welcome to friends like us bonus we're gonna do some bonus improv for you uh we're gonna need a
suggestion from our producer joe we'll riff a little bit and then we'll do an improv scene
Joe what's your suggestion
My suggestion for you is
Cousins
Do you have cousins Francis
No I was
Delivered from
A planet
I was trying to be mean but
I sounded dumb
Like Superman
I do have cousins
I'm Italian though so
Everyone's like a cousin
wait you mean like in your heart everyone's a cousin or like there's people who's like oh this
is your cousin and i'm like is it or are they just here yeah yeah basically yeah um i have a lot of
cousins on my mom's side oh do you know them all uh not well um they they all live in different
places and stuff so yeah you know but i i mean i do there isn't a cousin that i haven't met if
that's what you're asking it was that's exactly what i wanted to know okay it's not like we're
not like good friends or anything but that's good yeah because the last thing you want is someone to
be like jenna thank god we're close i need a bodily donation and you're my closest match
a bodily donation uh if you had to donate one um one of one organ of some kind an organ or just
something if you had to donate something from your body what would you donate um you can't say
i wouldn't if i those are for chairs um if i was going to donate one thing i would probably do
just straight up blood or plasma because then oh yeah that's a simple one it's least invasive
and maybe some marrow if I'm feeling generous.
That's supposed to be painful.
Never mind then.
You?
Eyelashes, maybe?
No.
What?
You need them.
No, no, no.
Just like the loose ones that fall out anyway That were going to fall anyway Yeah Do you ever feel like you have an eyelash coming out and you kind of pull on your eyelashes and then you get the loose ones
I do it all the time.
Yeah.
But then have you ever had it where you look down and you're like,
oh, there's like eight eyelashes.
There's a lot of eyelashes.
Like you want to go look in the mirror real quick?
Yeah.
Like are my eyelids bald now?
Yeah.
You're not alone.
Okay.
Cool.
Also, it seems like there's probably a lot of –
We must have a lot of highlight, like more than we think we have.
It doesn't feel like there's a lot.
Well, it's like your hair.
Yeah.
How much is there really?
A lot.
But sometimes a lot comes out and you're like, but there's probably a bajillions of hairs.
Yes.
A bajillions.
Hair term.
Mm-hmm.
And now, improv.
Hi.
Okay.
You're Francis, right?
Yeah, I'm Francis.
Okay, I thought so.
I mean, I knew it was you.
You look familiar.
Yeah, that's because we're actually related.
What?
I'm sorry.
Hold on.
Let me put my Pringles down.
What?
Sour cream and onion.
Nice.
Oh, it's my favorite.
No, we're related.
And sorry, this is so awkward.
Yeah, I'm your niece, actually.
What?
Yeah.
That means I have a...
Oh, sorry.
I forgot to tell you, you have a brother you don't know about.
Oh my God.
Yes.
Sorry.
This is a lot to put on you at one time.
I have a brother?
How's this possible?
Well, I don't want to.
Okay.
Do you need me to explain?
No, I accept it.
Okay.
You do know where children come from.
Okay.
Yeah.
So you're my niece.
Yes, I'm your niece.
Anyway, I would ask my dad, your uncle.
My brother.
Sorry, your brother.
That's what I meant.
No, sorry.
I'm so confused because I really need your help with something.
Okay.
I did some tests.
I did some tests of your DNA too.
I hope you don't mind.
I took some of your DNA.
You took my DNA?
I took your DNA.
I'm really understanding.
Okay.
Do you remember that time that you left the Funyuns bag?
You threw it away in that garbage can outside of a CVS?
That's right.
They didn't have Pringles, so I bought Funyuns.
Yeah.
But you decided, you're like, oh, I forgot I don't like Funyuns, and so you threw them in the garbage.
Yeah, after it had been in my mouth.
Yeah.
Yeah, I remember.
Yeah, I grabbed that Funyun.
Why didn you say hi Because I didn want to bother you until I knew for sure So you were just following me around and going through my trash I was following you around for a good seven months
Yeah.
So I felt like I knew you at that point.
I'm really glad you're taking this so well.
But the funniest incident was the first time you left any DNA.
You were really good at not leaving your DNA places, by the way.
I want to just compliment you on that.
Thank you.
I hope that's a genetic trait.
I hope that's something that I picked up as well.
That's a relationship.
I'm sorry.
Is this a comment about me finishing all my food or what do you.
No, no.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I need to get to the point.
It's kind of an emergency.
Yeah.
I'm going to a show.
So.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Well, this will hopefully only take a little bit of time.
But you are a match.
I.
I need to have my femur replaced.
And I need a donation femur.
Your leg bone?
Yes, my leg bone.
The big old leg bone?
The big one, yeah, the femur.
The big boy, as they call it.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You're asking me to give you?
I know, it's such a big ask.
And if there's anything you need from me in return.
Well, I need my femur.
Okay.
Hear me out.
I use it to walk to the store to get my Pringles.
Okay.
I am a professional runner.
This is how I make my money.
How do you make money running?
People pay me to run from here to there.
I've never seen you running from here to there.
That's how good I am.
I'm that fast.
And if I don't have a femur, I've got no way to live.
I have no other skills.
But you're, I can see both of your femurs now.
You've got them.
No, no, no.
It's, my right side is, it's a temporary femur.
It can only hold me so long.
It's just a stopgap, really.
The doctor said I need the real thing.
And it's got to be a genetic match.
And your femur matches my femur genetically.
I'm sorry, but how could they possibly know that?
They've never even looked at my femur.
They can tell the length of a femur from your spit.
So that Funyun, that Funyun saved my life.
Not so much Funyun anymore.
Can you do something else but run I tried I tried having a desk job you know what happened no i just ran around the office they kept telling me sarah sit down sarah sit down and i couldn thank you
for finally introducing yourself oh i'm sorry i forgot that i know you so well and that you don't
know me well i'm sarah by the way oh don't oh don't put a don't humanize it oh sarah with two
h's at the end yeah because your brother your brothers he wanted to be different oh
uh have you tried his femur hit no we're not a match i told you i went to him first and he if
he could help me he would the sad thing is if i ever need a patella he's my man but i don't i
don't need one of those i just need a femur okay sorry if i'm asking a lot of science questions
can't they just keep giving you a temporary no no there's only so many times that the joints can
take uh an insertion of a new bone that that does make sense this you can only get three yet this is
my second temporary femur so you didn't come to me right away you you waited i waited but you know
what as i was following you around for that seven months i was like i was so impressed
with your grace and your generosity.
Sarah.
Thank you for pronouncing it the correct way.
We're family.
So you'll do this for me?
Well, I'm going to need something in return.
Anything.
Name it.
Your neck.
What?
I just found out from the doctor that my neck is going.
No.
Yeah.
Not your long, graceful neck.
This long neck.
soon my chin will be in my bosom.
No.
Yeah.
You need to run and I need to look for Pringles.
You, but that's your job.
You professionally look over hedges and fences.
So you see.
I do see.
So if you want to run, I need to look.
Well, I don't need my neck to run, Francis.
I don't need my femur to look.
I think this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful,
friendship
and scene