that. 224 00:08:10,510 --> 00:08:12,790 You're just never getting your year, you son of a bitch. 225 00:08:12,890 --> 00:08:13,770 Oh, I'm not that sick. 226 00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:15,710 I'll last my year. 227 00:08:16,850 --> 00:08:17,930 We'll see about that. 228 00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:20,090 I'm not dying until this divorce is finalized. 229 00:08:20,150 --> 00:08:20,630 Do you hear me? 230 00:08:21,070 --> 00:08:21,870 I'm on oxygen. 231 00:08:22,290 --> 00:08:24,330 Yeah, we'll see who gets the last laugh. 232 00:08:24,430 --> 00:08:25,090 I'll be laughing. 233 00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:26,150 It'll sound like this. 234 00:08:27,850 --> 00:08:31,150 Because I'll be so sick, but alive. 235 00:08:32,790 --> 00:08:34,730 Well, well, well, see. 236 00:08:34,870 --> 00:08:36,410 Now let's go consummate this thing. 237 00:08:36,610 --> 00:08:37,990 Oh, you're going to consummate this? 238 00:08:38,330 --> 00:08:39,450 Excuse us, everyone. 239 00:08:40,330 --> 00:08:43,210 Cut to six and a half years later. 240 00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:46,650 Ha, you're still as healthy as a horse. 241 00:08:46,750 --> 00:08:47,350 This is ridiculous. 242 00:08:47,350 --> 00:08:48,850 I smoke 10 packs a day. 243 00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:49,330 I know. 244 00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:51,930 And you've never looked better, you son of a bitch. 245 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:52,850 I don't understand. 246 00:08:53,230 --> 00:08:54,070 No, what are you doing? 247 00:08:54,670 --> 00:08:56,450 Nah, you're not going to get that divorce. 248 00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:57,790 I stopped taking vitamins. 249 00:08:58,410 --> 00:08:59,510 I got bit by a dog. 250 00:09:00,310 --> 00:09:00,710 I know. 251 00:09:02,010 --> 00:09:03,650 Nope, you're immune to rabies. 252 00:09:03,730 --> 00:09:06,950 You're the first person in the history of the world that's ever been immune to rabies. 253 00:09:07,050 --> 00:09:08,230 I even breathed in pool water. 254 00:09:09,150 --> 00:09:11,130 I know, and I just peed in it, too. 255 00:09:13,410 --> 00:09:15,070 I'm glad you're amused by that. 256 00:09:16,310 --> 00:09:17,250 I'm not amused. 257 00:09:17,350 --> 00:09:18,390 I'm ill 258 00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:20,670 It's a mental illness 259 00:09:20,670 --> 00:09:24,030 Oh good 260 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,870 I can't wait to see you through it 261 00:09:25,870 --> 00:09:28,410 No! I'm forgetting who you are 262 00:09:28,410 --> 00:09:30,590 And I'm mean to you 263 00:09:30,590 --> 00:09:31,930 Cut to 264 00:09:31,930 --> 00:09:34,310 44 years 265 00:09:34,310 --> 00:09:34,730 Later 266 00:09:34,730 --> 00:09:37,510 50 years you son of a bitch 267 00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:39,570 I can't believe you got diagnosed first 268 00:09:39,570 --> 00:09:40,390 Ha ha ha 269 00:09:40,390 --> 00:09:43,650 End scene 270 00:09:47,350 --> 00:09:59,390 We'll see you next time.