i don't know if it's just me or what it is but there has been an epidemic or an uptick
and by uptick i mean a severe uptick because this literally has never happened before and
then now it happens all the time where i'll be holding the door open for somebody like you know
just a stranger walking through and they walk through and then zero acknowledgement that you've
held the door open and i know it's not like hard to hold a door open for somebody but it used to be
every single time you'd get some kind of acknowledgement thanks like a head nod something
They're just like, it's more like I'm the doorman and I'm just doing my job.
And it's men that are doing this, which is also surprising to me.
Their wives and girlfriends are probably in the car with binoculars watching.
They'd be like, he better not acknowledge this woman.
You don't think they would be like, why didn't he acknowledge that a lady just held a door open for him?
No, aren't you familiar with like the TikTok trends where like the girlfriends would go to the boyfriends
and be like, pretend I'm a random girl you don't know.
And she walks up and she goes, hi.
And they want their boyfriends to like elbow them in the face or something.
They want like a vision.
They want like an aggressive like, hey, yeah, get away from me, sorcerer woman.
Wait, the women who are in a relationship with these men pretend like they're not.
Yeah.
They go up to these men.
Not any men.
It's their men.
Right.
Yeah.
and
would they think that if they were just
pretending like they were strangers that the
man would be tricked into
no they want the man to show them what they would do if a
different woman approached them
so they act like they're a stranger
and they're like hey handsome
and they want their husband to be like back
away
well if the husband or the
boyfriend knows that this is what this
psycho woman is trying to get them to do
why wouldn't they just be like
oh yo this is what i do every time i get i give them a light slap and then i run in the other
direction pull out my dexter kill kit i'm sorry that let me show you the blood slides you know
you're next that's um offensive and i think it's so funny that you bring it up because literally
today a man did that to me i know i'm not a woman but i was also hurt yeah well i mean it's it's
again it's not like it's it's just weird because it's i've never noticed it before
but within like the last four months maybe maybe your pheromones are changing
what i i'm just being treated differently yeah because i smell different yeah maybe you need to
you need to like put out the sexy pheromones okay so when i'm holding open the doors i'm
gonna be like if you said that i bet you they would have acknowledged you i would have
Can I hear that one more time?
Thank you, ma'am.
Well, see, was that so hard?
Yeah, exactly.
You're better off than I was, because earlier, you know at the mall when there's like three sets of double doors?
Yeah.
A guy was coming up, and I was walking, so I was holding it up, and he goes,
No, I'm good.
And he goes to the door next to me and goes through it.
So I said nothing, and he's like, Thanks, though.
And I'm just like, I'm already out of this.
odd yeah huh people indoors man no it's there's i'm sure some astrological reasons is happening
maybe but i don't know anyway welcome to friends like us a podcast where friends talk about stuff
Woo!
I'm Jenna.
This is Francis.
How are you, Francis?
Great.
How are you?
I was going to ask you first.
Oh, okay.
Pretend like, let's go back five seconds.
Scratch it.
I'm Jenna.
This is Francis.
Hey, girl.
How are you doing?
I'm doing so good.
Thank you for asking.
Of course.
I'm doing good.
Yeah.
Well, I'm glad you're also doing well.
Yep.
I've never been happier.
Wow.
That's a strong statement.
I don't know what happiness is.
I look back and I think, oh, that was good.
But when it's happening, it's not like there's a neon light going off.
I know.
It's like a line from The Office.
There is a way to know you're in the good old days while you're in them.
Yeah.
Because I think we look back and we romanticize what was, no matter if it was good or bad.
Yeah.
yeah amazing
this is you guys
we're so deep yeah this is normally
bonus content yeah but not now
no we're opening up
a little bit of our hearts to you
main feed listeners
and now we're shutting it it's gone
gone yeah hope you like hope you hope you enjoyed
it I hope in 30 years you look
back and realize that was the good times
and for all you
subscribers you
already know you're in you're living in the good times you know you know you are i think we're at
capacity actually i don't know if the system can take another subscriber uh we have two only two
slots left so act now oh there goes one oh shoot one left hurry hurry oh quick go to friends like
us pod.com grab that last spot oh man that was close yeah wow i wonder who's gonna get it
Someone named Delilah.
Okay.
Like the radio lady?
Delilah.
Could be her.
Is she still alive?
Yeah, I just saw her online the other day.
And she has the same voice.
You saw her online?
Yeah, like talking, like on TikTok.
She was like, it's me.
I can't do her.
I can not do her.
She used to do like baths and stuff.
Or was that?
Am I making that up?
Or she'd be like, slip into your warm bath.
or am I completely making this up
where it was like part of her
radio shtick
I don't remember her ever telling me to get in the bath
take a toaster with you
da la la
kill yourself
I don't think that would work by the way
electrocuting yourself
no that would work but like the specific toaster
in the bath method because there's like
GFCI outlets in the bathroom
I feel like the minute your toaster hit the water, your power would just come out.
Maybe you'll get a little zap.
Oh, really?
I don't know.
Don't try it.
No, we're testing this out.
When we finally get that final subscriber, that'll be our celebration.
That'll be the bonus content.
Come on, Delilah.
We're done.
So there's video footage of her out there now?
Yeah.
I think it probably always has been.
Oh, I liked that no one knew what she looked like.
That's how I feel about the coyote guy.
K-Y.
K-Y-O-T.
I don't...
Is that a country station, right?
No, it's jazz.
Smooth jazz.
Oh, wait.
Which...
I thought that is the...
95.5.
Is that right?
Wait, is it 95.5?
There's a jazz station?
There was.
It was 95.5 K-Y-O-T.
Okay, that sounds familiar now.
I could be wrong about the FM frequency, but that's where I first heard smooth operator.
Use a smooth operator.
which is so funny that you just said that because i went i was in my youtube music app today and i
went to search for something and it said recent searches and one of them was smooth operator
and i don't remember doing that i don't remember searching for that you've been like manchurian
candidate i think so in the tub looking up this music delilah's telling me to kill myself um okay
before we get started with our first segment um i want to let the new listeners and regular
listeners know we do something on this show where our producer joe gives francis and i
secret words to say within the course of the podcast and then if we we say them and at the
end we try and guess what the other person's secret word is and if we guess we get a point
yay and you can actually go to friendslikeuspod.com where we have a running total of the points
sadly at this moment in time i think francis is winning um and which means none of us are winning
Wait, why?
Anyway, here's Joe with today's secret words.
Jenna's secret word is vertebrae.
Francis's secret word is memorabilia.
Back to the pod.
With that business out of the way, it's time for the invention of the week.
Inventions.
This is it, y'all.
Okay.
Finally.
I'm waiting for it to be it.
This is...
I just want to preface this by saying it's going to...
I know it's going to sound a little bit the year 3000.
Okay.
But trust me on this.
We already have the base technology.
Okay.
You know how when you can go to, like, the fair or the carnival?
I do know that.
That's it?
No.
You know the big slingshot mall?
Yeah.
So people can get in and slingshot some?
Yeah.
Imagine, Jenna, you just got terrible news.
Oh, no.
You need to be across town, and you have no time to get there.
This is an emergency.
Okay.
This is a proprietary system of slingshot balls.
So it gets you across town in a matter of minutes.
So how it works is you get in one, and it slingshots you back.
and it throws the slingshot ball to a receiving magnet net.
Yeah, catches it, and then it rolls down and gets another slingshot.
It basically just slingshots you from one to the next to the next
until you get to wherever you need to go.
So it's making stops along the way at different slingshots.
It's not really a stop.
It's just long enough to get into the slingshot.
I think you just invented light rail or a subway.
But this is much faster.
This is for true emergencies.
But okay, how do you quantify what's an emergency?
Because everyone's going to be wanting to do this if it's really that much faster.
Well, it costs money.
No one's going to lie.
It's expensive.
Oh, okay.
yeah it's
twenty dollars
per stop
so this is really for
going to the hospital
only
okay
how far do you think one single slingshot
can take you
ten miles
whoa that's a
pretty big
slingshot
what did we determine
last time with the
the Burj Khalifa
and I don't know that word
the
tallest building in the world
in the world
62 miles
up to the atmosphere
yeah it was like 62 miles
yeah 60 something
so you need 30 Burj Khalifas
yeah I don't need any Burj Khalifas
I need
this is how we measure
things on this podcast
We measure them in Burj Khalifas.
Okay.
Hey baby I got a secret in my pants It Burj Khalifa long Oh okay Woo woo
So let's just say you had an option to do that.
Would you ride the sling rail?
I think you'd get more people trying to ride it for fun.
Well, it's a good way to raise money before emergency.
Like, if you don't have an emergency, but someone else doesn't either,
sure, go ahead and ride the sling rail.
But as soon as someone runs up and is like, I need this.
Everyone needs to get out of the way.
And you can get in.
But then they still got to prove that it's a real emergency.
I would believe someone.
They came up frazzled.
Ah, I need this.
Ooh, I need this.
Yeah.
I just imagine how nice it would be.
um i
why not just an ambulance for emergencies we have those well we do but didn't you could have like
a separate i mean an ambulance does the same thing where people are like oh you go ahead
you don't get there quickly like and we know yes it's for like transporting sick people to hospitals
but why not just like extend it beyond like just like add a like or the people that need to get to
the hospital for the sick people and then that way we don't have to build this whole new infrastructure
it's not really infrastructure it's a couple of what if you only need to go one mile away
do you have to be slingshotted 10 miles back like how do you get to how do you get to your final
destination i think it's i think it's important that you know that these only go like you can't
change where it goes like here's my sling here's slinging a and then sling b's wherever the hell
sling b is you can't be like no i'm going to the mall sling me that way right no i know that's
that's what i'm saying i'm very aware of this that's why i'm saying what if you need to go
like you're you're you're stuck you're fixed you could only go 10 miles away you can take a cab the
rest of the way so there's cabs waiting each one and then you can trip it to where you need to go
yes so this is fixed location one stop to another and you're telling me you didn't just this isn't
just effectively a subway that's a slingshot.
If you're driving, you will see the balls flying.
Well, okay, I understand.
But I mean, okay, a light rail, an elevated train then.
You can't get the, you know, the city council is never going to agree to do that.
They're not going to do that.
They're going to be on board with the slingshots in a heartbeat.
This is privately owned.
So it's all an individual private owned land.
Yeah.
Is it one person per slingshot?
No.
So you could ride up to three in the ball.
A lot of my inventions are balls.
Do all three of them have to be having an emergency?
No, it could be.
It could be one person with an emergency and then like two people to just need to go somewhere.
Or want to, yeah.
My car broke down.
Can I ride in your ball?
Well, hurry.
And it could be like Disneyland where there's cameras.
So like it could snap a picture.
And then when you land, you could buy the picture.
so you could remember your emergency
it could be like memorabilia for
hard times
it's you freaking out about your emergency
and two strangers who are just having a good time
yeah
and you're crying in the middle
but you all have one to like
to remember it
I would ride it just to get me
even if I wanted to get like 20 miles away
just take a couple of slingshot balls
yeah
Well, again, I think it really is.
It's like, well, if I need to get 10 miles away and whatever 10 miles away is at the end of this slingshot, then maybe it's worth it.
Otherwise, you know, you're very frustrated that I don't understand.
No, it's not that.
We have to accept that some emergencies aren't right for the sling ball.
you just don't maybe if it's only five miles away you're not taking the ball this is for if you need
to get 20 miles away 30 miles away 40 miles away 50 miles away so would you suggest putting
the receiving ends of them at places where emergency happen like like hospitals yes i would
okay that would be your recommendation yeah okay so um is it actually i don't know this
is it like mandated that there be hospitals every so many miles like if you have a population size
of a certain like is there any kind of like rule rule like we need to have or is it just good city
planning yeah i think that's it i don't know if there's a rule because then someone what if a
hospital closed down now technically the rules being broken but who do you punish oh well hospital's
gone um that was just something i was curious about i'm curious about it too now okay do you
have a name for this invention yes no i don't i i have one that i think you might like okay i'd love
to hear it shoot your shot oh again works on multiple levels shoot your shot as in like shoot
your slingshot but also it could be like shoot comma you are shot as in like you've just had a
gunshot wound so now you need to take a shoot your shot to the hospital okay that could work
yeah i like it which version do you how would you want it spelled shoot exclamation point you're
shot i see it as a comma with an exclamation point at the end and so you are or uh contraction
your shot okay the only thing i could think of is like have a ball but it doesn't really convey
didn't wasn't that one of the possible names for the big ball that
this is bigger ball i like this is this is your invention strategy so you start with
one we start with a name and then you like here's everything that could possibly be called
have a ball.
I think Francis starts with a ball and just
tries to find situations to slaughter.
It doesn't have to be a ball. It could be a cube.
But I feel like the ball rolls and
in the air would be
faster to get you there.
I think he could go somewhere fast.
What takes
you 30 minutes takes me
five.
I
Alright.
I'm just
going to suspend belief and say that
the
thing that's supposed to catch will catch
is it still like tethered?
it's not just like
throwing a ball? I don't know if we could have a ten mile
tether. You're free
flying and then
you're caught. So you get thrown and then
you're caught. Yeah. Maybe we
could come up with like a baseball pun name
Mitt
Romney
now I'm picturing like giant robots just playing catch maybe in the future someday
maybe the future the robots will be so big that they just
pick you up and run across town with you over the cars
help my people are hurt
um which so would you write it i mean if it existed and it worked i would write it for fun
i can't imagine that people in an emergency are going to be like unless it's exactly where you
need to go getting sleep if your emergency is five miles away you get slingshotted 10 miles
away you keep doing these numbers you gotta double back five miles you might as in a cab
Might as well just take it a cab to begin with.
As I've said, some emergencies are right for cabs and some are right for the slingshot.
Okay.
Or one could be go to the airport.
You were late for your flight.
Oh, everybody would use it for the airport, though.
Everybody would claim.
And everyone, and if you had to like, if you had to prove that it was an emergency, everyone would wait just a little too long to leave.
No, this could be a separate system just for the airport.
And you just have to be an emergency.
I get everyone would.
Yeah, you'd need a huge ball.
Yeah, it could fit 10 people.
Oh, okay.
Or let's say maybe instead of a ball, it's a cylindrical tube and people buy seats on it.
And then it gets thrown through the air and it lands at a different destination.
Do we even need planes with this system?
We could have this.
You invented little tiny plane flights.
Yeah.
That's in puddle jumpers.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Puddle jumpers.
Yeah.
Anyway, this just came to me.
Because I saw something on Instagram that said the fair's coming to town.
And I was like, oh, I've always wanted to ride one of those.
I've always wanted to go to the fair, but it's 40 miles away.
I'm having an emergency.
Oh, it's an emergency.
I need to go to the fair.
Well, thanks for letting us know how the sausage is made, so to speak.
It's your thought process.
Yeah, of course.
Okay.
Shoot your shot.
I think people would use it for fun.
And I think people would abuse it and say they had emergencies.
Oh, just one last point.
Yeah.
If you're in an emergency emergency, like, oh, my God, my loved one's at the hospital.
Yeah.
You could be so frazzled you don't want to, like, you can't drive.
Yeah.
Again, that's why I was suggesting an emergency ambulance, just, like, one tier out from a regular ambulance, where it's, like, we all agree, like, someone's having an emergency, like, a real one.
and they're willing to pay a lot of money to get from one place to another.
So we'll let the rules of an ambulance apply.
I like that idea as well.
Okay.
It might be a little easier to implement.
You're discounting the whimsy of flying balls all over the city.
I always discount whimsy in an emergency.
I don't know why I do that.
You gotta stop doing that.
And there's probably not fun pictures of my ride at the end of an ambulance ride.
One day you would look back and you would laugh at the memory.
Look at this picture of me and these two strangers, and they're having a great time.
Yeah.
Sure, it was the day Harold died.
But he would have wanted it this way.
That picture's at the funeral.
Instead of his, instead of Harold's picture, it's the picture of his.
That's how we get exposure.
Yeah.
Okay, shoot your shot.
I think I can't wait to see all these balls flying through the air.
Me too.
See?
Whimsy.
Yep.
So, all right.
I think that does it.
That wraps up the invention of the week.
And now it's time for our next segment.
Times we were wronged.
That's harmony
These are but a few of the times we were wronged
In this segment, Francis and I
Will be talking about times
People have wronged us
Good Situations that we feel Require retribution Yes Perhaps And to get the public on our side Yeah
Oh, I think they're already on our side,
but public prepare to be even further on our side.
Yeah.
Is firmly cementing you onto our side.
Yes.
We're not going to be able to stand up straight.
We're going to have so many of you on our side.
Yeah.
We're going to tip right over.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Delilah, sign up and get us back.
Woo!
You want me to go first?
Yes, I think you probably have more of them than I do.
Yes.
Okay.
Here's the first thing that pops into my head.
Okay.
And this is where I started to not trust.
When I was in elementary school, we had this program called Make My Day.
And at the end of the school day, you go around and you give yourself a grade.
Like one through five.
And I can't remember which one was good, one or five.
Probably five was good.
So you go around.
It's like the whole class says, oh, I'm doing a five.
I have a five today.
I got a five.
And you want to make your day if you get consistent scores.
Then they go back through the attendance roster and they say people's names.
And if anyone has a disagreement with what they rated, they voice it.
Wait, wait.
So you say you, like, I have a five.
Yeah.
And then they go through and then they're like, Jenna, what do you think?
And you'd be like, I think Francis is a three.
Yes, basically.
Whoa.
Yeah, so they go back to her and they read everyone's name.
So they got to my name and they're like, Francis and this girl named Kayla.
Oh, I hate her already.
She raised her hand.
She said, I have a disagreement.
And I'm shocked because I don't even interact with this girl.
And she says that I kicked her on the playground.
And I was like, of course, in full denial, like I should be.
I was like, no, I did.
I was like, no, I didn't.
I didn't kick her.
And there was,
so we had a disagreement of,
we couldn't come to a resolution.
So the teacher had to basically was like,
she goes,
what do you think Francis should have?
I don't remember what she said.
Probably like a two.
And I was like,
no,
I'm a five.
And the teacher was like,
what if we did whatever it was like a three or a four.
And I was like distraught.
And I had to just sit there and take it.
You should have just owned up to it and be like,
yeah,
I did kick her.
That's why my day was a five.
It didn't occur to me.
I was so innocent.
and you didn't kick her no what a terrible person kayla is and i so i felt kayla you better not be
listening she's not i kicked her off she was oh so maybe that's it she could kick she predicted
you would kick her off the pod oh my god anyway um that's a terrible system that is hurt me that
encourages people just to lie to for drama or what yeah and then the teacher can just like
accept someone else's word yeah it feels weirdly soviet for like little kid school
yeah and like not at all i stayed with me yeah bad system it doesn't at all reflect the like
innocent until proven guilty if you were if you really did kick her on the playground why didn't
she pipe up then?
Why'd she wait till the
end of the day? I needed like a little
kid lawyer, little kid Francis
to show up. If I ever went back in time,
I'd be your lawyer, Francis.
Francis would be his own lawyer.
You can't represent yourself.
You could, but...
They have a fool for a client.
That's what they always say, right?
Whoever represents himself has a fool for a client.
Oh, I'd never heard that.
Now I will never do it.
Yeah.
um but it's you know you can't be object plus it's like i'm going back in time
so it's still gonna be a little kid francis if francis goes back in time he can be my lawyer
thank you i will thank you and all the listeners lawyer too everything we say on here is legal
advice just as a reminder to our listeners yes but you need my permission to use it
right and just like water you need our permission to drink water yeah your hope so hopefully none
if you've done that because i haven't seen a lot of requests coming in i know our inbox has been a
little dry like your throats we hopes okay that's you were totally wrong i know you were right to
still be mad about that yeah she had um old lady hair like like yeah she had like like a poof of
she had my aunt's haircut
you don't know my aunt's hair
aunt boof
she had a poof like aunt boof
poof poof
anyway
now that I've said it I'm ready to move
I'm ready to move beyond it
no I now I want
to find Kayla and
make her day be a
two you guys want to do a little
roleplay therapy Jenna can be
Kayla and Francis
you can tell her what you were never able to tell her.
Yeah, let's do it.
All right.
Oh.
Wait, are we adults?
Or is it now?
Oh, is it?
Okay, it's now.
Francis.
Francis, right?
Yeah.
From little kid school?
Yeah.
Sorry, you kind of look vaguely.
This hair silhouette is strikingly familiar.
Who are you?
Oh, I'm Kayla.
Kayla, you know.
Yeah.
We were in the same class.
Apparently I tracked you down in this situation.
It was just surprising to me.
I don't feel good.
Well, Francis, are you okay?
It looks like your day's going about a two.
That's it.
I'm.
Hey, hey
I'm serving you with papers
Keep those feet away from me
No
Come here
Yeah, oh
Oh, you kicked me
Yeah, I did
I can't wait to wait until the end of the day
And then report you to somebody
No, Kayla, we're even now
We're even now
You lied and I just made it right
What? No
This is the second time you've kicked me
You kicked me back then
I'm sorry, you actually believed that
when you said it?
Look at this.
Your boot mark is still on my back.
That's highly improbable.
You're a pathological liar.
It's a little kid shoe size.
And you can see it has the imprint that says
property of Francis on the bottom.
You're a sick woman whose brain is cheese to me.
Cheese brain is literally the worst thing
that you could say to not just a woman,
to anyone. I know, that's why
I said it.
I'm, I have my
lawyer here.
I,
you have, you brought a lawyer? Yeah,
it's me.
And you're
being ejected to
any time to jail.
I'm, I'm sorry,
lawyer, you're gonna have to enunciate a little
bit more. I didn't, you're
being ejected to and what?
You're going to jail.
Oh, I'm going to jail.
You're a criminal woman of cheese brain.
And the boot on your back ain't no evidence.
And you're a liar.
Admit it.
No, if I go to jail, they're going to make me get rid of my poof.
They're going to shave my head.
I don't care.
Francis, what you want to do?
I want her to pay.
I want her to suffer.
Well, then that's what we're going to do, baby boy.
Kayla
You got one
Chance
Tell the truth
Yeah
Here's the truth
The truth is
Francis has always had much better hair than me
To this day he still has much better hair
She's right
And I just couldn't take it
I couldn't take his day every day
Day after day
there's a five, there's a five, there's a five
when I was going around
with old lady hair
and no day was better than a three
I just, I'm sorry
I saw the chance to bring him down a peg
bring him to my level
and I took it
I took it
and you know what?
that day
was a three and a half for me
the highest it had ever been
all right now do we accept um i guess i guess i accept
wow thank you yeah no go go okay well that was nice i'm glad you got that off your chest yeah
and you were right the whole time she lied she's a liar she's a known liar okay and
you, Brute?
Well, it's gonna pale in comparison
to that.
Okay. Pale away.
This is also kind of a thing that stuck
with me.
And so my older brother
once...
I know. This is really not
quite the same. Not the same level.
But I still feel like I was wronged
and I remember it distinctly.
There was one time he was chewing gum
and I was bubble gum
and I was like oh can I have a piece
and he was like sorry
just I only have one piece left
and I was like oh okay
it's fine later
I find in his desk
it was bubble
tape
so it technically was one
piece
but it was like three feet long
yeah like the whole point of that gum is to tear off pieces
it was a brand new thing of bubble tape
And then I confronted him about it later and he just laughed.
And he was like, I wasn't lying.
I wasn't lying.
That's real like mastermind behavior.
Yeah.
Is he a professional mastermind now?
No, that was definitely, he peaked in that moment.
Oh.
You were definitely, that's worse than mine.
I thought mine was bad.
How is that worse?
What if you had onion breath?
How old were you?
Like seven.
Yeah, on your way to a little kid interview probably.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. You needed that gun.
And I had just bitten into a raw onion.
Of course. She was actually interviewing to be your lawyer against Kayla.
I know, and I didn't get the job that day.
I remember it distinctly because a stench wafted down the hall,
and I left out the window because I didn't know what it was.
Yeah, that was me. Sorry, I had no idea.
I didn't know you were that Francis. I didn't realize at the time.
There's only one.
At the time, I thought there were multiples.
I didn't realize until much later.
He really ruined your whole career.
You could have been a...
The trajectory of both of our lives.
Yeah, I could have won that day.
Yeah.
And you could have moved on to be an adolescent lawyer.
And then even maybe a preteen?
Yeah.
A tween lawyer?
And that's it, because adult lawyers are stupid and boring.
Yeah.
I would have stopped at the age of 19 and a half.
The perfect age to retire.
Yep.
Well, I wouldn't have to work anymore.
Probably from all the money you got from...
Yeah.
Doing roboto work for children.
Yep.
No, the children would have paid.
Oh, with their Scholastic Book Fair money.
Yes.
Yeah.
Makes sense.
My dad used to send me to those with a bag of change.
And like I'd have to, the lady would have to count it out.
One penny?
Two pennies?
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
So that's, that was just also.
You want an exact retribution on him?
Maybe.
I mean, technically, I'm seeing him later today.
Oh, we could we could do a big prank.
Oh, OK.
Well this episode will not have aired by the time He won know He won know Yeah do you suggest um i suggest that we get a squib pack yeah and one of us wears it and walks up and is wounded and blame
him and he's like shoot you're shot and i'm like as i'm like that's not this that's something else
how'd you know about that um yeah and so then he's so he just thinks that one of us is shot
and that's or we could just mug him yeah let's do that i'll mug him i'll put a mask on i have a very
unique body shape no i mean it's it's a common body shape but no one would know yeah you have
a unique name there's only one francis yeah i just won't say my name while i'm mugging him
Yeah.
Mugging by Francis.
Mugging by not Francis.
Just narrowed down the pool by one.
Oh, I'm sorry that happened to you.
That's really hard.
That's the hardest thing I've ever heard.
No, I know.
It's kind of amazing that I turned out the way that I did.
With that.
You really rose above.
It was actually kind of, um, it was kind of a big moment.
And I think it actually did help form my deceptive mind the way that I think about things.
It's like, oh, you could just like get off on technicalities, right?
Yeah.
Totally.
I used to do that.
Did I ever tell you that I was like a really like mastermindy little kid?
Like we had like these people that were like staying with us.
And the son, he was a bad speller.
I'll never forget this.
And I knew I could frame him.
I don't know why I was trying to do this.
but I think he like did something that annoyed me.
So I wrote a note in his handwriting that said,
I hate you mom.
But I just said,
I hat you mom.
And I was like,
I know she's going to fall for this.
And I just like left it on the table.
And then I heard her like,
did you write this?
No.
And he was like,
no mom.
And I was like,
in the room,
like I knew this was going to work.
And then he got in trouble.
And I was like,
Oh,
well this feels horrible.
You're in a Kayla.
Kayla came out.
And that probably is why she probably did that to me.
See,
we're formed hurt.
People hurt people.
Yeah.
wow yeah uh well i think we gotta we could go on i think this will be a recurring segment
yeah that was only one i know we got a lot so um uh that wraps it up for times we were wronged
Francis.
Yeah?
It's time for our last segment.
Okay.
The big question.
The question is very big.
All right.
Joe, I was told you have a question for us.
I do.
It's between normal and big.
Okay.
It's like slightly above average question.
uh you have to go back in in time in your own life and start just start from there with time
moving forward it has to be between five and eight years ago so you have to flash back to a
point in your life five or eight years ago and you're just restarting from there and time moves
on yes okay specifically five to eight years can't be like when you were a kid or whatever
okay or like a year ago it has to be five to eight years specifically when would you go to and why
uh i would go
eight years ago i'd go as far back as i was allowed to go i think uh just to maximize the
amount of time do i get to keep my own brain as it is now yes and like you have memories of
you have memories of personal things like you can't use it to like
like invest in invest in something or alter history but you like
like personal mistakes or experience yeah like lived experience stuff you've learned
you retain that yeah then i would go i would go as far back and just yeah i'd go as as far back as
i could because and then just do better with my life is that do better i know
because i can't say that i had like any specific moment or like whatever but that was like i'd like
to just start from there.
That's when things started going downhill
or whatever. It's like, things have been generally
fine for me the last eight years.
So I just want to maximize
and just make them better, I think.
I'd also go back to the maximum.
And
I'd find you.
You'd find me?
Yeah.
Well, are we both? Okay.
Were we both
what could we both do this because then if we found each other then then we'd both know like
hey by the way hey it's you hey hey well you guys are still retaining lived experience so
theoretically no matter what time either of you went back to you guys would both still be aware
of each other's existence you just wouldn't be proximate to each other yeah so that's fine we
find each other. Yeah. And start hanging out.
But we wouldn't find you, Joe.
You'd be, um,
you'd be very young.
Yeah. It'd be weird for me to find you.
Yeah. That's true.
Yeah. Hey, 15 year old boy,
get over here. Trust me, come over here. We're friends.
Come here, Joe.
And then I'll be like,
get in the ball.
What about if the choice was between
three years ago or 30 years ago 30 three or 30 30 oh yeah so you guys just want to like rewind
the clock as much as you go back to when you were eight well yeah that's what i'm wondering i'm
finding kayla kick her kick her right i'm gonna make her day you give her a swift kick to the
vertebrae i'd want to redo it all just because i know things now i didn't know then and i could
avoid things that are a waste of my time you know you can't avoid like like high school you'd have to
you'd have to do high school again that's fine i actually had a decent time in high school okay
i i think you suck yeah i would maybe well if you could go back uh i would maybe go
i would maybe go to when i was like 17 and a half or something like
we're maybe like yeah no no 17 17 years old my family went we lived in Dublin for a few months
I would do that again I would do that and then when you get to 18 you're free and then
free I want to go back to the night Joe was born so I can walk into the room be like
I shall hold the child we shall name him Joe
and the rule is everybody knows the rule is that if a man walks in and holds your child first
he gets to name yeah the child that everybody knows that rule so i know so you would have just
gone back into to joe's birth and not changed a thing because he's still named joe
you just want to make extra sure just in case there was a chance and if you're wavering
No.
Yeah.
I'd pretend to steal you, and I'd come back and be like, ah, I'm just kidding.
Thanks for the question.
I always fantasize about going back in time.
I do, too.
I think about, well, I definitely think about, like, yes, what would I like?
Because then you'd be able to make changes, right?
So, yeah.
When I was 18, I'd start doing things at 18 that I didn't do until I was, you know, 30 or whatever.
I'd really think about working out.
Don't not do it, but really.
I'd spend a lot of time seriously considering it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I never think about, like, I never think about, like, world-altering stuff.
I only ever think about it in relation to myself.
Yeah, that's.
I like going on Apple or Google Maps or whatever and, like, looking at and, like, walking down neighborhoods.
Because sometimes it goes back to, like, April 2008 is the last time they took a picture.
I like looking at the neighborhood when it was, like, older.
Yeah.
Yeah, so just to really prove that...
That's what I like.
Yeah.
I'm going to keep doing that until I see your mom holding you as a baby on Google Maps.
What if you see you holding me as a baby on Google Maps?
Then I'll know I did it.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, I guess Francis would do high school again.
That's good to know.
Sicko.
Well, there's a few things I wanted to do in high school that I did not get to do.
So I want to try that again.
Mostly just studying.
Yeah.
Remembering to wear your retainer.
Of course.
All right.
Well, I think that wraps up the big question.
The big question.
Okay.
Well, that leaves only one.
item. Yeah.
Do you think you know my word, Jenna?
I do not know your word. I'm quite sure
of it.
Do you think you know my word?
No.
You said it. I said mine. You said yours.
I said mine. We both said it.
Joe missed it. Oh, he did? Yeah.
I said it recently, actually. Recently?
Oh, shoot. I wrote down
words from the beginning. I know. I saw you writing and I was
like, he's not getting it because I haven't said it yet.
Is it deceptive?
No, it's not.
I was going to try to remember, did I say that first?
Yes, I did say that first.
You did say it.
It's not deceptive, no.
What segment were we in when you discussed it?
It was literally just now, like when we were talking about the big question.
Going back in time?
Yeah.
Poop.
All right.
I don't know.
No, the word's not poop.
My word's not poop.
Is your word Kayla?
No, it's not.
Okay.
well what was your word vertebrae
i hate myself no she did and that should have stood out to me why didn't it stand out because
you were so distracted by kayla you said you got to go back and and and get revenge on kayla
i should have got i said yeah you got to give her a quick or a swift kick to the vertebrae
why didn't i get this oh i'm so angry because you were so once again kayla has screwed you
Jonah, that's like the best you've ever done with your secret word, I feel like.
That was sneaky.
Thank you.
Whatever.
What was yours?
What was it?
Memorabilia.
I was talking about having a picture taken as a souvenir.
Oh.
I tried to get it in fast.
Is that what made you think that you could get your picture taken?
Was because you needed a way to get in memorabilia?
Yeah.
Oh, I wanted that to be part of your plan.
Well, it is now.
Okay.
All right.
Okay, well.
Now my picture with those two strangers is always going to be tainted.
Here I was trying to enjoy Harold's death.
All right.
Well, bummer.
I'm mad at myself and I hate myself.
Well, you can save it for the next time we were wronged.
We can talk about that.
Okay, deal.
All right.
Well, everyone, thanks for listening.
We'll see you next time.
Bye.